Fairy Tale
by Inuyonas
Summary: Ok. Remember all those Fairy tales we heard when we were young? Well Instead of those characters who were in them originally, imagine Naruto characters in their place.
1. Little Red Riding Hood

Fairy Tales.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...And I hope Kishimoto is okay after that earthquake in Japan the other day...I hope everyone is okay actually. I don't own in fairy tale either.

Summary: Ok. Remember all those NON-AMERICAN Fairy tales we heard when we were young? Well Instead of those characters who were in them originally, imagine Naruto characters in their place.

The first fairy tale: Little Red Riding hood.

* * *

A Raven haired boy appeared seemingly out of nowhere into a forest. He looked to be 12 years of age, and had a rather odd hair style. He had a blue shirt and white shorts on.

"What the hell? Where am I?" said the Boy.

**Once upon a time there lived in a certain village a little country girl, the prettiest creature who was ever seen. Her mother was excessively fond of her; and her grandmother doted on her still more. This good woman had a little red riding hood made for her. It suited the girl so extremely well that everybody called her Little Red Riding Hood.**

"Who the hell said that? What the hell is going on! One minute I'm eating Ramen with Naruto and Sakura and the next I'm here!" Sasuke screamed.

**This is a fairy tale and you have to do what the Narrator says.**

"There goes that voice again! What's a fairy tale?"

**A story told to children to prolong their innocence.**

Sasuke frowned. "I lost my innocence long ago.."

**To who?**

"My brother."

**So...He raped you?**

"Wha-NO!"

**Anyway just go along with the story.**

"Why?"

**Cuz I said so.**

"And?"

**And if you don't I will annoy you to death by talking about how cool you are just like a fan girl.**

"...You evil bastard. Fine. What do I have to do?"

**Leave that to me.**

A red hooded cape appeared on Sasuke.

"What is this?"

**Moving on...One day her mother, having made some cakes, said to her, "Go, my dear, and see how your grandmother is doing, for I hear she has been very ill. Take her a cake, and this little pot of butter."**

"The hell? I'm not a Damn girl! My mother is dead and my grandmother died before her..."

**Sasuke you are so cool, and awesome and nice and-**

"OK! I'm going ...Where does my 'Grandmother' live?"

**Little Red Riding Hood set out immediately to go to her grandmother, who lived in another village.**

"ANOTHER VILLAGE! I'm not walking that damn far!"

**Fangirl...**

Sasuke began walking through the forest.

"This reminds me of the forest of Death. Hey voice."

**Yes?**

"Can I use Jutsu?"

**No**

"Of course I can't...That would be too easy.

**As she was going through the wood, she met with a wolf.**

A puff of smoke appeared in front of Sasuke causing him to stop walking.

When it cleared Sasuke was met with the sight of a very famliar person.

"Kiba?"

"Sasuke?" The newly identified Kiba said. "What's going on?" He looked around in bewilderment.

"Just listen to the voice and do as your told. You are the wolf now." Sasuke said

"Why do you have a red cape on?"

"Shut up."

"It looks gay."

"SHUT UP!"

**It does.**

O_o

"YOU TOLD ME TO WEAR IT!" Sasuke screamed

**Moving on...AHEM...The wolf...who had a very great mind to eat her up.**

"Am I suppose to eat you now Sasuke?"

"So many have tried to put their mouths on me..."

**but he dared not, because of some woodcutters working nearby in the forest.**

"Wood cutter is just slang for CHIDORI."

**He asked her where she was going. The poor child, who did not know that it was dangerous to stay and talk to a wolf, said to him, "I am going to see my grandmother and carry her a cake and a little pot of butter from my mother."**

"What the hell kind of child talks to a random wolf?" Kiba asked aloud.

"Since when do wolves talk?" Sasuke added.

**Now this is the part where you say your lines that you conveniently know.**

**"Does she live far off?" said the wolf**

**"Oh I say," answered Little Red Riding Hood; "it is beyond that mill you see there, at the first house in the village."**

**"Well," said the wolf, "and I'll go and see her too. I'll go this way and go you that, and we shall see who will be there first because it's ok for a wild animal to go see an old lady and tell the old lady's grandchild without making the child suspicious."**

"Somehow I think you added some extra Kiba.."

**The wolf ran as fast as he could,**

"Apparently I have to go now. Seeya Sasuke." Kiba ran off.

**taking the shortest path, and the little girl took a roundabout way, entertaining herself by gathering nuts, running after butterflies, and gathering bouquets of little flowers.**

"Chasing butterflies? Who am I? Naruto? Gathering a bouquet of flowers? Who am I? Sakura? Touching nuts? Who am I? Orochimaru?"

**Do it...**

"Fine..."

**It was not long before the wolf arrived at the old woman's house. He knocked at the door: tap, tap.**

"Hold on...I-I'm outta breath I-I ran all the way here." Kiba said.

Kiba then Knocked on the door.

**"Who's there?"**

'That voice sounds familiar.'

**"Your grandchild, Little Red Riding Hood," replied the wolf, counterfeiting her voice; "who has brought you a cake and a little pot of butter sent you by mother because apparently a wolf can talk and do imitations aswell"**

**The good grandmother, who was in bed, because she was somewhat ill, cried out, "Pull the bobbin, and the latch will go up."**

"What a trusting person."

**The wolf pulled the bobbin, and the door opened,**

"NARUTO?" Kiba was met with the sight of Naruto standing at the door dressed as a short, hideous old woman with whisker marks.

"Kiba? This is the first tme you were in my happy dream."

"The hell?"

**and then he immediately fell upon the good woman and ate her up in a moment, for it been more than three days since he had eaten.**

"I have to eat you now Naruto. No hard feelings."

"Can't you just put me in the closet?"

**No he can not.**

"Aww...Well can he get a bowl at least?"

**He then shut the door and got into the grandmother's bed, expecting Little Red Riding Hood, who came some time afterwards and knocked at the door: tap, tap.**

"Hold on...I'm tired...Those nuts were heavy." Sasuke said as he panted for breathe.

**He then knocked on the door.**

**"Who's there?"**

**Little Red Riding Hood, hearing the big voice of the wolf, was at first afraid; but believing her grandmother had a cold and was hoarse, answered, "It is your grandchild Little Red Riding Hood, who has brought you a cake and a little pot of butter mother sends you."**

'Nobody is that stupid...I wonder who the Grandmother is?'

**The wolf cried out to her, softening his voice as much as he could, "Pull the bobbin, and the latch will go up."**

**Little Red Riding Hood pulled the bobbin, and the door opened.**

**The wolf, seeing her come in, said to her, hiding himself under the bedclothes, "Put the cake and the little pot of butter upon the stool, and come get into bed with me."**

"Really Kiba? You are clearly NOT my grandmother."

"...I'm just doing as I'm told..."

**And now Sasuke has to do as he's told and take off his clothes and get into bed with another guy.**

"...Oh Hell no." Sasuke said.

"This is easy Sasuke. I had to eat somebody."

**Little Red Riding Hood took off her clothes and got into bed.**

"Damnit!"

**She was greatly amazed to see how her grandmother looked in her nightclothes, and said to her, "Grandmother, what big arms you have!"**

**"All the better to hug you with, my dear despite how hairy they are."**

**"Grandmother, what big legs you have!"**

**"All the better to run with, my child."**

**"Grandmother, what big ears you have!"**

**"All the better to hear with, my child despite how they are not human ears."**

**"Grandmother, what big eyes you have!"**

**"All the better to see with, my child."**

**"Grandmother, what big teeth you have got!"**

**"All the better to eat you up with."**

**And, saying these words, this wicked wolf fell upon Little Red Riding Hood, and ate her all up.**

"First the grandmother and now Sasuke?"

**Yes.**

"Fine. Sorry Sasuke."

"Don't you dare-"

**And she was eaten.**

**When the wolf had satisfied his appetite, he lay down again in the bed, and began to snore tremendously.**

**A huntsman came past, and bethought himself, "How can an old woman snore like that? I'll just have a look to see what it is."**

"Oh I wonder who THIS is gonna be." Kiba said.

**He went into the room, and looked into the bed; there lay the wolf. "Have I found you now, old rascal?" said he. "I've long been looking for you."**

Hidan burst threw the door with his red scythe in hand.

"CHOP CHOP BITCH!"

"That's clearly not what the Narrator just said." Kiba pointed out.

**The huntsman swung his might axe and cut the wolf wide open freeing Little Red riding hood and the granny.**

Naruto and Sasuke popped out of Kiba's stomach.

"So YOU were the granny."

"Sasuke too? What are you guys doing in my Happy dream?"

"..."

"..."

"WHat the hell is going on!" Sasuke screamed.

**All will be explained next chapter.**

* * *

AN- NEW IDEA, WANT FEEDBACK PLEASE REVIEW.


	2. The Three Bears

AN- CHAPTR 2

Goldilocks and the three Bears.

* * *

Sasuke appeared in front of a house.

"Where am I now?"

**Ok now to explain things to you.**

"Where are the others?"

**You will see them again. Now listen, I am a Narrator.**

"Ok?"

**And I tell stories.**

"OK."

**And you are going to be in every story I tell.**

"Why?"

**Becaus I say so.**

"Well then how come the main character of this story is Naruto?"

**Because Naruto is more popular than you.**

"says you."

**And the rest of the world. We voted.**

"What ever...SO what do I do now?"

**Leave it to me.**

**Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.**

"Why the hell am I always a girl?"

**Because I say so. And it's funny. Now go in the house.**

"Thats breaking and entering. I have no reason to go in there."

**Get in the damn house.**

"Fine fine."

Sasuke walked into the house.

**At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl.**

"Oh so now I'm eating their food? First I'm breaking and entering, and now I'm a theif?"

**It seems that way.**

"Who the hell eats porridge anyway?"

**You do. Now eat and say your lines.**

**"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed.**

**So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.**

**"This porridge is too cold," she said**

**So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.**

**"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up.**

"No the hell it's not. This shit is nasty as hell." Sasuke said as he spit out the food.

**After she'd eaten the three bears' breakfasts she decided she was feeling a little tired. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet.**

"What the hell? After the breaking and entering and eating of the stolen food, I now am going to nap inside of a foreign house? This is just one big Crime-a-pulooza huh?"

**Shut up and say your lines.**

**"This chair is too big!" she exclaimed.**

**So she sat in the second chair.**

**"This chair is too big, too!" she whined.**

**So she tried the last and smallest chair.**

"All this damn walking is unneccessary. I just ate damnit."

**"Ahhh, this chair is just right," she sighed. But just as she settled down into the chair to rest, it broke into pieces!**

"Damnit all..."

**Goldilocks was very tired by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom.**

"Really? So after the breaking and entering, Theft and Robbery, destruction of property, I'm going to sleep in their beds?"

**Yes.**

"Figures..."

**She lay down in the first bed,**

"I'm gonna take a wild stab in the dark and say that I'm going to end up in the third bed. Can I just skip the other two?"

**but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed,**

"...I hate you."

**but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Goldilocks fell asleep.**

"Still awake here..."

**And then came the fan girls.**

"SNORE."

**As she was sleeping, the three bears came home.**

"Why was the door open?" said baby bear.

**"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled the Papa bear.**

"Actually I take it back. I just don't want it anymore." Kakashi said.

**"Someone's been eating my porridge," said the Mama bear.** "And I'm gonna kick their ass CHA!" finished Sakura.

**"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" cried the Baby bear.** "They ate the bowl too!" Also said Naruto.

**No they did'nt. You just threw the whole bowl out of the window.**

"It was nasty anyway. It tasted like bear food."

**Ironic statement.**

"Whoever made porridge should die a horrible Orochimaru related death.

**The three bears when in the living room.**

"I am not a damn bear!" Sakura shouted.

"You might aswell be one."

Sakura punched Naruto in the head.

...

...

**Kakashi...**

...

**Kakashi put your damn book away and say your line.**

**"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Papa bear. **"...Can I continue reading now?"

**Whatever**.

**"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Mama bear.**

**"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces," cried the Baby bear.**

"How do you know if someone sat in it if it's in pieces?" Sakura asked

**Thats a good question Sakura. Let me answer you with a good answer. SHUT UP!**

"Best answer ever."

Sakura punched Naruto again.

**They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa bear said**, "..."

**Kakashi!**

Kakashi laid down in his bed and went straiight to sleep.

**...Please continue Sakura.**

**"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Mama bear.**

**"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby bear.**

"Dobe did you just call me a she?"

"Sasuke?" Naruto said. " How come you are always the girl?"

"Thats what I said."

"Hey Sasuke-kun, mind if I cawl into bed with you?" Sakura slyly asked.

"Where is that damn wolf when you need him? Yes Sakura. Yes I would mind."

"Aww."

**.Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. She screamed, "Help!" And she jumped up and ran out of the room. Goldilocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And she never returned to the home of the three bears.**

"The moral of this story is If you are a Real Estate agent...Don't talk to bears." Naruto said.

"Now I ger to flee the scene of the crimes." Sasuke said as he left.

* * *

AN= REVIEWS ARE MANDATORY.


	3. Jack And The Bean Stalk

AN- THE THIRD INSTALLMENT.

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.

FAIRY TALE: JACK AND THE BEANSTALK.

* * *

Sasuke's eyes shot open.

"Where the hell am I now?"

He was in a bed.

**There was once upon a time a poor widow,**

"Don't tell me I'm a girl again.

**who had an only son named Jack,**

"Am I Jack?"

**Yes.**

"Sweet."

**and a cow named Milky-White.**

"Milky-white?...We can do better than that right?"

No.

**And all they had to live on was the milk the cow gave every morning, which they carried to the market and sold.**

"Why am I so poor? Who am I? Naruto before the Ninja Academy?"

**But one morning Milky-White gave no milk, and they didn't know what to do.**

"What a Useless cow. It's funny but when I think of a useless cow...Sakura comes to mind.

Sasuke walked out of the bedroom and in to the font room. A puff of smoke appeared in front of Sasuke. When it cleared, his eyes widened.

"YOU!"

In front of Sasuke stood Anko Mitarashi in all her glory.

"...Are you my husband in this story? I mean I'm cool with it and all but I don't know if you are and-"

"Let me stop you right there. I am not, or ever will be your husband."

"Suit your self kid. You don't know what your missing..."

"A snake-like Vagina?"

"What was that?"

"I didn't hear anything."

**Snake woman, Say your lines.**

"**What shall we do, what shall we do?" said the widow, wringing her hands.**

"It figures that you are a Widow." Sasuke said.

**"Cheer up, mother, I'll go and get work somewhere," said Jack.**

**"We've tried that before, and nobody would take you. In other words you forever will be unemployed." said his mother. "We must sell Milky-White and with the money start a shop, or something."**

**"All right, mother," says Jack. "It's market day today, and I'll soon sell Milky-White, and then we'll see what we can do."**

**So he took the cow's halter in his hand, and off he started. He hadn't gone far when he met a funny-looking old man,**

"Hey Uchiha boy!"

"I know you..." said Sasuke. "Your that toad guy who trained Naruto."

"I have a name you know. I'm surprised you haven't heard of me. I'm famous you know."

"I know your name. Your first name is 'I don't' and your last name is 'Care'."

"So you think your funny huh? Why I oughta..." Jiraiya said.

**Hurry and say your lines.**

Jiraiya cleared his throat and spoke., **"Good morning, Jack."**

"How would you know my name if we just met?"

Don't question it. Just say your line.

**"Good morning." said Jack.**

**"Well, Jack, and where are you off to?" said the man.**

**"I'm going to market to sell our cow there."**

**"Oh, you look the proper sort of chap to sell cows," said the man.**

"I look like a cow salesman? Really? Is that a common profession? I wonder what there yearly income is..." Ranted Sasuke.

**"I wonder if you know how many beans make five."**

"What the hell? Doesn't five beans make five? This doesn't make any sense. 6 beans can't make five because 6 is not five. Is this fairy tale for retarded people?" Sasuke ranted again.

**Shut up and continue.**

**"Two in each hand and one in your mouth," says Jack, as sharp as a needle.**

"Can't I put all five in one hand? I'm beginning to think this Jack person just might be illegally retarded."

"He sort of reminds me of Naruto." Jiraiya added.

**"Right you are," says the man, "and here they are, the very beans themselves," he went on, pulling out of his pocket a number of strange-looking beans. "As you are so sharp," says he, "I don't mind doing a swap with you - your cow for these beans."**

"So I'm going to sell a Chouji sized cow, for 5 retarded looking beans? Even the beans look retarded! This whole story is retarded.

**AHEM!**

**"No." says jack. " Because I'm not dumb. My cow is worth far more than your retarded looking beans."**

"Sasuke that wasn't your line."

**"Ah! You don't know what these beans are," said the man. "If you plant them overnight, by morning they grow right up to the sky."**

"No frikin way...It's just not possible that the human race let someone this retarded be reproduced."

**"Really?" said Jack. "You don't say so."**

**"Yes, that is so. And if it doesn't turn out to be true you can have your cow back."**

"I might aswell skip this whole thing. The bean thing is total bull-"

**"Right," says Jack, and hands him over Milky-White's halter and pockets the beans.**

**Back goes Jack home, and as he hadn't gone very far it wasn't dusk by the time he got to his door.**

"I can't believe I sold a cow for beans. I am officially a moron."

**"Back already, Jack?" said his mother. "I see you haven't got Milky-White, so you've sold her. How much did you get for her?"**

**"You'll never guess, mother, I did something wonderously unbelievable." says Jack.**

**"No, you don't say so. Good boy! Five pounds? Ten? Fifteen? No, it can't be twenty."**

**"I told you you couldn't guess. What do you say to these beans? They're magical. Plant them overnight and - "**

**"What!" says Jack's mother.**

Anko slapped Sasuke.

"Ow! The hell?"

**Ooooh Improvising...I like...Please continue.**

"**Have you been such a fool, such a dolt, such an idiot, as to give away my Milky-White, the best milker in the parish, and prime beef to boot, for a set of paltry beans?**

Anko slapped Sasuke a second time.

**Take that!**

A third Time.

**Take that!**

A fourth time.

**Take that!**

A fifth time.

"OW! If you slap me one more time lady I will Chidori you in a very uncomfortable place!"

"You mean my snake?"

"Whoa I don't want my arm chopped off."

**And as for your precious beans here they go out of the window**

Anko threw the beans.

"Anko-san you are suppose to open the window first."

. **And now off with you to bed. Not a sip shall you drink, and not a bit shall you swallow this very night."**

"All I understood in that sentence was bed. I'm sleepy anyway so yeah..."

**So Jack went upstairs to his little room in the attic,**

"Little Room in the Attic?" I'm not Naruto damnit."

**and sad and sorry he was, to be sure, as much for his mother's sake as for the loss of his supper.**

**At last he dropped off to sleep.**

**When he woke up, the room looked so funny. The sun was shining into part of it, and yet all the rest was quite dark and shady. So Jack jumped up and dressed himself and went to the window.**

"Wait a minute I went to sleep with clothes on so there was no need to dress myself...unless..."

His eyes wdened.

"ANKO!"

**And what do you think he saw? Why, the beans his mother had thrown out of the window into the garden had sprung up into a big beanstalk which went up and up and up till it reached the sky. So the man spoke truth after all.**

"Wow...Just...Just wow...I bet I'm gonna climb that thing."

**Your right.**

"Figures.."

**The beanstalk grew up quite close past Jack's window, so all he had to do was to open it and give a jump onto the beanstalk which ran up just like a big ladder.**

"How oddly Convient."

**So Jack climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed,**

"Damn how tall is this thing?"

**and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed till at last he reached the sky.**

"I reached the sky? So what is the rest of that big blue stuff I'm looking up at?"

**And when he got there he found a long broad road going as straight as a dart. So he walked along, and he walked along, and he walked along,**

"All this damn traveling would be no problem if I could use Chakra."

**Stop Complaining.**

**till he came to a great big tall house, and on the doorstep there was a great big tall woman**.

"I know her. She is on Kurenai Sensei's team."

Hinata Hyuuga was on the door step.

**Lines.**

**"Good morning, mum," says Jack, quite polite-like. "**

"mum? SHe isn't my mother.

**Could you be so kind as to give me some breakfast?" For he hadn't had anything to eat, you know, the night before, and was as hungry as a hunter..**

So Now i'm walking up to Random Hyuuga strangers and asking them for food. What if she is a chronic Masturbater and uses it as an ingredient in all her food?"

**What is "IT?"**

"Never mind..."

**"I-I-I-It's breakfast y-you w-w-w-wwant, is it?" stuttered the great big tall woman. "I-I-I-I-It's breakfast y-y-y-you'll b-be if you d-d-don't mm-m-mmove off from here. M-m-m-my m-m-m-man is an oo-o-o-o-ogre and there's n-n-n-n-n-nothing he likes b-b-b-b-better than b-b-b-b-b-boys b-b-b-b-b-bbroiled on t-t-t-t-t-t-toast. You'd better be moving on or he'll be c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-coming."**

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That was the most annoying sentence I have heard in my life. There isn't any word that you didn't stutter over. I thought it was ok when you got to the last sentence but ...that last word...was horrible."

Hinata hung her head in shame.

**Shut up ands say your line.**

"But you just said shut up."

**Sasuke...**

"Ok ok..."

**"Oh! please, mum, do give me something to eat, mum. I've had nothing to eat since yesterday morning, really and truly, mum," says Jack. "I may as well be broiled as die of hunger."**

**Well, the ogre's wife was not half so bad after all. So she took Jack into the kitchen, and gave him a hunk of bread and cheese and a jug of milk**

A Hunk of bread? A Jug of Milk? That way of talking is so Third Hokage Era."

**But Jack hadn't half finished these when thump! thump! thump! the whole house began to tremble with the noise of someone coming.**

"Of Course I didn't..."

**"Goodness gracious me! It's my old man," said the ogre's wife.**

"What happened to the stuttering?"

**I told her who her husband is.**

**"What on earth shall I do? Come along quick and jump in here." And she bundled Jack into the oven just as the ogre came in.**

**He was a big one, to be sure.**

Naruto Uzumaki stood in the doorway.

"N-nAruto-kun."

**At his belt he had three calves strung up by the heels, and he unhooked them and threw them down on the table and said, "Here, wife, broil me a couple of these for breakfast. Ah! what's this I smell?"**

Naruto sniffed the air.

"**Fee-fi-fo-fum,**  
**I smell the blood of an Englishman,"**

_'I'm a Japanese Ninja. What the hell is he smelling?' _Sasuke thought.

**"Be he alive, or be he dead,**  
**I'll have his bones to grind my bread,**

**Or at least my Ramen instead."**

**"Nonsense, dear," said his wife. "You' re dreaming. Or perhaps you smell the scraps of that little boy you liked so much for yesterday's dinner."**

_'Oh so we're eating people again?'_

**Here, you go and have a wash and tidy up, and by the time you come back your breakfast'll be ready for you."**

**So off the ogre went, and Jack was just going to jump out of the oven and run away when the woman told him not. "Wait till he's asleep," says she; "he always has a doze after breakfast."**

"So Yet again I'm in a house where some of the inhabitants do not know of my being here."

**It seems that way.**

**Well, the ogre had his breakfast, and after that he goes to a big chest and takes out a couple of bags of gold, and down he sits and counts till at last his head began to nod and he began to snore till the whole house shook again.**

"Did Naruto just fall asleep while counting?"

"H-Hai Sasuke-kun."

**Then Jack crept out on tiptoe from his oven, and as he was passing the ogre, he took one of the bags of gold under his arm, and off he pelters till he came to the beanstalk,**

"SO I'm commiting Unarmed Robbery now."

**and then he threw down the bag of gold, which, of course, fell into his mother's garden, and then he climbed down and climbed down till at last he got home and told his mother and showed her the gold and said, "Well, mother, wasn't I right about the beans? They are really magical, you see."**

"I never doubted you son!"

"...Really Anko...?"

**So they lived on the bag of gold for some time, but at last they came to the end of it, and Jack made up his mind to try his luck once more at the top of the beanstalk.**

"So I'm about to commit a crime yet again?

**So one fine morning he rose up early, and got onto the beanstalk, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed-**

"GODDAMNIT THIS DAMN BEANSTALK NEEDS AN ELEVATOR! ALL THIS DAMN CLIMBING IS CHAFFING MY THIGHS!"

**-and he climbed till at last he came out onto the road again and up to the great tall house he had been to before. There, sure enough, was the great tall woman a-standing on the doorstep.**

"Hey Hinata."

"Hi S-S-Sasuke."

**Those aren't your lines.**

**"Good morning, mum," says Jack, as bold as brass, "could you be so good as to give me something to eat?"**

**"Go away, my boy," said the big tall woman, "or else my man will eat you up for breakfast. But aren't you the youngster who came here once before? Do you know, that very day my man missed one of his bags of gold."**

"I know, I stole it."

**Sasuke...**

**"I meant, That's strange, mum," said Jack, "I dare say I could tell you something about that, but I'm so hungry I can't speak till I've had something to eat."**

**Well, the big tall woman was so curious that she took him in and gave him something to eat. But he had scarcely begun munching it as slowly as he could when thump! thump! they heard the giant's footstep, and his wife hid Jack away in the oven.**

"I hope she doesn't turn the oven on."

**All happened as it did before. In came the ogre as he did before, said, "Fee-fi-fo-fum, Ramen is Yum Yum" and had his breakfast off three broiled oxen.**

**Then he said, "Wife, bring me the hen that lays the golden eggs."**

"There is a hen that lays golden eggs?"

**So she brought it, and the ogre said, "Lay," and it laid an egg all of gold. And then the ogre began to nod his head, and to snore till the house shook.**

"Sleep again Naruto? You Narcoleptic bastard."

**Then Jack crept out of the oven on tiptoe and caught hold of the golden hen, and was off before you could say "Jack Robinson." But this time the hen gave a cackle which woke the ogre, and just as Jack got out of the house he heard him calling, "Wife, wife, what have you done with my golden hen?"**

**And the wife said, "Why, my dear?"**

_'I get to call Naruto-kun dear! I can die happy!'_

**But that was all Jack heard, for he rushed off to the beanstalk and climbed down like a house on fire. And when he got home he showed his mother the wonderful hen, and said "Lay" to it; and it laid a golden egg every time he said "Lay."**

"You got a chicken that craps out gold...if that don't sound painful." Anko said

**Well, Jack was not content, and it wasn't long before he determined to have another try at his luck up there at the top of the beanstalk.**

"And so my crime spree continues."

**So one fine morning he rose up early and got to the beanstalk, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed till he got to the top.**

"I hope the next fairy tale has elevators."

**But this time he knew better than to go straight to the ogre's house. And when he got near it, he waited behind a bush till he saw the ogre's wife come out with a pail to get some water, and then he crept into the house and got into the copper.**

"Home invasion step 1."

**He hadn't been there long when he heard thump! thump! thump! as before, and in came the ogre and his wife.**

**"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman," cried out the ogre.**

"I keep telling you Narrator, I'm Japanese and a Ninja."

**I do not care.**

**"I smell him, wife, I smell him."**

Naruto put his nose in the air and then entered Sage mode.

**NO JUTSU!**

"Awww."

He turned back to Normal.

"Um... How can you do that while we are still 12 and or 13?" Hinata said.

"...Do What?"

**"Do you, my dearie?" says the ogre's wife. "Then, if it's that little rogue that stole your gold and the hen that laid the golden eggs he's sure to have got into the oven." And they both rushed to the oven.**

**But Jack wasn't there,**

"SUCKERS!" Sasuke screamed.

**luckily, and the ogre' s wife said, "There you are again with your fee-fi-fo-fum. Why, of course, it's the boy you caught last night that I've just broiled for your breakfast. How forgetful I am, and how careless you are not to know the difference between live and dead after all these years."**

**So the ogre sat down to the breakfast and ate it, but every now and then he would mutter, "Well, I could have sworn -" and he'd get up and search the larder and the cupboards and everything, only, luckily, he didn't think of the copper.**

"How convenient."

**After breakfast was over, the ogre called out, "Wife, wife, bring me my golden harp."**

"A gold harp? This guy is loaded!"

**So she brought it and put it on the table before him. Then he said, "Sing!" and the golden harp sang most beautifully. And it went on singing till the ogre fell asleep, and commenced to snore like thunder.**

"Harps don't sing."

**Then Jack lifted up the copper lid very quietly and got down like a mouse and crept on hands and knees till he came to the table, when up he crawled, caught hold of the golden harp and dashed with it towards the door.**

"Burglary step 2."

**But the harp called out quite loud, "Master! Master!" and the ogre woke up just in time to see Jack running off with his harp.**

"So inanimate objects have the correct internal organs to engage him human speech now."

**Jack ran as fast as he could, and the ogre came rushing after, and would soon have caught him, only Jack had a start and dodged him a bit and knew where he was going. When he got to the beanstalk the ogre was not more than twenty yards away when suddenly he saw Jack disappear**

"He just Shushined!" Naruto yelled.

**No he didn't. You did.**

**and when he came to the end of the road he saw Jack underneath climbing down for dear life. Well, the ogre didn't like trusting himself to such a ladder, and he stood and waited, so Jack got another start.**

**But just then the harp cried out, "Master! Master!" and the ogre swung himself down onto the beanstalk, which shook with his weight. Down climbs Jack, and after him climbed the ogre.**

**By this time Jack had climbed down and climbed down and climbed down till he was very nearly home. So he called out, "Mother! Mother! bring me an ax, bring me an ax."**

Anko threw an axe at Sasuke which nearly decapitated him.

"Thank you, you bi-"

**And his mother came rushing out with the ax in her hand, but when she came to the beanstalk she stood stock still with fright, for there she saw the ogre with his legs just through the clouds.**

"I didn't do that." Anko said.

**But Jack jumped down and got hold of the ax and gave a chop at the beanstalk which cut it half in two. The ogre felt the beanstalk shake and quiver, so he stopped to see what was the matter. Then Jack gave another chop with the ax, and the beanstalk was cut in two and began to topple over. Then the ogre fell down and broke his crown, and the beanstalk came toppling after.**

**Then Jack showed his mother his golden harp, and what with showing that and selling the golden eggs, Jack and his mother became very rich, and he married a great princess, and they lived happy ever after.**

"Step 3 is Murder." Began Sasuke. "The moral of this story is don't trust old men who already know your name before you meet them."

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AN- PLEASE REVIEW! I THRIVE ON THOSE! ALSO CHECK OUT THIS STORY CALLED THE NINJA ALL STARS TOURNAMENT BY HANA-01. IT'S AWESOME AND IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY YOU WILL LOVE THAT ONE.

BUT PLEASE REVIEW!


	4. The Three Little Pigs

AN- HEY ALL BACK WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER. Sorry for the multiple uploads. My document manager is being stupid

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY FAIRYTALE. IF I OWNED NARUTO, HANZO OF THE SALAMANDER WOULD HAVE LASTED ALOT LONGER AGAINST MIFUNE.

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The Three Little Pigs

**Once upon a time there were three little pigs and the time came for them to leave home and seek their fortunes.**

Sasuke, Naruto, and a 12 year old Jiraiya appeeared in a house.

"Who the hell is that?" Screamed Naruto pointing to the young Jiraiya. "He looks stupid."

A vein bulged on Jiraiya's head. "Who you callin' stupid!"

Jiraiya then proceeded to Form the Rasengan and thrust it into Naruto's gut.

"AAH!" Naruto flew back and hit the wall.

"Jiraiya?" Sasuke said in shock. "Wow...you look pretty cool."

"Did the almighty Sasuke Uchiha just give me a compliment?" Jiraiya said mockingly.

Sasuke blinked Owlishly.

"You still have white hair as a child. I thought your hair was white just because you were so old ...but I see I was wrong. Sasuke said.

"Yep. I'm a Natural Albino." Jiraiya boasted.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...No...your not."

"WHat ever."

Naruto walked back over to them.

"Whats an Albino?" Naruto asked.

"A type of person."

"Like a clan? What's their Kekei genkai?"

"um...to be able to...uh...know something is going to happen AFTER it happened." Sasuke said.

"They can see the past? THATS SO COOL! I wish I knew what was going to happen after it happened." Naruto exclaimed.

"...I just can't understand it. Minato was a genius among geniuses. He was who the best wanted to be." Jiraiya commented.

**Hey everyone it's the wonderful and perfect in everyway narrator. And he wants to continue with the fairy tale.**

**Before they left, their mother told them " Whatever you do , do it the best that you can because that's the way to get along in the world.**

"Wait so we're all related? You guys look nothing like me."

"If you had black hair instead of Blonde, had black eyes instead of blue, and those whisker marks were gone, and you were a little taller you would be the spitting image of Sasuke."

"Well damn all that's missing is the DNA change if you are going to change that much." Naruto retorted.

**The first little pig built his house out of straw because it was the easiest thing to do.**

"Let me guess, Is Naruto the first pig?"

**No. Jiraiya is. So get to buildiing.**

"Eh...OK. But I swear on my Ninja way, the way of the perv, that this will be the best straw house ever!"

Jiraiya then jumped out of the window and ran off

"Where did that window come from?"

**The second little pig built his house out of sticks. This was a little bit stronger than a straw house.**

"Sticks are so cool. I hope I'm that pig." said Naruto.

**Nope. It's Sasuke**

"How come I gotta be one of the stupid pigs? Why can't I have the brick house?"

**Because I said so. Now get your stupid ass out of this stupid house and go build a stupid house made out of stupid sticks**.

"Figures..."

Sasuke left.

**The third little pig built his house out of bricks.**

"WHo is the last pig?"

**Naruto you are the only one left.**

"That's not answering my question."

**...You are the last pig Naruto.**

"I wish I had the stick house."

Naruto left.

**One night the big bad wolf, who dearly loved to eat fat little piggies, came along and saw the first little pig in his house of straw.**

Kiba appeared in front of a house made of straw.

"Aww not again...WHo am I this time?"

**The big bad wolf.**

"Why am I always a wolf?"

**That's life. Now deal with it. Now say your line.**

"Who the hell builds a house out of straw anyway?"

**LINES PLEASE!**

**"Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"**

"How do you blow a house in?" Jiraiya wondered.

**"Not by the hair of my pervy chinny chin chin", said the little pig.**

"Pervy?" Kiba said.

**But of course the wolf did blow the house in and ate the first little pig.**

Kiba inhaled and blew the straw house down.

"Property value has severely plummeted now Kiba."12 year old Jiraiya said.

Kiba blinked.

"Who the hell are you?"

"You kids should really pay attention to who some famous shinobi are."

"Well whoever you are I have to eat you now. Hope you taste good."

O_o

**The wolf then came to the house of sticks.**

**"Let me in ,Let me in little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"**

"How in the hell do you blow a house in?" Sasuke asked from inside the house.

**Say your stupid lines.**

**"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin", said the little pig.**

"I don't even have a beard..."

**But the wolf blew that house in too, and ate the second little pig.**

Kiba blew the house down.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke stood amidst all the sticks that used to be a house.

"This is the second time you had to eat me Kiba...I think you like having me in your stomach."

"...That sentence makes me really uncomfortable."

"Whatever. Just eat me and get it over with."

"Ok."

**The wolf then came to the house of bricks.**

**" Let me in , let me in" cried the wolf**

**"Or I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your house in!"**

"A house can be blown in?" Naruto wondered.

**Just say your line.**

**"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin" said the pig.**

**Well, the wolf huffed and puffed but he could not blow down that brick house.**

"I actually am quite full from that white haired kid, and Sasuke. I really don't want to-"

**But the wolf was a sly old wolf and he climbed up on the roof to look for a way into the brick house.**

"...I really hate you..."

**The little pig saw the wolf climb up on the roof and lit a roaring fire in the fireplace and placed on it a large kettle of water.**

"I'm going to put a boiling pot in the fireplace? That's going to kill the wolf. That's Murder in the second degree." Naruto ranted.

**When the wolf finally found the hole in the chimney he crawled down and-**

"There's clearly a boiling pot of water down there..."

**Jump...NOW.**

"Ok ok..."

**KERSPLASH right into that kettle of water and that was the end of his troubles with the big bad wolf.**

"This is the third Fairy tale where Murder was involved. And we wonder why America has so many killers and maniacs on the loose... It's cuz their bedtimes stories are rated R..." Naruto commented.

**The next day the little pig invited his mother over . She said "You see it is just as I told you. The way to get along in the world is to do things as well as you can." Fortunately for that little pig, he learned that lesson. And he just lived happily ever after**!

"Happily ever after? My brothers are dead and a wolf tried to kill me. I'M NOT HAPPY!"

Tsunade looked at her "Son".

"The moral of this story." She began. "Is that if you are a wolf... beware of hot Water, straw houses, stick houses and pigs."

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AN- NOW THIS IS WHERE YOU HIT THAT REVIEW BUTTON.

IF YOU DON'T I'LLHUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND...send you a very detailed pm as to whyyou did not review lol


	5. The Wolf's side of the story

**AN- I KNOW THIS ISN'T A KNOWN STORY BUT IT ACTUALLY USED TO BE TOLD TO ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE...**

**THIS THE WOLF'S SIDE OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS STORY...ENJOY AND REVIEW...PLEASE.**

**DISCLAIMER: i OWN NOTHING BUT THE LAPTOP THIS IS ON...**

**THANKS TO ADVENT OF SHADOWS FOR TELLING EVERYONE HOW TO BYPASS THE ERROR PAGE. WHEN THE ERROR MESSAGE SHOWS UP GO TO THE URL BOX AND REPLACE THE WORD "PROPERTY" WITH "CONTENT"...YEA...AND ADVENT OF SHADOWS WRITES AWESOME STORIES!**

* * *

**Wolf took the stand today in his own defense. This shocked and stunned the media who predicted that he would not testify in the brutal double murder trial. A. Wolf is accused of killing (and eating) The First Little Pig, and The Second Little Pig. This criminal trial is expected to be followed by a civil trial to be brought by the surviving Third Little Pig. The case has been characterized as a media circus. **

"Oh so now they wanna bring in common sense...and a sense of Justice." Naruto said.

He was in a court room along with people whom the wolf had made his enemies.

**His testimony is transcribed below:**

Kiba was giving his testimony on the stand.

**"Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think they do. But I'll let you in on a little secret. Nobody knows the real story, because nobody has ever heard my side of the story. I'm Alexander Kiba Inuzuka T. Wolf. You can call me Al. I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too. But like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.**

"Bullshit! You ate my grandmother!"

"Sasuke?What the hell? I thought you were eaten."

"I'm The little girl in the red hood in this chapter Naruto. She's just another person done wrong by the wolf."

**THIS IS THE REAL STORY.**

**Way back in Once Upon a Time time, I was making a birthday cake for my dear old granny. I had a terrible sneezing cold. I ran out of sugar. So I walked down the street to ask my neighbor for a cup of sugar. Now this neighbor was a pig. And he wasn't too bright either. ****He had built his whole house out of straw. Can you believe it? I mean who in his right mind would build a house of straw? **

"I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"SHUT UP NARUTO!"

**So of course the minute I knocked on the door, it fell right in. I didn't want to just walk into someone else's house. So I called, "Little Pig, Little Pig, are you in?" No answer. I was just about to go home without the cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.**

"I bet you, the wolf ate his own Grandmother." Naruto commented

"You know Akamaru's grandmother ate My grandmother...The first missing ninja canine..She also killed her pack and then fled the village...Her name was Itachi-maru..."

"...Is that suppose to be some type of joke Kiba...?" Sasuke asked.

"...It was kinda funny..." Naruto said.

**Kiba continue as the wolf...**

**That's when my nose started to itch. I felt a sneeze coming on. Well I huffed. And I snuffed. And I sneezed a great sneeze.**

**And you know what? The whole darn straw house fell down. And right in the middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig - dead as a doornail. **

"So you agree to Murder?" Tsunade said...as the Pig's(Naruto) mother.

"...um...No..?"

**He had been home the whole time. It seemed like a shame to leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there in the straw. So I ate it up. Think of it as a cheeseburger just lying there. **

"WHAT THE F**KING HELL! YOU ATE A DEAD PIG WHO COULD TALK LIKE A HUMAN!" Naruto screamed.

"LIKE A CHEESE BURGER!" Sasuke screamed.

"THAT'S CANNIBALISM SASUKE! "

"THAT FIEND, RIGHT NARUTO!"

"WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FAIRY TALE IS THIS?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Who the hell are you?"

Hidan scratched his head in embarrassment.

"Sorry. Names Hidan."

**I was feeling a little better. But I still didn't have my cup of sugar . So I went to the next neighbor's house. This neighbor was the First Little Pig's brother. He was a little smarter, but not much. He has built his house of sticks. I rang the bell on the stick house. Nobody answered. I called, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?" He yelled back."Go away wolf. You can't come in. I'm shaving the hairs on my shinny chin chin."**

"Pigs don't have hair on their chin."

"But they might shave though..."

"...Shut up Naruto."

"YOU SHUT UP SASUKE!"

**I had just grabbed the doorknob when I felt another sneeze coming on. I huffed. And I snuffed. And I tried to cover my mouth, but I sneezed a great sneeze.**

**And you are not going to believe this, but the guy's house fell down just like his brother's. When the dust cleared, there was the Second Little Pig - dead as a doornail. Wolf's honor.**

"He has two bodies and counting..." Sasuke said.

**Now you know food will spoil if you just leave it out in the open. So I did the only thing there was to do. I had dinner again.**

"Again with the cannibalism! Who the hell tells their children these types of stories!" Naruto cried.

**Think of it as a second helping. I was getting awfully full. But my cold was feeling a little better. And I still didn't have that cup of sugarr for my dear old granny's birthday cake. So I went to the next house. This guy was the First and Second Little Pig's brother. He must have been the brains of the family. He had built his house of bricks. **

**"Well not to brag but..."**

"Naruto the day you become remotely intelligent is the day Sakura becomes my wife. IT SHALL NEVER HAPPEN!" Sasuke screamed.

**I knocked on the brick house. No answer. I called, "Mr Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?" And do you know what that rude little porker answered? "Get out of here, Wolf. Don't bother me again." **

"I never said that! He's lying through his razor sharp teeth that he never brushes! I'm surprised my brick house didn't melt under the intense pressure of his bad breath!" Naruto shouted.

**Talk about impolite! He probably had a whole sackful of sugar. And he wouldn't give me even one little cup for my dear sweet old granny's birthday cake. What a pig!**

**I was just about to go home and maybe make a nice birthday card instead of a cake, when I felt my cold coming on. I huffed And I snuffed. And I sneezed once again.**

**Then the Third Little Pig yelled, " And your old granny can sit on a pin!" **

"That never happened either!"

"Yeah and he never asked me about sugar either!" Sasuke added.

**Now I'm usually a pretty calm fellow. But when somebody talks about my granny like that, I go a Little crazy. When the cops drove up, of course I was trying to break down this Pig's door. And the whole time I was huffing and puffing and sneezing and making a real scene.**

**The rest as they say is history.**

**The news reporters found out about the two pigs I had for dinner. They figured a sick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar didn't sound very exciting.**

**So they jazzed up the story with all of that "Huff and puff and blow your house down"**

**And they made me the Big Bad Wolf. That's it The real story. I was framed. "**

**Tsunade stood up.**

"That ...is...a load of pure non fabricated bullshit." She said.

"Framed my ass, He probably ate the frame too!"

"Shut up Naruto."

"The moral of that story is...If you know you have done wrong and were caught doing...DENY IT UNTI THE DAY YOU DIE!" Hidan said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"WHO IS THIS GUY?"

* * *

AN- AND THAT'S THAT! PLEASE REVIEW!


	6. Hansel and Gretel

AN- Here is the anticipated Hansel and gretel...The fans wanted it, and now they have it...they better review..lol

Also someone told me that the fairy tales are not american like I said in the summary. I apologize for the lack of knowledge on my part and the summary will be changed...when Fanfiction lets me edit the properties lol

* * *

**Once upon a time a very poor woodcutter**

Nagato appeared in a room. This Nagato was the Red haired Nagato but he was not skinny, even though he did meet the gedo mazo. This Nagato refered to himself as Pein...or Pain...whichever you prefer.

"Where am I?"

**lived in a tiny cottage in the forest with his two children, Hansel and Gretel.**

Naruto and Sasuke appeared in the same room as the akatsuki leader.

"Here we go again." Sasuke said.

Naruto caught sight of Nagato.

"Who are you?"

_'The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki...'_

"Hey tomato head, I'm talking to you. What's your name? My name is Naruto Uzumaki. And my emo friend here is Sasuke Uchiha."

"I'm not emo. I haven't acted that way at all in this fic."

"My name is Nagato Uzumaki."

Sasuke and Naruto snapped their heads torward the older man.

"Uzumaki? Your related to Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"It would seem so. Now since you two seem to know what is going on, would you mind telling me?" Pein asked.

"Wait a minute!" Naruto started. "If you are an Uzumaki...and I'm an Uzumaki...then..."

"Then what Naruto?" asked sasuke.

"HE MUST BE MY SON!"

BANG!

All eyes were drawn to the recently face vaulted Sasuke.

**His second wife often ill-treated the children and was forever nagging the woodcutter. **

Konan appeared next to Nagato.

"Nagato? What is going on?"

"I do not know. But they do." He said ponting to Naruto and Sasuke.

"Ok here's the deal." Began Sasuke. "The voice you here is the Narrator, this is a fairytale. A fairytale is a story told to young children before they go to bed. This means that whatever the Narrator says comes true so just act accordingly and everything will be ok." Sasuke finished with a thumbs up.

"Teme that was so OC."

"SHut up."

**Now Konan must say her lines that she automatically knows.**

Konan blinked as the information rushed into her head.

**Now say them.**

**"There is not enough food in the house for us all. There are too many mouths to feed! We must get rid of the two brats," she declared. And she kept on trying to persuade her husband to abandon his children in the forest. **

"Abandon children? I shall never do that. N one should ever have to go through that." She said as she remembered her and Nagato's childhood.

"Yeah and there is no way I will ever be abandond by a lady with BLUE hair. I couldn't live with myself if that happened." Sasuke commented.

Konan twitched.

**"Take them miles from home, so far that they can never find their way back! Maybe someone will find them and give them a home." The downcast woodcutter didn't know what to do. Hansel who, one evening, had overheard his parents' conversation, comforted Gretel. **

"Wait which one is Hansel?"

**Hansel is the boy, Sasuke. Gretel is the girl.**

"Am I Hansel?"

**No Naruto is.**

Naruto snickered.

"I should have saw that coming.

**"Don't worry! If they do leave us in the forest, we'll find the way home," he said. And slipping out of the house he filled his pockets with little white pebbles, then went back to bed. **

"You know Naruto you don't have to hug me."

"...I think it's cute." Konan remarked.

"Little boys shouldn't hug each other."

"I agree with the Nagato guy."

"Then let go of me Naruto."

**All night long, the woodcutter's wife harped on and on at her husband till, at dawn, he led Hansel and Gretel away into the forest. **

"Come along son and daughter.". Nagato said walking torward the door.

"I'm not a girl damnit."

"And you've got this whole Parent child thing backwards, son. I am...your father." Naruto said.

Konan chuckled at Naruto's antics.

**But as they went into the depths of the trees, Hansel dropped a little white pebble here and there on the mossy green ground. At a certain point, the two children found they really were alone: the woodcutter had plucked up enough courage to desert ****them, had mumbled an excuse and was gone. **

"You're just gonna leave ytour own children out in the wilderness to fend for themselves? What kind of monster are you!" Sasuke said.

"I know I raised you better boy!"

"So far this fairytale has broken the child cruelty law. I wonder what else is gonna get broken."

"I apologize." Nagato said then walked away.

**Night fell but the woodcutter did not return. Gretel began to sob bitterly. Hansel too felt scared but he tried to hide his feelings and comfort his sister. **

"Sasuke it's ok. You don't have to cry."

"I'm not crying-"

"Shhh, shhhh look I know it hurts but trust me, we gotta deal with it."

"Naruto I'm not-"

"Sasuke! Calm down! Listen I-I understand. I really do but crying is not gonna solve anything."

"Are you dense? I'm not-"

"DAMNIT SASUKE!" Naruto began with tears streaming down his face. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO CRY AND NOW YOU GOT ME DOING IT! STOP BEING HYSTERICAL OR I'M GONNA UZUMAKI SLAP YOU!"

O_o

"Naru-"

"THAT'S IT! AAAAAAH!"

Naruto slapped Sasuke.

**"Don't cry, trust me! I swear I'll take you home even if Father doesn't come back for us!" Luckily the moon was full that night and Hansel waited till its cold light filtered through the trees. **

"Sorry Sasuke but you were going crazy."

It took all of Sasuke's willpower not to kill Naruto right then and there.

**"Now give me your hand!" he said. "We'll get home safely, you'll see!" **

"Come on Sasuke we have to hold hands."

Naruto reached for Sasuke's hand.

But somehow didn't see the blue lightning pulsing violently around it.

Naruto made contact.

"!"

**The tiny white pebbles gleamed in the moonlight, and the children found their way home.**

Sasuke dragged Naruto's unconscious and slightly burned body on the ground torward the cottage.

"Come on dobe."

**They crept through a half open window, without wakening their parents. Cold, tired,**

"Don't forget shocked."

"S-screw you." Naruto said just recently awakening from his brief state of unconsciousness

**but thankful to be home again, they slipped into bed. **

**Next day, when their stepmother discovered that Hansel and Gretel had returned, she went into a rage. Stifling her anger in front of the children, she locked her bedroom door, **

"So...since the door is locked...do we have sex?" Pein asked.

O_o...

**reproaching her husband for failing to carry out her orders. The weak woodcutter protested, torn as he was between shame and fear of disobeying his cruel wife. **

"The blue haired lady is playing such a bitch." Naruto commented.

**The wicked stepmother kept Hansel and Gretel under lock and key all day with nothing for supper but a sip of water and some hard bread. **

"THIS DAMN BITCH BETTER FEED ME! NOTHING CAN SURVIVE ON WATER AND BREAD ALONE! I'M NOT SOME DAMN PLANT!" Naruto shouted from inside the locked room.

"She's trying to starve us to death. This fairy tale is showing signs of premeditated murder now too."

**All night, husband and wife quarreled, and when dawn came, the woodcutter led the children out into the forest. **

"Why does your wife always win the arguements?" Naruto asked.

"We know who wears the pants in your relationship." Sasuke added.

"It's the one without the Penis."

"Wait I thought we were talking about the blue haired lady, not Nagato." Sasuke said again.

Naruto and sasuke erupted in laughter as the Rinnegan glowed darkening the ever present frown on Nagato's face.

**Hansel, however, had not eaten his bread, and as he walked through the trees, he left a trail of crumbs behind him to mark the way. But the little boy had forgotten about the hungry birds that lived in the forest. When they saw him, they flew along behind and in no time at all, had eaten all the crumbs.**

"That was stupid Sasuke."

"Your face is stupid."

**Again, with a lame excuse, the woodcutter left his two children by **  
**themselves.**

"Why do people keep abandoning us? Who am I? Gaara?" Sasuke said.

**Lines please!**

**"I've left a trail, like last time!" Hansel whispered to Gretel, consolingly. But when night fell, they saw to their horror, that all the crumbs had gone. **

**"I'm frightened!" wept Gretel bitterly. "I'm cold and hungry and I want to go home!" **

**"Don't be afraid. I'm here to look after you!" Hansel tried to encourage his sister,**

"Sasuke Don't cry! Don't-"

SLAP!

This time Sasuke slapped Naruto.

**but he too shivered when he glimpsed frightening shadows and evil eyes around them in the darkness. All night the two children huddled together for warmth at the foot of a large tree. **

"Do we have to?"

**Yes. Now hug and shiver together.**

**When dawn broke, they started to wander about the forest, seeking a path, but all hope soon faded. They were well and truly lost. On they walked and walked, till suddenly they came upon a strange cottage in the middle of a glade. **

"Is this house made out of food? Why has it not been eaten by the birds or other animals? Why has it not melted in the hot sunlight? WHy has it not been reduced to mush in the harshest of winters? Why does this story make zero sense?" Sasuke ranted.

**Lines please.**

**"This is chocolate!" gasped Hansel as he broke a lump of plaster from the wall. **

**"And this is icing!" exclaimed Gretel, putting another piece of wall in her mouth. Starving but delighted, the children began to eat pieces of candy broken off the cottage. **

**"Isn't this delicious?" said Gretel, with her mouth full. She had never tasted anything so nice. **

"And now we are involved in destrution of private property? Oh yes. This story is perfect for what to tell my child before he goes to sleep." said Sasuke.

**"We'll stay here," Hansel declared, munching a bit of nougat. They were just about to try a piece of the biscuit door when it quietly swung open. **

**"Well, well!" said an old woman, peering out with a crafty look. "And haven't you children a sweet tooth?" **

Orochimaru stepped out of the house.

"SSSSSSSasuke and Narrrrrruto. What a pleassssant sssurprissse."

"I swear if he stresses one more s sound I'm going to kick his Pedophile using tool off."

"...Do you mean his penis Sasuke?"

**"Come in! Come in, you've nothing to fear!" went on the old woman. Unluckily for Hansel and Gretel, however, the sugar candy cottage belonged to an old witch, her trap for catching unwary victims. The two children had come to a really nasty place. **

"I bet she'll eat us. And Orochimaru will most likely having you down his throat Sasuke."

"...That sentence causes me great discomfort."

**"You're nothing but skin and bones!" said the witch, locking Hansel into a cage. I shall fatten you up and eat you!" **

**"You can do the housework," she told Gretel grimly, "then I'll make a meal of you too!" As luck would have it, the witch had very bad eyesight, an when Gretel smeared butter on her glasses, she could see even less. **

"Let's improvise a bit." Sasuke said.

"Cool" Naruto agreed.

Sasuke kicked Orochimaru in the groin...repeatedly.

**"Let me feel your finger!" said the witch to Hansel every day to check if he was getting any fatter. Now, Gretel had brought her brother a chicken bone, and when the witch went to touch his finger, Hansel held out the bone. **

Orochimaru said his lines from the ground clutching his groin.

"Why don't we just leave?" asked Naruto.

"Becaus that would make too much sense.

**"You're still much too thin!" she complained. When will you become plump?" One day the witch grew tired of waiting. **

**"Light the oven," she told Gretel. "We're going to have a tasty roasted boy today!" A little later, hungry and impatient, she went on: "Run and see if the oven is hot enough." Gretel returned, whimpering: "I can't tell if it is hot enough or not." Angrily, the witch screamed at the little girl: "Useless child! **

"WHO YOU CALLIN' USELESS? DO I LOOK LIKE SAKURA HARUNO TO YOU BITCH!" Sasuke screamed out of character like.

**All right, I'll see for myself." But when the witch bent down to peer inside the oven and check the heat, Gretel gave her a tremendous push and slammed the oven door shut. The witch had come to a fit and proper end. **

"So we broke into the house, and murdered the inhabitants?"

"Not yet Sasuke." Naruto said looking at Orochimaru still squirming on the floor.

**Gretel ran to set her brother free and they made quite sure that the oven door was tightly shut behind the witch. Indeed, just to be on the safe side, they fastened it firmly with a large padlock. Then they stayed for several days to **  
**eat some more of the house, till they discovered amongst the witch's belongings, a huge chocolate egg. Inside lay a casket of gold coins. **

**"The witch is now burnt to a cinder," said Hansel, "so we'll take this treasure with us." They filled a large basket with food and set off into the forest to search for the way home. This time, luck was with them, and on the second day, they saw their father come out of the house towards them, weeping. **

**"Your stepmother is dead. Come home with me now, my dear children!" The two children hugged the woodcutter. **

"Did you kill her?"

"...no..."

"...Did you not, not kill her?"

"...um...yes?"

"AHA!"

"Damn...ok you got me." Nagato confessed.

"...I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SON!"

**"Promise you'll never ever desert us again," said Gretel, throwing her arms round her father's neck. Hansel opened the casket. **

**"Look, Father! We're rich now . . . You'll never have to chop wood again." **

**And they all lived happily together ever after.**

"Let me get this straight." Sasuke began."Our stepmother was a child abuser, Our father was a bitch, we came to a complete stranger's house, damaged the property, killed the inhabitants, and robbed the place, then our bitch father killed our stepmother."

"Yes...Murder seems to trend in these fairy tales..." Naruto said.

"What happened to our real mother?"Sasuke asked.

"I probably killed her too." Nagato said.

"The moral of the story is...if you have a stepmother...kill her...if she's Yaoiweh and chop her face off." Sasuke said.

"Don't really do it." Naruto said. " If she's not Yaoiweh.

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AN- REVIEW!

PS: YAOIWEH IS A FF USER WHO FLAMES PEOPLE'S STORY CUZ HE HAS NO LIFE...


	7. The Gingerbread man

AN- IT'S INUYONAS BACK WITH YET ANOTHER HUMOR PACKED CHAPTER OF FAIRY TALE! SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED AND TO EVERYONE WHO wILL REVIEW!

THE GINGERBREAD MAN!

And guess what ladies and gentleman. I have done it. I have finally done it. It was only a matter of time.

I RECEIVED MY FIRST FLAME FOR THIS FIC! WOOOHOOO!

Granted it told me that these were not american fiarytales and I agree whole-heartedly but I cannot change the summary because fanfiction won't let me. But I know that these are not american fairy tales, that was an error on my part.

And to Your retarded: No my friend. You are retarded. I bet my fics on that lol

anyway enjoy.

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**Once upon a time, an old woman and her husband lived alone in a little old house.**

Jiraiya and tsunade appeared in a room.

"Here we go again with this fairy tale nonsense." commented Tsunade.

"Judging from the surrounding I think we are a couple Tsunade." Jiraiya said.

"Oh yeah right. Like I would ever lay down with you."

**The couple-**

"AHA! Told you! OH YEAH! I'M HITTIN THAT! I'M HITTIN-"

Tsunade silence him with a jab to the right eye.

**had no children, and being lonely, the woman decided to make a boy of gingerbread.**

"I don't know how to cook."

"That woman must have been really lonely. I mean to make a boy of gingerbread...wow that's pathetic."

"That's rude Jiraiya."

**She carefully mixed the batter, rolled out the dough, and cut out a very nice gingerbread man. She added sugar icing for his hair, mouth, and clothes, and she used candy chips for buttons and eyes. What a fine looking gingerbread man he was! The old woman put him in the oven to bake. After he was fully done, she slowly opened the oven door. Up jumped the gingerbread man, **

"WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES AND WHY AM I MADE OF GINGERBREAD!"

"Hey he sounds familiar." Jiraiya said.

"It's Sasuke." Tsunade said. "And he's made of bread."

"TSUNADE WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME YOU OLD HAG!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!"

She took out a knife and fork.

"OH GOD DON"T EAT ME!"

He ran at the door.

**and he ran out the door saying,**

**"Run, run, as fast as you can!**  
**You can't catch me!**  
**I'm the Gingerbread Man!**

**This is a stupid story, **

**if you try put your mouth on me, **

**be prepared to eat Chidori!**

**If your new to this ,then you don't know me,**

**Dear God i hope i don't meet Chouji!"**

"That all was not in the story." Jiraiya said.

**The old woman and the old man ran after him, but they could not catch him.**

"I'm not old!"

**And so the Gingerbread Man ran and ran. While he running, he met a cow.**

Chouji appeared in front of Sasuke.

"OMIGODNOOOOOOOO!" Gingerbread Sasuke screamed.

"Wtf? Sasuke? Why are you made of bread?"

**Chouji say your line.**

**"Moo," said the cow. "You look very fine! Fine enough to eat!" And the cow started to chase to little man.**

**But the Gingerbread Man ran faster, saying,**

**"I ran away from an old woman,  
I ran away from an old man,  
And I can run away from you!  
I can!"**

"DON'T EAT ME CHOUJI!"

**And he laughed,**

**"Run, run, as fast as you can!  
You can't catch me!  
I'm the Gingerbread Man!**

**Kakashi's a perv, Naruto's stupid**

**Jiraiya is a perv and Sakura's Useless!"**

**The cow ran after the Gingerbread Man, but she could not catch him**.

"WHO YOU CALLIN A COW!" Chouji screamed. "And I'm a he also but that's not important. I'M NOT FAT!"

**The Gingerbread Man kept running, and soon he met a horse.**

Sakura appeared in front of Gingerbread Sasuke.

"Sakura? You are the horse."

"Sasuke you are so cute made up of bread like that."

"I think the author made a mistake. I think if you took out the S in horse, that's what you are.

**Say your line horse...without the S**

**"Neigh," said the horse, "You look mighty tasty. I think that I would like to eat you."**

**"But you can't!" said the Gingerbread Man.**

**"I ran away from an old woman,  
I ran away from an old man,  
I ran away from a cow,  
And I can run away from you!  
I can!"**

And so he ran singing,

**"Run, run, as fast as you can!  
You can't catch me!  
I'm the Gingerbread Man!**

**You all know that I'm the best,**

**Sakura's a horse without the S!"**

**The horse ran after the Gingerbread Man, but he could not catch him.**

**The Gingerbread Man ran and ran, laughing and singing. While he ran, he met a chicken.**

Naruto appeared in front of a running gingerbread Sasuke.

"I'm CLUCKY!" Naruto screamed.

"YOUR CLUCKY!...But don't eat me though."

"CLUCK!"

**"Cackle, cackle," said the chicken, "You look fine enough to peck for dinner. I'm going to eat you, Mr. Gingerbread Man."**

**But the Gingerbread Man just laughed.**

**"I ran away from an old woman,**  
**I ran away from an old man,**  
**I ran away from a cow,**  
**I ran away from a horse,**  
**And I can run away from you!**  
**I can!"**

**And so he ran singing,**

**"Run, run, as fast as you can!**  
**You can't catch me!**  
**I'm the Gingerbread Man!**

**I'm faster than you, and you can see the difference,**

**my favorite abridged character is Clucky the chicken!"**

"BAKAWK!"

**The chicken ran after the Gingerbread Man, but she could not catch him.**

**The Gingerbread Man was proud that he could run so fast.**

"I'M SO DAMN TIRED!"

**"Nobody can catch me," he thought. So he kept on running until he met a fox.**

Kiba appeared in front of Sasuke.

"Sasuke why are you made of bread?"

"Why are you a fox this time? I bet your gonna eat me seeing as that's what you always do." Sasuke said.

**He just had to tell the fox how he ran faster than all the others.**

**"Mr. Fox," he said,  
"As tasty as I appear to be,**  
**I cannot let you catch and eat me.**

**I ran away from an old woman,  
I ran away from an old man,  
I ran away from a cow,  
I ran away from a horse without the S,  
I ran away from a chicken,  
And I can run away from you!  
I can!"**

**But Mr. Fox did not seem to care.**

"Horse without the S? You ran away from Sakura?"

"How'd you know?"

**The Gingerbread Man was so relieved.**

"Well, indeed, Mr. Fox," said the Gingerbread Man. "If you don't mind, I think I'll take a little rest here." And the Gingerbread Man stopped running and stood still.

**And right when he stood still. Snap! went Mr. Fox's jaws right into the Gingerbread Man until he was gone.**

"I KNEW IT!"

"Sorry Sasuke. I gotta do it."

Sasuke was eaten.

**"He was very tasty after all," thought the fox.**

"The moral of this story is, if you are made of Ginger bread, don't go outside." Kiba said.

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AN-WELL IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME YOU CLICK ON THE REVIEW BUTTON AND REVIEW..


	8. Rumpelstiltskin

**AN- HEAR YE! HEAR YE! I HAVE COMETH WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER-ETH!**

**RUMPELSTILTSKIN.**

**

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**

**Rumpelstiltskin **

**Once there was a miller who was poor, but who had a beautiful daughter.**

Fugaku Uchiha and Sasuke Uchiha appeared

"DAD!"

"Sasuke?" Fugaku questioned.

"The last thing I remember is being tied up to your mother and then...thats it."

"No worries pop! I'll fill you in. I'm just so glad you'e here now. This is what happened. You see Itachi-

**Now it happened that he had to go and speak to the king so he could sell his daughter-**

"YOUR'E SELLING ME? AFTER ALL THIS TIME APART YOU FINALLY SHOW UP IN MY LIFE AND YOU WANNA SELL ME! I'M GLAD ITACHI WIPED THE CLAN OUT ALL OF YOU ARE JUST A BUNCH OF HEARTLESS BASTARDS WHO SELL THEIR DAUGHTERS!"

**Sasuke, your catching on quick. I didn't even have to tell you that you are a girl in this fairy tale.**

"Yeah well what do you expect? I'm a genius."

**So you are ok with being the girl in the relationship?**

"...Bitch I ain't gay."

Fugaku looked utterly confused at what was going on.

**, and in order to make himself appear important he said to him, **

**"I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold."**

**The king said to the miller, **

**"****that is an art which pleases me well, if your daughter is as clever as you say, bring her to-morrow to my palace, and I will put her to the test."**

"Wait a minute. So instead of keeping a girl who can produce free gold, you sell her? What kind of F**ked up logic is that?

**Sasuke stop intrrupting.**

**And when the girl was brought to him he took her into a room which was quite full of straw,**

Orochimaru dragged along Sasuke through the castle walls.

"Ow Your'e pulling me too hard!" Complained Sasuke.

"Shut up! I'm king and what I say goes!"

"But you didn't say anything."

""Shut up!"

**gave her a spinning-wheel and a reel, and said, **

**"now set to work, and if by to-morrow morning early you have not spun this straw into gold during the night, you must die."**

"Damn that's harsh. I mean What if I almost finish."

"Then You only get a curse mark on your Di-"

"OK NEVERMIND!"

Orochimaru smiled deviously.

"In fact why don't you only do about 90 percent."

O_o

**Thereupon he himself locked up the room, and left her in it alone. So there sat the poor miller's daughter, and for the life of her could not tell what to do, she had no idea how straw could be spun into gold, and she grew more and more frightened, until at last she began to weep.**

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha. Uchiha's don't cry."

**Really?**

"Yep."

**Ok well then I guess you have to marry Sakura.**

"Say what?"

**Oh you don't remember? Well Whatever I say comes true, so get ready for a wedding lover boy.**

"OHGODWHY!"

Tears shot from Sasuke's eyes as he began to cry hysterically.

"PLEASEDON'TMAKEMEPLEASEDON'TMAKEME!..."

**But all at once the door opened, and in came a little man**

Naruto came in.

"SASUKE!"

"OHNOOOOOO!NOW YOUR'E GONNA SLAP ME!"

"SASUKE STOP CRYING!"

_**SLAP!**_

**I'm loving the improv but Naruto you have lines to say**

**"good evening, mistress miller, why are you crying so?"**

"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?"

_**SLAP!**_

"THE VOICE-"

_**SLAP!**_

"IS GONNA-"

_**SLAP!**_

"MAKE ME-

_**SLAP!**_

"MARRY-"

_**SLAP!**_

"SAKURA!"

O_o

"YOU'RE GONNA MARRY SAKURA?"

_**SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP!**_

**Alas, answered the girl, I have to spin straw into gold, and I do not know how to do it."**

**"What will you give me, said the manikin, if I do it for you." **

**"My necklace, said the girl."**

"Did you have to hit me so many times?"

"I'm sorry. I just panicked whe I heard Sakura and Marry in the same sentence."

**The little man took the necklace, seated himself in front of the wheel, and whirr, whirr, whirr, three turns, and the reel was full, then he put another on, and whirr, whirr, whirr, three times round, and the second was full too. And so it went on until the morning, when all the straw was spun, and all the reels were full of gold.**

"Let's leave Sasuke. Do you know how much Ramen I can buy with this much gold?"

"Probably about a Chouji sized plate."

"Whoa there now. There's not enough gold in the world for a plate that big."

**No you cannot leave.**

**By daybreak the king was already there, and when he saw the gold he was astonished and delighted, but his heart became only more greedy. **

"Sasuke you have been wonderful. Such a HARD worker. I bet your shoulders are STIFF. You need a better posture. You have to stand perfectly ERECT. You deserve a HARD earned prized."

"...I need an adult?"

**He had the miller's daughter taken into another room full of straw, which was much larger, **

"Why do you have randoms rooms full of just straw?"

"...I have farmer bill fantasies." Orochimaru answered.

"...I need an adult?"

**and commanded her to spin that also in one night if she valued her life. The girl knew not how to help herself, and was crying, when the door opened again, and the little man appeared, **

Naruto walked in.

"ARE YOU STILL CRYING SASUKE!"

O_o

**and said, **

**"****what will you give me if I spin that straw into gold for you."**

**" The ring on my finger, answered the girl. **

"But I don't want a ring."

**Take the ring Naruto.**

Naruto took the ring.

"...But I don't have a ring." Sasuke began. "So what the hell did you take Naruto?"

**The little man took the ring, again began to turn the wheel, and by morning had spun all the straw into glittering gold.**

"I demand payment for my services." Naruto said.

"Payment for your services? Who are you? a prostitute? I don't need a prostitute. In fact Prostitutes pay me 'cause I'm so goddamn sexy."

**The king rejoiced beyond measure at the sight, but still he had not gold enough, and he had the miller's daughter taken into a still larger room full of straw, and said, you must spin this, too, in the course of this night, but if you succeed, you shall be my wife.**

"I can't wait for the wedding Sasuke-kun. And then the wedding night." Orochimaru said as he licked his lips hungrily.

"...I need an adult?"

"I feel sorry for that mattress." Naruto added.

**Even if she be a miller's daughter, thought he, I could not find a richer wife in the whole world.**

**When the girl was alone the manikin came again for the third time, and said, what will you give me if I spin the straw for you this time also. I have nothing left that I could give, answered the girl. Then promise me, if you should become queen, to give me your first child.**

"Male pregnancies? Has the narrator been reading too many Naruto Fanfics?" Sasuke said.

**Who knows whether that will ever happen, thought the miller's daughter, and, not knowing how else to help herself in this strait, she promised the manikin what he wanted, and for that he once more spun the straw into gold.**

"Payment please." Naruto said.

Sasuke grinned evilly. "Oh I got your payment alright.

_**SLAP!**_

**And when the king came in the morning, and found all as he had wished, he took her in marriage, and the pretty miller's daughter became a queen.**

"Sasuke-chan and Orochimaru sittin' in a tree. F. U. C-"

"SHUT UP DOBE!"

**A year after, she brought a beautiful child into the world, and she never gave a thought to the manikin. But suddenly he came into her room, and said, now give me what you promised.**

Konohamaru appeared. "What the-"

"To answer your unasked question, I am your father so sit down, shut up and do as daddy says." Sasuke commanded.

**The queen was horror-struck, and offered the manikin all the riches of the kingdom if he would leave her the child. But the manikin said, no, something alive is dearer to me than all the treasures in the world. **

"Why in the hell would someone turn down the riches of the world for this kid?" Naruto said pointing at Konohamaru.

"Because I'm Awesome!"

"...I think Naruto and I both are way more popular characters than you are."

**Then the queen began to lament and cry, so that the manikin pitied her. I will give you three days, time, said he, if by that time you find out my name, then shall you keep your child.**

"So The little man who is Naruto, is gonna kidnap said child who is Konohamaru? These don't qualify as fairy tales anymore. These are crime tales."

**So the queen thought the whole night of all the names that she had ever heard,**

"His name is Naruto."

**Not in this tale.**

"How the hell am I suppose to know, theres millions of names in the world."

**You figure it out.**

"Ok. Um...Larry?

"No." Naruto answered.

"Bob?"

"No."

"Sousuke Sakura?"

"No."

"Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"No"

Ulquiorra Schifer?"

"No."

"Tuxedo mask?"

"What? no."

****

**and she sent a messenger over the country to inquire, far and wide, for any other names that there might be.****When the manikin came the next day, she began with caspar, melchior, balthazar, and said all the names she knew,**

"Toyoki?"

"No."

"Ken Kazaki?"

"No."

"MAR?"

"No"

"Damnit."

"No."

"Shut up Naruto."

**one after another, but to every one the little man said, that is not my name. On the second day she had inquiries made in the neighborhood as to the names of the people there, and she repeated to the manikin the most uncommon and curious. Perhaps your name is shortribs, or sheepshanks, or laceleg, but he always answered, that is not my name.**

"Frank?"

"No."

"Jim bob?"

"No."

**On the third day the messenger came back again, and said, I have not been able to find a single new name, ****but as I came to a high mountain at the end of the forest, where the fox and the hare bid each other good night, there I saw a little house, and before the house a fire was burning, and round about the fire quite a ridiculous little man was jumping, he hopped upon one leg, and shouted - to-day I bake, to-morrow brew, the next I'll have the young queen's child. Ha, glad am I that no one knew that Rumpelstiltskin I am styled.**

"Wait what's my name again?" Naruto asked the voice.

**Rumpelstiltskin.**

"Bumper feel then?"

**Rumpelstiltskin.**

"Crumple wheel bin?"

**Rumpelstiltskin.**

"Jungle eel when?"

**Rumpelstiltskin.**

"Somethin' deal zen?"

**Rumpelstiltskin.**

"Tobi?"

**...Ok now your just messing with me.**

"Naruto."

"Sasuke that can't be it cause that's my name. Tch, and you call me the Dobe."

"No you Orange bitch, I was calling you."

"I don't have a phone."

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose.

**You may imagine how glad the queen was when she heard the name. And when soon afterwards the little man came in, and asked, now, mistress queen, what is my name, at first she said, is your name Conrad? No. Is your name Harry? No. Perhaps your name is Rumpelstiltskin?**

"Megatron?"

**Naruto your idiocy knows no bounds.**

**The devil has told you that! The devil has told you that, cried the little man, and in his anger he plunged his right foot so deep into the earth that his whole leg went in, and then in rage he pulled at his left leg so hard with both hands that he tore himself in two.**

"What the hell? He just split himself in two? F**K kinda sense does that make? So now these fairy tales are implementing suicide into them. I can't wait to see what's next." Sasuke ranted.

"The moral of this story." Konohamaru began. " is ...don't sell your daughter...or any family members for that matter.

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AN- AND NOW THAT THOU HATH FINISHED READING THE AWESOMETH CHAPTER DOTH HAS TO-ETH REVIEW-ETH OR THY SHALL BE DAMNED!...ETH!


	9. The Ugly Duckling

**AN- YOU ALL READ CORRECTLY. I'M BACK WITH ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF THIS AWESOME FIC!**

**T****he Ugly Duckling**

**

* * *

**

**Once upon a time down on an old farm, lived a duck family, and Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs.**

Tsunade appeared outside of a barn.

"What's going on now." She said.

For some reason something felt off.

She tried to walk forward but found she could not.

She looked down at her legs and could not believe what she saw.

"...I really need to put the bottle down."

when The fifth hokage looked down at her legs she didn't see human legs.

She saw duck legs. In fact from the neck down her body was duck.

**One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings.**

Six poofs of smoke appeared all around Duck Tsunade. When the smoke cleared she was met with the sight of six ducks with familiar Human heads.

"This is so trouble-some."

"Hey Shikamaru, you're a duck! I'm a duck too!"

"YOSH!"

"Lee you really are a quack."

" I bet Chouji wants to eat himself. Would that be gay?"

"Shut up Naruto."

Duck like Shikamaru, Chouji, Rock Lee, Neji, Sasuke and Naruto's were surrounding Duck like Tsunade.

**But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck couldn't recall laying that seventh egg. How did it get there? TOCK! TOCK! The little prisoner was pecking inside his shell.**

"Hey who is our father mama Tsunade?"

"You all have six different fathers Naruto."

"SIX DIFF- TSUNADE YOU WHORE!"

Tsunade smacked Duck Sasuke with her wing.

"Hehe Hey Sasuke you actually look like a duck with your hair style like that, Tebayo..."

"The F**k is tebayo?"

**"Did I count the eggs wrongly?" Mother Duck wondered.**

**But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. **

Sakura Haruno appeared in front of them.

"DAMN IT'S HIDEOUS!"

"OH MY GOD MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES!"

"SUCH UNYOUTHFULNESS!"

"IT'S FACE IS SOOOOOO TROUBLESOME!"

""I'VE LOST MY WILL TO EAT!"

"MY BYAKUGAN!"

"Y'know I saw this coming in chapter 2" Sakura said.

**The ducklings grew quickly, but Mother Duck had a secret worry.**

**"I can't understand how this ugly duckling can be one of mine!" she said to herself, **

"So in this fairy tale we have Mental child abuse huh? A mother calling her own child ugly..." Duck Sasuke said.

**shaking her head as she looked at her last born. Well, the gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he was outgrowing them. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so**  
**clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him.**

"Hey Ugly Sakura Duck." Naruto Began. "You're so ugly, you could model for death threats."

Sakura Duck glared at Naruto duck.

"Ha! Hey I got one." Sasuke started. "You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone."

"Ooh ooh I gotta better one Sasuke! Sakura Duck, You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock."

"Good one Naruto! Sakura Duck, you're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror."

Naruto and Sasuke were laughing uncontrollably.

**"Poor little ugly duckling!" she would say. "Why are you so different from the others?" And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.**

"You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces."

"..."

"..."

" That was actually kinda funny Lee." Sasuke said

"She's so ugly her face causes chakra exhaustion."

"I didn't know you had that in you , ya lazy bastard." Naruto said to Shikamaru

**"Nobody loves me, they all tease me! Why am I different from my brothers?"**

"You're so ugly, you couldn't even get a date off the calendar."

"Alright Chouji." Shikamaru said.

Sakura duck was fuming with rage  
**  
**

**Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. **

"Bout time that ugly piece of fuck shit left the farm." Naruto said.

"Yeah, her face was makin' my Sharingan hurt."

"Party at the barn for Sakura's leave!"

"OH HELL YEAH! CHOUJI THATS' AWEOME, TEBAYO!"

**He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. "Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine?" But everyone shook their heads in scorn.**

"Do you guys know any ducks that look like me?"

The ducks all shared a look.

"There is no one on earth as ugly as yu.

Sakura frowned.

_'If I had fists man I swear...'_

**"We don't know anyone as ugly as you." The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question. What's more, they warned him: "Don't stay here! Go away! It's dangerous. There are men with guns around here!"**

"There are men with guns and they might mistake you for the physical manifestation of a heart attack."

Sakura fumed.

**The duckling was sorry he had ever left the farmyard.**

**Then one day, his travels took him near an old country woman's cottage. Thinking he was a stray goose, she caught him.**

**"I'll put this in a hutch. I hope it's a female and lays plenty of eggs!" said the old woman, whose eyesight was poor. But the ugly duckling laid not a single egg. The hen kept frightening him.**

**"Just wait! If you don't lay eggs, the old woman will wring your neck and pop you into the pot!" And the cat chipped in: "Hee! Hee! I hope the woman cooks you, then I can gnaw at your ugly bones!" The poor ugly duckling was so scared that he lost his appetite, though the old woman kept stuffing him with food and grumbling: "If you won't lay eggs, at least hurry up and get plump!"**

**"Oh, dear me!" moaned the now terrified duckling. "I'll die of fright first! And I did so hope someone would love me!"**

"Why can't I just fly away?"

**Because you touch yourself at night.**

**Then one night, finding the hutch door ajar, he escaped. Once again he was all alone. He fled as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. "If nobody wants me, I'll hid here forever." There was plenty a food, and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds wing overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south.**

**"If only I could look like them, just for a day!" said the duckling, admiringly.**

"There just a bunch of dumb birds."

**Then you have alot more in common with this fairy tale than we thought.**

**Winter came and the water in the reed bed froze. The poor duckling left home to seek food in the snow. He dropped exhausted to the ground, but a farmer found him and put him in his big jacket pocket.**

**"I'll take him home to my children. They'll look after him. Poor thing, he's frozen!" The duckling was showered with kindly care at the farmer's house. In this way, the ugly duckling was able to survive the bitterly cold winter.**

**However, by springtime, he had grown so big that the farmer decided: "I'll set him free by the pond!" That was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water.**

**"Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself!" The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of their kind, and soon made friends.**

**"We're swans like you!" they said, warmly. "Where have you been hiding?"**

**"It's a long story," replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: "Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!"**

**And he almost burst with End**

"You see fans I Sakura Haruno am a beautiful swan."

"Bitch you look like an obese Akimichi...obese by THEIR standards."

"Sasuke why are you so mean to me?"

"Because Shut up." He said.

"The moral of this story is, if you think it's a duck it's probably a swan." Naruto said.

* * *

REVIEW! REVIEW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!


	10. Snow White

**Once upon a time, long, long ago a king and queen ruled over a distant land. **

Asuma and Kurenai appeared.

"Oh no...Chouji told me about these." said Asuma.

**The queen was kind and lovely and all the people of the realm adored her. The only sadness in the queen's life was that she wished for a child but did not have one. **

Kurenai's eyes widened. "This queen kind of sounds like me."

"Wait you want a CHILD?"

**One winter day, the queen was doing needle work while gazing out her ebony window at the new fallen snow. A bird flew by the window startling the queen and she pricked her finger. A single drop of blood fell on the snow outside her window. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said to herself, "Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony." **

"Actually I want a brown haired baby boy who will be a great ninja and most likely end up smoking when he grows up."." Asuma commented.

"Pft! Who would want that?"

**Soon after that, the kind queen got her wish when she gave birth to a baby girl who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony. They named the baby princess Snow White, but sadly, the queen died after giving birth to Snow White.**

Sasuke Uchiha appeared.

"I DIE?" Kurenai shouted.

""Sasuke's the baby girl?" Asuma said.

"I'm a girl...again?"

**Soon after, the king married a new woman who was beautiful, but as well proud and cruel. She had studied dark magic and owned a magic mirror,**

"I can't beleive I die." Started Kurenai. "I never even got to hug my little girl."

"Sasuke doesn't do hugs."

"How come you are refering to yourself in the third person?"

"Because you smoke."

"So who is the new cruel wife?" asked Asuma.

Anko mitarashi appeared.

"OH DEAR GOD WHY?" Asuma sccreamed.

**of which she would daily ask, **

**Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?. **

"I'm not fair." Anko said. "The mirror is lying."

**Each time this question was asked, the mirror would give the same answer, "Thou, O Queen, art the fairest of all." This pleased the queen greatly as she knew that her magical mirror could speak nothing but the truth.**

**One morning when the queen asked, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" she was shocked when it answered:**

**You, my queen, are fair; it is true.  
But Snow White is even fairer than you.**

"HA! BITCH I GOT YOU BEAT!" Sasuke said.

**The Queen flew into a jealous rage and ordered her huntsman to take Snow White into the woods to be killed.**

"Awwwww,mom why?"

"Because last time I was your mother you traded a full grown cow for a couple of stupid beans."

"That happened like in Chapter 2, I was much younger back then."

**She demanded that the huntsman return with Snow White's heart as proof. **

"Damn. Harsh much?" Sasuke commented.

**The poor huntsman took Snow White into the forest, but found himself unable to kill the girl. Instead, he let her go, and brought the queen the heart of a wild boar.**

"So this huntsman left a poor defenseless girrl all alone in the forest...where there are wild boars.

**Snow White was now all alone in the great forest, and she did not know what to do. The trees seemed to whisper to each other, scaring Snow White **

"Hey." said a random tree. "Look guys it's snow white."

"Look at how ugly this bitch is."

"I would never let my acorns near her."

"...so trees can talk now." Sasuke deadpanned

**who began to run. She ran over sharp stones and through thorns. She ran as far as her feet could carry her, and just as evening was about to fall she saw a little house and went inside in order to rest.**

"Yet again I'm breaking and entering. WHat if a bunch of horny men are in there?"

**I highly doubt it.**

**Inside the house everything was small but tidy. There was a little table with a tidy, white tablecloth and seven little plates. Against the wall there were seven little beds, all in a row and covered with quilts.**

"Seve beds? Seven plates? Don't tell I'm going to test each and everyone of those things?"

**Because she was so hungry Snow White ate a few vegetables and a little bread from each little plate and from each cup she drank a bit of milk. Afterward, because she was so tired, she lay down on one of the little beds and fell fast asleep.**

"Oh thank god..."

**After dark, the owners of the house returned home. They were the seven dwarves who mined for gold in the mountains. As soon as they arrived home, they saw that someone had been there - for not everything was in the same order as they had left it.**

**The first one said, "Who has been sitting in my chair?"**

"There going to pay for that! Right Akamaru!"

"ARFF!"

"Kiba is the first dork."

You mean dwarf Sasuke.

"I know what I said."

**The second one, "Who has been eating from my plate?"**

"They have committed a horrible crime and shall receive the ultimate punishment...MY FIST!"

Chouji is the second dork.

**The third one, "Who has been eating my bread?"**

"If they wanted bread, they must be ready for a second helping of...SAND."

"Gaara that was so cheesy you eyebrowless dork."

**The fourth one, "Who has been eating my vegetables?"**

"Vegetables are for loseres anyway."

Sasuke stared disbelievingly at Naruto.

**The fifth one, "Who has been eating with my fork?"**

"..."

"It's too troublesome to speak huh Shikamaru?"

"..."

**The sixth one, "Who has been drinking from my cup?"**

"WHOEVER DID IS GONNA GET A FIST FULL OF BUGS SHOVED UP THEIR ASS!"

Everyone stood stock still. They could not believe their ears. No one thought Shino had it in him.

"Shino? Buddy are you ok?" Kiba muscled up the courage to talk to him.

"AM I OK? SOMEBODY DRUNK MY DAMN APPLE JUICE!"

O_o

**But the seventh one, looking at his bed, found Snow White lying there asleep. **

"Sasuke is sleep in my bed." Neji said.

**The seven dwarves all came running up, and they cried out with amazement. They fetched their seven candles and shone the light on Snow White. **

**"Oh good heaven! " they cried. "This child is beautiful!"**

"All of you are a bunch of faggy bag fucks. Chouji is an extra large bag fuck. Now leave me the hell alone, I was almost sleep." Sasuke said.

"WHO YOU CALLIN EXTRA LARGE! I'M A PLEASANTLY PLUMP BAG FUCK!" Chouji roared.

**They were so happy that they did not wake her up, but let her continue to sleep in the bed. The next morning Snow White woke up, and when she saw the seven dwarves she was frightened. But they were friendly and asked, "What is your name?"**

**"My name is Snow White," she answered.**

"Hey I just realized something. Snow IS white!"

"Naruto you are a genius." Neji said sarcastically.

**"How did you find your way to our house?" the dwarves asked further.**

"You broke in our house." Neji said.

**Then she told them that her stepmother had tried to kill her, that the huntsman had spared her life, and that she had run the entire day through the forest, finally stumbling upon their house.**

"So there is a girl in the house with 7 guys?" Sasuke said.

**YES.**

"Can we say potential gang rape? These fairy tales are pure evil man."

**Sasuke shut up and say your lines.**

"But you just said shut up."

**Sasuke...**

"Ok...ok...

**The dwarves spoke with each other for awhile and then said, "If you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have everything that you want."**

**"Yes," said Snow White, "with all my heart." For Snow White greatly enjoyed keeping a tidy home.**

"Sasuke has to do my drawers."

"That's what you think."

"BITCH YOU BETTER DO MY DRAWERS AFTER YOU DRANK MY DAMN APPLE JUICE!"

Sasuke and Kiba cowered before Shino.

**So Snow White lived happily with the dwarves. Every morning they went into the mountains looking for gold, and in the evening when they came back home Snow White had their meal ready and their house tidy. During the day the girl was alone, except for the small animals of the forest that she often played with.**

**Now the queen, believing that she had eaten Snow White's heart, could only think that she was again the first and the most beautiful woman of all. She stepped before her mirror and said:**

**Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
Who in this land is fairest of all?**

**It answered:**

**You, my queen, are fair; it is true.  
But Snow White, beyond the mountains  
With the seven dwarves,  
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.**

**This startled the queen, for she knew that the mirror did not lie, and she realized that the huntsman had deceived her and that Snow White was still alive. Then she thought, and thought again, how she could rid herself of Snow White - for as long as long as she was not the most beautiful woman in the entire land her jealousy would give her no rest.**

**At last she thought of something. She went into her most secret room - no one else was allowed inside - and she made a poisoned apple. From the outside it was beautiful, and anyone who saw it would want it. But anyone who might eat a little piece of it would died. Coloring her face, she disguised herself as an old peddler woman, so that no one would recognize her, traveled to the dwarves house and knocked on the door.**

**Snow White put her head out of the window, and said, "I must not let anyone in; the seven dwarves have forbidden me to do so."**

"Really Anko? Your going topoison with an apple? I don't like apples."

"How did you know?"

"The apple is black. And the narrator also said it."

"Damn..."

"Shino likes apples...On second thought give me the apple."

**"That is all right with me," answered the peddler woman. "I'll easily get rid of my apples. Here, I'll give you one of them."**

**"No," said Snow White, "I cannot accept anything from strangers."**

**"Are you afraid of poison?" asked the old woman. "Look, I'll cut the apple in two. You eat half and I shall eat half."**

"Only half is poison Anko."

"No it's not."

**Now the apple had been so artfully made that only the one half was poisoned. **

"SEE!"

"Damn."

**Snow White longed for the beautiful apple, and when she saw that the peddler woman was eating part of it she could no longer resist, and she stuck her hand out and took the poisoned half. She barely had a bite in her mouth when she fell to the ground dead.**

"I killed Sasuke Uchiha." Anko started. "Sasuke bashing fic's eat your heart out."

**The queen looked at her with an evil stare, laughed loudly, and said, "White as snow, red as blood, black as ebony wood! The dwarves shall never awaken you."**

**Back at home she asked her mirror:**

**Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
Who in this land is fairest of all?**

**It finally answered:**

**You, my queen, are fairest of all.**

**Then her cruel and jealous heart was at rest, as well as a cruel and jealous heart can be at rest.**

**When the dwarves came home that evening they found Snow White lying on the ground. She was not breathing at all. She was dead. **

"So there is 7 guys...and a dead girl..."

Yes...

"Shes lucky that Orochimaru isn't here..."

**They lifted her up and looked at her longingly. They talked to her, shook her and wept over her. But nothing helped. The dear child was dead, and she remained dead. **

"Serves her right for drinking my apple juice."

"SHino!"

**They laid her on a bed of straw, and all seven sat next to her and mourned for her and cried for three days. They were going to bury her, but she still looked as fresh as a living person, and still had her beautiful red cheeks.**

**They said, "We cannot bury her in the black earth," and they had a transparent glass coffin made, so she could be seen from all sides. They laid her inside, and with golden letters wrote on it her name, and that she was a princess. **

"This is all too gay." Naruto said. "Unless Sasuke WAS gay...maybe he did like that kiss..."

**Then they put the coffin outside on a mountain, and one of them always stayed with it and watched over her. The animals too came and mourned for Snow White, first an owl, then a raven, and finally a dove.**

**Now it came to pass that a prince entered these woods and happened onto the dwarves' house, where he sought shelter for the night . He saw the coffin on the mountain with beautiful Snow White in it, and he read what was written on it with golden letters.**

**Then he said to the dwarves, "Let me have the coffin. I will give you anything you want for it."**

**But the dwarves answered, "We will not sell it for all the gold in the world."**

**Then he said, "Then give it to me, for I cannot live without being able to see Snow White. I will honor her and respect her as my most cherished one."**

**As he thus spoke, the good dwarves felt pity for him and gave him the coffin. The prince had his servants carry it away on their shoulders. But then it happened that one of them stumbled on some brush, and this dislodged from Snow White's throat the piece of poisoned apple that she had bitten off. Not long afterward she opened her eyes, lifted the lid from her coffin, sat up, and was alive again.**

"WHAT THE HELL! THIS STORY MAKES NO FUCKIN SENSE! SHE AS SUPPOSE TO STAY DEAD! DIE DAMNIT! YOU DRANK MY APPLE JUICE!"

Everyone had to restrain Shino.

**"Good heavens, where am I?" she cried out.**

**The prince said joyfully, "You are with me." He told her what had happened, and then said, "I love you more than anything else in the world. Come with me to my father's castle. You shall become my wife." **

"Jiraiya you perv, I'm a guy."

"Not in this story your not."

O_o

**Snow White loved him, and she went with him. Their wedding was planned with great splendor and majesty.**

**Snow White's wicked step-mother was invited to the feast, and when she had arrayed herself in her most beautiful garments, she stood before her mirror, and said:**

**Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
Who in this land is fairest of all?**

**The mirror answered:**

**You, my queen, are fair; it is true.  
But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.**

**Not knowing that this new queen was indeed her stepdaughter, she arrived at the wedding, and her heart filled with the deepest of dread when she realized the truth - the evil queen was banished from the land forever and the prince and Snow White lived happily ever after.**

"So let me get this straight. Snow white was left to die out in the woods...she found a house and broke in...7 guys came home and probably raped her...her stepmother came and killed her...Snow white came back to life...a prince whom she never met before married her...and they lived happily ever after."

**Yep.**

"This sounds more like a police report..."

"The moral of this story is." Naruto began. " If your stepmother is evil and has a talking mirror. Break the damn mirror. And don't drink Shino's Apple juice."

"Damn straight."

* * *

AN- REVIEW!1


	11. The Princess and the pea

AN- I would like to sincerely thank each and everyone for reviewing. Thank you all. I would be nothing without you. I AM nothing without you and I really hope that you will continue to be my fans.

The princess and the pea

* * *

**Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to find a princess,**

Naruto appeared.

"Hey I'm the first one to appear this time tebayo."

**but she would have to be a _real_ princess. **

"Like Kurenai-sensei! Although Hinata and Ino look WAAAAAY better..."

**So he traveled all around the world to find one, but there was always something wrong. **

"What's wrong with me oh handsome prince?"

"Princess Koyuki? I'm 12! and your like ...30! Plus you were a total bitch during the jounrey to the land of snow movie."

"What's wrong with me oh sweet prince?"

"Your to evil and kinky Anko..."

"What's wrong with me oh wonderful prince?"

"You're Sakura."

**There were princesses enough, but he could never be sure that they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not quite right. So he came home again and was sad, for he so much wanted to have a real princess.**

"I got 99 problems and there all bit-"

**One evening there was a terrible storm. It thundered and lightninged! The rain poured down! It was horrible! Then there was a knock at the city gate, and the old king went out to open it.**

**A princess was standing outside. ****But my goodness, how she looked from the rain and the weather! Water ran down from her hair and her clothes. It ran into the toes of her shoes and out at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess.**

"Would you let me in dobe, it's f'kin raining out here."

"That's Prince Dobe to you teme. Wait why are you the girl-"

"I'm not even fazed by it anymore."

**"Well, we shall soon find that out," thought the old king. But she said nothing, went into the bedroom, took off all the bedding and laid a pea on the bottom of the bed. Then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pea, **

"WHY IN THE NAME OF RAMEN WOULD I DO ALL THAT LIFTING?"

**Cuz I say so**

**and then twenty featherbeds of eiderdown on top of the mattresses.**

"AGAIN!"

"Stop complaining dobe and make my bed you orange godforsaken whore."

**That was where the princess was to sleep for the night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.**

"I fell from the top mattress which was twenty feet high and landed on my head which in turn sprained my neck, then said mattress began to fall on top of my unmoving form suffocating me." Sasuke said.

"Maybe piling all those mattresses up was not such a good idea."

**"Oh, horribly!" she said. "I hardly closed my eyes all night. Goodness knows what there was in the bed! I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It is horrible!"**

"I thought you fell."

"I did."

**Now they could see that she was a real princess, because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty featherbeds. Nobody but a real princess could be that sensitive.**

"Did you really feel the pea Sasuke?"

"...uh...Sure...why not?"

**So the prince took her for his wife, because now he knew that he had a real princess. And the pea was put in the art gallery where it can still be seen, unless someone has taken it.**

"The next day the pea was stolen from the museum. Witnesses reported seeing a rather large person committing the crime all the while screaming omething about being a Pleasantly plump bag fuck." Sasuke said.

"The moral of this story is...eat your peas and sleep on one mattress." Naruto finished.

* * *

AN- It's about that time you review...plz...


	12. Rapunzel

AN- RAPUNZEL. THIS ONE IS NOT AS FUNNY TO ME. I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE ALOT TO WORK WITH. i'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES I'M JUST SAYING. I WISH THAT THE PEOPLE THAT WROTE THIS FAIRY TALE WOULD USE DIFFERENT FORMAT OR SOMETHING.

* * *

**Rapunzel **

**There were once a man and a woman who had long in vain wished for a child. **

Itachi and Anko appeared.

"What is going on?"

"I'll explain while the narrator is talking Itachi..." Anko said.

**At length the woman hoped that God was about to grant her desire. These people had a little window at the back of their house from which a splendid garden could be seen, which was full of the most beautiful flowers and herbs. It was, however, surrounded by a high wall, and no one dared to go into it because it belonged to an enchantress, who had great power and was dreaded by all the world. **

"And so we have to do what it says."

"...So in the past, in these fairy tales...my little brother was a girl?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Itachi merely smiled.

**One day the woman was standing by this window and looking down into the garden, when she saw a bed which was planted with the most beautiful rampion - rapunzel, and it looked so fresh and green that she longed for it, and had the greatest desire to eat some. This desire increased every day, and as she knew that she could not get any of it, she quite pined away, and began to look pale and miserable. Then her husband was alarmed, and asked, what ails you, dear wife. Ah, she replied, if I can't eat some of the rampion, which is in the garden behind our house, I shall die. **

"Anko you are a capable Ninja, get it yourself."

"The nerve of you men. I don't care even if you are an S-Ranked Kage level Shinobi."

**The man, who loved her, **

"Who is that?" asked itachi.

**You.**

"You who?"

**Itachi Uchiha.**

"Yeah right. I don't do love."

**You will in this fairy tale.**

"Or what?"

"Itachi I wouldn't upset the voice."

**thought, sooner than let your wife die, bring her some of the rampion yourself, let it cost what it will. At twilight, he clambered down over the wall into the garden of the enchantress**

"I am not doing it."

Ok suit yourself. Just know that if you don't do as I say you're gonna marry Sakura.

"I've been through worse."

...I meant Misty from Pokemon

O_o

"OK OK YOU WIN!" Itachi screamed.

**, hastily clutched a handful of rampion, and took it to his wife. She at once made herself a salad of it, and ate it greedily. **

"You didn't even wash it..."

"Y'know for an elite Uchiha yu are such a pansy."

"At least Orochimaru didn't put his mouth on me..."

"..."

"...Sorry low blow.."

"No it's ok Itachi...Just watch your back from now on."

**It tasted so good to her - so very good, that the next day she longed for it three times as much as before. If he was to have any rest, her husband must once more descend into the garden.**

"Again?"

Anko pulled out a giant axe from seemingly nowhere.

"DO IT."

Even Itachi knew better than to try his luck against a pissed off Anko with an Axe.

**In the gloom of evening, therefore, he let himself down again. But when he had clambered down the wall he was terribly afraid, for he saw the enchantress standing before him. **

**How can you dare, said she with angry look, descend into my garden and steal my rampion like a thief. **

"Hana Inuzuka...your the enchantress?"

"Long time no see Lover boy."

Itachi closed his eyes.

"I stop being that long ago."

"I know."Hana started."I've found someone else to fill the void that was created when you left. Kiba-"

"KIBA? THAT'S YOUR BROTHER HANA THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Itachi shouted.

"Damnit Itachi would you let me finish my sentences."

**You shall suffer for it. Ah, answered he, let mercy take the place of justice, I only made up my mind to do it out of necessity. My wife saw your rampion from the window, and felt such a longing for it that she would have died if she had not got some to eat. **

"Itachi that's a lie and you know it."

"I'm a Ninja. Ninja's lie. That's like being a Naruto and NOT liking Ramen."

**Then the enchantress allowed her anger to be softened, and said to him, if the case be as you say, I will allow you to take away with you as much rampion as you will, only I make one condition, you must give me the child which your wife will bring into the world. It shall be well treated, and I will care for it like a mother. **

"Why do you want my child?"

"Because I wanna feed it to Kuromaru and the three ninja hounds that are always with me."

"..."

"..."

"...Seriously?"

"No Itachi it was a joke."

"You know you shouldn't joke. You suck at it."

"Go to hell."

"You have to take your pants off and spread your legs so the entrance can be clear first."

O_O

**The man in his terror consented to everything, and when the woman was brought to bed, the enchantress appeared at once, gave the child the name of rapunzel,**

"PUSH ANKO IT"S ALMOST OUT!" Screamed Itachi who was standing by the birth giving Anko who was on the bed.

"ARGH!" screamed the snake mistress.

Something flew out of ANko and hit the wall.

It was a human body...

A 13 year old Human body.

"Sasuke?"

"Did that really happen? Did I just get born as 13 years old from a 20 something year old lady? DId Anko just give birth to an Uchiha? It's like we're in a horrible Fanfic..." Sasuke Ranted.

"Long time no see Little brother." Itachi said.

Sasuke looked torward his older brother.

It must have been hard Itachi. Killing your own family."

"It wasn't." Itachi coldly said.

"Itachi I know the truth. You don't have to lie anymore. The voice told me."

Itachi was shocked. COuld he let his mask down? Could he really be himself now?

"It was. I cried the whole time I did it." Itachi said.

Sasuke saw Itachi in a whole new light. His older brother lifted his sword with a heavy heart and slaughtered his own family to prevent the selfish actions of the Uchiha's from taking place.

And he shouldered the blame all by himself.

"Itachi can I tell you something?"

Itachi looked at Sasuke.

"What is it little brother?"

"Let me tell you something that I think you deserved to be called since you were born."

Sasuke looked at Itachi.

" Itachi-nisan I think you're awesome."

Sasuke was beaming at Itachi. This was not the normal Sasuke Uchiha smile. It was one filled with true genuine happiness.

The same smile a six year old Sasuke gave his older brother when Itachi helped Sasuke with his shuriken practice.

Itachi was astounded. Out of all the possibilities of what Sasuke was gonna say to him...that really shocked the shit out of him.

"Thank you Sasuke."

A tear escaped Itachi's eye.

**GAY!**

And the moment was ruined.

"Really Voice?"

**It was borderline incest anyay.**

**and took it away with her. Rapunzel grew into the most beautiful child under the sun. When she was twelve years old, the enchantress shut her into a tower, which lay in a forest, and had neither stairs nor door, but quite at the top was a little window. **

"If the tower had no door, how did you put me in it Hana?"

"Because I'm an awesome Ninja Sasuke. Remember that.

**When the enchantress wanted to go in, she placed herself beneath it and cried, rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair to me. **

"Let down my hair? Who do you think I am? I can't turn Super Saiyan. I can't control the length of my hair" Sasuke said.

**Rapunzel had magnificent long hair, fine as spun gold, and when she heard the voice of the enchantress she unfastened her braided tresses, wound them round one of the hooks of the window above, and then the hair fell twenty ells down, **

"TWENTY FEET? THAT'S LIKE SUPER SAIYAN 7.9!"

**and the enchantress climbed up by it. After a year or two, it came to pass that the king's son rode through the forest and passed by the tower. **

"Oh look a Tower! I wonder what's inside!" Naruto shouted.

**Then he heard a song, which was so charming that he stood still and listened. This was rapunzel, who in her solitude passed her time in letting her sweet voice resound. **

"That sounds like Sasuke...IS HE CRYING AGAIN!"

**The king's son wanted to climb up to her, and looked for the door of the tower, but none was to be found. He rode home, but the singing had so deeply touched his heart, that every day he went out into the forest and listened to it. **

"FEAR NOT SASUKE I WILL FIND YOUR CRYING SOUNDS!"

Sasuke was hiding under the window seal in the tower.

**Once when he was thus standing behind a tree, he saw that an enchantress came there, and he heard how she cried, rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair. Then rapunzel let down the braids of her hair, **

"Hey Sasuke throw your hair down!" Hana yelled up to the window. "Hurry up-AAAH!"

Hana had to dodge a blue bolt of lightning.

It came from Sasuke's window.

"So that's how you wanna play huh?"

**and the enchantress climbed up to her. If that is the ladder by which one mounts, I too will try my fortune, said he,**

"Hey Voice why do I talk so weird?"

That's just how it is.

"uhuh..."

**and the next day when it began to grow dark, he went to the tower and cried, rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair. Immediately the hair fell down and the king's son climbed up. **

"Sasuke I've come to save you!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke looked out the window.

"Dobe what the hell are you doing here?"

"I heard you crying and I've come to help you stop."

"Really now..."_'The Hell if you are!'_

The Chidori came to life around Sasuke's left hand.

"Ok hurry on up Naruto."

Naruto failed to notice Sasuke place a hand behind his back.

**At first rapunzel was terribly frightened when a man, such as her eyes had never yet beheld, came to her. **

Naruto made it to the top window.

"Hey I made it-"

_**SLAP**_

"Payback's a bitch!" Sasuke screamed.

**But the king's son began to talk to her quite like a friend, and told her that his heart had been so stirred that it had let him have no rest, and he had been forced to see her.**

"Naruto you are such a pansy wuss."

"Pansy wuss? If I'm a pansy wuss then you're a Haku based off of that Moment with your brother." Naruto shotback.

"...Touche."

**Then rapunzel lost her fear, and when he asked her if she would take him for her husband, and she saw that he was young and handsome, she thought, he will love me more than old dame gothel does. And she said yes, and laid her hand in his. She said, I will willingly go away with you, but I do not know how to get down. **

"I'd rather die alonely death than marry Sasuke."

"I'd rather be stuck on the earth with Sakura all alone as the last two humans than Marry the dobe."

"..."

"..."

"Actually I take that back."

**Bring with you a skein of silk every time that you come, and I will weave a ladder with it, and when that is ready I will descend, and you will take me on your horse. They agreed that until that time he should come to her every evening, for the old woman came by day. The enchantress remarked nothing of this, until once rapunzel said to her, tell me, dame gothel, how it happens that you are so much heavier for me to draw up than the young king's son - he is with me in a moment. Ah. **

"Sasuke you dunce, you blabbed about our secret meetings."

"No Naruto. The Narrator did. Besides Hana could probably smell you anyway."

"You know he's right." Hana began. "Every time you come around I smell Miso ramen ...and...is that the scent of a Sakura flower?"

"SAKKURA FLOWER? Sakura Haruno is the only one who smells like a sakura flower!" Sasuke screamed. "Is there something you wanna tell me Naruto?"

O_o

"N-NO!"

**You wicked child, cried the enchantress. What do I hear you say. I thought I had separated you from all the world, and yet you have deceived me. In her anger she clutched rapunzel's beautiful tresses, wrapped them twice round her left hand, seized a pair of scissors with the right, and snip, snap, they were cut off, and the lovely braids lay on the ground. **

"TIME FOR A SHAPE UP!" Hana screamed as she had some clippers in her hand.

"Nobody touches the do." Sasuke said styling his hair back.

"We'll see about that. Oh uh before we start what's that on your foot?" Hana asked.

"Huh?" Sasuke bent over looking down at his foot.

This action gave Hana a full view of his head.

The clippers sprung into action.

**And she was so pitiless that she took poor rapunzel into a desert where she had to live in great grief and misery. **

**O_O**

"YOU CUT MY HAIR! YOU CUT MY HAIR! OH BITCH YOU JUST SIGNED A DEATH THREAT! IT''S OVER FOR YOUR CAREER! YOU BITCH! YUO STUPID BITCH!" Sasuke shouted clutching at his butcher'ed hairdo.

"Oh toughen up Sasuke , you not acting like real man. Tch , Some Uchiha you are."

"REAL MAN? REAL MAN? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT A REAL MAN IS! SOMETHING YOU CAN'T KEEP!"

O_o

**Ouch...even for me that was a low blow Sasuke...**

**On the same day that she cast out rapunzel, however, the enchantress fastened the braids of hair, which she had cut off, to the hook of the window, and when the king's son came and cried, rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair, she let the hair down. The king's son ascended, but instead of finding his dearest rapunzel, he found the enchantress, who gazed at him with wicked and venomous looks.**

"Hey I know you! You are Kiba's sister! He talks about you alot."

"Kiba talks about me?"

"Kiba has a sister?"

Hana stared disbelievingly at Naruto.

"Stay with me Uzumaki."

** Aha, she cried mockingly, you would fetch your dearest, but the beautiful bird sits no longer singing in the nest. The cat has got it, and will scratch out your eyes as well. **

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Something about cats I guess Naruto."

Naruto stared at Hana.

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you Kiba's sister?"

Hana sighed.

**Rapunzel is lost to you. You will never see her again. The king's son was beside himself with pain, and in his despair he leapt down from the tower. He escaped with his life, but the thorns into which he fell pierced his eyes. **

"I go blind now? This seems like a George Lucas movie."

**Then he wandered quite blind about the forest, ate nothing but roots and berries, and did naught but lament and weep over the loss of his dearest wife. **

"If something impaled my eyes shouldn't I die of blood lost if the shock doesn't kill me?"

**That would make too much sense.**

**Thus he roamed about in misery for some years, and at length came to the desert where rapunzel, with the twins to which she had given birth, a boy and a girl, lived in wretchedness. **

"When did we have sex? No. We're two guys, how is having babies possibel unless Sakurawas involved."

"Sasuke what does Sakura have to do wiyth giving birth? The condoms she uses says that she is a very big girl."

"NNaruto, somehow I think you got confused on the baby making process somewhere in your life.

**He heard a voice, and it seemed so familiar to him that he went towards it, and when he approached, rapunzel knew him and fell on his neck and wept. Two of her tears wetted his eyes and they grew clear again, and he could see with them as before. He led her to his kingdom where he was joyfully received, and they lived for a long time afterwards, happy and contented.**

"So I can see again? This fairytale was more violent than when me and Sasuke fought at the Valley of end. The moral of this story is...don't eat things from any type of garden whatsoever. If you do then you might go blind...or something like that." Naruto said.

* * *

AN- AND NOW I'M FINISHED. NOW HOW BOUT WE CLICK THAT REVIEW BUTTON.


	13. Puss In Boots

**AN- I greatly appreciate the amount of feed back I got from last chapter. You guys are wonderful. I onder how long it will be until I reach 200 reviews...Only time will tell.**

**And also...I got a negative a review...a flame really from someone who had already flamed my Naruto tryouts story. The review in itself was not helpful and neither was my reply. I was immature to say the least. I've learned that two wrongs do not make a right. So if I get a negative review I will not respond back negatively. Also I will no longer call negative reviews flames. They will now be called Hard(Very Hard) criticism. Not everyone is going to like my stories and I will have to accept that and move on with my life.**

**Anyway the reason I was very hardly criticized as because I assumed that the flamer was a guy and she in fact was not. I am deeply sorry Yaoiweh for jumping to conclusions. But I mean you can't blame me because...your gender is not on your profile...but nevertheless I am still sorry. Never again ill a negative review be called a flame and never agin will I respond back negatively.**

**Also in the Hansel and gretel chapter there was a joke about Yaoiweh at the bottom of the page...I was still mad about her flaming ways whe I thought of that...But now I am passed it.**

**Puss In Boots**

* * *

**There was once a miller who had three sons,**

Madara Uchiha appeared.

"Hmm...I believe I know exactly what is going on."

Sasuke, Itachi, and Shisui appeared aswell.

"Itachi." Sasuke greeted.

"Sasuke." Itachi greeted.

"Itachi!" Shisui Uchiha screamed.

Itachi looked at Shisui in shock.

"Shisui.." He said breathlessly.

"Wait didn't Itachi kill you?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah..." Shisui responded angrily.

"I can explain..." Itachi said.

"All three of you shut up."

Three eyes landed on Madara.

"Madara Uchiha." Itachi said.

"Who?" Sasuke said.

"You don't know who Madara is?" Shisui asked skeptically.

"Should I? He's not relavent to my story line" Sasuke said.

Itachi shook his head. _'You don't know how wrong you are little brother.'_

**and when he died his estate was divided among them. **

"I die already? What about the moon's eye plan?"

"Madara's dead? Well that saves about 300 chapters." Itachi said.

"WHy was he still alive in the first place?"

"Well Shisui-"

"Hey everyone listen to Sasuke not giving a damn at this point." Sasuke interrupted.

**The older sons fared very well, but the youngest received nothing but the cat, and he often complained bitterly of his lot.**

"I don't get crap but a stupid cat. Who is the cat anyway?"

Naruto appeared positively beaming at Sasuke.

"Oh dear god...sweet jesus no...Kami take me now...Shinigami have my soul...Can I commit suicide?"

**No**

"Sasuke what does the sewers have to do with anything?" Naruto asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Please?"

**No Sasuke**

**"My brothers may get their living easily enough," he said, "but as for me, I may soon die of hunger and want."**

"Can I eat Naruto?"

"What why! Naruto screeched.

"Because I'M HUNGRY!" Sasuke shouted in response.

"Eat something else..."

"Like what? The food I DON"T have?"

"If you don't have it how are you going to eat it Sasuke? You need to think before you speak Sasuke I swear..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

**Sasuke put the knife down.**

"...Fine.."

**The cat, who had heard this, came out of the cupboard where he had been listening.**

"Why the hell were you in the cupboard?"

**"Do not worry, my good master," he said. "You have only to give me a bag and have a pair of boots made for me, and you shall see that your portion is not so bad as you imagine it to be."**

"Not so bad? I have a talking cat in boots, who is about to receive a purse who I can't eat."

"Sasuke I-" It jus dawned on Naruto what Sasuke just said. "Purse! Sasuke the voice said BAG!"

"It didn't specify what kind of bag." Sasuke said grinning.

**The cat's master obtained both bag and boots, and watched the cat pull on the boots and throw the bag over his shoulder. Then Puss in Boots sallied forth.**

**He went to a warren in which there were a great number of rabbits. He put some bran and some parsley into his bag, and then waited for some innocent rabbit to feast on the dainties. Soon two young rabbits jumped into his bag and Puss in Boots drew the strings and caught them.**

Naruto stood proud holding the bag full of rabbits.

"Silly rabbits, tricks are for kids." Naruto said grinning stupidly.

**Puss in Boots was very proud of his prey, and hurried with it to the palace and asked to speak to the king. Bowing low, Puss said, "Sire, I have brought for you rabbits from the warren of my noble lord, the Marquis of Carabas (the title Puss gave to his master), which he commanded me to present to your majesty with his compliments."**

**The king was much pleased and said, "Tell your lord Marquis of Carabas that I accept his present with pleasure."**

"Neji, your King?"

"It seems so. Now Do not address me as Neji, I shall be known as King Fate."

"...right."

**In this manner the cat continued to carry presents of game to the king at least once a week for two or three months.**

**Then one day Puss in Boots said to his master, "If you will only follow my advice, your fortune is made. Go to the river and bathe just where I show you."  
**

"I'M NOT BATHING IN SOME DAMN RIVER! Who am I? Kiba?"

**The Marquis of Carabas did exactly as the cat advised, and while he was bathing, the king passed by, riding in his coach with his daughter, the loveliest princess in the world.**

"Sasuke why are you bathing in a river? you do know that the river is full of crocodile's, giant mosquitoes, and the occasional Sakura Ape."

Sasuke arched an eyebrow

"Sakura ape? Is it pink?"

"Yes it is." King fate said.

**Then Puss in Boots began to cry out, "Help! Help! My lord Marquis of Carabas is going to be drowned!"**

Naruto pushed Sasuke's head under water.

"HELP! HELP! SASUKE IS DROWNING!"

"YOUR DROWNING ME PUSS!"

**Hearing the cries, the king ordered his attendants to go to the rescue of my lord Marquis of Carabas.**

**While the servants were drawing the young man from the river, Puss in Boots came up to the coach and told his majesty that thieves had run off with his master's clothes, though in reality he himself had hidden them under a stone.**

"King Fat, Someone stole my lord's clothes."

"It's FATE and what is that sticking out of your pockets?" Neji asked.

Sasuke's clothes were hanging out of Naruto's pockets.

"Uh...cleaning rags?"

"But the tags say 'Lord Sasuke's clothing." Neji stated.

"uh...Typo?"

"Oh Alright then."

**After the marquis was dressed, the king was much impressed with him, and asked him to ride in the royal coach; and it was not at all strange that the king's daughter at once fell deeply in love with him.**

"Ah! It's the Sakura APE!" Sasuke scramed at the princess."

Sakura pouted.

"I'm not an ape..."

"Oh your hair is just pink. Forgive me I just saw pink and reacted."

**Quite overjoyed, Puss in Boots marched before the coach, giving orders to the workmen he met along the way.**

"Alright men-AHHH! It's the Sakura APE!"

Sasuke sniggered.

"Damnit Puss I'M NOT AN APE!"

**Presently as the king came by, he saw some mowers working in a meadow, and asked them to whom the meadow belonged.**

**To my lord Marquis of Carabas!" the mowers answered, as the cat had instructed them.**

**"A very fine piece of land you have there, my lord marquis," said the king.**

"Why am I lying alot in this story?" Naruto asked.

**"You speak the truth, sire," replied the young man, "for it never fails to bring me a most bountiful harvest."**

**Soon the coach passed another field where laborers were working industriously. When the king asked to whom the field belonged, they answered, "To my lord Marquis of Carabas!"**

**The king once more complimented the marquis upon his rich possessions.**

**At last Puss in Boots arrived at a stately castle. It belonged to an ogre, the richest ever known, and all the lands through which the king had passed that morning belonged to him.**

**The Ogre received Puss as civilly as an ogre could do and asked him to sit down.**

"OMG IT'S SHREK!"

Kisame just stared at Naruto.

**"I have been told," began Puss in Boots, "that you are able to change yourself into any kind of creature that you have a mind to. You can, for example, transform yourself into a lion, an elephant, or the like."**

**"That is true," answered the ogre very briskly; "and to convince you, I shall now become a lion."**

"OMG SHREK JUST TURNED INTO DIEGO!"

"So we went from Shrek to Ice age?" Kisame asked.

**The cat was so terrified at the sight of a lion so near him that he leaped onto the roof, which caused him even more difficulty, because his boots were of no use at all to him in walking on the tiles. However, the ogre resumed his natural form, and the cat came down, saying that he had been very frightened indeed.**

**"I have further been told," said the cat, "that you can also transform yourself into the smallest of animals, for example, a rat or a mouse. But I can scarcely believe that. I must admit to you that I think that that would be quite impossible."**

**"Impossible!" cried the ogre. "You shall see!", and in an instant he became a mouse and began to scamper about the floor.**

"OMG SHREK TRANSFORMED INTO STUART LITTLE!"

**No sooner had Puss seen the Ogre in the form of a mouse than he sprang upon him, eating him in an instant.**

"I just ate Kisame...am I gonna turn blue?"

**I Do not know...**

**In the meantime the king's coach approached the Ogre's castle. The king desired to visit it, and ordered the attendants to drive up to the gates. Hearing the wheels on the drawbridge, Puss in Boots hastened out.**

**"Your majesty is indeed welcome to the castle of my lord Marquis of Carabas!" he said.**

"Naruto this isn't my castle..."

"Now it is...Shrek said we can have it."

"You saw Kisame?"

**"And is this splendid castle also yours, my lord Marquis of Carabas?" inquired the king. "Let us go in, if you please."**

**The marquis gave his hand to the princess, and they followed the king into the castle. In the spacious hall they found a splendid feast which had been prepared by the Ogre for some of his friends.**

**The king was so charmed with the good qualities of my lord Marquis of Carabas that when he had partaken of the banquet he said:**

**"It will be your own fault if you do not soon become my son-in-law, my dear lord Marquis of Carabas!"**

"I'm willing to take the blame for that."

**So after a short courtship the princess became the bride of the marquis and they lived happily ever after.**

**Puss in Boots was made a great lord and wore the most beautiful clothes, and never again ran after mice, except for entertainment.**

"So the moral of this story is that Lying, Cannibalism, bribery and Indecent exposure are ok as long as you get what you want in the end." Naruto said.

"But I still married Sakura..." Sasuke added.

"That just proves that beastiality is ok too." Naruto said.

* * *

AN- NOW IS THE TIME TO REVIEW PLZ! IT CAN BE HARD CRITICISM IF YOU WANT...ALSO I NEED A BETA...


	14. The Tortoise and the Hare

AN- THIS THE ONLY FAIRY TALE THAT IS NOT COMPLETELY FINISHED, ALTHOUGH THIS CHAPTER IS. I JUST ENDED IT DIFFERENTLY...I WAS LOW ON TIME AND IT WAS A SPUR OF THE MOMENT THING. TELL ME IF Y0U LIKE IT!

The Tortoise and the Hare.

* * *

**Once upon a time there was a hare who, **

Naruto appeared.

"I'm first this time!"

**boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. **

Sasuke appeared.

"Am I a girl this time?"

**No.**

"Well what am I?"

**A turtle.**

Sasuke transformed in to a turtle. He still had his human head and neck mind you.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHY AM I A DAMN MAMMAL?"

"I thought turtles were reptiles." Naruto said.

Suddenly Naruto transformed to having a Hare's body while still having his human head and neck.

"SWEET!"

**Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: "Who do you think you are? There's no denying you're swift, but even you can be beaten!" The hare squealed with laughter.**

"There's no way a turtle can beat a rabbit in a race..." Turtle Sasuke said.

**"Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you teme!, surely! I bet there's nobody in the world that can win against me, I'm so speedy. Now, why don't you try?"**

"No." Sasuke said.

"No?" Naruto asked.

"No."

"No?"

**Yes**

"No."

"No?"

**Yes**

"No."

"Yes."

**No.**

"Yes."

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

"Damnit voice." Sasuke muttered.

**Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. "Take your time!" he said. "I'll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute."**

"Take my time?"

"Yea Sasuke, I mean look at you. You're a turtle."

"I take offence to that...only for this chapter."

"Whatever I'm going to sleep now." Naruto said.

"OK you do that. I'm going to go look for my bat." Sasuke turtle said and he slowly walked off.

Naruto never caught the bat thing.

**The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. **

Naruto was sill unconscious. Only now he had several bruises on his head and body.

**SASUKE!**

"What?" Sasuke innocently asked.

**Why did you do that? Now we can't finish the story! This is all your fault!**

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke faked innocence.

"What's going on?"

"NARUTO YOUR ALIVE!" Turtle Sasuke shouted.

Hare-Naruto wobbly stood rubbing his head.

"Why does my head feel like it ran into a bat over and over again?"

"Um...It did. You just have to be more careful."

**Sasuke you are lucky. One more incident like that and that's it.**

"What is the voice talking about?"

"I have no idea." Sasuke answered.

**But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field.**

"I want a banana frappe." Naruto said.

"What the hell is that?" Sasuke asked.

"Only the most awesome, super special even-better-than-ramen thing in the whole universe!"

"If you like it more than Ramen than it must be awesome."

**But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. **

Naruto fell asleep again.

Sasuke slowly crept torward him with a wooden Bat.

**With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise's face when it saw the hare speed by, **

Naruto was still unconscious.

Only this time there were more bruises and a broken wooden bat rested on his face.

**SASUKE!**

Sasuke ran across the finish line laughing madly.

"And the moral of the story is never trust someone you know you can win against to play fairly!"

**Wait till next chapter...**

"HAHAHAH!"

* * *

PLZ REVIEW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REVIEW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPEBNDED ON IT!


	15. Sleeping Beauty

AN- HEY ALL IT'S INUYONAS BACK AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER!

ALSO THANKS FOR THE AMOPUNT OF REVIEWS I HAVE GOTTEN. TWO CHAPTERS I HAD 107, AND LAST CHAPTER IT TURNED TO 143!

THANK YOU ECHO UCHIHA! YOU'RE AWESOME!

AND THANX TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO REVIEWED...(SHOULD I DO A REVIEW LIST LIKE I DO IN THE NINJA ALL STARS TOURNAMENT?)

**Sleeping Beauty**

* * *

**Once upon a time there was a Queen **

Tsunade and Jiraiya appeared.

"So...which one of us is the queen?" Tsunade asked.

"I guess since I'm not Sasuke, you are Tsunade-hime."

"So why are you here?"

"I guess I'm the unmentioned king."

"you wish."

**who had a beautiful baby daughter. **

Baby Sasuke appeared.

"Oh my god is that Sasuke as a baby? I thought the narrator said beautiful." said Tsunade.

"I thought he said daughter."

**She asked all the fairies in the kingdom to the christening, but unfortunately forgot to invite one of them, who was a bit of a witch as well. **

"How come you didn't invite me?" Koharu said as she just appeared.

"Because you are so old that the Rikudo Sennin called you 'mom'.

**She came anyway,**

"Of course Koharu would. Did you bring Homura?"

"No she couldn't Tsunade. He had to baby sit the Rikudo Sennin."

Koharu glared at The toad Sannin.

**but as she passed the baby's cradle, she said:**

**"When you are sixteen, you will injure yourself with a spindle and die!"**

"What a bitch..." Jiraiya said.

"Don't you mean witch?"

"I know what I said."

**"Oh, no!" screamed the Queen in horror. A good fairy quickly chanted a magic spell to change the curse. When she hurt herself, the girl would fall into a very deep sleep instead of dying.**

"Oh yeah 'cause that's SOOOOO much better."

"Jiraiya-chan your sarcasm is not appreciated." Koharu said

"Neither is your face.."

"HOW DARE YOU-"

**The years went by, the little Princess grew and became the most beautiful girl in the whole kingdom. Her mother was always very careful to keep her away from spindles, but the Princess, on her sixteenth birthday, as she wandered through the castle, came into a room where an old servant was spinning.**

"I'm a girl again...figures...Ok so what am I suppose to do?"

**Go into the room.**

"But theres a spindel thing in there...I might go into a comma."

**You mean coma.**

"That's what I said, Comma."

**No Sasuke. Coma.**

"Right Comma."

**How do you spell Coma?**

"C.O.M.A."

**Now say it.**

"Comma."

**Coma**

"Comma."

**Why are you putting so emphasis on the m? And it's a short O sound not a long O.**

"WHat are you talking about? I'm saying Comma."

***sigh* **

**"What are you doing?" she asked the servant.**

"I'm spindle-ing. You better not ask me for it. You might go into a coma and I just might give thespindle to you even though I'm not suppose to." Kakashi said lazily.

"I'm not surprised you are this lazy and irresponsible.".

**"I'm spinning. Haven't you seen a spindle before?"**

**"No. Let me see it!"**

"This is where you say no Kakashi sensei."

**The servant handed the girl the spindle **

"Damn it."

**... and she pricked herself with it and. with a sigh, dropped to the floor.**

"Sasuke has dropped into a coma." Kakashi said.

Suddenly Kakashi erupted into a poof of smoke and when it cleared Orochimaru was in his place.

"An unconscious Sasuke alone in the room with me...perhaps there is a God."

**The terrified old woman hurried to tell the Queen. Beside herself with anguish, the Queen did her best to awaken her daughter but in vain. **

"WAKE UP!"

_**SLAP!**_

Tsunade slapped Sasuke

**The court doctors and wizards were called, but there was nothing they could do. The girl could not be wakened from her deep sleep. The good fairy who managed to avoid the worst of the curse came too, and the Queen said to her,**

**"When will my daughter waken?"**

"I'm a boy."

"Your suppose to be asleep little girl." said the good fairy. (Tenten)

"...Is this what Haku felt like?" Sasuke wondered.

**"I don't know," the fairy admitted sadly.**

**"In a year's time, ten years or twenty?" the Queen went on.**

**"Maybe in a hundred years' time. Who knows?" said the fairy.**

**"Oh! What would make her waken?" asked the Queen weeplng.**

**"Love," replied the fairy. "If a man of pure heart were to fall in love with her, that would bring her back to life!"**

**"How can a man fall in love with a sleeping girl?" sobbed the Queen, **

"Well wouldn't YOU like to know." Orochimaru said walking into the room with Tsunade Jiraiya and Tenten.

"Hey it's Orochimaru." Jiraiya said.

"I wonder why he's fastening his belt." Tsunade wondered.

**and so heart-broken was she that, a few days later, she died. **

"Damn That's it?"

**Yes. Now go die.**

**...**

**The sleeping Princess was taken to her room and laid on the bed surrounded by garlands of flowers. She was so beautiful, with a sweet face, not like those of the dead, but pink like those who are sleeping peacefully. The good fairy said to herself,**

"I don't see what's the big deal about this guy is? I mean sure he's handsome but he's not all that..." Tenten said standing over the sleeping Sasuke.

"...maybe I should kiss him..."

**"When she wakens, who is she going to see around her? Strange faces and people she doesn't know? I can never let that happen. It would be too painful for this unfortunate girl."**

**So the fairy cast a spell; and everyone that lived in the castle - soldiers, ministers, guards, servants, ladies, pages, cooks, maids and knights - all fell into a deep sleep, wherever they were at that very moment.**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**No more witty banter. Everyone's asleep.**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**It's just me and Tenten...**

"Yep..." Tenten said.

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**So ...what's your last name again?**

"It will probably be revealed after the war..."

**"Now," thought the fairy, "when the Princess wakes up, they too will awaken, and life will go on from there." And she left the castle, now wrapped in silence. Not a sound was to be heard, nothing moved except for the clocks, but when they too ran down, they stopped, and time stopped with them. Not even the faintest rustle was to be heard, only the wind whistling round the turrets, not a single voice, only the cry of birds.**

**The years sped past. **

"I wonder where Orochimaru is?"

**In the castle grounds, the trees grew tall. The bushes became thick and straggling, the grass invaded the courtyards and the creepers spread up the walls. In a hundred years, a dense forest grew up.**

**...**

**...**

**So I'm all alone now. Why did Tenten have to die 20 years ago?**

**...**

**...**

**Now, it so happened that a Prince arrived in these parts. He was the son of a king in a country close by. Young, handsome and melancholy, he sought in solitude everything he could not find in the company of other men: serenity, sincerity and purity. Wandering on his trusty steed he arrived, one day, at the dark forest. **

Naruto appeared.

**I'm not alone any more!**

**Being adventurous, he decided to explore it. **

"I think I should exxplore that ominous castle...It might be Ramen inside."

**He made his way through slowly and with a struggle, for the trees and bushes grew in a thick tangle. A few hours later, now losing heart, he was about to turn his horse and go back when he thought he could see something through the trees . . . He pushed back the branches . . . Wonder of wonders! There in front of him stood a castle with high towers. The young man stood stock still in amazement,**

**"I wonder who this castle belongs to?" he thought.**

"I thought I already saw the castle."

**The young Prince rode on towards the castle. The drawbridge was down and, holding his horse by the reins, he crossed over it. Immediately he saw the inhabitants draped all over the steps, the halls and courtyards, and said to himself,**

**"Good heavens! They're dead!" **

"This is just like after my clan was killed."

**That was Sasuke. Not you.**

"Oh Yeah."

**But in a moment, he realised that they were sound asleep.**

"You know they should be dead on account of all the possible things that could have happened. Storms, Tornadoes, Hurricanes, What if a bunch of insects made their home in one of their bodies?"

**That is a sound argument Naruto**

**"Wake up! Wake up!" he shouted, but nobody moved. Still thoroughly astonished, he went into the castle and again discovered more people, lying fast asleep on the floor. As though led by a hand in the complete silence, the Prince finally reached the room where the beautiful Princess lay fast asleep. **

"Sasuke is unconscious."

Suddenly a poof of smoke engulfed Naruto and Orochimaru stood in his place.

"2 times the charm." Orochimaru said as he crept torward the unconscious Sasuke.

"Oh yeah I get to do this twice in the same chapter."

Orochimaru reached for Sasuke's neck.

**BAM!**

"OROCHI-TEME!"

Orochimaru touched the spot on his head where he was just struck. He turned around and caught sight of a pissed Naruto.

Holding a frying pan.

"Never tie me up again. Wait, aren't you suppose to be sleep?"

"Uh..."

Naruto grinned. "DOn't worry. I'll help you out with that."

He gripped the pan harder.

**For a long time he stood gazing at her face, so full of serenity, so peaceful, lovely and pure, and he felt spring to his heart that love he had always been searching for and never found. Overcome by emotion, he went close, lifted the girl's little white hand and gently kissed it . . .**

"STUPID SNAKE!"

**BAM! **Naruto hit Orochimaru in the head with the frying pan again.

"WHY!"

**BAM!**

"ARE!"

**BAM!**

"YOU!"

**BAM!**

"SO!"

**BAM!**

"PEDOPHILE-LIKE!"

**BAM!**

"AND GAY!"

Orochimaru was rendered unconscious. He is currently laying on the floor with monstrous bruises all over his face and head.

Naruto stood over him.

Orochimaru said nothing.

"The silent treatment eh?"

He gripped the pan harder.

**At that kiss, the prlncess qulckly opened her eyes, and wakening from her long long sleep, **

**Naruto go kiss Sasuke.**

Naruto stopped in mid swing.

"What?"

**Go Kiss Sasuke.**

"What no!"

**Yes.**

"I already did."

**When?**

"When we were just made genin...and probably in thousands of other Yaoi fanfics."

**So you should be used to it.**

"No...and I'm not doing it."

**I'll give you a lifetime supply of Ramen...**

"...Good offer...but no thanks."

**And a Banana Frappe.**

"DID YOU SAY BANANA FRAPPE!" He shouted.

He jerked his head torward Sasuke.

"TEME YOU BETTER PUCKER THE F**K UP!" He then sprinted torward Sasuke.

Sasuke woke up. He saw Naruto running torward him.

"Naruto I'm woke."

Naruto got closer.

"Voice tell him he doesn't have to do it."

**Oh but he does.**

Sasuke sighed.

"I thought I would never have to use this again." He said.

Sasuke then pulled a bat out from seemingly nowhere.

**seeing the Prince beside her, murmured:**

**"Oh, you have come at last! I was waiting for you in my dream. I've waited so long!"**

**BAM!**

Naruto flew back and hit the wall, then fell to the floor unconscious.

Sasuke had just struck Naruto with a bat.

Suddenly a poof of smoke engulfed Naruto. When it cleared an unconscious Orochimaru laid in his place.

"What the hell?" Sasuke said. "Then who's that?" He said pointing to the other unconscious Orochimaru.

Suddenly he poofed to smoke aswell. When it cleared a pissed Naruto holding a frying stood in his place.

"Naruto what's going on?"

"Well Sasuke, apparently while I was running torwards you, the snake bastard woke up, transformed the both of us and switched places with me all in a split second."

"Wow...glad that's over."

"It's not over Sasuke. I still want my Banana frappe. And I am going to get it."

Naruto stepped threatening torward Sasuke.

Sasuke hopped off the bed table thing and faced Naruo gripping his bat tight.

Naruto gripped his frying pan tight aswell.

They glared at each other.

**Just then, the spell was broken. The Princess rose to her feet, holding out her hand to the Prince. And the whole castle woke up too. Everybody rose to their feet and they all stared round in amazement, wondering what had happened. When they finally realised, they rushed to the Princess, more beautiful and happier then ever.**

Everyone walked into the princesses room find an unconscious Naruto and an unconscious Sasuke. Both had extreme bruises on there face and neck. There bodies were piled ontop of each other.

Jiraiya noticed something in the corner.

"Hey look over in the corner everyone."

Everyone looked and saw Orochimaru pulling up his pants and fastenning his belt. The snake froze as eyes descended upon him.

"What?" he said.

**A few days later, the castle that only a short time before had lain in silence, now rang with the sound of singing, music and happy laughter at the great party given in honour of the Prince and Princess, who were getting married. They lived happily ever after, as they always do in fairy tales, not quite so often, however, in real life.**

"The moral of this story is Never forget to invite anyone to any type of party." Naruto said. "They could turn out to be a witch."

"And beware of Spindle's.." Sasuke added.

"Where is my Banana frappe?" Naruto asked.

Just then Orochimaru walked passed them both sipping on a banana frappe.

"Oh no he didn't..."

Sasuke held his bat with both hands.

"Truce Naruto?"

Naruto held his frying pan in a reverse grip.

"Truce Sasuke."

They took off after the snake sannin.

* * *

I'M KINDA GETTING LOW ON FAIRY TALES TO DO...SO LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S ANY I DIDN'T DO PLZ...

NOW IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU CLICKED THAT REVIEW BUTTON!...HURRY UP! NOW!

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ARE YOU REVIEWING YET?

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HOW BOUT NOW?


	16. The Princess And The Frog

AN- I'M BACK WITH ANOTHER ONE!

THANKS TO ALL MY FANS WHO READ MY STORIES. i WAS READING THE REVIEWS TO MY WHO DID IT STORY AND WAS SURPRISED TO SEE THAT ALOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG. I THANK YOU. IF I COULD GIVE AWAY MONEY THAN I WOULD.

YOU ALL ARE AWESOME.

NOW I PRESENT:

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

* * *

**One fine evening a young princess **

Sasuke appeared.

"When am I going to NOT be a girl?"

**When Sakura stops being useless.**

"It would have been easier to just say never."

**put on her bonnet and clogs, and went out to take a walk by herself in a wood;**

"So a young girl is going to go out in the woods all by her self? That's not safe. Remember what happened in the first fairy tale? A wolf named Kiba ate everyone."

**It's the story so I shall stick to it.**

"And what the hell is a Bonnet and clogs? I'm japanese damnit, these stories should come with translators."

**and when she came to a cool spring of water with a rose in the middle of it, she sat herself down to rest a while.**

"I fell asleep by a spring? What if I fall in?"

**I said rest, NOT sleep.**

**...**

**...**

**...**

"Your point?"

**Now she had a golden ball in her hand, which was her favourite plaything; and she was always tossing it up into the air, and catching it again as it fell.**

"So a young girl goes in the woods all by herself to play with balls?"

**Yes so far.**

"...Ladies and gentlemen, you are reading the first ever smut fairy tale by Jiraiya."

**After a time she threw it up so high that she missed catching it as it fell; and the ball bounded away, and rolled along on the ground, until at last it fell down into the spring. **

"Figures.."

**The princess looked into the spring after her ball, but it was very deep, so deep that she could not see the bottom of it. **

"But what about my Sharingan?"

**No Jutsu**

"What about My Mangekyo Sharingan?"

**Your 12 you don't have that yet.**

"How do I get it?"

**You have to kill your best friend.**

"That's all?...Well better set up Naruto's funeral.."

**She began to cry, and said, 'Alas! if I could only get my ball again, I would give all my fine clothes and jewels, and everything that I have in the world.'**

"No the hell I wouldn't."

**Whilst she was speaking, a frog put its head out of the water, and said, 'Princess, why do you weep so bitterly?'**

"SASUKE WHY DO YOU KEEP CRYING!"

"Oh boy...here it comes..."

_**SLAP!**_

Naruto hopped out the water and bitch slapped Sasuke

**'Alas!' said she, 'what can you do for me, you nasty frog? My golden ball has fallen into the spring.'**

"I'm not nasty..." Naruto said.

"Naruto prepare to die."

"Why Sasuke? Are you still going to Orochimaru?"

"No I want my Mangekyo."

"I said I'll give back your porno tomorrow. I'm not done with it yet."

...

...

...

...

"WHAT in in the name of Kami's holy vagina are you talking about?"

**The frog said, 'I do not want your pearls, and jewels, and fine clothes; but if you will love me, and let me live with you and eat from off your golden plate, and sleep on your bed, I will bring you your ball again.'**

"So in other words you wanna be my wife? A young girl is gonna be with a frog."

**Yes.**

"That's beastiality."

"Yeah the teme's right. It's bi-curious."

"..."

"..."

" Shut up Naruto."

**'What nonsense,' thought the princess, 'this silly frog is talking! He can never even get out of the spring to visit me, though he may be able to get my ball for me, and therefore I will tell him he shall have what he asks.'**

**So she said to the frog, 'Well, if you will bring me my ball, I will do all you ask.'**

**Then the frog put his head down, and dived deep under the water; and after a little while he came up again, with the ball in his mouth, and threw it on the edge of the spring.**

**2**

**As soon as the young princess saw her ball, she ran to pick it up; and she was so overjoyed to have it in her hand again, that she never thought of the frog, but ran home with it as fast as she could.**

**The frog called after her, 'Stay, princess, and take me with you as you said,'**

**But she did not stop to hear a word.**

"You liar." Naruto muttered.

"WHo cares I got my ball back. Score!"

**The next day, just as the princess had sat down to dinner, she heard a strange noise - tap, tap - plash, plash - as if something was coming up the marble staircase, and soon afterwards there was a gentle knock at the door, and a little voice cried out and said:**

**'Open the door, my princess dear,**  
**Open the door to thy true love here!**  
**And mind the words that thou and I said**  
**By the fountain cool, in the greenwood shade.'**

"First of all 'said' and 'shade' do not and never will rhyme." Said Sasuke.

"They do when I say it. Dattebayo."

**Then the princess ran to the door and opened it, and there she saw the frog, whom she had quite forgotten. At this sight she was sadly frightened, and shutting the door as fast as she could came back to her seat.**

**The king, her father, seeing that something had frightened her, asked her what was the matter.**

**'There is a nasty frog,' said she, 'at the door, that lifted my ball for me out of the spring this morning. I told him that he should live with me here, thinking that he could never get out of the spring; but there he is at the door, and he wants to come in.'**

**While she was speaking the frog knocked again at the door, and said:**

**'Open the door, my princess dear,**  
**Open the door to thy true love here!**

**And mind the words that thou and I said**  
**By the fountain cool, in the greenwood shade.'**

"I thought I said that they don't rhyme Naruto."

"Your face doesn't rhyme."

**Then the king said to the young princess, 'As you have given your word you must keep it; so go and let him in.'**

"Let me let this frog know now that it's not happenin."

"But it will!" Naruto shouted.

"You've been misinformed,

Sorry if you heard me wrong,

I told you what you wanted to hear sorry if I led you on,

Yeah you got my ball, which was good at the time,

but if your lookin for a mate then I aint yo guy." Sasuke rhymed.

**She did so, and the frog hopped into the room, and then straight on - tap, tap - plash, plash - from the bottom of the room to the top, till he came up close to the table where the princess sat.**

"Let me tell YOU somethin, Sasuke.

I like a tiny waist and a big bum,

That tells you that your not the right one,

I cant believe I forgot to say,

Your a guy and I'm not gay,

Now because your gay and I'm not,

This time I'm gonna let you go to Orochimaru's cock...word."

"Rather him than Sakura." Sasuke said

**'Pray lift me upon chair,' said he to the princess, 'and let me sit next to you.'**

**As soon as she had done this, the frog said, 'Put your plate nearer to me, that I may eat out of it.'**

"No."

"Please I'm gonna starve to deaf."

"You mean death?"

"That's what I said, deaf"

"No it's death."

"Yeah, Deaf."

"Death."

"Deaf."

"Death."

"Deaf."

"Death."

"Death."

"Deaf."

"Death."

"Deaf."

"Spell Death Naruto."

"D.E.A.T.H."

"Now say it."

"Deaf."

Sasuke slapped Naruto.

**This she did, and when he had eaten as much as he could, he said, 'Now I am tired; carry me upstairs, and put me into your bed.' And the princess, though very unwilling, took him up in her hand, and put him upon the pillow of her own bed, where he slept all night long.**

"OW! WHy'd you slap me in the ear? You could have damaged my hearing and I could have went Death."

Naruto was slapped again.

**Why are you two always slapping each other?**

"Because of this."

Afetr Sasuke spoke, he slapped Naruto a third time.

**As soon as it was light the frog jumped up, hopped downstairs, and went out of the house.**

**'Now, then,' thought the princess, 'at last he is gone, and I shall be troubled with him no more.'**

**But she was mistaken; for when night came again she heard the same tapping at the door; and the frog came once more, and said:**

**'Open the door, my princess dear,**  
**Open the door to thy true love here!**  
**And mind the words that thou and I said**  
**By the fountain cool, in the greenwood shade.'**

"GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR NARU-TARD!"

"NEVER! I LOVE YOU SASUKE!"

O_o

Suddenly a chidori filled hand peirced the door and smacked Naruto in the face sending him flying away.

**"NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN!"**

**Hey only I'm aloud to bold Sasuke.**

**"SCREW YOU!"**

**And when the princess opened the door the frog came in, and slept upon her pillow as before, till the morning broke. And the third night he did the same. But when the princess awoke on the following morning she was astonished to see, instead of the frog, a handsome prince, gazing on her with the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen and standing at the head of her bed.**

"Do you like what you see?" Naruto asked seductively.

Sasuke vomited.

**He told her that he had been enchanted by a spiteful fairy, who had changed him into a frog; and that he had been fated so to abide till some princess should take him out of the spring, and let him eat from her plate, and sleep upon her bed for three nights.**

**'You,' said the prince, 'have broken his cruel charm, and now I have nothing to wish for but that you should go with me into my father's kingdom, where I will marry you, and love you as long as you live.'**

"Three things. One, I'm not marrying you and two, I'm not marrying you."

"What was the third thing Sasuke?"

"This."

Naruto as slapped again.

**The young princess, you may be sure, was not long in saying 'Yes' to all this; and as they spoke a brightly coloured coach drove up, with eight beautiful horses, decked with plumes of feathers and a golden harness; and behind the coach rode the prince's servant, faithful Heinrich, who had bewailed the misfortunes of his dear master during his enchantment so long and so bitterly, that his heart had well-nigh burst.**

**They then took leave of the king, and got into the coach with eight horses, and all set out, full of joy and merriment, for the prince's kingdom, which they reached safely; and there they lived happily a great many years****.**

"Ok." Began Sasuke. "So the moral of this story is that it is okay to kiss animals, and it's okay if they turn into humans. It is also okay to do this."

"What-"

Naruto was slapped yet again.

* * *

PLZ REVIEW! PRETTY PLEASE WTH INUYONAS ON TOP?


	17. Cinderella

AN- OK INUYONAS HERE WITH ANOTHER SLICE FOR THE FAIRYTALE CAKE...ANOTHER KUNAI FOR THE FAIRYTALE HOLSTER...ANOTHER PENIS FOR KARIN'S MOUTH..

**Cinderella**

* * *

**Once upon a time there lived an unhappy young girl.**

Sasuke appeared.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this. Out of 17 chapters I was the girl at least 15 times..."

**Stop bitching and let me finish.**

**Her mother was dead**

Mikoto Uchiha appeared.

"Hi-"

Mikoto Uchiha died.

O_o

"That joke was so wrong." Sasuke said.

**and her father had married a widow with two daughters.**

Kakashi, Sakura and Karin appeared...and Anko

"Sasuke-kun!" Karin said as she glomped Sasuke.

"Back off Bitch! He's mine!"

Sakura pulled Karin off of Sasuke, threw her to the floor and began to wail on her face.

"You two do realize that you are fighting over your sister right?" Kakashi asked.

**Her stepmother didn't like her one little bit. **

Anko slapped Sasuke.

"Ow! The hell?" Sasuke said rubbing his face.

"I don't like you." Anko said.

**All her kind thoughts and loving touches were for her own daughters. Nothing was too good for them - dresses, shoes, delicious food, soft beds, and every home comfort. But, for the poor unhappy girl, there was nothing at all. **

"Sakura, Karin you two get all the expensive food you want. Cinderella you get this Ramen coupon." Anko said tossing a coupon to Sasuke.

Sasuke looked at the back of the coupon.

"The expiration date says: Before the Kyuubi attacks."

"Well then I guess you better hurry up." Anko said to Sasuke.

"Aren't you gonna do anything about this 'Dad'?"

"Sorry, lost in ma' porn." Kakashi said not even looking up from his book.

**No dresses, only her stepsisters' hand-me-downs. No lovely dishes, nothing but scraps. No rest and no comfort. **

"Is this how Naruto felt at the orphanage?"

"Kind of. He had it a bit worst with the assassination attempts on his life..." Kakashi said.

Sasuke gasped in shock.

**She had to work hard all day. Only when evening came was she allowed to sit for a while by the fire, near the cinders. That's why everybody called her Cinderella.**

**Cinderella used to spend long hours all alone talking to the cat.**

"So a mistreated girl finds conversation with a cat."

**Yes.**

"Clearly this girl is crazy..."

Tora appeared.

"It's missing pet TORA!" Sasuke screamed.

Tora grinned evilly showing Sasuke it's sharp claws...

...Then lunged for his face.

**The cat said, "Miaow", which really meant, "Cheer up! You have something neither of your stepsisters has and that is beauty." It was quite true. Cinderella, even dressed in old rags, was a lovely girl. While her stepsisters, no matter how splendid and elegant their clothes, were still clumsy, lumpy and ugly and always would be.**

"GRAH! GET OFF!"

"MEOW!"

Tora kept scratching Sasuke's face.

"ARGH! HELP!"

"I can't because I hate you." Anko said.

"Did that cat just call me lumpy?" Karin asked.

"Yes...and ugly too." Sakura answered.

"DAD?" Sasuke desperatley asked trying his best to Keep Tora from scratching him...and failing.

"Still lost in ma' porn..."

**One day, beautiful new dresses arrived at the house. A ball was to be held at the palace and the stepsisters were getting ready to go. Cinderella didn't even dare ask if she could go too. She knew very well what the answer would be: "You? You're staying at home to wash the dishes, scrub the floors and turn down the beds for your stepsisters." They will come home tired and very sleepy. Cinderella sighed, "Oh dear, I'm so unhappy!" and the cat murmured "Miaow."**

Tora sat next to Sasuke. They had come to a mutual agreement. Sasuke wouldn't find Tora when Tora escaped and Tora would stop scratching him.

"Oh whoa is me Tora what should I do?"

"Meow." said Tora.

"But I can't go to the ball Tora?"

"Meow Meow?"

"Because I have nothing to wear."

"Meow."

"I know. It sucks doesn't it?"

"Meow meow meow meow meow."

"Yeah your right. It does suck like Sakura's face."

"Meow Meow meow."

"I can't go like I am now, I look poor."

"Meow meow meow meow meow."

"Because everyone else will have expensive clothes on. It doesn't matter how good I look."

"meow meow meow."

"Steal their clothes? No!"

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow?"

"What do you mean why? Cuz it's stealing!"

"Meow."

"So your saying because they treat me so bad and wrong I should stop being so soft and stand up for my self?"

"Meow."

"Your right! Thank you Tora!"

Sasuke got up and ran off.

Tora smirked.

"Any time Uchiha, Any time."

**Suddenly something amazing happened. As Cinderella was sitting all alone, there was a burst of light and a fairy appeared. **

Naruto appeared

**"Don't be alarmed, Cinderella," said the fairy.**

"Don't cry-"

"I'm not! so don't smack me!"

**"I know you would love to go to the ball. And so you shall!" "How can I, dressed in rags?" Cinderella replied. "The servants will turn me away!"**

"You should so totally steal their clothes..."

"That's what Tora told me."

"Tora? Is he even a main character?"

**The fairy smiled. With a flick of her magic wand Cinderella found herself wearing the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. "Now for your coach," said the fairy; "A real lady would never go to a ball on foot! Quick! Get me a pumpkin!" "Oh of course," said Cinderella, rushing away. Then the fairy turned to the cat. "You, bring me seven mice, and, remember they must be alive!"**

"Get me some mice Tora!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Meow meow?"

"No I want them BEFORE you eat them."

"Meow?"

"Yes Alive Tora."

**Cinderella soon returned with the pumpkin and the cat with seven mice he had caught in the cellar. With a flick of the magic wand the pumpkin turned into a sparkling coach and the mice became six white horses, while the seventh mouse turned into a coachman in a smart uniform and carrying a whip. Cinderella could hardly believe her eyes.**

"Hey who's the coachman?"

"Don't know don't care."

"That could be bill from accounting?"

**"You shall go to the ball Cinderella. But remember! You must leave at midnight. That is when my spell ends. Your coach will turn back into a pumpkin and the horses will become mice again. You will be dressed in rags and wearing clogs instead of these glass slippers! Do you understand?" Cinderella smiled and said, "Yes, I understand!"**

"I'm going to the ball but I'm not dancing with a guy." Sasuke declared.

**Oh Yes you are.**

**Cinderella had a wonderful time at the ball until she heard the first stroke of midnight! She remembered what the fairy had said, and without a word of goodbye she slipped from the Prince's arms and ran down the steps. As she ran she lost one of her slippers, but not for a moment did she dream of stopping to pick it up! If the last stroke of midnight were to sound... oh... what a disaster that would be! Out she fled and vanished into the night.**

"I wonder why Sasuke ran off without a word." Said the prince.

Suddenly ther Prince erupted in a puff of smoke.

Jiraiya stood in his place...

"Somehow I think the author meant for Orochimaru to be here."

Then suddenly Jiraiya erupted in a puff of smoke.

Orochimaru stood in his place.

"And I am." He said evilly.

**The Prince, who was now madly in love with her, picked up the slipper and said to his ministers, "Go and search everywhere for the girl whose foot this slipper fits. I will never be content until I find her!" So the ministers tried the slipper on the foot of every girl in the land until only Cinderella was left.**

**"That awful untidy girl simply cannot have been at the ball," snapped the stepmother. "Tell the Prince he ought to marry one of my two daughters! Can't you see how ugly Cinderella is?"**

"Cinderella is so ugly. That's why her mother died. She had to look at her. You should marry one of my other daughters." ANko said.

"Anko I wouldn't touch either of them with someone else's penis." Orochimaru stated.

**But, to everyone's amazement, the shoe fitted perfectly.**

**Suddenly the fairy appeared and waved her magic wand. In a flash, Cinderella appeared in a splendid dress, shining with youth and beauty. Her stepmother and stepsisters gaped at her in amazement, and the ministers said, "Come with us Cinderella! The Prince is waiting for you."**

**So Cinderella married the Prince and lived happily ever. As for the cat, he just said "Miaow!"**

"So the moral of this story is if your you have two step sisters then they are automatically ugly and you are pretty." Naruto said.

"And Mice can turn into horses and...uh...what else? What do you think Tora?" Sasuke asked.

"Meow meow meow meow meow."

"You're lost in your porn?"

* * *

AN-PLEASE REVEIW! REVIEW UNTIL YOUR FINGERS HURT!


	18. Pinnochio

AN- BEFORE ANY OF YOU CONTINUE READING IT. I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY...THERE IS ANOTHER NARUTO FAIRY TALE STORY THAT IS VERY SIMILAR TO THIS ONE...BUT IT WAS WRITTEN LIKE TWO YEARS AGO. I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I RIPPED OFF THIS IDEA BECAUSE I DID NOT. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN BLAME ON ME IS THE ABRIDGED REFERENCES I MAKE IN MY STORIES. BUT THE STORY THAT IS SIMILAR TO MINE WAS WRITTEN BY AN AUTHOR NAMED **Birdytwo. **You all should go read that story...Personally I liked it. But tell me if mine is too similar.

AN 2- SOMEONE SUGGESTED IT AND I DID IT!

LET ME INTRODUCE INUYONAS'S VERSION OF:

PINNOCHIO.

* * *

**Once upon a time... a carpenter,**

Jiraiya appeared. "Oh I guess I'm first."

**picked up a strange lump of wood one day while mending a table. When he began to chip it, the wood started to moan.**

"Whoa, moaning only happens when I mess with MY OWN wood."

**This frightened the carpenter and he decided to get rid of it at once, so he gave it to a friend called Geppetto, who wanted to make a puppet. **

Sasori no Akasuna appeared.

Sasori's real body, not Hiruko.

"Hey brat take my wood." Jiraiya said offering the wood to Sasori.

"I have an entire body made of wood. What would I possibly want with yours?" Sasori asked.

"Because it's my wood."

Sasori glared at him.

Jiraiya started to sweat under the intense glare he was given. Even if he was stronger than Sasori he didn't want to fight him. Thinking back on what interested the Puppeteer Jiraiya spoke.

"It's a true peice of art and it will last forever.. forever...hehe..heh"

Sasori continued to glare.

"Art you say?" He finally said.

"Yeah so take it and-"

Suddenly Jiraiya turned and ran as fast as he possibly could away form the missing ninja.

"AND IT MOANS WHEN YOU TOUCH IT!" Jiraiya said as he bolted away from Sasori.

**Geppetto, a cobbler, took his lump of wood home, thinking about the name he would give his puppet.**

"I shall call him Not Deidara."

**"I'll call him Pinocchio," he told himself.**

"Those words never escaped my wood-like lips."

**"It's a lucky name." Back in his humble basement home and workshop, Geppetto started to carve the wood.**

Sasori dropped his pants.

**Not your wood!**

"Well be more specific next time." Sasori said fastening his pants back on.

**Suddenly a voice squealed:**

**"Ooh! That hurt!" **

"AAH! THAT SHIT HURT LIKE F**K!"

**I bet I know who the wood is gonna be.**

**Geppeto was astonished to find that the wood was alive. Excitedly he carved a head, hair and eyes, which immediately stared right at the cobbler. **

"Why do you have the Sharingan Not Deidara?" Sasori wondered.

**But the second Geppetto carved out the nose, it grew longer and longer, and no matter how often the cobbler cut it down to size, it just stayed a long nose.**

"You are lucky that I'm not Orochimaru or that nose would be put to use in a way that would be very disturbing Not Deidara."

**The newly cut mouth began to chuckle and when Geppetto angrily complained, the puppet stuck out his tongue at him. That was nothing, however! When the cobbler shaped the hands, they snatched the good man's wig, and the newly carved legs gave him a hearty kick. His eyes brimming with tears, Geppetto scolded the puppet.**

"You dare kick me?"

"I beileve I just did good sir."

Sasori glared at wooden Sasuke for his smart-mouthed response

**"You naughty boy! I haven't even finished making you, yet you've no respect for your father!"**

"YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER! YOUR WOOD CAN'T COMPARE TO THE MIGHT OF THE WOOD THAT PRODUCED ITACHI AND I! FUGAKU UCHIHA B***H!"

Sasori stayed silent.

What could you say to something like that?

**Then he picked up the puppet and, a step at a time, taught him to walk. But the minute Pinocchio stood upright, he started to run about the room, with Geppetto after him,**

"Stop right now or I'll kill you Not Deidara. Even if you're not Deidara."

_'I hope he doesn't bring up Sakura. That could kill wood in the blink of an eye!' Sasuke thought._

**then he opened the door and dashed into the street. Now, Pinocchio ran faster than Geppetto and though the poor cobbler shouted "Stop him! Stop him!" none of the onlookers, watching in amusement, moved a finger.**

"Stop this instance Not Deidara!" Sasori shouted

"I'm not Deidara!" Sasuke shouted.

"Mendukosai, It seems like someone can't control their own wood."

"Kid you don't know the half of it. I remember when that used to be MY wood."

Shikamaru stared at Jiraiya confusion

**Luckily, a policeman heard the cobbler's shouts and strode quickly down the street. Grabbing the runaway, he handed him over to his father. **

An Anbu handed over wooden Sasuke.

"Thank you kind sir." Sasori said trying to keep Sasuke from moving.

"I wonder who the Anbu is." Wondered Jiraiya.

"I bet I know." Said Shikamaru spotting a familiar orange book sticking out of the Anbu's back pocket.

**"I'll box your ears," gasped Geppetto, still out of breath. Then he realised that was impossible, for in his haste to carve the puppet, he had forgotten to make his ears. **

"Wait so I can't hear?" Sasuke asked.

**Yes you can.**

"What was that?"

**I said Yes you can.**

"I'm sorry what?"

**Yes you can hear!**

"Huh?"

**YES YOU CAN HEAR**!

"Could you repeat that?"

**Are you messing with me?**

"What?"

...

...

"What'd you say?"

**AHA! I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING THAT TIME!**

"Damn You caught me. I thought I had you." Sasuke said.

**What was that?**

"I said I thought-wait a minute I'm not falling for my own trick."

**Pinocchio had got a fright at being in the clutches of the police, so he apologised and Geppetto forgave his son.**

"I forgive you Not Deidara."

"Who is Deidara?"

"Not you."

**Indeed, the minute they reached home, the cobbler made Pinocchio a suit out of flowered paper, a pair of bark shoes and a soft bread hat. **

"My outfit looks like Yaoiweh picked it out. EXTREMELY GAY!" Sasuke said.

"Not Deidara, that commented just called for another review of 'Hard Criticism'." Sasori commented.

**The puppet hugged his father.**

**"I'd like to go to school," he said, "to become clever and help you when you're old!" Geppetto was touched by this kind thought.**

"Like hell I would." Sasuke commented.

**"I'm very grateful," he replied, "but we haven't enough money even to buy you the first reading book!" Pinocchio looked downcast, then Geppetto suddenly rose to his feet, put on his old tweed coat and went out of the house. Not long after he returned carrying a first reader, but minus his coat. It was snowing outside.**

**"Where's your coat, father?"**

**"I sold it."**

**"Why did you sell it?"**

**"It kept me too warm!"**

**Pinocchio threw his arms round Geppetto's neck and kissed the kindly old man.**

"Wait wait wait. A wooden boy who technically shouldn't even be alive wants to go to school? An old man sells his coat while it's snowing outside knowing full well that he might freeze to death? and now the boy kissed the old man? This is the first Yaoi(weh) fairytale we have ever been in. Little boys shouldn't kiss old men. It's not okay. And what is the wooden boy going to learn in school? What kind of job can you get if you are made of wood? You can't even work in a restaurant for fear of catching on fire. You can't even have sex with a girl with out risk of splinters getting inside of the girl. This whole fairytale does not make sense!" Sasuke ranted.

**It had stopped snowing and Pinocchio set out for school with his first reading book under his arm. He was full of good intentions. "Today I want to learn to read. Tomorrow I'll learn to write and the day after to count. Then I'll earn some money and buy Geppetto a fine new coat. He deserves it, for . . ." The sudden sound of a brass band broke into the puppet's daydream and he soon forgot all about school. He ended up in a crowded square where people were clustering round a brightly coloured booth.**

**"What's that?" he asked a boy.**

**"Can't you read? It's the Great Puppet Show!"**

**"How much do you pay to go inside?"**

**"Fourpence.'**

"What is a pence?" Sasuke asked.

**"Who'll give me fourpence for this brand new book?" Pinocchio cried. A nearby junk seller bought the reading book and Pinocchio hurried into the booth. Poor Geppetto. His sacrifice had been quite in vain. Hardly had Pinocchio got inside, when he was seen by one of the puppets on the stage who cried out:**

**"There's Pinocchio! There's Pinocchio!"  
**

"My first name's Not Deidara. My middle name is Hidan's insane. My last name is Sakura Sucks."

**"Come, along. Come up here with us. Hurrah for brother Pinocchio!" cried the puppets. Pinocchio weent onstage with his new friends, while the spectators below began to mutter about uproar. Then out strode Giovanni, the puppet-master, a frightful looking man with fierce bloodshot eyes.**

Danzou appeared.

**"What's going on here? Stop that noise! Get in line, or you'll hear about it later!"**

"Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke watched Danzou intently.

"You are giving off bad vibes." Sasukie said.

Danzou remained silent.

**That evening, Giovanni sat down to his meal, but when he found that more wood was needed to finish cooking his nice chunk of meat, he remembered the intruder who had upset his show.**

"More wood...that's funny." Sasuke said.

**"Come here, Pinocchio! You'll make good firewood!" The poor puppet started to weep and plead.**

**"Save me, father! I don't want to die . . . I don't want to die!" When Giovanni heard Pinocchio's cries, he was surprised.**

"HELP HELP HELP HELP! HE"S HERE TO FINISH THE JOB! I"M THE LAST OF MY CLAN! HELP OH!"

**"Are your parents still alive?" he asked.**

"No."

**"My father is, but I've never known my mother," said the puppet in a low voice. The big man's heart melted.**

"I just said No."

**"It would be beastly for your father if I did throw you into the fire . . . but I must finish roasting the mutton. I'll just have to burn another puppet. Men! Bring me Harlequin, trussed!" **

Sakura was being carried to the fire.

**When Pinocchio saw that another puppet was going to be burned in his place, he wept harder than ever.**

"Actually no I didn't. I'm rather okay with it."

"SASUKE SAVE ME! HELP ME!" Sakura screamed.

"My name's Not Deidara so I don't hear you."

"I didn't call you Deidara!" Sakura screamed confused.

**"Please don't, sir! Oh, sir, please don't! Don't burn Harlequin!"**

**"That's enough!" boomed Giovanni in a rage. "I want my meat well cooked!"**

**"In that case," cried Pinocchio defiantly, rising to his feet, "burn me! It's not right that Harlequin should be burnt instead of me!"**

"You know this is a fairy tale when I offer my life instead of Sakura's."

**Giovanni was taken aback. "Well, well!" he said. "I've never met a puppet hero before!" Then he went on in a milder tone. "You really are a good lad. I might indeed . . ." Hope flooded Pinocchio's heart as the puppet-master stared at him, then at last the man said: "All right! I'll eat half-raw mutton tonight, but next time, somebody will find himself in a pickle." **

Danzou burned every puppet except Sakura and Sasuke.

**All the puppets were delighted at being saved. Giovanni asked Pinocchio to tell him the whole tale, and feeling sorry for kindhearted Geppetto, he gave the puppet five gold pieces.**

"Am I going to trade these for a cow too?"

**Sasuke that was like chapter 3 or 4 or something... Why are you still on that?**

**"Take these to your father," he said. "Tell him to buy himself a new coat, and give him my regards."**

**Pinocchio cheerfully left the puppet booth after thanking Giovanni for being so generous. **

Danzou smiled. "I can't wait until I try and kill him later on.

**He was hurrying homewards when he met a half-blind cat and a lame fox. **

Naruto and Itachi appeared.

"Gosh Naruto you are so lame." Sasuke said.

"And Itachi is so blind." Naruto added.

**He couldn't help but tell them all about his good fortune, and when the pair set eyes on the gold coins, they hatched a plot, saying to Pinocchio:**

**"If you would really like to please your father, you ought to take him a lot more coins. Now, we know of a magic meadow where you can sow these five coins. The next day, you will find they have become ten times as many!"**

**"How can that happen?" asked Pinocchio in amazement.**

"You are going to steal them aren't you?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't know yet."

"Why am I even here?" Itachi asked.

**"I'll tell you how!" exclaimed the fox. "In the land of Owls lies a meadow known as Miracle Meadow. If you plant one gold coin in a little hole, next day you will find a whole tree dripping with gold coins!" Pinocchio drank in every word his two "friends" uttered and off they all went to the Red Shrimp Inn to drink to their meeting and future wealth.**

"THREE CHEERS TO GETTIN PAID!" Naruto shouted.

"Hip Hip Hooray!" He said again.

"Hip Hip Hooray!" Sasuke shouted.

"..."

"..."

"Itachi?" asked Sasuke.

"I'm half blind. What's their to be happy about?"

"Well imagine if you were both blind."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Shut up Naruto."

**After food and a short rest, they made plans to leave at midnight for Miracle Meadow. However, when Pinocchio was wakened by the innkeeper at the time arranged, he found that the fox and the cat had already left. All the puppet could do then was pay for the dinner, using one of his gold coins, **

"Those bums left me with the bill! Why would they do that? I'll get my revenge later on..."

**and set off alone along the path through the woods to the magic meadow. Suddenly... "Your money or your life!" snarled two hooded bandits. **

"I'd rather not rob you. You might give me a splinter." said Shikamaru.

"Thank god for lazy robbers..."

"GIMME YOUR F**KIN MONEY!" The second Bandit said as he grabbed Sasuke forcefully by the collar of his shirt.

Sasuke visibly paled. _'Dear lord why did the other one have to be Shino...'_

**Now, Pinocchio had hidden the coins under his tongue, so he could not say a word, and nothing the bandits could do would make Pinocchio tell where the coins were hidden.**

Shino slapped Sasuke...with his fist...and kept doing so.

"Where's the money?"

_'I can't talk.'_

_**SLAP!**_

"WHERE IS IT?"

_'Please stop!'_

_**SLAP!**_

"WHERE IS IT?"

_'Stop punching me in the emo!'_

_**SLAP!**_

"WHERE IS IT?"

_'Stop punching me period'_

_**SLAP!**_

"WHERE IS IT?"

_'WAH! SOMEONE HELP ME!_'

_**SLAP!**_

"WHERE IS IT?"

Sasuke lost consciousness

"Oh you think losing consciousness is gonna stop me?"

_**SLAP!**_

**Still mute, even when the wicked pair tied a noose round the poor puppet's neck and pulled it tighter and tighter, Pinocchio's last thought was "Father, help me!"**

"So they hang me? What kind of fairytale is this? We have Two counts of Assault and battery, Attempted Murder, and ttalking evil animals...This fairytale is f**ked up."

**Of course, the hooded bandits were the fox and the cat. **

"Actually the bandits WERE going to be Naruto and Itachi until SHino got to them..." Shikamaru explained.

**"You'll hang there," they said, "till you decide to talk. We'll be back soon to see if you have changed your mind!" And away they went.**

**However, a fairy who lived nearby had overheard everything . . . From the castle window, **

"OH Sasuke I'll save you!" Karin said.

**the Turquoise Fairy saw a kicking puppet dangling from an oak tree in the wood. Taking pity on him, she clapped her hands three times and suddenly a hawk and a dog appeared.**

Suigetsu and Juugo appeared.

**"Quickly!" said the fairy to the hawk. "Fly to that oak tree and with your beak snip away the rope round the poor lad's neck!"**

"I don't have a beak. I'm made of water you freak of nature."

Karin punched Suigetsu.

**To the dog she said: "Fetch the carriage and gently bring him to me!"**

"I don't know how to drive though." Juugo said.

Karin face palmed.

"I'd hate to be that palm man."

Karin punched Suigetsu again.

**In no time at all, Pinocchio, looking quite dead, was lying in a cosy bed in the castle, while the fairy called three famous doctors, crow, owl and cricket. A very bitter medicine, prescribed by these three doctors quickly cured the puppet, then as she caressed him, the fairy said: "Tell me what happened!"**

"I'm made of wood. I don't have lungs...or a heart...or a pulse... or liver,kidney, basically anything that a human body has. You know now that I think about it, my body felt this exact same way right after Sakura kissed me in my sleep."

**Pinocchio told her his story, leaving out the bit about selling his first reading book, but when the fairy asked him where the gold coins were, the puppet replied that he had lost them. In fact, they were hidden in one of his pockets. All at once, Pinocchio's nose began to stretch, while the fairy laughed.**

"Your nose grew! Now I have two!" Karin exclaimed.

"Two what exactly?"

Karin blushed.

Sasuke looked Shock because he just put two and two together.

**"You've just told a lie! I know you have, because your nose is growing longer!" Blushing with shame, Pinocchio had no idea what to do with such an ungainly nose and he began to weep. However, again feeling sorry for him, the fairy clapped her hands and a flock of woodpeckers appeared to peck his nose back to its proper length.**

"So when you tell lies your nose grows." Karin asked.

"Uh..No."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"Am I Cute?"

"Yes."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"Do you think I would make a good wife?"

"Yes."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"Will I bear your children?"

"Yes."

Sasuke's nose grew.

Suigetsu laughed.

Karin sighed in defeat.

"Why don't you like me? Are you gay?"

"No."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL?" Shouted Sasuke.

**Bwahahaha! Pay back for messing with me earlier in the chapter.**

"I hate you."

**Now say your sorry and you won't do it again.**

"I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

Sasuke's nose grew.

**HEY!**

Suigetsu was rolling on the floor in laughter.

**"Now, don't tell any more lies," the fairy warned him," or your nose will grow again! Go home and take these coins to your father."**

**Pinocchio gratefully hugged the fairy and ran off homewards. But near the oak tree in the forest, he bumped into the cat and the fox. Breaking his promise, he foolishly let himself be talked into burying the coins in the magic meadow. **

"Man Sasuke you won't believe this." Started Naruto. "Shino mugged us! I don't understand how he beat a Jinchuuriki and an S ranked Shinobi but hey, weirder things have happened."

"It was because you believed his lie." Itachi input.

"He said he wasn't going to stab me though."

"Did you ever wonder why he had a knife in the first place Naruto?" Itachi asked.

**Full of hope, he returned next day, but the coins had gone. Pinocchio sadly trudged home without the coins Giovanni had given him for his father.**

"Damn I'm, dumb."

**After scolding the puppet for his long absence, Geppetto forgave him and off he went to school. Pinocchio seemed to have calmed down a bit. But someone else was about to cross his path and lead him astray. This time, it was Carlo, the lazy bones of the class.**

Orochimaru appeared.

"Oh god, now I have to worry about rape." Said Sasuke.

**"Why don't you come to Toyland with me?" he said. "Nobody ever studies there and you can play all day long!"**

**"Does such a place really exist?" asked Pinocchio in amazement.**

"Come play with me...and my toys Sasuke-kun."

"No because 9 out 6 people that play with you end up with wider and bigger anus's."

"You act like that's a bad thing." Orochimaru countered.

**"The wagon comes by this evening to take me there," said Carlo. "Would you like to come?"**

"No."

**Forgetting all his promises to his father and the fairy, Pinocchio was again heading for trouble. **

"Damn! Why is the wooden boy so damn dumb? I mean you would have thought that he would have learned by now that you can't trust strangers."

**Midnight struck, and the wagon arrived to pick up the two friends, along with some other lads who could hardly wait to reach a place where schoolbooks and teachers had never been heard of. Twelve pairs of donkeys pulled the wagon, and they were all shod with white leather boots. The boys clambered into the wagon. Pinocchio, the most excited of them all, jumped on to a donkey. **

"Sasuke I didn't know you were so eager to...ride the Ass."

"...Does everything you say make people feel brain raped?"

**Toyland, here we come!**

**Now Toyland was just as Carlo had described it: the boys all had great fun and there were no lessons. You weren't even allowed to whisper the word "school",**

"Sakura used to be useful before she came here and said the word "School".

**and Pinocchio could hardly believe he was able to play all the time.**

**"This is the life!" he said each time he met Carlo.**

**"I was right, wasn't I?" exclaimed his friend, pleased with himself.**

**"Oh, yes Carlo! Thanks to you I'm enjoying myself. And just think: teacher told me to keep well away from you."**

**One day, however, Pinocchio awoke to a nasty surprise. When he raised a hand to his head, he found he had sprouted a long pair of hairy ears, in place of the sketchy ears that Geppetto had never got round to finishing. And that wasn't all! The next day, they had grown longer than ever. Pinocchio shamefully pulled on a large cotton cap and went off to search for Carlo. He too was wearing a hat, pulled right down to his nose. With the same thought in their heads, the boys stared at each other, then snatching off their hats, they began to laugh at the funny sight of long hairy ears. But as they screamed with laughter, Carlo suddenly went pale and began to stagger. "Pinocchio, help! Help!" But Pinocchio himself was stumbling about and he burst into tears. For their faces were growing into the shape of a donkey's head and they felt themselves go down on all foursf. Pinocchio and Carlo were turning into a pair of donkeys. And when they tried to groan with fear, they brayed loudly instead. When the Toyland wagon driver heard the braying of his new donkeys, he rubbed his hands in glee.**

**"There are two fine new donkeys to take to market. I'll get at least four gold pieces for them!" For such was the awful fate that awaited naughty little boys that played truant from school to spend all their time playing games.**

"Oh I see where they went this. Go to school or get turned into an ass." Sasuke said.

**Carlo was sold to a farmer, and a circus man bought Pinocchio to teach him to do tricks like his other performing animals. It was a hard life for a donkey! Nothing to eat but hay, and when that was gone, nothing but straw. And the beatings! Pinocchio was beaten every day till he had mastered the difficult circus tricks. One day, as he was jumping through the hoop, he stumbled and went lame. The circus man called the stable boy.**

**"A lame donkey is no use to me," he said. "Take it to market and get rid of it at any price!" But nobody wanted to buy a useless donkey. Then along came a little man who said: "I'll take it for the skin. It will make a good drum for the village band!"**

**And so, for a few pennies, Pinocchio changed hands and he brayed sorrowfully when he heard what his awful fate was to be. **

"Why does everyone want to kill me? And who is the little man?"

Yamato appeared.

**The puppet's new owner led him to the edge of the sea, tied a large stone to his neck, and a long rope round Pinocchio's legs and pushed hlm into the water. Clutching the end of the rope, the man sat down to wait for Pinocchio to drown. Then he would flay off the donkey's skin.**

"HELP I"M DROWNING!" Sasuke said flailing around in the water.

"Careful now. You don't want me to use MY wood."

**Pinocchio struggled for breath at the bottom of the sea, and in a flash, remembered all the bother he had given Geppetto, his broken promises too, and he called on the fairy.**

**The fairy heard Pinocchio's call and when she saw he was about to drown, she sent a shoal of big fish. They ate away all the donkey flesh, leaving the wooden Pinocchio. Just then, as the fish stopped nibbling, Pinocchio felt himself hauled out of the water. And the man gaped in astonishment at the living puppet, twisting and turning like an eel, which appeared in place of the dead donkey. When he recovered his wits, he babbled, almost in tears: "Where's the donkey I threw into the sea?"**

**"I'm that donkey", giggled Pinocchio.**

"You're an ass."

"Yep."

**"You!" gasped the man. "Don't try pulling my leg. If I get angry . . ."**

**However, Pinocchio told the man the whole story . . . "and that's how you come to have a live puppet on the end of the rope instead of a dead donkey!"**

**"I don't give a whit for your story," shouted the man in a rage. "All I know is that I paid twenty coins for you and I want my money back! Since there's no donkey, I'll take you to market and sell you as firewood!"**

**By then free of the rope, Pinocchio made a face at the man and dived into the sea. Thankful to be a wooden puppet again, Pinocchio swam happily out to sea and was soon just a dot on the horizon. But his adventures were far from over. Out of the water behind him loomed a terrible giant shark! **

"Oh my god. Throughout this whole story I have been, chased, tricked, beaten, robbed, hung, beat, slapped, raped, tricked again, betrayed, sold, and now I'm about to be eaten.

**A horrified Pinocchio sawits wide open jaws and tried to swim away as fast as he could, but the monster only glided closer. Then the puppet tried to escape by going in the other direction, but in vain. He could never escape the shark, for as the water rushed into its cavern-like mouth, he was sucked in with it. And in an instant Pinocchio had been swallowed along with shoals of fish unlucky enough to be in the fierce creature's path. Down he went, tossed in the torrent of water as it poured down the shark's throat, till he felt dizy.**

"That was some good wood." Kisame said.

**When Pinocchio came to his senses, he was in darkness. Over his head, he could hear the loud heave of the shark's gills. On his hands and knees, the puppet crept down what felt like a sloping path, crying as he went:**

**"Help! Help! Won't anybody save me?"**

**Suddenly, he noticed a pale light and, as he crept towards it, he saw it was a flame in the distance. On he went, till: "Father! It can't be you! . . ."**

**"Pinocchio! Son! It really is you . . ."**

"Where the hell have you been for like ever?" Sasuke asked.

"That's not how you talk to your father Not Deidara. And why are we inside Kisame?"

**Weeping for joy, they hugged each other and, between sobs, told their adventures. Geppetto stroked the puppet's head and told him how he came to be in the shark's stomach.**

"I was taking a piss and fell in the river because my wood was so heavy." Sasori said.

"um...yeah The same thing happened to me."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"Why did your nose grow?"

"No clue."

It grew again.

**"I was looking for you everywhere. When I couldn't find you on dry land, I made a boat to search for you on the sea. But the boat capsized in a storm, then the shark gulped me down. Lucklly, it also swallowed bits of ships wrecked in the tempest, so I've managed to survive by gettlng what I could from these!"**

**"Well, we're still alive!" remarked Pinocchio, when they had finished recounting their adventures. "We must get out of here!" Taking Geppetto's hand, the pair started to climb up the shark's stomach, using a candle to light their way. When they got as far as its jaws, they took fright, but as so happened, this shark slept with its mouth open, for it suffered from asthma.**

"Sharks don't have lungs so asthma is out of the question." Sasuke said.

**As luck would have it, the shark had been basking in shallow waters since the day before, and Pinocchio soon reached the beach. Dawn was just breaking, and Geppetto, soaked to th****e skin, was half dead with cold and fright.**

**"Lean on me, father." said Pinocchio. "I don't know where we are, but we'll soon find our way home!"**

**Beside the sands stood an old hut made of branches, and there they took shelter. Geppetto was running a temperature, but Pinocchio went out, saying, "I'm going to get you some milk." The bleating of goats led the puppet in the right direction, and he soon came upon a farmer. Of course, he had no money to pay for the milk.**

**"My donkey's dead," said the farmer. "If you work the treadmill from dawn to noon, then you can have some milk." And so, for days on end, Pinocchio rose early each morning to earn Geppetto's food.**

**At long last, Pinocchio and Geppetto reached home. The puppet worked late into the night weaving reed baskets to make money for his father and himself. One day, he heard that the fairy after a wave of bad luck, was ill in hospital. So instead of buying himself a new suit of clothes, Pinocchio sent the fairy the money to pay for her treatment.**

**One night, in a wonderful dream, the fairy appeared to reward Pinocchio for his kindness. When the puppet looked in the mirror next morning, he found he had turned into somebody else. For there in the mirror, was a handsome young lad with blue eyes and brown hair. Geppetto hugged him happily.**

**"Where's the old wooden Pinocchio?" the young lad asked in astonishment. "There!" exclaimed Geppetto, pointing at him. "When bad boys become good, their looks change along with their lives!"**

"Ok Now glad that's over." Sasuke began. "I'm going to spare the readers my huge rant that they know is coming. I'll sum this story up in three letters. W.T.F."

"What does that stand for?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know."

Sasuke's nose grew.

"OW IT HIT ME IN THE EYE!" Naruto said holding his eye.

* * *

**AN- NOW THIS IS DAMN NEAR 7,000 WORDS. I KNOW I DESERVE SOME FEEDBACK LOL. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	19. The Boy Who Cried Wolf

THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF

* * *

**There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. **

Sasuke appeared.

"Finally! I'm a boy!"

**To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, **

**"I'M FINALLY A GUY! I HAVE PECKS AND A PENIS!"**

**SASUKE!**

"Oh Sorry sorry. What was my line? Oh yeah."

**"WOLF! A WOLF IS ATTACKING!"**

**The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.**

"HAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your faces!"

"Stupid brat..." Jiraiya said.

"Sasuke it's not cool to lie."Shikamaru said.

"Tell your mom not to lie...down on my bed every night...BURN!"

"Mendukosai..."

**"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.**

**Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.**

"I'M COMING SASUKE TEBAYO! I'M GONNA GIVE THAT WOLF A GOOD OL' ONE, TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE!"

"Naruto our shoes don't have buckles..." said Tsunade running along side Naruto.

"THEN IMA GIVE THAT WOLF A THREE, FOUR LOCK THE DOOR!" Naruto continued to shout.

"What door is he talking about?" Sakura asked Kakashi.

Kakashi ran while reading in his book.

"Sorry Lost in ma' porn still..."

"THEN IMA GIVE THAT WOLF A FIVE, SIX SAKURA'S A B***H!"

"HEY!" One pink haired shinobi said.

**When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!"**

"Wait Sasuke is crying?" Sakura asked.

"SASUKE'S CRYING?"

**_SLAP!_**

Naruto slapped Sasuke.

**But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.**

**Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!"**

**But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.**

"Actually we're still here watching it all go down." Shikamaru said.

Sasuke was being chased by wolves and his sheep were being eaten.

"AHH! HELP!" Sasuke said. "SOMEBODY HELP ME! JIRAIYA HELP!"

Jiraiya was ogling Tsunade.

"Sorry kid, lost in ma' perv."

**At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.**

"WEEPING? THAT'S THE SAME AS CRYING!"

**_SLAP!_**

Naruto slapped Sasuke...again.

**"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?"**

"Why didn't you guys help?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Shikamaru asked.

"I mean any moron could figure this out." Tsunade added.

"Yeah and I did." Naruto added.

"Is it because I called you down here the first two times because I felt like messing with you?" Sasuke asked.

"No it's because Tenten does not have a last name." Naruto answered.

**An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.**

**"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"**

"So the moral of the story is don't cry while Naruto is around and don't pee while Orochimaru is around." Sasuke said.

"Where did that come from?" Shikamaru asked.

"Before the story started I had to use the bathroom. Let me tell you it is hard running with your pants around your ankle."

Shikamaru edged away from Sasuke slowly...

* * *

AN- I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T DO THIS YET LOL. PLEASE REVIEW!


	20. The Scorpion and The Frog

**AN- HEY IT'S YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR HERE WITH ANOTHER CHAPPIE. ALSO ON A SIDE NOTE I AM OFFICIALLY A COLLABING WHORE.**

**I'M COLLABORATING WITH HANA-01 ON A STORY CALLED THE NINJA ALL-STARS TOURNAMENT.(WE'RE LIKE 11 CHAPTERS IN.)**

**I'M COLLABING WITH thatCHICKyouUSEDtoKNOW on a Humour story with Naruto and Sasuke as Lawyers (Coming soon to a Fanfic site near you.)**

**I'm collabinig with Lanky Nathan on a Action adventure (with slight humour) story called A New Dream. It's about Naruto bringing Sasuke back on his first retieval mission. But The village labels Sasuke as a Traitor and sentences him to Death. Naruto can't deal with this so he does something no one expects...(Coming soon to a Fanfic site near you.)**

**I'm collabing with Kaitaru Seras Viktoria Hatake on a NaruTen story...(Coming soon to a Fanfic site near you.)**

**Everyone I'm collabing with is an awesome author whose stories should be read by everyone everywhere.**

**I'm such a whore aren't I? lol**

**Anywho...**

**The Scorpion and the Frog**

* * *

**One day, a scorpion**

Sasuke appeaared with the body of a scorpion and the head of Sasuke.

"Oh God. Not another animal fairy tale. I have a bad feeling about this. And it's not indigestion."

**looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.**

"Y'know this peace and quiet isn't half bad. Of course I would rather be a human but still. It's rather nice."

**Oh Just you wait..**

"What was that?"

**Nothing**

**The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver**

"I don't think scorpions can run. I think they just crawl fast."

**Hey You can leave your logic and clear thinking outta this story.**

**and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.**

**Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.**

Sasuke saw a frog with the head of Naruto.

"Naruto your a frog."

"No I'm a toad."

"They are basically the same thing."

"Oh ok. Since we're lumping everything together you must be a crab."

"But clearly I'm a scorpi-"

"Nope! Crabs and scorpions both have pincers. So they must be the same thing. Detail is meaningless now because since frogs and Toads are the same Scorpions and crabs are the same right Sasuke?"

"Naruto-"

"WRONG! TOADS AND FROGS ARE NOT THE SAME THING! IF THEY WERE WHY WOULD THERE BE TWO DIFFERENT NAMES FOR THEM? IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS YOU KNOW? YOU GO THROUGH LIFE DAY TO DAY THINKING THAT SINCE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING THEY ALL MUST BE THE SAME THING! WELL YOU ARE WORNG! TOADS AND FROGS ARE DIFFERENT! AND IF I CATCH YOU SAYING THEY ARE THE SAME AGAIN I AM GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND BACK SLAP THE EMO OUT OF YOU!"

...

...

...

**Damn Sasuke, he really let you have it.**

SAsuke said nothing. Still in shok about Naruto's explosion.

**"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"**

**"I don't know Mr. Scorpion. Do you want to ride on a Frog or a Toad?"**

**Naruto.**

"Ok ok...I'm over it now."

**"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to _kill_me?" asked the frog hesitantly.**

"I might actually try." Sasuke said.

**"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"**

"Don't believe me I'm lying."

**Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"**

"I'm gonna kill you while we are riding across the river. If you don't believe me just scroll down the page to the end of the story."

**"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"**

"Why would you even need to go back to the other side?" Naruto asked.

"That question was over looked when this fairy tale wasw made." Sasuke answered.

**"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.**

"I'm going to kill you before that."

"I don't know SAsuke. You seem really sure that you won't."

O_o

"I am telling you I will!"

"How do I know you won't let me live?"

"Because I'm telling you I willl kill you."

"How do I know when I reach the other side you won't let me live?"

"Because I will be so angry that you are a toad or frog I will kill you when we are close and then swim the rest of the way."

"How do I know you won't let me live after I reached the land on the other side."

"I won't."

**"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?"**

"That's total bull."

"I KNEW IT!"

Sasuke sighed in relief. Naruto now knew he would kill him. Maybe the Dobe had common sense after all.

"You are totally gonna let me live."

...

...

...

**Sasuke do not kill him yet.**

**So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.**

"What a soft back you have."

"Um...thanks?"

"Y'know about that whole toad and frog thing..."

Naruto's eyes widened.

"Y-yes?"

"You threatened me didn't you."

"Yes." said Naruto as he swallowed Nervously.

"I don't like to be threatened. It makes my stinger go wild."

Sasuke unrolled his stinger and extended it straight in the air.

**Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.**

Sasuke stung Naruto very hard.

"AHH WHY? YOU LIED SASUKE!"

Sasuke stung him again.

"THAT'S FOR YELLING AT ME!

Sasuke stung him again.

"THAT'S FOR THREATENING ME!"

Sasuke continued to sting him.

**"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"**

**The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.**

**"I could not help myself. It is my nature."**

**Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.**

**_Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion..._**

Sasuke continued to sting Naruto mercilessly over and over again. Naruto's frog body was floating lifeless in the water by the surface. It never sunk so Sasuke would still get his ride across the river. And he can sting as much as he wants...

"The moral of this story is...Toads are different than Frogs. But it doesn't matter to a scorpion." Sasuke said as he stung Naruto again.**_  
_**


	21. Takeover

Little Miss Muffet.

* * *

**Little Miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her berries away.**

Sasuke appeared.

"What the hell kind of name is muffet? It's not Japanese I know that."

**Along came a spider to sat down beside her and scared miss Muffet away.**

Naruto appeared.

"I'm a spider!"

"So it seems." Sasuke added.

**Little Miss Tuff-**

_**SHUT UP!**_

**What the hell?**

"Hey who's the new voice, old voice? tebayo"

"Yeah..."

**_I finally found you, you piece of crap..After all this time I have finally caught you_.**

**Wh-who are you? I don't know you!**

_**Oh you don't know me now? Well I know you, Inuyonas.**_

"Inu-who?"

"Shut up Sasuke it's getting good."

**Why are you here?**

_**I'm here to right a wrong that has been committed.**_

**What wrong are you talking about?**

_**For over a year you have written great stories. Stories that have inspired other people to write. STories that I have hated. I hate your stories because they lack plot. Well NO MORE I TELL YOU! Your days of meaningless stories are over! I'm in charge now. SO GET LOST!**_

_**AAAAAH!**_

"AAAAAH!"

A bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of Naruto and Sasuke. This caused smoke to rise from the point of impact.

"Whoa!" Naruto exclaimed shielding his eyes from the light of the bolt.

After the smoke cleared Naruto and Sasuke opened their eyes. They were met with the sight of aperson laying on the ground where the lightning hit.

"WHo is that?"

Sasuke stayed silent,all the while studying this barely conscious person on the ground.

It was a male. He looked to be around the age of 18 or 19.

"We should help him up." Naruto said.

"So do it."

Naruto glared at Sasuke, before moving to help the unknown person up.

It was now clear that this person had at least another foot on Naruto and Sasuke. His black locks hung down to his upper back. He was dark skinned. A tad darker than Kumo shinobi. The guy stood wobbily after Naruto let go of him.

"Who are you?" asked Naruto.

""Oh man, I can't believe she did that!"

Naruto's question was ignored. Of course Naruto, being the guy that he is, didn't like being ignored.

"Hey I'm talking to you!"

"Huh? Oh I'm sorry My name is Inuyonas." answered the newly identified Inuyonas.

"Were you the voice?" Sasuke asked.

"Um...Yes?"

"YOU"RE DEAD!"

"SASUKE WAIT!"

Naruto restrained Sasuke from killing Inuyonas right then and there.

"Let me go! He made us do all those crazy things! I'm gonna kill him!"

"No Sasuke we have more important things to worry about. Like why is he here now."

"That was oddly smart of you." Sasuke said.

"So why are you here?"

"Well I was in my room typng the newest chapter of Fairytale when all of a sudden someone kicks my door open and throws posters of NaruSasu things alll of my room. I saw a poster and was instantly blinded for about 10 seconds. Then she did some forbidden technique and I was absorbed into my laptob."

"Who's she?" Sasuke asked.

_**HAHAHAHA! Now Inuyonas, you shall see what it''s like to be stuck in one of your disasters you call a story! Sasuke isn't suppose to be OOC! It's annoying! **_

"That's the second time I heard that."

"What is OOC?"

"It must mean strong because I'm OOC."

"Teme you are so full of yourself."

**_This is my story now! And I can't wait until I get to Fanfic Massascre you called "WHO DID IT?" and after that it's off to "Naruto Tryouts"_**

**_MWAHAHAHAHA!_**

"SO who is that?" Naruto asked.

"It's the bane of my existence. The one thing that keeps dragging me down. She is..."

"She is?" Sasuke asked impatiently.

"My dramatic pause isn't over yet."

"Sasuke deactivate Chidori right now Tebayo!"

"She is...Yaoiweh."

DUNDUNDUUN!

"You guys have to help me get control back." Inuyonas said.

"What for? You killed my mom...again." Sasuke said.

"And you made me say that Banana Frappe is better than Ramen!"

"Look if you don't help me, SHe will make you do Yaoi things..."

"..."

"You guys don't know what Yaoi means do you?"

Their silence was all Inuyonas needed to confirm his suspicion.

"Yaoi means gay."

O_o

"You can count on us! Dattebayo!"

* * *

AN- FIRST OFF I DO NOT HAVE YAOIWEH'S PERMISSION TO DO THIS.

BUT HEY WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? AT LEAST SHE WILL GET POPULAR. IN A GOOD WAY TOO.

NOW IF ONLY HER AND I WERE FRIENDLY TORWARD ONE ANOTHER...I MEAN I HAVE STORIES WITH PLOT...AND I HAVE SOME THAT DON'T. THAT'S NOT BADD RIGHT?

WELL NOW FAIRY TALE HAS A PLOT...AND IT'S THANKS TO HER...

PLZ REVIEW.


	22. Chaos Ensues

"Wait wait wait...so let me get this straight."

"Hey that rhymed."

"Shut up Naruto. So You Inuyonas, write stories about us? and the world we live in is called NARUTO. And it's written by a bisexual man?" Sasuke said.

"Is that why Haku is what He or she or it is?"

"My guess is as good s yours Naruto." Inuyonas said.

"And Somehow this Yaoiweh girl thing tookover?" Sasuke continued.

"Yes."

"And you need help getting control back?" Naruto asked.

"Yes."

"But how do you get control back?"

"That is complicated. You see we have to find my strongest completed storyfrom where we are now. If a story is not complete then Yaoiweh can just do whatever the hell she wants."

"How do we get from story to story?" Naruto asked.

"AH Now that my friend...is tricky. We have to wait until she is bored with it and move to a new story. The story may change but we won't."

"So we have to deal with her crap?" Sasuke said.

**_Yes you do. Mwahahahaha! and now since Inuyonas likes random things...try this on for size!_**

The six paths of pein appeared.

"We are pein. We show no mercy." Deva path said.

"Oh shit Run away!" Naruto said as the trio ran in the opposite direction.

"Damnit Yaoiweh stop ruining my fic!" Inuyonas shouted as he ran.

**_You mean how your account has ruined fanfiction!_**

"I should have seen that coming..."

"I'm not strong enough to beat him yet."

"And I don'tknow Kirin yet."

"Oh God, how will we get out of this?"

_**You won't!**_

Something shot out of the ground in front of our heores causing them to skid to a stop.

"What the hell is that?" Sasuke asked looking up at the giant ...thing.

"Oh my god, IT"S A GUNDAM!

"A what?"

"Naruto let me put it to you thiis way. It probably can take out a hidden village with ease." Inuyonas said.

"Stop talking to the dobe and move!" Sasuke screamd.

Inuyonas, Naruto and Sasuke all turned to their left and sprinted as fast as they could away from Pein and the gundam.

_**You can run but you can't hide!**_

Orochimaru appeared in front of our heroes.

"I'm here to kick names and take ass...and That came out very RIGHT!"

"Oh no! He's gonna rape me again!" Sasuke shouted.

"Again?"

"I never made him rape you a first time Sasuke?" Inuyonas said..

"It wasn't you Inuyonas. It was Yaoieh. SShe slowly gained control ovver your fic by controlling me first. Now if you don't mind, please drop your pants." Orochimaru had a hungry look on his face.

"How about no..."

"It's not a choice Sasuke."

"Oh yes it is. The choice is-"

Sasuke took off and bolted pass Orochimaru.

"I love a good chase. Aren't you two gonna..."

When Orochimaru looked torward Naruto and Inuyonas they were gone.

"This just keeps getting better and better. Ready or not here I come." Orochimaru then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

* * *

_**AN-**_**THIS WOULD BE ALOT FUNNER IF YAOIWEH ACTUALLY HELPED ME WRITE THIS...BUT SADLY THAT IS A DREAM THAT SHALL NOT COME TO PASS...PLZ REVIEW...**


	23. Very Important AN

AN- I bet you are ll wondering why I put yaoiweh in this tory as a bad guy. Well I'll tell you.

You see, Yaoiweh flamed my Naruto Tryouts story a long time ago and it was then established that she did not care for my fics. That's ok. You don't have to read something you don't like right?

SHe put my story up on a community entitled: Stories that should not be read. That's ok to it didn't really bother me. In fact it just saves me time from dealing with people who are gonna leave flames.

But this is where things got murky. She left a review on Fairy tale calling me a dumb bitch...Now my first thought was "Why are you reading my fics if you do not like them?" and to make matters worst she reviewed on like chapter 15 or something. So she would have had to read it. Was she keeping tabs onme or something? Was she secretly enjoying my stories? (Probably not XD) I don't know why she review a story written by an author she hated.

So I set up a test. I put her in the fic. Only to see if My ideas were correct about her. The only way she would know I put her in this fic is if She was still reading my stories...or if someone told her...but I doubt the latter. But anyway my plan was to see if she would review. Did it work?

...

...

...

.

Yes it did. She reviewed.

TWICE.

Now what does that say? Reading a fic you hate with a passion...what kind of person would do this?

a Yaoiweh kind of person apparently.

And to Yaoiiweh since I know you are reading this. I will not stop updating this fic or any of my other stories. I will keep putting jokes about you. You started it.

And I plan to finish it. What do my loyal and wonderful fans think about this? Is it immature to put a flamer as the bad guy in your story? Is it immature to review something you don't like without any constructive criticism? I guess we're both immature...

And I'm not the only person who feels this way about her. Go check her profile. We need to put a stop to her ways.

Lol I feel like I'm giving a motivational speech lol. Please review I need to hear some feedback


	24. The Battle Continues

"Oh my god!" Inuyonas said as he leapt over a ball of fire.

"We won't make it!"

"YEs we will tebayo!"

"You two have ninja powers. I don't. I'm the one who probably won't make it."

Inuyonas stopped running.

"Why'd you stop!" Sasuke said as he and Naruto skidded to a halt.

"Yea, Orochi-manwhore is coming for your booty!" Naruto screamed.

"All that matters is that you two make it. I'm gonna stay and fight and try to stall everyone."

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.

"So let me see if I understand. A person with no powers whatsoever is going to stand up to Orochimaru, The six paths of Pein, a gundam and some guy named Monkey D. Luffy who can stretch his body parts." Sasuke explained.

"Yes. The odds may be against me, but I won't run. I'll never give up." Inuyonas said.

"That's the spirit!" Naruto said.

_**Did you all forgt about me?**_

"It's Yaoiweh Tebayo!"

"Man that voice is annoying. It sounds like pure discomfort in sound form." Inuyonas said.

"How are we gonna beat her?" Naruto asked.

"It's not us whose gonna beat her." Sasuke said.

Naruto and Inuyonas looked at Sasuke.

"It's Inuyonas."

"WHy me?"

"Because you are the original author. You can't let some yaoi whore take away your story and run wild with it. You created it. Surely you have some power in here." Said the raven haired Uchiha.

"You know your right Sasuke." Inu began. "I've got to stop her."

"You have to get passed us first."

Sasuke turned around immediately and caught sight of Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru!" Naruto screamed.

"Give up now. You are surrounded."

Our heores looked around and noticed Orochimaru was telling the truth. The Rikudo Pein surrounded them. The Gundam was standing behind Orochimaru and Luffy was standing next to Naruto.

Naruto turned his head torward The Pirate Captain

"Hey how come your first name is Monkey?" Naruto asked.

"How come your name means fishcake?" Luffy retaliated.

"Well at least I let people call me by my first name."

"What kind of guy answers to Fishcake?"

"Oh yea? Well at least I cans swim. Hey after this let's go swimming-oh wait, I forgot you don't no how."

Luffy frowned.

"The color Orange is stupid."

Naruto balled his fists.

"How dare you insult a godly color?"

"A stupid guy wearing a stupid color." Luffy said smirking.

"Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory." Naruto said.

Inuyonas sniggered.

Sasuke chuckled lightly.

**_Enough of this nonsense. Finish them._**

Everyone tensed up.

_'No I can't let this happen! I-I've gotta do something! I know I can do it' _Inuyonas thought.

And with that Idea in his head Inuyonas Heroicly sprang into action. Inuyonas rushed and punched Orochimaru in the gut.

"Oof!" Orochimaru doubled over in pain and fell on his knees

Deva path ran at Inuyonas from Behind. Deva punched and aimed for Inuyonas's head, But Inu ducked forward and kicked backward hitting Deva path square in the chest with incredible force.. Deva flew back and rolled on the ground. Another path ran at Inuyonas from his left, INu side kick the path in the face knocking him backwards aswell. Another Path came from Inuyonas's right but was quickly dispatched when Inuonas bashed his right fist into the path's head.

Inuyonas then jumped high in the air way above the Gundam's head.

"

"HiyA!" He shouted as he plummeted torwards the gundam's head. Inuyonas hit the top of the giant machine's head and went through, bursting out of the Gundam's stomach.

The gundam fell over functionless.

"Wow Tebayo!"

"Amazing." Sasuke said.

* * *

"Wow Tebayo."

"Amazing."

Naruto and Sasuke were bound by rope tied to each other. Their backs were against each others They were both looking at the Unconscious form of Inuyonas who was also bound by rope and laying next to them.

"Yeah...Take that..." Inu mumbled from his sleep.

"Is he dreaming?"

"Yes Naruto. Amazingly he is."

"We should wake him up."

"Go ahead."

"Inuyonas!" Naruto shouted.

Inu snored.

"INUYONAS!"

Inu still snored.

"Let me try Naruto." Sasuke interrupted. Sasuke then turned his head torward Inuyonas.

"The greatest Author says what?"

Inuyonas abruptly woke up.

"What? What's going on. Did we win?"

Naruto stared in disbelief.

"No we did not win." Answered Sasuke.

"But I could have sworn I punchd Orochimaru in his gut." INuyonas said.

"Right after Yaoiweh said finish them, you screamed like a little girl and fainted." Said Naruto.

"Well that's not at all how Iremember it. Why did they tie us up?"

"Well the voice said that She was going to wreak havoc in the story. She said she'sging to redo all the chaptrs her way." Sasuke eplained.

Inuyonas paled. "NO! I cant let that happen!"

"Well then How are we going to bet out of these Chakra absorbing ropes?"Naruto asked.

"I- don't know"

"Why I don't I help?"

Three pairs of eyes all moved to the person that said this. They were standong behind where Inuyonas sat on the ground.

"YOU!"

"It can't be..."

"But...why would you want to help us?"

* * *

AN- I HOPE YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS DONE. I JUST WAS BUSY WITH LIFE AND WHATNOT. I'M WORKING 2 JOBS SO...YEAH.

BUT NOUGH ABOUT MY LIFE.

WELL IT SEEMS A FOURTH PERSON WANTS TO HELP OU HEROES...AND ME...WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS? PLZ REVIEW.


	25. Another AN

AN- Hey guys. Bad news. My laptop broke like a couple months ago...

Ironically I was looking for pictures of Sakura when it just turned off and never turned back on.

R..I.P laptop you will be missed...until I get a new one...then it's to hell with you.

ANyway it will be very hard for me to update anything but I haven't given up. I still have faith that my fans still love me.

Right? plz?


	26. The help

"You!"

"Why would you wanna help us?" Sasuke said.

Inuyonas turned his head and body to look at the new arrival.

"No way. Why on earth would you help me...after all that's been done to you?" asked The greatest author in the world.

Standing amongst all three of our heroes was someone you would never guess.

Naruto's first crush...

Sasuke's number one fan girl...

Inuyonas's most bashed character...

Kishimoto's most useless kunoichi...

Sakura Haruno.

Sakura glared at Inuyonas.

"Even though you deserve every bit of what Yaoiweh is planning on doing to you, I cannot stand by and watch as a talented author like yourself get f'ked over. I'll only help you on one condition."

"What is it?"

"Does it involve me?" Sasuke said.

Sakura blushed...

"Ok make that two conditions."

"And they are...?" Inuyonas asked.

"Sasuke goes on a date with me."

"Of course he will." Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Sasuke stopped being dumb. Sakura-chan is going help us out and you are going on that date." Naruto declared.

"Hn, Over my dead body."

"I'm ok with you being unconscious Sasuke-kun. That just makes it easier for dessert." Sakura said with a perverted smile on her face.

Sasuke blinked.

"What is the next condition?" Inuyonas said.

"You write a story where I'm one of the main characters and you bash Naruto."

"Bash me? Uh, The show is called Naruto for a reason Sakura," Naruto commented.

"Yea, I mean if the show was called SAKURA I wouldn't even have a fanfiction account."

BAM!

"OW!"

Sakura punched Inuyonas in the face.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Sakura began. "So Inuyonas do we have a deal?"

Inu thought.

and thought.

and thought.

and thought.

and smiled.

"Yes Sakura. We have a deal."

"Yes! Tebayo!"

"Hn."

Sakura should have been happy, but for some reason she didn't like Inuyonas's smile.

* * *

AN- GUESS WHO GOT A NEW LAPTOP...

UH OH...HE'S BACK AND HE'S ABOUT HIT FANFICTION WITH A VENGEANCE!

SORRY FOR THE SHORTNESS BUT THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW FOR THE EPIC BATTLE THATS TO COME.

PLZ REVIEW AND CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES!


	27. So it begins

Little Red riding Butt.

A Raven haired boy appeared seemingly out of nowhere into a forest. He looked to be 12 years of age, and had a rather odd hair style. He had a blue shirt and white shorts on.

"What the hell? Where am I?" said the Boy.

Orochimaru appeared.

"Orochimaru!" Sasuke exclaimed spotting the nukenin.

_**Butt sex. Now.**_

"With pleasure yaoiweh-sama." Orochimaru said smiling devilishly.

Sasuke was definitely not ok with what he thought was about to happen.

So he did the one thing he swore he would never do because Itachi told him to do it.

He ran. He ran and he clung to his butt's wretched life, hoping to survive long enough for his booty to never be handled in an unslightly manner.

"And so the chase begins."

* * *

"HA!"

A powerful punch shook the earth.

Countless creatures were felled by the punch.

"My god...if only you could do that before the wave mission..."

"Hey if you have time to make smart comments than you have time to MOVE FASTER INUYONAS!" screeched the pink haired kunoichi.

Currently we find our heroes battling a horde of subhumanoid shadow-like creatures or as Naruto named them "Yaoiweh's bitches..."

"Chidori!"

A bitch was run through by Sasuke's lightning attack.

"Rasengan!"

A bitch's guts were blown apart by Naruto's attack.

"YAAA!"

Dirt was EPICLY thrown into a bitch's eyes by the EPIC Inuyonas.

"We need to hurry up!" Sakura said punching a bitch's head off.

"We can't beat them all...we have to keep moving!"

"So dobe, let's go!" Sasuke said kicking a bitch off of him, then Running away from the group of bitches.

"Sasuke's right!"

"You would agree with him..."

"Now is not the time Inuyonas!" Sakura said running after Sasuke.

"As much as I hate running from a fight, they are both right." Naruto ran away too.

"I know you guys didn't just leave me with a bunch of bitches!" Inuyonas screamed running away from the group. But because he was nowhere near as fast as a ninja...the bitches were right on his heel.

"I SWEAR AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER I'M GONNA GET YOU ALL BACK FOR ABANDONING ME!" The best author in the world screamed.

* * *

The Sasuke from chapter one ran through the forest.

Orochimaru was hot on his heels.

"Come here Sasuke-kun...I have a present for you kukuku..." He said still chasing the Uchiha.

"NO!"

"What are you so scared for...it's just my penis."

O_O

Sasuke sped up.

He then spotted Kiba.

"KIBA!"

Kiba turned around at his name being called.

"Sasuke? What's going on? I was reading Hana's diary and was on her entry about the ORANGE SHINOBI she's been pinning for ever since I was little."

"No time! Orochimaru- wait Orange Shinobi?"

"Yeah. Ever since the Chuunin exams these Orange shinobi paragraghs have been in her diary. Wonder who he could be."

Sasuke stared a half lidded gaze at Kiba.

"What?"

"Nevermind. Orochimaru is coming after me! HE WANTS TO RAPE ME!" Sasuke shouted.

"Orochimaru! The S-ranked criminal! Why would he want your booty?"

"Because I find that young male booty is better than Old male booty."

Sasuke and Kiba froze.

"He's standing right behind me isn't he?" Kiba asked.

"No he's behind me." Sasuke said.

"Actually I'm behind both of you."

"Shadow clone...crap." Sasuke said.

Suddenly Sasuke lashed out behind him landing a bonecrushing back kick to Orochimaru's nether regions. Needless to say the shadow clone behind Kiba dispelled and in that Moment Sasuke and Kiba took off in a random direction away from Orochimaru.

Orochimaru was doubled over in pain. "Kukuku...fiesty prey." He then licked his lips.

* * *

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and surprisingly Inuyonas were running. The bitches had long since been taken care of.

"Right now she's probably wreacking havoc in the chapters!" Inu screamed.

"Don't worry, We'll stop her."

Naruto and Inuyonas conversed as they all ran.

"You gotta have faith." Surprisingly this came from Sasuke.

"Oh Sasuke-kun, you are so right." Sakura gushed.

"Now's not the time Sakura." Inu commented.

"There's always a time for love!" Sakura announced.

"What is this love thing you speak of?" Sassuke asked.

"Everyone stop!" Naruto shouted skidding to a halt.

Sasuke had to grab Inuyonas because as the author wasn't a ninja he could not stop on a dime like team 7.

"Why are we stopping?" Sakura asked looking at our blonde.

"That's why." Sasuke said pointing in front of them.

There was someone standing in front of them. This person was dressed in blue baggy pants, a blue slightly baggy llong sleeved shirt and had flowing black hair down to his mid back. He had obsidian eyes that seemed to hold ill intent behind them. He wore no shoes.

Inuyonas's eyes widened. _'N-no!'_

"Who are you?" Naruto asked.

The unknown person held his palm at our quartet of heroes before answering.

"My name is Naraku, and I was sent to stop you."

Suddenly his arm turned into a gigantic tree root heading straight for Naruto intent on peircing through him.

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed terror.


	28. The Christmas Filler

AN- A LITTLE DETOUR FROM OUR MAIN STORY TO GIVE YOU ALL A TASTE OF WHAT WE HAD BEFORE THE YAOIWEH ARC. AND BTW THE NEXT CHAPTER AFTER THIS ONE IS THE LAST ONE OF THE YAOIWEH ARC. BUT IT WILL BE A MAJOR CHAPTER...LIKE A MOVIE SO TO SPEAK.

THEN I'LL RESUME DOING FAIRY TALES...AND WHATEVER ELSE PEOPLE WANT.

NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO..

THE CHRISTMAS FILLER.

* * *

Sasuke appeared.

"What the hell? Weren't we just fighting Naraku?"

**Think of this as a filler episode.**

"Filler sounds like something I hate with a passion."

**As do I sasuke...As do I.**

"So this is another fairytale?"

**Sorta...it's a christmas poem.**

"I hate Christmas."

**Why Sasuke?**

"Because It was christmas the day Itachi killed the clan."

**Ooooh...Well hey cheer up. Maybe this year you'll get them back as a present from Santa.**

"THAT'S SO WRONG OMG!"

**'Twas the night before Christmas,**

"What the hell is 'Twas'? Was he to lazy to write 'This was'?

**when all through the house**

**Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;**

"Why the hell would a mouse stir something?"

**The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,**

**In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;**

"Wait Shouldn't they be waiting for Santa?"

**They are.**

"So who is this st. Nicholas guy?"

**He's Santa.**

"Santa's name is Nicholas?"

**Apparently.**

"So where did he get the name Santa from?"

**I don't know.**

"Why not?"

**Because I don't.**

"Oh I'm sorry I thought you were the greatest author in the world not a noob. You are suppose to know these things man."

**Your right. Normally parents know these things. Hey I've got an idea, why don't you go ask your pa-OH wait I forgot...You can't anymore.**

**...**

...

**Too personal?**

"Too personal."

**Sorry.**

"It's ok. It was the heat of the moment."

**The children were nestled all snug in their beds,**

**While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;**

"Shino why do you have shades on in the bed?"

"DON'T TALK TO ME YOU WHISKERED FACE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A NINJA!"

"I didn't see you take out Gaara. In fact you almost got beat by Kankurou. KANKUROU FOR KAMI SAKE! HE'S BARELY A MAIN CHARACTER!"

"...Watch your back Uzumaki."

"Mendukosai,Chouji stop spooning me please."

"You would have a spoon in the bed wouldn't you tebayo."

Choji reached across Shino and smacked Naruto.

"I wish Sasuke would spoon me. From the front AND back."

"But you have no front OR back Sakura."

Once again Naruto was smacked

**And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,**

"Hold up. Who is telling the story?" Sasuke asked.

**Me. But you are playing me, so technically you are.**

"Awww I didn't know you were such a Sasuke fanboy Inuyonas."

**I'm also a SasuSaku fan and-**

"I'll be quiet."

**Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,**

**When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,**

**I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.**

**Away to the window I flew like a flash,**

**Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.**

**The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow**

"HAA...breast."

**Real mature Sasuke...**

**Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,**

**When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,**

**But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,**

**With a little old driver, so lively and quick,**

**I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.**

"What the Hell! I said make a right and you dumbasses crash into the damn ground! I swear if the Icha Icha Book I'm writing in my pockets is damaged...THEN IT'S YOUR ASSES!"

"It's not our fault un! I was distracted something utterly disgusting popping into my thoughts."

"That can't be true because you don't think Deidara. And what was it?"

"I was thinking about what you call art Sasori-senpai."

"...Oh no you didn't."

"Well I for one think Itachi is to blame. He's the one going blind."

"Me? I think it was the fact that you can't breathe normally because YOU HAVE FREAKIN GILLS MAGIKARP!"

"...Magikarp?"

"Well I for one am blaming Nagato. You see how skinny he is, you all know he can't pull his weight."

"No konan I can pull my weight just fine. It's YOUR weight that drug us down. You gaining weight and you know it. I cannot lie to you anymore."

Konan looked like she had just been slapped.

"All of you guys are wrong. It was the old man. He's like 200 or something. You people know he's elderly and can't function normally."

Madara glared. "Listen here you...you...what the hell are you anyway?"

Zetsu shrugged.

"All of you shut it!" Jiraiya shouted. "Now I have to call you by names."

**More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,**

**And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;**

**"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!**

**On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!**

"Now Dickhead, now puppet!, Now Magikarp and Sightless!

On Fat girl! On Scrawny , Old man, and green haired Black-and-white Bitch!

**To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!**

**Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"**

**As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,**

**When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,**

**So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,**

**With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.**

They all Shunshined to the roof.

**And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof**

**The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.**

"I don't have hooves."

"He talking about your face."

Kisame glared at Itachi.

**As I drew in my head, and was turning around,**

**Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.**

**He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,**

**And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;**

**A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,**

**And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.**

"Jiraiya? your Santa claus?"

"Sasuke? you have a family?"

**His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!**

**His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!**

**His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,**

**And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;**

"With the way I'm describing him...I'm starting to feel a little gay."

**The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,**

**And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;**

**He had a broad face and a little round belly,**

"Little? Then I guess Choji' is SUPER small huh?"

"Watch it brat! Don't make me get my reindeer on you..."

"I can take anything you got!"

"...you are so lucky I'm not Orochimaru."

**That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.**

**He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,**

**And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;**

**A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,**

**Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;**

**He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,**

**And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,**

"Where's the milk and cookies at?" Jiraiya asked.

"Uh...Hello...I live with Choji."

"Oh right."

**And laying his finger aside of his nose,**

**And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;**

**He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,**

**And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.**

**But I heard him exclaim, when he drove out of sight,**

**"MAGIKARP PLEASE HELP THAT MAN WITH NO SIGHT!"**

"Screw... all of you." Itachi said.

"FINALLY!"

...

...

...

...

Everyone just stared at Konan.

"So this guy...with illegal and probably radioactive mutated deer lands on the roof of my house, somehows fits and slides down the chimney, winked at me then left...WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PRESENTS!"

"Sasuke can you quiet down your agitating us." Naruto said walking up torward Sasuke from behind.

"Why are you sleeping with a bunch of boys anyway Naruto?"

"Hey Sakura's in there too."

"And I repeat, Why are you sleeping with a bunch of boys anyway Naruto?"

"Point taken."

* * *

AN- CUT! PRINT! PUBLISH!

REVIEW...PLZ?


	29. Trapped in the closet pt 1

AN- would it be ok if I did movies?...well songs...that told a story...which was made into a series of movies?

And also read in it's entirety.

Now I present:

Trapped in the closet.

* * *

Naruto appeared.

"Oh so I'm first this time?"

**Yes. Yes you are.'**

"So what am I doing exactly?"

**You are telling what happened to you.**

"Oh cool...what is it?"

**A song.**

"A song huh? Well unlike those fairy tales I don't think anything bad can happen in a song..."

**Poor delusional Naruto...Just begin.**

**"****Seven o'clock in the morning**  
**And the rays from the sun awakes me.**  
**I'm stretchin' and yawnin'**  
**In a bed that don't belong to me"**

"So where the hell am I at?"

**"And a voice yells, "Good morning, darlin", from the bathroom**  
**Then she comes out and kisses me**  
**And to my surprise, she ain't you"**

Sakura came out and kissed Naruto.

"YOSH! SAKURA-CHAN KISSED ME! Now I can die happy."

"How I wish you were Sasuke."

**"Now I've got this dumb look on my face**  
**Like, what have I done?**  
**How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?"**

"I'm not entirely sure but...I think I was sleep."

**No shit.**

**"I must have Lost the track of time**  
**Oh, what was on my mind?**  
**From the club, went to her home**  
**Didn't plan to stay that long.**

**Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes**

"I WAS NAKED! SAKURA-CHAN SAW KING HOKAGE JR.?"

**Who in the hell is King Hokage jr?**

**"Searching for my car keys**  
**Tryin' to get on up out the door"**  
**Then she streched her hands in front of it**  
**Said, "You can't go this way"**

"No I actually want him to leave."

**My god would someone please get into character?**

"I'll try my best Inuyonas-sama tebayo!"

Looked** at her, like she was crazy**  
**Said, "Woman move out my way"**

"MOVE BITCH! GET OUT THE WAY! GET OUT THE WAY BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!"

Sakura punched him in the nose.

**"s****aid, "I got a wife at home"**  
**She said, "Please don't go out there"**  
**"Lady, I've got to get home"**  
**She said, her husband was comin' up the stairs"**

"I have a wife?"

"He has a wife?"

"You have a husband?"

"I have a husband?"

**You have a husband?**

**"Shh, shh, quiet**  
**Hurry up and get in the closet"**  
**She said, "Don't you make a sound**  
**Or some shit is going down"**  
**I said, "Why don't I just go out the window?"**  
**"Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor"**

"So what I'm a ninja. Now if this were the 6th floor, then I would be in trouble."

"Shit** think, shit think, shit quick, put me in the closet"**

"I'm in the closet? Who am I? Sai?"

**You haven't met him yet Naruto.**

"Met who yet?"

Sakura just sighed.

**"And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out,**  
**Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house.**

**Then he walks in and yells, "I'm home"**  
**She says, "Honey, I'm in the room"**  
**Walks in there with a smile on his face**  
**Sayin', "Honey, I've been missin' you"**

"Oh so we're lying now Inuyonas?"

**For the love of God Sasuke, please just try to get into character.**

"I'M MARRIED TO SASUKE KUN! YOSH! Now I can die happy."

"You know what Sakura? I share your feelings too. I'm happy with your death aswell."

**She hops all over him**  
**And says, "I've cooked and ran your bath water"**  
**I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar."**

"Who is Oscar?"

"Obviously some dweeb if you deserves him."

**Rolls her in the bed**  
**And start to snatchin' her clothes off**

"OH MY GOD YES! TAKE ME SASUKE-KUN!"

"Take you where?"

**I'm in the closet, like man, what the fuck is going on?**  
**You're not gonna believe it**  
**But things get deeper as the story goes on**  
**Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone**

"There is sound coming from the closet."

"No there isn't."

"Clearly there is Sakura."

**I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate**  
**But from the way he acted, I could tell it was too late**  
**He hopped up and said, "There's a mystery going on**  
**And I'm gonna solve it"**  
**And I'm like, "God please, don't let this man open this closet"**

"Sakura he just screamed god please don't let this man open this closet."

"No...he did not."

**He walks in the bathroom**  
**And looks behind the door**

"What the hell ,am I brain damaged? He's in the closet?.

**She says, "Baby, come back to bed"**  
**He says, "Bitch say no more"**

"Favorite line ever."

**For one I agree with you Sasuke.**

**He pulls back the shower curtain**  
**While she's biting her nails**  
**Then he walks back to the room**  
**Right now, I'm sweating like hell**  
**Checks under the bed**

"Why the hell am I checking every place except the damn closet?

**Then under the dresser**  
**He looks at the closet**

"FINALLY!"

I** pull out my Baretta**  
**He walks up to the closet**  
**He comes up to the closet**  
**Now he's at the closet**

"It took me 3 whole lines...to walk to this damn closet."

**Damn he's opening the closet… **

* * *

**AN- AND THATS PART 1. TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET IS 24 OR SO PARTS LONG. yOU SHOULD TYPE IT IN ON YOUTUBE. GIVE ME FEED BACK ON WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD CONTINUE.**

**SAKURA: HEY WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YAOIWEH?**

**NARUTO: i WAS KICKING ASS BACK THEN.**

**INUYONAS: AH THAT. WELL SEE WHAT HAPPENED WAS-**

**REVIEW!**


	30. Thumbelina

AN-

INUYONAS: ...AND THEN I FLIPPED OUT OF THE WAY AND HER TECHNIQUE HIT HERSELF.

NARUTO: WOW! YOU ARE SO COOL INUYONAS-SAMA-SENPAI-TAICHOU!

SAKURA: SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

INUYONAS: ...I DON'T KNOW...YOU SEE I LOST QUITE A BIT OF ENERGY FROM BEFORE AND IT'S ALL HAZY...MAYBE I PASSED OUT...MAYBE SHE PASSED OUT..MAYBE I GOT AN EMAIL FORM FANFICTION ABOUT MALICIOUSLY ATTACKING CHARACTERS WHO REPRESENT AUTHORS...I DON'T KNOW...IT'S STILL ALL HAZY...

SASUKE: WELL IN ANY CASE HERE IS THE NEXT FAIRYTALE.

INUYONAS: PT. 2 OF TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET WILL BE OUT AT ODD INTERVALS...KEEPS THE AUDIENCE IN SUSPENSE.

* * *

**THUMBELINA**

**There was once a woman who wished very much to have a little child,**

Anko appeared.

"Oi! I was in the bath!" she said soaking wet trying to cover herself up...but failing.

**I know...**

"Perv..."

**but she could not obtain her wish. At last she went to a witch, and said, "I should so very much like to have a little child; can you tell me where I can find one?" **

"I want kids...So I can torture them."

"And I don't want to be the witch, or a boyfriend that smokes, I don't want a genin squad with a boy whose even more antisocial than Sasuke, a girl whose Kekkei genkai came with a stutter, and a boy who is even stupider than Naruto...but hey we all can't get what we want."

"But Nai-chan! I wanna have kids!"

"Why are you tellling me?"

"Because you're the witch."

"Name calling Anko? Have we sunk so low?"

"The Narrator just said you were!"

"So. I don't like Inuyonas. He made a major mistake when he suddenly switched up the story like that. He's lost my respect. Rules be damned, if you are proving a point...THEN PROVE IT!"

Anko cowered in fear at the raging Kurenai.

**Kurenai go along with the fairytale.**

"WHy should I listen to you, you female reproduuctive organ."

"Female Reproductive organ?"

**You know what Kurenai...you are right. You are so right. I've played with the hearts of many fans and for that I am ashamed. I should have just finisheed doing what I was doing...but then that email...It was so unexpected. I-I'm sorry. I only wish I could have seen how much of a coward I turned into before a beautiful woman such as yourself informed me. I don't even deserve to be in such a gorgeous woman's prescence. **

Kurenai blushed a red that would put Hinata's blush to shame.

**But for the sake of this fic will you please bestow upon me your willingness to act according to the manner in which I want?**

"O-ok I'll do it...But only be-because I pity you!"

**Thank you Kurenai-hime.**

Kurenai turned even more red.

Anko stood shocked.

"Inuyonas...kid...you have a way with words."

**"Oh, that can be easily managed," said the witch. "Here is a barleycorn of a different kind to those which grow in the farmer's fields, and which the chickens eat; put it into a flower-pot, and see what will happen." **

"So I'm going to grow a kid ...instead of birthing one?"

**"Thank you," said the woman, and she gave the witch twelve shillings, which was the price of the barleycorn. Then she went home and planted it, and immediately there grew up a large handsome flower, **

"How can a flower be handsome?"

**something like a tulip in appearance, but with its leaves tightly closed as if it were still a bud. "It is a beautiful flower," said the woman, and she kissed the green, red and golden colored leaves, **

"I'm not putting my mouth on anything green...learned that the hard way from Orochimaru."

**and while she did so the flower opened, and she could see that it was a real tulip. Within the flower, upon the green velvet stamens, sat a very delicate and graceful little maiden. She was scarcely half as long as a thumb, and they gave her the name of "Thumbelina," or Tiny, because she was so small.**

Anko looked at a baby Sasuke.

"Aww you are so cute Sasuke-chan."

"Don't look at me like that you vile, dispicable woman! One day your uppance shall come..."

Anko blinked.

**A walnut shell, elegantly polished, served her for a cradle; her bed was formed of blue violet-leaves, with a roseleaf for a counterpane. **

**Here she slept at night, but during the day she amused herself on a table, where the woman had placed a plateful of water. **

"Okay Sasu-chan! play with the dirty water!"

"Do you take me for an imbecile? I will not tolerate such unneccessary maternal actions!" Sasuke jabbed his newborn baby finger at Anko.

**Did you have a thesaurus with you before you were summoned Sasuke?**

**Round this plate were wreaths of flowers with their stems in the water, and upon it floated a large tulip-leaf, which served Tiny for a boat. Here the little maiden sat and rowed herself from side to side, with two oars made of white horsehair.**

"Aww Sasu-chan is so cute! and small!" Anko said gazing down at the tiny Sasuke.

"I say, bring your face closer so that I may urinate upon thy lips."

**It really was a very pretty sight. Tiny could, also, sing so softly and sweetly that nothing like her singing had ever before been heard.**

"Sasu-chan sing for-"

"No goddamn way."

**One night, while she lay in her pretty bed, a large, ugly, wet toad crept through a broken pane of glass in the window, and leaped right upon the table where Tiny lay sleeping under her roseleaf quilt. **

"Is that Sasuke? Pfft...hahhahahahahahaha!"

Jiraiya fell over on the floor laughing.

"Laugh it up you amphibious hermit. Soon you shall rue the day the sounds of laughter escaped your vocal cords."

"...my god, did you have a thesaurus with you before you were summoned?"

**"What a pretty little wife this would make for my son, said the toad, and she took up the walnut-shell in which little Tiny lay asleep, and jumped through the window with it into the garden. **

"Help Help I'm being kidnapped! Jiraiya the toad sage is abscunding with a little boy! I guess we all know now that Orochimaru isn't the only with certain desires!"

"Awww is Sasu-chan expecting mommy and daddy to come save him- OH THATS RIGHT!...they can't anymore..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Too far?"

"too far."

"...Sorry."

"It's cool..."

**That's it. No more dead parent jokes...unless we are speaking about Orochimaru's.**

**In the swampy margin of a broad stream in the garden lived the toad, with her son. He was uglier even than his mother, and when he saw the pretty little maiden in her elegant bed, he could only cry, "Croak, croak, croak." **

"Wait a minute, her son? I'm a girl in this fairytale?"

"About fuckin time someone else shared my fate."

"Oi you bastards, didn't you hear me croak!"

"Shut up Naruto...dumb amphibian."

"Amphi-what...Did you have a thesaurus with you before you were summoned."

Sasuke and Jiraiya sweat dropped.

**"Don't speak so loud, or she will wake," said the toad,**

"I am woke."

**Well then go back to sleep.**

"I was never sleep."

**Does Sasu-chan want his baby bottle so he can go nappy nappy?**

"...I don't wanna go nappy nappy..."

"Oi! Pervy sage, there goes Sasuke again with the big words."

Jiraiya just stared at Naruto.

**"and then she might run away, for she is as light as swan's down. We will place her on one of the water-lily leaves out in the stream; it will be like an island to her, she is so light and small, and then she cannot escape; and, while she is away, we will make haste and prepare the state-room under the marsh, in which you are to live when you are married." **

"I'm not marrying the dobe."

"I don't wanna marry the teme either."

**It's either Naruto or Sakura, Sasuke.**

Sasuke seriously considered it for a minute.

"OI! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT IT!" Naruto screamed.

**Far out in the stream grew a number of water lilies, with broad green leaves, which seemed to float on the top of the water. The largest of these leaves appeared farther off than the rest, and the old toad swam out to it with the walnut-shell, in which little Tiny lay still asleep. The tiny little creature woke very early in the morning, and began to cry bitterly when she found where she was, for she could see nothing but water on every side of the large green leaf, and no way of reaching the land. Meanwhile the old toad was very busy under the marsh, decking her room with rushes and wild yellow flowers, to make it look pretty for her new daughter-in-law. Then she swam out with her ugly son to the leaf on which she had placed poor little Tiny. She wanted to fetch the pretty bed, that she might put it in the bridal chamber to be ready for her. The old toad bowed low to her in the water, and said, "Here is my son, he will be your husband, and you will live happily in the marsh by the stream." **

"Why does she keep calling me ugly?"

"Becuase you are."

"Shut up Sasuke!"

"Hn."

"I bet all the girls will agree that I look better than you!"

Sasuke rose an eyebrow.

**"Croak, croak, croak," was all her son could say for himself; so the toad took up the elegant little bed, and swam away with it, leaving Tiny all alone on the green leaf, where she sat and wept. She could not bear to think of living with the old toad, and having her ugly son for a husband. The little fishes, who swam about in the water beneath, had seen the toad, and heard what she said, so they lifted their heads above the water to look at the little maiden. As soon as they caught sight of her, they saw she was very pretty, and it made them very sorry to think that she must go and live with the ugly toads. **

"Damn I feel sorry for that pretty girl."

"I know man Frogs are such ugly creatures."

"I think they taste good, even if they're really ugly."

"Is that all you think about? Does eating a devil fruit make you hungry all the time?"

"I'm not hungry all time...I have to sleep y'know."

"OI! WHO THE HELL DO YOU FISHES THINK YOU'RE TALKING TOO!" Naruto yelled shaking his fist.

"WE'RE TALKING TO UGLY TOADS!" One fish yelled back.

"YOU FISH ARE THE UGLY ONES! HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT SPENDS ITS ENTIRE LIFE IN WATER, STINK SO BAD!"

"OI! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! GOMU GOMU NO-"

"WAIT!" One fish stopped the other one by jumping on him. (Guess who the fish are lol)

"Use your long nose to hold him back." The other fish replied.

"Why don't you help! Use your stupid rumble balls!"

**"No, it must never be!" so they assembled together in the water, round the green stalk which held the leaf on which the little maiden stood, and gnawed it away at the root with their teeth. Then the leaf floated down the stream, carrying Tiny far away out of reach of land**

"Sasuke is sailing away!" Naruto cried.

"Let him be Naruto...I guess fate intervened."

"...Pervy-sage, don't sound so serious. It doesn't suit you."

"SHut up ugly."

O_o

**Tiny sailed past many towns, and the little birds in the bushes saw her, and sang, "What a lovely little creature;"**

"Hey look guys its baby Sasuke!"

"HA! Let's point and laugh at his little ass!"

"HAHAHA!"

"HAHAHA!"

"HAAAAA!"

A tick mark appeared on Sasuke's head.

"Damn you all! Stupid birds! That's why the pigs stole your eggs!"

**so the leaf swam away with her farther and farther, till it brought her to other lands. A graceful little white butterfly constantly fluttered round her, and at last alighted on the leaf.**

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

Sasuke's eye's widened. "Oh dear God."

**BAM!**

Gai had just flying side kicked Sasuke so hard he was thrown to the bottom of the lake.

**Idiot! You better hope he's not dead Gai. What kinda guy kicks a baby Gai? **

"Yosh! I thought his flames of youth could handle it!"

**I'M GONNA FLAME YOUR YOUTH IF HE'S DEAD!**

**Tiny pleased him, and she was glad of it, for now the toad could not possibly reach her, and the country through which she sailed was beautiful, and the sun shone upon the water, till it glittered like liquid gold. She took off her girdle and tied one end of it round the butterfly,**

Ninja wire suddenly emerged from the surfce o fthe water and wrapped around Gai's neck.

"Pay back's a bitch." Said a recently emerged Sasuke from the lake. He was kneeling on the leaf panting from the energy it took to get back up to the leaf.

**Hehe...Who says Uchiha's arent badass?**

"Grrrugl!" Gai was gasping for air clutching at his neck.

**and the other end of the ribbon she fastened to the leaf, which now glided on much faster than ever, taking little Tiny with it as she stood.**

"Gai was swimming, trying to get away from Sasuke...

But since the ninja wire was around his neck he could not get away. So subsequently he was pulling Sasuke along with him.

"SWIM FASTER!" Sasuke said as he cracked a whip into Gai's back.

**Presently a large cockchafer flew by;**

"Wait a minute, whoa whoa stop the fic." Sasuke started. "Did you just say Cockchaser?"

**No Sasuke Cockchafer. It's a bird.**

"Uhuh. Are you sure?"

**I'm not just sure...I'm HIV positive.**

"..."

**...**

"..."

**...**

"Gurgl!" Gai was still gasping for air.

"That's not funny Inuyonas."

Suddenly someone dropped out of the sky and landing standing ontop of the water panting extremely hard.

"I-IS THIS THE PART? IS IT? "CAN I BE THE COCKCHASER! PLEASE! CAN I!"

**Goddamnit it's cockchafer. And no you can't Orochimaru.**

"WHY NOT?" Orochimaru screamed in impatience. "I LOVE COCK!"

Sasuke unconsciously backed up.

"GGRGR!" ...dragging gai with him.

**NO! NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE WAITING AREA ORICHI-PEDO!**

"BUT-"

**NO BUTS! CERTAINLY NOT SASUKE'S. NOW GO!**

"...Fine..." ANd with that the Snake sannin poofed away.

In his place Sai appeared.

"Oh like this is any better.."

**Sasuke you haven't met him yet. Stop judging people before you get to know them.**

**the moment he caught sight of her, he seized her round her delicate waist with his claws, and flew with her into a tree. The green leaf floated away on the brook, and the butterfly flew with it, for he was fastened to it, and could not get away. **

"GGRRIURARGLGL!" Gai slowly sailed away choking to death.

**Oh, how frightened little Tiny felt when the cockchafer flew with her to the tree! But especially was she sorry for the beautiful white butterfly which she had fastened to the leaf, for if he could not free himself he would die of hunger. **

"I could care less about both."

**But the cockchafer did not trouble himself at all about the matter. He seated himself by her side on a large green leaf, gave her some honey from the flowers to eat, and told her she was very pretty, though not in the least like a cockchafer.**

"You are very pretty Sasuke. May I chase your cock?"

"I'm not one of your kind. I don't chase cock."

**Look you illiterate boobs it's COCKCHAFER!**

**After a time, all the cockchafers turned up their feelers, and said, "She has only two legs! How ugly that looks." "She has no feelers," said another. "Her waist is quite slim. Pooh! She is like a human being." **

"I take it back Sasuke. You are very ugly. May I still chase your cock?"

Sasuke charged a Chidori behind his baby back.

**"Oh! She is ugly," said all the lady cockchafers, although Tiny was very pretty. Then the cockchafer who had run away with her, believed all the others when they said she was ugly, and would have nothing more to say to her, and told her she might go where she liked. Then he flew down with her from the tree, and placed her on a daisy, and she wept at the thought that she was so ugly that even the cockchafers would have nothing to say to her.**

"I will leave you on this daisy. Farewell Ugly thing."

When Sai turned his back Sasuke pounced.

**And all the while she was really the loveliest creature that one could imagine, and as tender and delicate as a beautiful roseleaf. **

**During the whole summer poor little Tiny lived quite alone in the wide forest. She wove herself a bed with blades of grass, and hung it up under a broad leaf, to protect herself from the rain. She sucked the honey from the flowers for food, and drank the dew from their leaves every morning. So passed away the summer and the autumn, and then came the winter,- the long, cold winter. All the birds who had sung to her so sweetly were flown away, and the trees and the flowers had withered. The large cloverleaf under the shelter of which she had lived, was now rolled together and shriveled up, nothing remained but a yellow withered stalk. **

"I feel like pre-ninja academy Naruto."

**She felt dreadfully cold, for her clothes were torn, and she was herself so frail and delicate, that poor little Tiny was nearly frozen to death. It began to snow too; and the snowflakes, as they fell upon her, were like a whole shovelful falling upon one of us, for we are tall, but she was only an inch high. Then she wrapped herself up in a dry leaf, but it cracked in the middle and could not keep her warm, and she shivered with cold. Near the wood in which she had been living lay a cornfield, but the corn had been cut a long time; nothing remained but the bare dry stubble standing up out of the frozen ground. It was to her like struggling through a large wood. Oh! How she shivered with the cold. She came at last to the door of a field mouse, who had a little den under the corn-stubble. There dwelt the field mouse in warmth and comfort, with a whole roomful of corn, a kitchen, and a beautiful dining room. Poor little Tiny stood before the door just like a little beggar-girl, and begged for a small piece of barleycorn, for she had been without a morsel to eat for two days. **

"Can I have some food?"

"YOSH! IT'S BABY SASUKE!" Lee screamed.

**"You poor little creature," said the field-mouse, who was really a good old field-mouse, "come into my warm room and dine with me." She was very pleased with Tiny, so she said, "You are quite welcome to stay with me all the winter, if you like; but you must keep my rooms clean and neat, and tell me stories, for I shall like to hear them very much." And Tiny did all the field mouse asked her, and found herself very comfortable. **

"Tell me a story Sasuke Yosh!"

"Ok. DO you wanna hear the one about the green butterfly who was choked to death by the Uchiha ninja wire?"

"Um...That doesn't sound very youthful..."

**"We shall have a visitor soon," said the field-mouse one day; "my neighbor pays me a visit once a week. He is better off than I am; he has large rooms, and wears a beautiful black velvet coat. If you could only have him for a husband, you would be well provided for indeed. But he is blind, so you must tell him some of your prettiest stories. **

"No , Fuck you, fuck your friend, fuck his house, fuck this house, fuck his large rooms and fuck your youth."

Lee gasped and look mortified.

**But Tiny did not feel at all interested about this neighbor, for he was a mole. However, he came and paid his visit dressed in his black velvet coat. **

**"He is very rich and learned, and his house is twenty times larger than mine," said the field mouse. **

"Sasuke this is mr. mole. Say Hi mole."

"Shino...?"

"I'M NOT A GODDAMN MOLE! IF YOU CALL A GODDAMN MOLE AGAIN, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR REFRIGERATOR SIZE TEETH SO FAR DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROAT, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STICK A TOOTH BRUSH UP YOUR ASS JUST TO BRUSH THEM!" Shino shouted.

Lee was just a puddle on the floor at the end of Shino's rant.

Sasuke was MIA.

**He was rich and learned, no doubt, but he always spoke slightingly of the sun and the pretty flowers, because he had never seen them. Tiny was obliged to sing to him, "Lady-bird, lady-bird, fly away home," and many other pretty songs. **

Sasuke appeared in front of Shino.

"What hell Inuyonas? There's a reason I ran away."

**I don't care. You are gonna finish this damn chapter.**

"But Shino's Insane!"

**And Sakura's Useless. WHy are we talking about things that are old news.**

"Fine...you win this round."

**And the mole fell in love with her because she had such a sweet voice; but he said nothing yet, for he was very cautious.**

"DAMNIT SASUKE SING FOR ME!" Shino said grabbing Sasuke by the collar of his baby shirt.

"AAAH! Help I'm being attacked by a bug mole!

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A MOLE!"

"Sorry! Please let me go!"

"Not until you sing damnit!"

"AAAAAH!"

"THATS NOT SINGING! THAT'S YOU SCREAMING IN TERROR SASUKE! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!"

Suddenly Shino let Sasuke go.

"But since I respect Inuyonas-sama for following the rules, I shall not end you. Rules are put in place for a reason."

**Such a great ninja.**

Sasuke just hyperventilated quietly.

**A short time before, the mole had dug a long passage under the earth, which led from the dwelling of the field mouse to his own, and here she had permission to walk with Tiny whenever she liked. But he warned them not to be alarmed at the sight of a dead bird which lay in the passage.**

Sasuke and Shino laid eyes on the unmoving body of Maito Gai. The Ninja wire was still ever present around his neck. Only now his face was blue and his finger would occasionally twitch.

"You'd think someone would untie him."

"Logically he should be dead." Shino added.

"Wait a minute...wasn't he the butterfly?"

Then they noticed that there was a body next to Gai's.

**It was a perfect bird, with a beak and feathers, and could not have been dead long, and was lying just where the mole had made his passage. The mole took a piece of phosphorescent wood in his mouth, and it glittered like fire in the dark; then he went before them to light them through the long, dark passage. **

**When they came to the spot where lay the dead bird, the mole pushed his broad nose through the ceiling, the earth gave way, so that there was a large hole, and the daylight shone into the passage. In the middle of the floor lay a dead swallow,**

Suddenly a poof of smoked erupted in front of Shino and Sasuke. They had to shield their eyes because they were caught off guard.

"I-IS THIS THE PART? IS IT? CAN I SWALLOW? PLEASE! CAN I!"

When the smoke cleared, Sasuke was met with a very familiar sight.

**Oh goddamnit all...NO OROCHIMARU! BAD OROCHIMARU!**

"WHY NOT? I LOVE TO SWALLOW! MY TONGUE WAS MADE FOR IT!"

**NO DAMN YOU! and that was too much info, BUT NO! NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE WAITING AREA!**

"BUT-"

**BITCH, I SAID GO!**

"...Fine."

And with that Orochimaru was gone.

**his beautiful wings pulled close to his sides, his feet and his head drawn up under his feathers; the poor bird had evidently died of the cold. It made little Tiny very sad to see it, she did so love the little birds; all the summer they had sung and twittered for her so beautifully. But the mole pushed it aside with his crooked legs, and said, "He will sing no more now. How miserable it must be to be born a little bird! I am thankful that none of my children will ever be birds, for they can do nothing but cry, 'Tweet, tweet,' and always die of hunger in the winter." **

"Who is that? He looks so familiar..."

Shiino kicked the body beside Gai's.

"Why did you kick it?"

"Do I need a reason to kick something which has no life? Why do you kick Sakura?"

"Do I need a reason to kick something which has no life?"

"See my point is proven."

**"Yes, you may well say that, as a clever man!" exclaimed the field-mouse, "What is the use of his twittering, for when winter comes he must either starve or be frozen to death. Still birds are very high bred." **

"I hope it's one of the birds that laughed at me earlier...stupid angry birds..."

**Tiny said nothing; but when the two others had turned their backs on the bird, she stooped down and stroked aside the soft feathers which covered the head, and kissed the closed eyelids. "Perhaps this was the one who sang to me so sweetly in the summer," she said; "and how much pleasure it gav****e me, you dear, pretty bird." **

"He's certainly not pretty. But I can't help but think I've seen him before. I think he might have been a main character." Sasuke said.

**The mole now stopped up the hole through which the daylight shone, and then accompanied the lady home. But during the night Tiny could not sleep; so she got out of bed and wove a large, beautiful carpet of hay; then she carried it to the dead bird, and spread it over him; with some down from the flowers which she had found in the field-mouse's room. It was as soft as wool, and she spread some of it on each side of the bird, so that he might lie warmly in the cold earth. "Farewell, you pretty little bird," said she, "farewell; thank you for your delightful singing during the summer, when all the trees were green, and the warm sun shone upon us. Then she laid her head on the bird's breast,**

"He can't have breasts. He is a man." Shino said.

"Chouji has breasts."

"You have a point Sasuke."

"Also Sakura doesn't."

"Ah...I forgot about her."

**but she was alarmed immediately, for it seemed as if something inside the bird went "thump, thump." It was the bird's heart; he was not really dead, only benumbed with the cold, and the warmth had restored him to life. **

**In autumn, all the swallows fly away into warm countries, but if one happens to linger, the cold seizes it, it becomes frozen, and falls down as if dead; it remains where it fell, and the cold snow covers it. Tiny trembled very much; she was quite frightened, for the bird was large, a great deal larger than herself,- she was only an inch high. But she took courage, laid the wool more thickly over the poor swallow, and then took a leaf which she had used for her own counterpane, and laid it over the head of the poor bird. The next morning she again stole out to see him. He was alive but very weak; he could only open his eyes for a moment to look at Tiny, who stood by holding a piece of decayed wood in her hand, for she had no other lantern. "Thank you, pretty little maiden," said the sick swallow; "I have been so nicely warmed, that I shall soon regain my strength, and be able to fly about again in the warm sunshine." **

"U-Uchiha Sasuke..."

"That voice...I know you! You're Gaara!"

"You forgot me?" Gaara said.

"UH...no.."

"Yes he did." Shino said. "But I did not Gaara-san."

**"Oh," said she, "it is cold out of doors now; it snows and freezes. Stay in your warm bed; I will take care of you." **

**Then she brought the swallow some water in a flower-leaf, and after he had drank, he told her that he had wounded one of his wings in a thorn-bush, and could not fly as fast as the others,**

"I was wounded when some guy in a green suit fell on me. For some reason he had ninja wire around his neck. Why on earth did he have ninja wire around his neck?"

Sasuke just whistled innocently.

"Sasuke you are drawing more attention to yourself because of the fact that you randomly started to whistle."

"Shut up SHino! I'm trying to be inconspicuous!"

**who were soon far away on their journey to warm countries. Then at last he had fallen to the earth, and could remember no more, nor how he came to be where she had found him. The whole winter the swallow remained underground, and Tiny nursed him with care and love. **

"You love me Sasuke?"

"Gaara I don't even love me."

"...That's sad."

"Nobody asked you SHino."

**Neither the mole nor the field mouse knew anything about it, for they did not like swallows. Very soon the springtime came, and the sun warmed the earth. Then the swallow bade farewell to Tiny, and she opened the hole in the ceiling which the mole had made. The sun shone in upon them so beautifully, that the swallow asked her if she would go with him; she could sit on his back, he said, and he would fly away with her into the green woods. But Tiny knew it would make the field-mouse very grieved if she left her in that manner, so she said, "No, I cannot." **

**"Farewell, then, farewell, you good, pretty little maiden," said the swallow; and he flew out into the sunshine.**

**Tiny looked after him, and the tears rose in her eyes. She was very fond of the poor swallow. **

**"Tweet, tweet," sang the bird, as he flew out into the green woods, and Tiny felt very sad. She was not allowed to go out into the warm sunshine. The corn which had been sown in the field over the house of the field mouse had grown up high into the air, and formed a thick wood to Tiny, who was only an inch in height. **

"Yosh! Sasu-chan! you are going to be married."

"Lee I'm not a baby anymore. I'm like...10...or so...I keep forgetting."

**"You are going to be married, Tiny," said the field mouse. "My neighbor has asked for you. What good fortune for a poor child like you. Now we will prepare your wedding clothes. They must be both woolen and linen. Nothing must be wanting when you are the mole's wife." **

"Wait I'm going to marry Shino?"

**Yes.**

"And if I refuse."

**Sakura.**

"That's not going to work anymore."

**Naruto.**

"Whoa...um...such a hard choice...How come I can't decide?"

**Well throw out a few names and I'll tell you if you can.**

"Morgan banner."

**No. Too good for you.**

"Kaida Mizu?"

**I don't think they would agree.**

"Kaitaru Seras Viktoria Hatake?"

**You wanna be a Hatake? And that's quite a long name. The name sounds like they are above you.**

"Lalaranya?"

**That sounds like something you would yell during sex. Sex is too good for you. WHere the hell are you getting these names from?**

"WingedMercury?"

**Ok now you're just pulling my leg. The planet mercury doesn't have wings moron. And even if it did everyone knows Mercury would marry Saturn then divorce him for Uranus.**

"N.V.9?"

**Sasuke the last name had a number in it. Now I know you are making these up.**

"Anonymous Reviewer?"

**Really Sasuke?**

"Damnit all..."

**Tiny had to turn the spindle, and the field mouse hired four spiders, who were to weave day and night.**

The sound four appeared.

"What the hell? Didn't I die?"

"SHit, I fuckin wish your fat as hell ass would keel over."

"Shut up you red haired tart."

"You would be thinking about pop tarts right now wouldn't you?"

"Tayuya stop provoking Jirobo."

"Fuck you spider bitch!"

"Haha."

"What are you laughing at you two faced son of a whore!" Kidomaru yelled at Sakon.

"Hey I know what's going on. Orochimaru explained to us what these are." Jirobo said.

**Good I don't have to explain. Now get to weaving!**

**Every evening the mole visited her, and was continually speaking of the time when the summer would be over. Then he would keep his wedding-day with Tiny; but now the heat of the sun was so great that it burned the earth, and made it quite hard, like a stone. As soon, as the summer was over, the wedding should take place. But Tiny was not at all pleased; for she did not like the tiresome mole. Every morning when the sun rose, and every evening when it went down, she would creep out at the door, and as the wind blew aside the ears of corn, so that she could see the blue sky, she thought how beautiful and bright it seemed out there, and wished so much to see her dear swallow again. But he never returned; for by this time he had flown far away into the lovely green forest. **

**When autumn arrived, Tiny had her outfit quite ready; and the field mouse said to her, "In four weeks the wedding must take place." **

**Then Tiny wept, and said she would not marry the disagreeable mole. **

"I don't want to marry you Shino. I hope you understand."

"I do."

"Oh no you're already practicing for the wedding. Look Shino I can't marry you, I thought you would understand."

"I do."

"Damnit Shino! You think I like hurting my comrades feelings? Why don't you understand?"

"I do."

"GODDAMNIT SHINO I'M NOT MARRYING YOU AND THAT'S FINAL! DO YOU ATLEAST UNDERSTAND THAT!"

"I do."

O_o

"THERE'S NO GETTING THROUGH TO YOU!"

**"Nonsense," replied the field mouse. "Now don't be obstinate, or I shall bite you with my white teeth. He is a very handsome mole; the queen herself does not wear more beautiful velvets and furs. His kitchen and cellars are quite full. You ought to be very thankful for such good fortune." **

**So the wedding-day was fixed, on which the mole was to fetch Tiny away to live with him, deep under the earth, and never again to see the warm sun, because he did not like it. The poor child was very unhappy at the thought of saying farewell to the beautiful sun, and as the field mouse had given her permission to stand at the door, she went to look at it once more. **

**"Farewell bright sun," she cried, stretching out her arm towards it; and then she walked a short distance from the house; for the corn had been cut, and only the dry stubble remained in the fields. "Farewell, farewell," she repeated, twining her arm round a little red flower that grew just by her side. "Greet the little swallow from me, if you should see him again." **

**"Tweet, tweet," sounded over her head suddenly. She looked up, and there was the swallow himself flying close by. **

"Sup Gaara."

"Sup Sasuke."

"**As soon as he spied Tiny, he was delighted; and then she told him how unwilling she felt to marry the ugly mole, and to live always beneath the earth, and never to see the bright sun any more. And as she told him she wept. **

**"Cold winter is coming," said the swallow, "and I am going to fly away into warmer countries. Will you go with me? You can sit on my back, and fasten yourself on with your sash. Then we can fly away from the ugly mole and his gloomy rooms**

"I can hear you guys." SHino said.

**,- far away, over the mountains, into warmer countries, where the sun shines more brightly- than here; where it is always summer, and the flowers bloom in greater beauty. Fly now with me, dear little Tiny; you saved my life when I lay frozen in that dark passage." **

"Road trip Sasuke?"

"Dude. Road trip."

**"Yes, I will go with you," said Tiny; and she seated herself on the bird's back, with her feet on his outstretched wings, and tied her girdle to one of his strongest feathers. **

**Then the swallow rose in the air, and flew over forest and over sea, high above the highest mountains, covered with eternal snow. Tiny would have been frozen in the cold air, but she crept under the bird's warm feathers, keeping her little head uncovered, so that she might admire the beautiful lands over which they passed. At length they reached the warm countries, where the sun shines brightly, and the sky seems so much higher above the earth. Here, on the hedges, and by the wayside, grew purple, green, and white grapes; lemons and oranges hung from trees in the woods; and the air was fragrant with myrtle and orange blossoms. Beautiful children ran along the country lanes, playing with large gay butterflies; and as the swallow flew farther and farther, every place appeared still more lovely. **

"Large gay butterflies? I thought Gai was half dead." said Sasuke.

"Why does he keep calling me a swallow? Did I ingest something peculiar?"

"I hope not Gaara."

**At last they came to a blue lake, and by the side of it, shaded by trees of the deepest green, stood a palace of dazzling white marble, built in the olden times. Vines clustered round its lofty pillars, and at the top were many swallows' nests, and one of these was the home of the swallow who carried Tiny. **

**"This is my house," said the swallow;**

"You live in a tree Gaara? What are you, a nut?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

**Sasuke That was so unfunny it hurt.**

"SHut up Inu-baka..."

**"but it would not do for you to live there- you would not be comfortable. You must choose for yourself one of those lovely flowers, and I will put you down upon it, and then you shall have everything that you can wish to make you happy." **

**"That will be delightful," she said, and clapped her little hands for joy. **

**A large marble pillar lay on the ground, which, in falling, had been broken into three pieces. Between these pieces grew the most beautiful large white flowers; so the swallow flew down with Tiny, and placed her on one of the broad leaves. But how surprised she was to see in the middle of the flower, a tiny little man, as white and transparent as if he had been made of crystal! He had a gold crown on his head, and delicate wings at his shoulders, and was not much larger than Tiny herself. He was the angel of the flower; for a tiny man and a tiny woman dwell in every flower; and this was the king of them all. **

**"Oh, how beautiful he is!" whispered Tiny to the swallow. **

Sasuke stared with half lidded eyes.

"Neji? you're the king?"

"Apparently. ANd just for the record I don't think you're beautiful."

"I hate the way you look too."

"Well atleast your teammate makes up for your ugliness Sasuke."

Sasuke arched an eyebrow.

"Neji...I didn't know you...played for the other team...but to each his own. But I'm surprised you find beauty in Naruto."

"I was talking about Sakura."

Sasuke's jaw hit the floor.

**The little prince was at first quite frightened at the bird, who was like a giant, compared to such a delicate little creature as himself; but when he saw Tiny, he was delighted, and thought her the prettiest little maiden he had ever seen. He took the gold crown from his head, and placed it on hers, and asked her name, and if she would be his wife, and queen over all the flowers. **

Sasuke's jaw was still on the floor.

**This certainly was a very different sort of husband to the son of a toad, or the mole, with my black velvet and fur; so she said, "Yes," to the handsome prince. Then all the flowers opened, and out of each came a little lady or a tiny lord, all so pretty it was quite a pleasure to look at them. Each of them brought Tiny a present; but the best gift was a pair of beautiful wings, which had belonged to a large white fly and they fastened them to Tiny's shoulders, so that she might fly from flower to flower. Then there was much rejoicing, and the little swallow who sat above them, in his nest, was asked to sing a wedding song, which he did as well as he could; but in his heart he felt sad for he was very fond of Tiny, and would have liked never to part from her again. **

**"You must not be called Tiny any more," said the spirit of the flowers to her. "It is an ugly name, and you are so very pretty. We will call you Maia." **

**"Farewell, farewell," said the swallow, with a heavy heart as he left the warm countries to fly back into Denmark. There he had a nest over the window of a house in which dwelt the writer of fairy tales. The swallow sang, "Tweet, tweet," and from his song came the whole story. **

Sasuke's jaw was still on the floor.

"Sasuke?" Neji said waving his hand in front of Sasuke's face.

"I think you broke him." Gaara said walking up to them.

"How the hell can he standing up and his jaw be on the floor?" Neji asked.

Naruto appeared in front of them.

"Huh? Wha-"

**Naruto. Since Sasuke is unable to, you will say the moral of the story.**

"WHy is Sasuke unable too?"

**Because Neji broke him. Now say the moral.**

"Fine fine you don't have to be so pushy. The moral of the story is...if you are born and named tiny or thumbelina...your life is fucked."

* * *

AN- SO WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK? DO I STILL GOT IT?

LONGEST CHAPTER EVER HUH? PLEASE REVIEW!


	31. The Little Mermaid

AN- ANOTHER UPDATE!

BTW THE NEW CHAPTER OF 'THE NINJA ALL STARS TOURNAMENT' IS OUT. PLEASE CHECK OUT THAT STORY IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY.

RANDOM THOUGHT: IN THE YEAR 2000 I USED TO VISIT THIS WEBSITE CALLED WWW DOT DBGT DOT COM. NOW YOU KNOW HOW ANIME WEBSITES HAVE AN ANIMATED BANNER AT THE TOP? WELL THIS ONE HAD ONE WITH 3 CHARACTERS THAT I COULD NOT NAME. AND BACK THEN I WAS AN ANIME FANATIC. SO IT WAS MIND BOGGLING THAT I DIDN'T KNOW THEM. NO AMOUNT OF RESEARCH COULD TELL ME WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW...KEEP IN MIND THAT WAS THE YEAR 2000. NOW THAT I LOOK BACK ON IT, I NOW KNOW THAT TWO CHARACTERS WERE THE DEMON BROTHERS OF THE HIDDEN MIST. IN AMERICA NARUTO CAME OUT IN 2005 (OR 2006) SO IT MUST HAVE ALREADY BEEN OUT YEARS BEFORE. THE THIRD CHARACTER WAS HAWK EYE MIHAWK OF ONE PIECE. THAT ALSO CAME OUT YEARS LATER...JUST A RANDOM THOUGHT.

* * *

**Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above. There dwell the Sea King and his subjects. We must not imagine that there is nothing at the bottom of the sea but bare yellow sand. No, indeed; the most singular flowers and plants grow there; the leaves and stems of which are so pliant, that the slightest agitation of the water causes them to stir as if they had life. Fishes, both large and small, glide between the branches, as birds fly among the trees here upon land. In the deepest spot of all, stands the castle of the Sea King. Its walls are built of coral, and the long, gothic windows are of the clearest amber. The roof is formed of shells, that open and close as the water flows over them. Their appearance is very beautiful, for in each lies a glittering pearl, which would be fit for the diadem of a queen.**

Kisame appeared.

"Oh it's my time to shine."

**The Sea King had been a widower for many years, and his aged mother kept house for him.**

Lady Chiyo appeared.

"Who the hell are you?" Kisame asked.

"The nerve of you young people. Have you no manners?"

"Young? Lady I may not look it but I'm 85 years old. We of the Hoshigaki clan live Extremely long lives and are in tip top shape until the day we die."

"Ahhh 85...a good year...I remember when I was that young...let's see that was around the time that young whippersnapper turned 4 years old...I think he was known as...Rikudo Sennin or the Sage of six paths...or something like that."

"!" Kisame was in shock.

**She was a very wise woman, and exceedingly proud of her high birth; on that account she wore twelve oysters on her tail; while others, also of high rank, were only allowed to wear six. She was, however, deserving of very great praise, especially for her care of the little sea-princesses, her granddaughters. They were six beautiful children;**

Sakura, Tenten, Ino, Hinata, Tayuya, and Sasuke appeared.

"I'm a princess!"

"Are we underwater?"

"AHH! I'ma MERMAID!My legs are gone! That means I have no vag-"

"A-ano."

"What the fuck is goin on?"

"It's been a minute since I've seen Tenten. Hi Tenten"

"Uh..Hi Sasuke?"

**but the youngest was the prettiest of them all; her skin was as clear and delicate as a rose-leaf, and her eyes as blue as the deepest sea;**

"So...which one of us is the youngest?"

"Isn't it obvious forehead? I am. After all Inu-sama said her eyes were blue, and I'm the only one with blue eyes here."

"You cannot possibly be prettier than I am."

"Pfft as if! Brunettes are so delusional."

"I think we all know that I am the best looking one here."

"G-guys I think we should stop fighting."

"Hinata's right. It's pointless."

"Hey Shut up bun-girl. This is between the pretty girls."

"So Why the hell are you talking Sakura?"

A tick mark formed on Tenten's head.

"Pretty huh? I'll show you pretty..."

"Not with that face..."

**but, like all the others, she had no feet, and her body ended in a fish's tail. All day long they played in the great halls of the castle, or among the living flowers that grew out of the walls. The large amber windows were open, and the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our houses when we open the windows, excepting that the fishes swam up to the princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be stroked. **

**Outside the castle there was a beautiful garden, in which grew bright red and dark blue flowers, and blossoms like flames of fire; the fruit glittered like gold, and the leaves and stems waved to and fro continually. The earth itself was the finest sand, but blue as the flame of burning sulfur. Over everything lay a peculiar blue radiance, as if it were surrounded by the air from above, through which the blue sky shone, instead of the dark depths of the sea. In calm weather the sun could be seen, looking like a purple flower, with the light streaming from the calyx. Each of the young princesses had a little plot of ground in the garden, where she might dig and plant as she pleased. One arranged her flower-bed into the form of a whale; another thought it better to make hers like the figure of a little mermaid; but that of the youngest was round like the sun, and contained flowers as red as his rays at sunset. **

"Look I know how to settle this. WHoever is the prettiest will have the best...Sakura jokes."

"Nani? Sasuke-kun why are you so mean?"

"I accept!"

"I agree with Ino, I accept too."

"I-I guess I'll t-try..."

**She was a strange child, quiet and thoughtful; and while her sisters would be delighted with the wonderful things which they obtained from the wrecks of vessels, she cared for nothing but her pretty red flowers, like the sun, excepting a beautiful marble statue. It was the representation of a handsome boy, carved out of pure white stone, which had fallen to the bottom of the sea from a wreck. She planted by the statue a rose-colored weeping willow. It grew splendidly, and very soon hung its fresh branches over the statue, almost down to the blue sands. The shadow had a violet tint, and waved to and fro like the branches; it seemed as if the crown of the tree and the root were at play, and trying to kiss each other. Nothing gave her so much pleasure as to hear about the world above the sea. She made her old grandmother tell her all she knew of the ships and of the towns, the people and the animals. To her it seemed most wonderful and beautiful to hear that the flowers of the land should have fragrance, and not those below the sea; that the trees of the forest should be green; and that the fishes among the trees could sing so sweetly, that it was quite a pleasure to hear them. Her grandmother called the little birds fishes, or she would not have understood her; for she had never seen birds. **

"Sakura is so stupid I can't believe it's not butter."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ino you suck at this. Let me start it off. Sakura is so ugly She went to a haunted house and came out with a job application." Sasuke said.

"Sakura is so ugly her hairline is running away from her face. That's why she has such a huge forehead."

"Omg Hinata! How could you?" Sakura said in shock.

"Shut up slut."

Sasuke high fived Hinata.

"Well alright, someone has grown a back bone."

"Sakura i think we already know who won the race for Sasuke." Ino said.

"Certainly not you pig."

"I beg to differ. Because of the simple fact that Sasuke doesn't like boys."

Tenten high fived Ino.

"Ooh. I got one. Sakura's so skinny she can turn sideways and disappear."

**"When you have reached your fifteenth year," said the grandmother, "you will have permission to rise up out of the sea, to sit on the rocks in the moonlight, while the great ships are sailing by; and then you will see both forests and towns." **

**In the following year, one of the sisters would be fifteen: but as each was a year younger than the other, the youngest would have to wait five years before her turn came to rise up from the bottom of the ocean,**

"Okay so...who's the youngest?"

"My joke was the best so I am."

"Wait Sasuke. I think Hinata's joke was the best." Tenten said.

"Well Inuyonas agrees with me."

"Prove it." Ino said crossing her arms.

**Sasuke is the youngest one.**

"See?"

"Aww."

"I was so close too."

"If the younger you are, the prettier you are than Sakura must be the oldest."

"SHUT UP INO PIG!"

**and see the earth as we do. However, each promised to tell the others what she saw on her first visit, and what she thought the most beautiful; for their grandmother could not tell them enough; there were so many things on which they wanted information. None of them longed so much for her turn to come as the youngest, she who had the longest time to wait, and who was so quiet and thoughtful. Many nights she stood by the open window, looking up through the dark blue water, and watching the fish as they splashed about with their fins and tails.**

"You know, I really don't care."

"Stop lying to yourself child." Chiyo said walking in Sasuke's room.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I swear young people today have no manners. Do you know how old I am?"

"I don't think I can count that high..."

**She could see the moon and stars shining faintly; but through the water they looked larger than they do to our eyes. When something like a black cloud passed between her and them, she knew that it was either a whale swimming over her head, or a ship full of human beings, who never imagined that a pretty little mermaid was standing beneath them, holding out her white hands towards the keel of their ship. **

Sasuke noticed a large boat on the water's surface.

"I wonder what that is."

He began to swim closer to the surface. As he got closer he noticed that the ship was very large and had a flag attached to the mass of the ship. The flag was black with an image of a skull and crossbones.

"Pirates!" Sasuke said in shock.

If we would have looked closer he would have noticed that the skull on the fla had a strawhat on it.

**As soon as the eldest was fifteen, she was allowed to rise to the surface of the ocean. When she came back, she had hundreds of things to talk about; but the most beautiful, she said, was to lie in the moonlight, on a sandbank, in the quiet sea, near the coast, and to gaze on a large town nearby, where the lights were twinkling like hundreds of stars; to listen to the sounds of the music, the noise of carriages, and the voices of human beings, and then to hear the merry bells peal out from the church steeples; and because she could not go near to all those wonderful things, she longed for them more than ever. Oh, did not the youngest sister listen eagerly to all these descriptions? and afterwards, when she stood at the open window looking up through the dark blue water, she thought of the great city, with all its bustle and noise, and even fancied she could hear the sound of the church bells, down in the depths of the sea. **

"Please tell me you saw that pirate ship Sakura."

"What pirate ship?"

"GAH! You didn't see? BAH! Why are you so useless? Wait a minute. I'm acting like I didn't know that before."

"Well the most peculiar thing I saw was a man with an extremely long nose."

"Pinnochio?"

"No we're passed that Tenten." Sasuke added.

"No his name was oops or something, Anyway." Sakura continued. "The man with the long nose claimed to have been a great captain and has 8,000 followers."

"8,000 FOLLOWERS? I DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT MANY ON TWITTER!"

"You have a twitter Ino? Follow me." Sasuke suggested.

"Only if you follow back."

"Sure."

"Hey can you guys follow me too? My name is stabby_mckill-girl."

"Sure. I'm blondes-rule-even-Naruto-sometimes."

"My name is The_way_themanga_isgoing_I_might_endup_havingthe_Rinnegan.

"H-Hey can you guys follow me too? My name is Mrs. Uzumaki ."

"Sure we'll follow you."

"Oi, All you shitheads follow TheoppositeofSakura"

"Oh my God, I love your name Tayuya." Sasuke gushed.

"Hey what about me guys? I'm following all of you and none of you are following me back?"

"You're following me too?" Tayuya asked.

"Sakura, no one want's to follow The_path_to_Uselessness."

**I am, Sasuke.**

Sakura smiled.

"Really?" She said happily.

**No wait, that's Orihime, nevermind Sakura.**

Sakura sweat dropped.

**In another year the second sister received permission to rise to the surface of the water, and to swim about where she pleased. She rose just as the sun was setting, and this, she said, was the most beautiful sight of all. The whole sky looked like gold, while violet and rose-colored clouds, which she could not describe, floated over her; and, still more rapidly than the clouds, flew a large flock of wild swans towards the setting sun, looking like a long white veil across the sea. She also swam towards the sun; but it sunk into the waves, and the rosy tints faded from the clouds and from the sea. **

"Guys you are not gonna believe this but...I SAW A SWORD!"

"Well Tenten you probably won't believe this but...I DON'T CARE!"

"You don't have to be rude Tayuya." Sakura said.

"Did you see the pirate ship?"

"No Sasuke."

"GAH! DAMN IT! HOW IS IT SO HARD TO CATCH A GIANT PIECE OF WOOD!"

Orochimaru appeared.

"DID SOMEONE SAY WOOD-"

**GO BACK ..._BEFORE I F'KIN CHOP YOUR PENIS OFF!_**

Before Inuyonas finished his sentence Orochimaru was gone.

"Whoa...I don't think I've ever heard you yell like that. Underlined, and Italicized? Man what pissed you off?"

**Nothing Sasuke...Nothing.**

**The third sister's turn followed; she was the boldest of them all, and she swam up a broad river that emptied itself into the sea. On the banks she saw green hills covered with beautiful vines; palaces and castles peeped out from amid the proud trees of the forest; she heard the birds singing, and the rays of the sun were so powerful that she was obliged often to dive down under the water to cool her burning face. In a narrow creek she found a whole troop of little human children, quite naked, and sporting about in the water; she wanted to play with them, but they fled in a great fright; and then a little black animal came to the water; it was a dog, but she did not know that, for she had never before seen one. **

"What the hell are you?" Tayuya asked.

"AHHH IT TALKED!"

"You can talk?"

"AHH DON'T EAT ME!" Said the "dog".

"Yeah right. Like I'm gonna eat something this fuckin intelligent."

The "Dog." blushed and put it's hoves on the sides of it's red top hat.

"Just because you called me smart doesn't mean I'm happy." It said smiling.

"You look pretty fuckin' happy to me. Anyway I'm gonna go now. BY the way what's your name."

The dog smiled.

"Tony Tony Chopper."

**This animal barked at her so terribly that she became frightened, and rushed back to the open sea. But she said she should never forget the beautiful forest, the green hills, and the pretty little children who could swim in the water, although they had not fish's tails. **

"Well what did you see Tayuya-chan?" Hinata asked.

"I saw...a chopper."

"What the hell's a chopper? Can yiou eat it?" asked Sasuke.

"Can you stab it?"

"I'm not sure...and No you fuckin psycho shithead, you can't stab it. Apparently it's a type of animal that can talk." Tayuya answered.

"It must be a summons." Sakura concluded.

"I don't think so."

**The fourth sister was more timid; she remained in the midst of the sea, but she said it was quite as beautiful there as nearer the land. She could see for so many miles around her, and the sky above looked like a bell of glass. She had seen the ships, but at such a great distance that they looked like sea gulls. The dolphins sported in the waves, and the great whales spouted water from their nostrils till it seemed as if a hundred fountains were playing in every direction. **

"You didn't go anywhere Hinata. I sat here and watched you swim to the top and back down here." Ino said.

"Gomen.."

"Don't apologize Hinata You can always go back up there." CHiyo said swiming over to them.

"GOD FUCKIN' DAMN YOUR FUCKIN OLD!"

"The nerve of you young people. Have you no shame?" Chiyo said to Tayuya. "Why back in my day I always had respet for my elders."

"Back in your day, there WERE no elders yet!" Tayuya screamed in frustration.

Sasuke just smiled at Tayuya's response.

**The fifth sister's birthday occurred in the winter; so when her turn came, she saw what the others had not seen the first time they went up. The sea looked quite green, and large icebergs were floating about, each like a pearl, she said, but larger and loftier than the churches built by men. They were of the most singular shapes, and glittered like diamonds. She had seated herself upon one of the largest, and let the wind play with her long hair, and she remarked that all the ships sailed by rapidly, and steered as far away as they could from the iceberg, as if they were afraid of it. Towards evening, as the sun went down, dark clouds covered the sky, the thunder rolled and the lightning flashed, and the red light glowed on the icebergs as they rocked and tossed on the heaving sea. On all the ships the sails were reefed with fear and trembling, while she sat calmly on the floating iceberg, watching the blue lightning, as it darted its forked flashes into the sea. **

Ino was swimming when she spotted someone else swimming in the water. She swam over to them.

"Hey there." Ino said to them once she got close enough.

It was a woman. A woman with Orange hair to be exact.

She seemed to startled. "Um Hey."

"What's your name?"

"Nami."

"What a pretty name. My name is Ino."

"Well please to meet you Ino. Why are-

"OI NAMI-SWAAN!"

Both girls turned their heads in the direction they heard the yell from. It was then Ino noticed the HUGE pirate ship right next to them.

Some blonde guy in a suit ws leaning over the railing waving to Nami.

"It's time for dinner! And you can bring your pretty friend too!" The suit wearing guy said.

Ino blushed.

"Don't mind the idiot. Your welcome to join us Ino-san."

"Thanks but I cannot. I am a mermaid and have no legs."

"Wha-" Nami decided to look at Ino under the water.

"!" She freaked out.

"OH MY GOD A MERMAID!"

This caught the attention of everyone on the ship as Ino looked back torward the ship and noticed alot more people leaning over the rail looking at her.

"I TOLD YOU I SAW ONE!"

"LEMME SEE!"

"A Real live Mermaid huh?"

"Amazing..."

"Can we eat it?" This came form the guy in the straw hat.

"Baka NO!" said Nami.

Ino cringed and fled back into the water.

"See you made run away Baka-captain!"

**When first the sisters had permission to rise to the surface, they were each delighted with the new and beautiful sights they saw; but now, as grown-up girls, they could go when they pleased, and they had become indifferent about it. **

"Guys...I found the pirate ship."

"YES GOD THANK YOU! INO YOU ARE AMAZING!"

Ino blushed at the praise Sasuke was giving her.

"Were there pirate son it?"

"No Sakura. Because the ship sailed here all on it's own without anyone to guide it. I swear leaf kunoichi are retarded." Tayuya mumbled.

**They wished themselves back again in the water, and after a month had passed they said it was much more beautiful down below, and pleasanter to be at home. Yet often, in the evening hours, the five sisters would twine their arms round each other, and rise to the surface, in a row. **

"Really guys? You're gonna exclude me and not Sakura?"

"Sorry SAsuke-san. Inuyonas commands it."

"I hate him."

**Foolish little brother.**

O_o

**Sorry. Couldn't resist.**

**They had more beautiful voices than any human being could have; and before the approach of a storm, and when they expected a ship would be lost, they swam before the vessel, and sang sweetly of the delights to be found in the depths of the sea, and begging the sailors not to fear if they sank to the bottom. But the sailors could not understand the song, they took it for the howling of the storm. And these things were never to be beautiful for them; for if the ship sank, the men were drowned, and their dead bodies alone reached the palace of the Sea King. **

"Guys we got another one." Sasuke said.

"Another dead body?"

"Who is it this time?" Tayuya asked walking up to Sasuke.

Sasuke rummaged throught pants of this person and pulled out a wallet. He opened it.

Sasuke's eyes widened and he stood up.

"Let us all bow our heads." He began. "For the late and great...COMMON SENSE."

**When the sisters rose, arm-in-arm, through the water in this way, their youngest sister would stand quite alone, looking after them, ready to cry, only that the mermaids have no tears, and therefore they suffer more. "Oh, were I but fifteen years old," said she: "I know that I shall love the world up there, and all the people who live in it." **

**At last she reached her fifteenth year. "Well, now, you are grown up," said the old dowager, her grandmother; "so you must let me adorn you like your other sisters;" and she placed a wreath of white lilies in her hair, and every flower leaf was half a pearl. Then the old lady ordered eight great oysters to attach themselves to the tail of the princess to show her high rank. **

**"But they hurt me so," said the little mermaid. **

Chiyo stood before sasuke with clothesline pins.

"I am not putting those on."

"The nerve of you young people. Why back in my day we took everything the older generation could give us."

"Don't lie to me back in your day there was only ONE generation."

**"Pride must suffer pain," replied the old lady. Oh, how gladly she would have shaken off all this grandeur, and laid aside the heavy wreath! The red flowers in her own garden would have suited her much better, but she could not help herself: so she said, "Farewell," and rose as lightly as a bubble to the surface of the water. The sun had just set as she raised her head above the waves; but the clouds were tinted with crimson and gold, and through the glimmering twilight beamed the evening star in all its beauty. The sea was calm, and the air mild and fresh. A large ship, with three masts, lay becalmed on the water, with only one sail set; for not a breeze stiffed, and the sailors sat idle on deck or amongst the rigging. There was music and song on board; and, as darkness came on, a hundred colored lanterns were lighted, as if the flags of all nations waved in the air. The little mermaid swam close to the cabin windows; and now and then, as the waves lifted her up, she could look in through clear glass windowpanes, and see a number of well-dressed people within. Among them was a young prince, the most beautiful of all, with large black eyes; he was sixteen years of age, and his birthday was being kept with much rejoicing. **

Next to the first Pirate ship,Sasuke saw that there was a second pirate ship. This one had a flag with an Orange spiral design on it.

"I bet Naruto's the prince and captain of that ship." Sasuke said to himself.

**The sailors were dancing on deck, but when the prince came out of the cabin, more than a hundred rockets rose in the air, making it ****as bright as day. **

"HEY IT'S A PARTY! HEY HEY HEY WE'RE GONNA PARTY INUZUKA STYLE!" Kiba was doing the cha cha slide.

"I'M GONNA EAT SOOOOOO MUCH!" Chouji was about to murder the food table.

"I can finally take a nap..." Somehow Shikamaru was going to rest with the loud music playing.

"I'M ABOUT TO CUT F'KIN LOOSE!" Apparently Shino was about to cut f'kin loose.

"YOSH! WATCH MY YOUTHFUL DOUGIE!" I don't know what the hell Lee was doing.

"Finally, I can dress how I've always wanted." Haku was about to cross dress...again.

"I'm gonna drink myself stupid." Zabuza was about to defy all laws of physiccs and drink with the bandages around his face.

"Do you two ladies wanna dance with the wonderous toad sage turned sailor?"

Anko and Kurenai stared with a half lidded gaze at Jiraiya.

"Eh, What the hell? It's a party right Nai-chan?"

"Fine. But if you try something then you die."

Jiraiya smiled goofily.

"The antics of the strongest Sannin." Itachi mused as he leaned on the mass of the ship.

Suddenly the door to the prince's room slammed open.

And out stepped the Prince.

"Right on the money." Sasuke said.

"I think the music should be louder...CUZ' IT'S A MOTHER F'KIN PARTY DATTEBAYO!"

"HAI!" Everyone cheered.

As Naruto walked along the boat he noticed someone in the water.

"Sasuke?"

"Naruto-baka."

"Come up here and join us! we're having a party!"

"I would but I can't. I'm a mermaid."

"What does your religion have to do with this?"

"Idiot. I'm part fish."

"WOW REALLY!" Naruto shouted. Which caught the attention of his crew.

"Oi Sasuke Why are you in the water?" Kiba yelled.

"He's a mermaid Kiba." Naruto explained.

"I believe the correct term is merman." Shikamaru said walking over to Naruto.

"Not in this chapter." Sasuke said grumpily.

"OI WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ASSHOLES DOING? THAT'S OUR MERMAID WE SAW IT FIRST AND WE'RE GONNA EAT IT!"

Everyone on the Uzumaki ship turned their heads torward the Mugiwara ship. They were met with the sight of a teenaged boy wearing a straw hat standing on the edge of the ship shouting at them.

A tick mark formed on Naruto's head. He also rushed to the edge of his ship.

"OI SHUT THE HELL STRAW HAT BASTARD! THAT MERMAID IS OUR FRIEND AND WE WON'T LET YOU EAT IT!"

"I'M HUNGRY AND YES I WILL!" Luffy yelled back.

"NO YOU WON'T YOU STUPID FACE!" Naruto intelligently replied.

"YOU CAN'T STOP ME ANYWAY! When I want something. I get it." Luffy finished with a smile.

"Well then how are you going to get the mermaid? It's not like you can swim out there and get it." Naruto said. Of course he meant that his crew would stop Luffy. But Luffy thought Naruto knew of his inability to swim.

Luffy got mad.

"THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR 12 YEAR OLD ASS! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!" Luffy yelled as he stretched back his arm.

"HOLY SHIT DO YOU GUYS SEE THAT?" Kiba said as he watched Luffy stretch his arm back.

"I wonder what else he can stretch." Anko said with a lecherous grin on her face.

"Orochimaru would have a field day with him." Sasuke said.

"GOMU GOMU NO...PISTOL!" He shot it right back torwards Naruto.

The fist collided with Naruto's head.

"Luffy did you have to Kill him?" Zoro(or Zolo) said.

"I didn't think he was that weak." Luffy said still wiith his hand out stretched.

Suddenly Naruto erupted in a poof of smoke.

"What?" Luffy said in alarm.

"A devil fruit?" Nami asked.

"What power is that?" Nico Robin asked.

"You underestimated me."

Luffy turned around and was met with the sight of Naruto staring at him.

Zoro grabbed his swords. _'He's fast.' _

Suddenlyy Luffy lunged forward.

"Gomu Gomu no Gatling gun!" Luffy threw rapid punches at Naruto.

Surprisingly Naruto dodged them all...

but one.

"Got you!" Luffy screamed as he punched Naruto so hard he flew off the boat and fell into fell into the ocean.

"Somebody might wanna save him. Devil fruit users can't swim." Usopp said proudly.

Suddenly Something burst from the water.

"We're gonna kick your ass!"

Make that alot of somethings. Dozens of Naruto's were making their way on the ship from both sides of it.

"He can swim!" Nico Robin exclaimed looking at all the Orange clad Genins invading their ship.

The clones piled up on Luffy.

"That's not gonna stop me! Balloon!" Luffy's body greatly expanded flinging the clones away from him.

"But this will!" The Original Naruto said.

He dropped like an Eagle out of the sky directly above Luffy, hand outstretched, Rasengan pulsing with Chakra."

"Rasengan!"

Raw Chakra met Luffy's face.

**The little mermaid was so startled that she dived under water; **

"Like hell I would. I wanna see this epic battle!" Sasuke said.

**and when she again stretched out her head, it appeared as if all the stars of heaven were falling around her, she had never seen such fireworks before. Great suns spurted fire about, splendid fireflies flew into the blue air, and everything was reflected in the clear, calm sea beneath.**

When the smoke that the Rasengan caused disappeared, the straw hat crew was met with the sight that no one thought possible.

Luffy was out cold with a swirl mark on his face.

Naruto stood proudly over him.

"He-he beat Luffy!" Usopp exclaimed.

"N-No way!" Chopper screamed.

Zoro stood stock still. _'This boy who couuldn't be any older than 13...beat Luffy in one move..."_

"WOO MAN! HE WAS TOUGH! If I hadn't put half my chakra in that he would still be standing." Naruto said.

"Y-you hurt our captain..." Sanji said. "Grrr...GET HIM!"

Sanji, Zoro, Chopper, and Usopp, lunged at Naruto.

"Damn, I can't defend against all of them." Naruto said. He braced himself for impact.

But it Never came.

It was at this point he noticed two people in front of him.

Jiraiya stood in his toad fighting style stance in front of Naruto slightly on his left.

Itachi Uchiha stood in front of Jiraiya staring down Mugiwara crew.

"If you harm Naruto-kun I will crush each and everyone of you." Itachi stated emotionlessly.

Zoro and Sanji were the type who backed down from no one...but looking into the spinning crimson and black that Itachi displayed in his eyes would unnerve anyone.

Each and everyone of the straw hat crew gulped after hearing Itachi's threat.

_'These people are terrifyingly strong." Zoro thought._

_'What are these people?" Nami thought the fear showing on her face._

**The ship itself was so brightly illuminated that all the people, and even the smallest rope, could be distinctly and plainly seen. And how handsome the young prince looked, as he pressed the hands of all present and smiled at them, while the music resounded through the clear night air. **

"It's just as I predicted." Sasuke began. "Naruto owns luffy."

**It was very late; yet the little mermaid could not take her eyes from the ship, or from the beautiful prince. The colored lanterns had been extinguished, no more rockets rose in the air, and the cannon had ceased firing; but the sea became restless, and a moaning, grumbling sound could be heard beneath the waves: still the little mermaid remained by the cabin window, rocking up and down on the water, which enabled her to look in. After a while, the sails were quickly unfurled, and the noble ship continued her passage; but soon the waves rose higher, heavy clouds darkened the sky, and lightning appeared in the distance. A dreadful storm was approaching; once more the sails were reefed, and the great ship pursued her flying course over the raging sea. The waves rose mountains high, as if they would have overtopped the mast; but the ship dived like a swan between them, and then rose again on their lofty, foaming crests. To the little mermaid this appeared pleasant sport; not so to the sailors. **

"Oh okay, so this is just a big misunderstanding."

"Yes I apologize for my captains rash behaviour."

"And I do aswell. Boys are idiots."

"Ha! yes I can agree."

"But what would life be like without them?"

"Probably boring."

Nami, Robin, Anko and Kurenai engaged in conversation. Everyone was aboard Naruto's ship.

"I have 8,000 followers at my beck and call, so you're lucky your captain stopped when he did."

"8,000! OH YOU MUST BE SO YOUTHFUL!"

Usopp was engaged in a lie-versation with Lee.

"AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I DID NEXT! I FARTED IN HIS F'KIN FACE! AND THAT'S HOW I WON!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"HAHAHAHAHA-TEBAYO!"

"You're funny Whisker-kun."

"Whiskers?" Naruto touched his face.

They way they got along, it was like Naruto and Luffy never fought.

"OI! BAKA DON'T TELL EVERYONE!" Kiba seethed.

"Only an idiot would get beat from a fart."

"Well at least my one eyebrow doesn't cover 60 percent of my head!" Kiba shouted back at Sanji.

"What was that?" Sanji said getting angry.

"HAHAhAHA!" Zoro laughed at Kiba's insult.

"You must have a very strong sense of smell." Chopper commented. "And that's amazing for a human."

"See, The Raccoon understands my awesomeness."

"Bitch who you callin' a raccoon?" Chopper said.

**At length the ship groaned and creaked; the thick planks gave way under the lashing of the sea as it broke over the deck; the mainmast snapped asunder like a reed; the ship lay over on her side; and the water rushed in. The little mermaid now perceived that the crew were in danger; even she herself was obliged to be careful to avoid the beams and planks of the wreck which lay scattered on the water. At one moment it was so pitch dark that she could not see a single object, but a flash of lightning revealed the whole scene; she could see every one who had been on board excepting the prince; when the ship parted, she had seen him sink into the deep waves, and she was glad, for she thought he would now be with her; and then she remembered that human beings could not live in the water, so that when he got down to her father's palace he would be quite dead. But he must not die. So she swam about among the beams and planks which strewed the surface of the sea, forgetting that they could crush her to pieces. Then she dived deeply under the dark waters, rising and falling with the waves, till at length she managed to reach the young prince, who was fast losing the power of swimming in that stormy sea. His limbs were failing him, his beautiful eyes were closed, and he would have died had not the little mermaid come to his assistance. She held his head above the water, and let the waves drift them where they would. **

"And so then, he kissed me against my will."

"OI! TEME YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

Sasuke was on the ship deep in conversation.

Everyone laughed on the ship.

**Um I know everyone is having a good time but, I don't like to be ignored.**

"So what? I have 8,000 followers at my beck and call Nobody has to listen to you."

**You don't have to listen huh?**

"You shouldn't have said that Usopp -san." Itachi said.

"Why not-"

Suddenly the ship exploded.

"AAAH!" Everyone fell into the sea.

Suddenly a storm appeared. The water turned violent.

"Help!" Luffy screamed flailing about the violent , raging waves.

"Goddamnit now I have to heroicaly spring into action." Sasuke said. "Fear not dobe, I'm comin' for ya!" Sasuke dove under the water in search of Naruto.

"Wait what about us?" Chopper said flailing around in the water."

"Hey get in here!" Chopper turned his head torward the direction he heard the voice.

He saw a giant toad emerged from the water. The toad had it's mouth open and in it he saw everyone from both ships except for Naruto and Sasuke. Luffy was completely exhausted laying on the toad's tongue.

"THAT'S A BIG TOAD!" Chopper said.

Jiraiya had summoned it of course. The toads tongue was about as big as Gamabunta. Just to give you an idea of exactly how big the toad was.

"Don't worry I got you!" Jiraiya said activating his nido jizo so his hair could lengthen and wrap around chopper to pull him in.

**In the morning the storm had ceased; but of the ship not a single fragment could be seen. The sun rose up red and glowing from the water, and its beams brought back the hue of health to the prince's cheeks; but his eyes remained closed. The mermaid kissed his high, smooth forehead, and stroked back his wet hair; he seemed to her like the marble statue in her little garden, and she kissed him again, and wished that he might live. **

On an island after the storm were Naruto and Sasuke.

"I'm not kissing anything damnit."

**It's not like you haven't did it before.**

"Hey screw you!"

**Are you sure you don't wanna screw Naruto?**

"...I hate you so much."

**Presently they came in sight of land; she saw lofty blue mountains, on which the white snow rested as if a flock of swans were lying upon them. Near the coast were beautiful green forests, and close by stood a large building, whether a church or a convent she could not tell. Orange and citron trees grew in the garden, and before the door stood lofty palms. **

"I heard the color Orange, and woke up."

"How would you hear a color dobe?"

"Why don't we know who the guy behind the mask is?"

"Touche..."

"What if it's Izuna Uchiha?"

"It can't be, he's dead."

"Madara's dead too, and yet he's handling all of the kages."

"But he's been brought back by Kabuto's technique. Speaking of which, Why the hell are you so goddamn powerful? Now you have each and every tailed beast inside of you? AND their Jinchuuriki? How the hell am I gonna stand up to that? Unless I get the Rinnegan somehow like Madara did before he did. Man The Shodaime must have been fucking awesome if he beat Madara AND the fox."

"Wait What if the guy behind the mask is Orochimaru?"

"Nope, he's sealed in the Tatsuki blade. Which Itachi took to the grave with him."

"Wait I've got it. It's...Super saiyan 4 Goku."

"...really? I don''t think he would need the whole moons eye plan if it was. He could just destroy whoever opposes him. After all No one is stronger than Goku."

"Damn you're right. Who do you think it could be?"

"Keep this between you and me but,...I think it's Wingedmercury. She wants to control everyone so she can put them on crack!"

"No wait Sasuke! I finally figured it out! The guy behind the mask is...The embodiment of Sakura's Usefulness!"

"..."

"..."

"...That makes so much sense."

"I mean think about it! No one is THAT useless right? It could only mean someone used a jutsu to suck her usefulness dry!"

"You may be on to something dobe..."

**The sea here formed a little bay, in which the water was quite still, but very deep; so she swam with the handsome prince to the beach, which was covered with fine, white sand, and there she laid him in the warm sunshine, taking care to raise his head higher than his body. Then bells sounded in the large white building, and a number of young girls came into the garden. The little mermaid swam out farther from the shore and placed herself between some high rocks that rose out of the water; then she covered her head and neck with the foam of the sea so that her little face might not be seen, and watched to see what would become of the poor prince. She did not wait long before she saw a young girl approach the spot where he lay. She seemed frightened at first, but only for a moment; then she fetched a number of people, and the mermaid saw that the prince came to life again, and smiled upon those who stood round him. But to her he sent no smile; he knew not that she had saved him. This made her very unhappy, and when he was led away into the great building, she dived down sorrowfully into the water, and returned to her father's castle. **

"OI WHISKERS!"

Naruto turned his head to see Luffy, CHopper, Usopp, Lee, Kiba and Jiraiya running at him.

Chopper glomped him.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"I knew that storm couldn't dampen your flame of youth!"

"So you made it huh brat?"

"Dude, don't ever scare me like that again!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Kiba.

Kiba blushed.

"Uh...I mean...you idiot!"

"We're you saved by one of my many followers?"

"Oh yeah, everyone ignore Sasuke like I'm Sakura."

**She had always been silent and thoughtful, and now she was more so than ever. Her sisters asked her what she had seen during her first visit to the surface of the water; but she would tell them nothing. **

"Sasuke what did you see?"

"Oh man Tenten I saw pirates with strange powers!"

"What else did you see Sasuke?"

"Well Hinata, they were fighting and the Naruto won."

"Naruto's up there?" Hinata asked flustered.

"What else did you see Sasuke?"

"Well I think I saw dating material for you Ino."

Ino smiled.

"What else did you see Shithead?"

"Well Stupid bitch, I saw that 'dog' that you were so interested in."

"What else did you see Sasuke-kun?"

"OH MY GOD, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ALL THESE GODDAMN QUESTIONS SAKURA!"

**Many an evening and morning did she rise to the place where she had left the prince. **

**She saw the fruits in the garden ripen till they were gathered, the snow on the tops of the mountains melt away; but she never saw the prince, and therefore she returned home, always more sorrowful than before. It was her only comfort to sit in her own little garden, and fling her arm round the beautiful marble statue which was like the prince; but she gave up tending her flowers, and they grew in wild confusion over the paths, twining their long leaves and stems round the branches of the trees, so that the whole place became dark and gloomy.**

"Wow Sasuke, you've really let you're garden go. There are vines and plants everywhere." Tenten said looking around the garden.

"Eh..." Sasuke said not really caring.

"Are- Are the vines mating?" Ino asked squinting her eyes at a couple of vines moving a few feet away from her.

"Oh yes...OH YES!" One vine said.

"Oh you like that, YOU LIKE THAT HUH!" Another one said.

"oh...oh...oh..oh oh OH OH! OH! I'M ABOUT TO..." The first vine couldn'[t finish.

"YES! LET IT OUT! SCREAM YOUR SOUNDS OF PLEASURE!"

"LALARANYA!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

A couple of bubbles appeared above the moving vines.

All the mermaids' faces were scarlett from what they had just heard."

"Um...well...ok then." Sasuke said blinking.

"Wow..." Ino was speechless.

"I wonder how that is scientifically possible." Tenten said.

"Anything is fuckin possible if it's written by Inuyonas." Oddly enough Tayuya was on the right track.

"I thought Plants reproduce Asexually."

"Did you not just here Tayuya forehead?"

"Shut up Ms. Piggie!"

"I wonder what Naruto-kun will scream..."

All heads snapped torward Hinata.

It was only then Hinata realized what she said. She suddenly hung her head in embarrassment.

"G-Gomen!"

"Hinata's a secret Perv!" Sasuke said accusingly.

**At length she could bear it no longer, and told one of her sisters all about it. Then the others heard the secret, and very soon it became known to two mermaids whose intimate friend happened to know who the prince was. She had also seen the festival on board ship, and she told them where the prince came from, and where his palace stood. **

**"Come, little sister," said the other princesses; then they entwined their arms and rose up in a long row to the surface of the water, **

"Yay, I'm included this time!" Sasuke said smiling goofily.

Tayuya smiled fondly at Sasuke's antics.

**close by the spot where they knew the prince's palace stood. It was built of bright yellow shining stone, with long flights of marble steps, one of which reached quite down to the sea. Splendid gilded cupolas rose over the roof, and between the pillars that surrounded the whole building stood life-like statues of marble. Through the clear crystal of the lofty windows could be seen noble rooms, with costly silk curtains and hangings of tapestry; while the walls were covered with beautiful paintings which were a pleasure to look at. In the centre of the largest saloon a fountain threw its sparkling jets high up into the glass cupola of the ceiling, through which the sun shone down upon the water and upon the beautiful plants growing round the basin of the fountain. Now that she knew where he lived, she spent many an evening and many a night on the water near the palace. She would swim much nearer the shore than any of the others ventured to do; indeed once she went quite up the narrow channel under the marble balcony, which threw a broad shadow on the water. Here she would sit and watch the young prince, who thought himself quite alone in the bright moonlight. She saw him many times of an evening sailing in a pleasant boat, with music playing and flags waving. She peeped out from among the green rushes, and if the wind caught her long silvery-white veil, those who saw it believed it to be a swan, spreading out its wings. **

"Who the hell here has white hair?"

**Shut up just go with it.**

**On many a night, too, when the fishermen, with their torches, were out at sea, she heard them relate so many good things about the doings of the young prince, that she was glad she had saved his life when he had been tossed about half-dead on the waves. And she remembered that his head had rested on her bosom, and how heartily she had kissed him; but he knew nothing of all this, and could not even dream of her. **

"I didn't kiss him."

"What about that time in the academy?" Ino said.

"I knew you two were fags. Damnit." Tayuya said.

"I'm not a fag and that was an accident."

Ino narrowed her eyes at Tayuya.

"Why Tayuya, are you dissappointed?"

Sasuke turned torward Tayuya.

"What? Why the hell would I want chicken butt, duck ass over there?"

"I really didn't specify if I meant Naruto or Sasuke. You just assumed I meant Sasuke. So you ARE!"

Tayuya's face reddened.

"NO I'M NOT DAMNIT!"

Sasuke smiled. _'I'll have to catch her when we are alone.'_

**She grew more and more fond of human beings, and wished more and more to be able to wander about with those whose world seemed to be so much larger than her own. They could fly over the sea in ships, and mount the high hills which were far above the clouds; and the lands they possessed, their woods and their fields, stretched far away beyond the reach of her sight. There was so much that she wished to know, and her sisters were unable to answer all her questions. Then she applied to her old grandmother, who knew all about the upper world, which she very rightly called the lands above the sea. **

**"If human beings are not drowned," asked the little mermaid, "can they live forever? do they never die as we do here in the sea?" **

**"Yes," replied the old lady, "they must also die, and their term of life is even shorter than ours. We sometimes live to three hundred years, but when we cease to exist here we only become the foam on the surface of the water, and we have not even a grave down here of those we love. We have not immortal souls, we shall never live again; but, like the green seaweed, when once it has been cut off, we can never flourish more. Human beings, on the contrary, have a soul which lives forever, lives after the body has been turned to dust. It rises up through the clear, pure air beyond the glittering stars. As we rise out of the water, and behold all the land of the earth, so do they rise to unknown and glorious regions which we shall never see." **

**"Why have not we an immortal soul?" asked the little mermaid mournfully; "I would give gladly all the hundreds of years that I have to live, to be a human being only for one day, and to have the hope of knowing the happiness of that glorious world above the stars." **

**"You must not think of that," said the old woman; "we feel ourselves to be much happier and much better off than human beings." **

"God, this fairy tale is fuckin' morbid."

"Right, Like I would tell my child something like this. First of all it's WAAAY too long."

"Hahaha! Yea you're right, and all this death and shit..."

"Yeah, contrary to popular belief, I want my child to be innocent and unlike me in every way."

"Really? I...I feel the same way. I know I have a fucked up life and i probably won't get better but if I have a child I want it to live a much better life then I did."

CHiyo walked in.

"My you two are getting along great."

Sasuke and Tayuya blushed.

"Why back in my day, if you got along with someone of the opposite sex this well, you were instantly married."

"I didn't know grandfather time was married?"

Tayuya laughed at Sasuke's joke.

"The nerve of you young people, have you no manners? I swear young people of today have no respect. Why back in my day when you insulted an elder you were killed."

"How could you insult an elder when there were none?"

Sasuke snickered at Tayuya's response.

**"So I shall die," said the little mermaid, "and as the foam of the sea I shall be driven about never again to hear the music of the waves, or to see the pretty flowers nor the red sun. Is there anything I can do to win an immortal soul?" **

**"No," said the old woman, "unless a man were to love you so much that you were more to him than his father or mother; and if all his thoughts and all his love were fixed upon you, and the priest placed his right hand in yours, and he promised to be true to you here and hereafter, then his soul would glide into your body and you would obtain a share in the future happiness of mankind. He would give a soul to you and retain his own as well; but this can never happen. Your fish's tail, which amongst us is considered so beautiful, is thought on earth to be quite ugly; they do not know any better, and they think it necessary to have two stout props, which they call legs, in order to be handsome." **

**Then the little mermaid sighed, and looked sorrowfully at her fish's tail. "Let us be happy," said the old lady, "and dart and spring about during the three hundred years that we have to live, which is really quite long enough; after that we can rest ourselves all the better. This evening we are going to have a court ball." **

**It is one of those splendid sights which we can never see on earth. The walls and the ceiling of the large ballroom were of thick, but transparent crystal. May hundreds of colossal shells, some of a deep red, others of a grass green, stood on each side in rows, with blue fire in them, which lighted up the whole saloon, and shone through the walls, so that the sea was also illuminated. Innumerable fishes, great and small, swam past the crystal walls; on some of them the scales glowed with a purple brilliancy, and on others they shone like silver and gold. Through the halls flowed a broad stream, and in it danced the mermen and the mermaids to the music of their own sweet singing. No one on earth has such a lovely voice as theirs. The little mermaid sang more sweetly than them all. The whole court applauded her with hands and tails; and for a moment her heart felt quite gay, for she knew she had the loveliest voice of any on earth or in the sea. But she soon thought again of the world above her, for she could not forget the charming prince, nor her sorrow that she had not an immortal soul like his; therefore she crept away silently out of her father's palace, and while everything within was gladness and song, she sat in her own little garden sorrowful and alone. **

**Then she heard the bugle sounding through the water, and thought- "He is certainly sailing above, he on whom my wishes depend, and in whose hands I should like to place the happiness of my life. I will venture all for him, and to win an immortal soul, while my sisters are dancing in my father's palace, I will go to the sea witch, of whom I have always been so much afraid, but she can give me counsel and help." **

"Oh I wonder who this is gonna be."

**And then the little mermaid went out from her garden, and took the road to the foaming whirlpools, behind which the sorceress lived. She had never been that way before: neither flowers nor grass grew there; nothing but bare, gray, sandy ground stretched out to the whirlpool, where the water, like foaming mill-wheels, whirled round everything that it seized, and cast it into the fathomless deep. Through the midst of these crushing whirlpools the little mermaid was obliged to pass, to reach the dominions of the sea witch; and also for a long distance the only road lay right across a quantity of warm, bubbling mire, called by the witch her turfmoor. Beyond this stood her house, in the center of a strange forest, in which all the trees and flowers were polypi, half animals and half plants; they looked like serpents with a hundred heads growing out of the ground. The branches were long slimy arms, with fingers like flexible worms, moving limb after limb from the root to the top. All that could be reached in the sea they seized upon, and held fast, so that it never escaped from their clutches. **

**The little mermaid was so alarmed at what she saw, that she stood still, and her heart beat with fear, and she was very nearly turning back; but she thought of the prince, and of the human soul for which she longed, and her courage returned. She fastened her long flowing hair round her head, so that the polypi might not seize hold of it. She laid her hands together across her bosom, and then she darted forward as a fish shoots through the water, between the supple arms and fingers of the ugly polypi, which were stretched out on each side of her. She saw that each held in its grasp something it had seized with its numerous little arms, as if they were iron bands. The white skeletons of human beings who had perished at sea, and had sunk down into the deep waters, skeletons of land animals, oars, rudders, and chests of ships were lying tightly grasped by their clinging arms; even a little mermaid, whom they had caught and strangled; and this seemed the most shocking of all to the little princess. **

**She now came to a space of marshy ground in the wood, where large, fat water snakes were rolling in the mire, and showing their ugly, drab-colored bodies. In the midst of this spot stood a house, built with the bones of shipwrecked human beings. There sat the sea witch, allowing a toad to eat from her mouth, just as people sometimes feed a canary with a piece of sugar. She called the ugly water snakes her little chickens, and allowed them to crawl all over her bosom. **

"You just love this don't you?"

"Kukukuku...You know it."

**"I know what you want," said the sea witch; "it is very stupid of you, but you shall have your way, and it will bring you to sorrow, my pretty princess. You want to get rid of your fish's tail, and to have two supports instead of it, like human beings on earth, so that the young prince may fall in love with you, and that you may have an immortal soul." And then the witch laughed so loud and disgustingly, that the toad and the snakes fell to the ground, and lay there wriggling about. "You are but just in time," said the witch; "for after sunrise to-morrow I should not be able to help you till the end of another year. I will prepare a draught for you, with which you must swim to land tomorrow before sunrise, and sit down on the shore and drink it. Your tail will then disappear, and shrink up into what mankind calls legs, and you will feel great pain, as if a sword were passing through you. But all who see you will say that you are the prettiest little human being they ever saw. You will still have the same floating gracefulness of movement, and no dancer will ever tread so lightly; but at every step you take it will feel as if you were treading upon sharp knives, and that the blood must flow. If you will bear all this, I will help you." **

**"Yes, I will," said the little princess in a trembling voice, as she thought of the prince and the immortal soul. **

"Wait I have to feel pain each time I step?"

"Yep." Orochimaru answered.

"Wtf why?"

"Because I wish it."

"..You're a dick, you know that?"

"Well you are what you eat..."

O_o

**"But think again," said the witch; "for when once your shape has become like a human being, you can no more be a mermaid. You will never return through the water to your sisters, or to your father's palace again; and if you do not win the love of the prince, so that he is willing to forget his father and mother for your sake, and to love you with his whole soul, and allow the priest to join your hands that you may be man and wife, then you will never have an immortal soul. The first morning after he marries another your heart will break, and you will become foam on the crest of the waves." **

"Screw this deal, I'm not about to damn near die because of something that MIGHT happen."

**"I will do it," said the little mermaid, and she became pale as death. **

**"But I must be paid also," said the witch, "and it is not a trifle that I ask. You have the sweetest voice of any who dwell here in the depths of the sea, and you believe that you will be able to charm the prince with it also, but this voice you must give to me; the best thing you possess will I have for the price of my draught. My own blood must be mixed with it, that it may be as sharp as a two-edged sword."**

"Damn! I'm getting nothing in return but some useless legs!"

**"But if you take away my voice," said the little mermaid, "what is left for me?" **

**"Your beautiful form, your graceful walk, and your expressive eyes; surely with these you can enchain a man's heart. Well, have you lost your courage? Put out your little tongue that I may cut it off as my payment; then you shall have the powerful draught." **

**"It shall be," said the little mermaid. **

Sasuke stuck out his tongue."

Orochimaru unbuckled his pants.

Sasuke jumped back. "BITCH, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!"

Orochimaru grinned sheepishly. "Sorry force of habit."

**Then the witch placed her cauldron on the fire, to prepare the magic draught. **

**"Cleanliness is a good thing," said she, scouring the vessel with snakes, which she had tied together in a large knot; then she pricked herself in the breast, and let the black blood drop into it. The steam that rose formed itself into such horrible shapes that no one could look at them without fear. Every moment the witch threw something else into the vessel, and when it began to boil, the sound was like the weeping of a crocodile. When at last the magic draught was ready, it looked like the clearest water. "There it is for you," said the witch. Then she cut off the mermaid's tongue, so that she became dumb, and would never again speak or sing. "If the polypi should seize hold of you as you return through the wood," said the witch, "throw over them a few drops of the potion, and their fingers will be torn into a thousand pieces." But the little mermaid had no occasion to do this, for the polypi sprang back in terror when they caught sight of the glittering draught, which shone in her hand like a twinkling star. **

**So she passed quickly through the wood and the marsh, and between the rushing whirlpools. She saw that in her father's palace the torches in the ballroom were extinguished, and all within asleep; but she did not venture to go in to them, for now she was dumb and going to leave them forever, she felt as if her heart would break. She stole into the garden, took a flower from the flowerbeds of each of her sisters, kissed her hand a thousand times towards the palace, and then rose up through the dark blue waters. The sun had not risen when she came in sight of the prince's palace, and approached the beautiful marble steps, but the moon shone clear and bright. Then the little mermaid drank the magic draught, and it seemed as if a two-edged sword went through her delicate body: she fell into a swoon, and lay like one dead. When the sun arose and shone over the sea, she recovered, and felt a sharp pain; but just before her stood the handsome young prince. **

"Sasuke what the hell are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"..."

"The silent treatment eh? Ok then teme."

"..."

"Still quiet? Well I better go tell Sakura-chan you plan to marry her in 10 years."

Sasuke twitched. _'Must...not...speak...Must...not...correct...that...ludicrous...accusation.'_

**He fixed his coal-black eyes upon her so earnestly that she cast down her own, and then became aware that her fish's tail was gone, and that she had as pretty a pair of white legs and tiny feet as any little maiden could have; but she had no clothes, so she wrapped herself in her long, thick hair. The prince asked her who she was, and where she came from, and she looked at him mildly and sorrowfully with her deep blue eyes; but she could not speak. Every step she took was as the witch had said it would be, she felt as if treading upon the points of needles or sharp knives; but she bore it willingly, and stepped as lightly by the prince's side as a soap-bubble, so that he and all who saw her wondered at her graceful-swaying movements. She was very soon arrayed in costly robes of silk and muslin, and was the most beautiful creature in the palace; but she was dumb, and could neither speak nor sing. **

**Beautiful female slaves, dressed in silk and gold, stepped forward and sang before the prince and his royal parents: one sang better than all the others, and the prince clapped his hands and smiled at her. This was great sorrow to the little mermaid; she knew how much more sweetly she herself could sing once, and she thought, "Oh if he could only know that! I have given away my voice forever, to be with him." **

"Anko-Nichan, Kurenai-sensei! Look who I found!"

"Oh it's just Sasuke."

"HI SASU-CHAN!" Anko yelled.

_'Must...not...tell...her...to...fuck...off'_

**The slaves next performed some pretty fairy-like dances, to the sound of beautiful music. Then the little mermaid raised her lovely white arms, stood on the tips of her toes, and glided over the floor, and danced as no one yet had been able to dance. At each moment her beauty became more revealed, and her expressive eyes appealed more directly to the heart than the songs of the slaves. Every one was enchanted, especially the prince, who called her his little foundling; and she danced again quite readily, to please him, though each time her foot touched the floor it seemed as if she trod on sharp knives." **

**The prince said she should remain with him always, and she received permission to sleep at his door, on a velvet cushion. He had a page's dress made for her, that she might accompany him on horseback. **

"We're going on a whore's back? Who?"

_'Must...not...make...Sakura...joke...or...Orochimaru...joke.'_

**They rode together through the sweet-scented woods, where the green boughs touched their shoulders, and the little birds sang among the fresh leaves. She climbed with the prince to the tops of high mountains; and although her tender feet bled so that even her steps were marked, she only laughed, and followed him till they could see the clouds beneath them looking like a flock of birds traveling to distant lands. While at the prince's palace, and when all the household were asleep, she would go and sit on the broad marble steps; for it eased her burning feet to bathe them in the cold sea-water; and then she thought of all those below in the deep. **

**Once during the night her sisters came up arm-in-arm, singing sorrowfully, as they floated on the water. She beckoned to them, and then they recognized her, and told her how she had grieved them. After that, they came to the same place every night; and once she saw in the distance her old grandmother, who had not been to the surface of the sea for many years, and the old Sea King, her father, with his crown on his head. They stretched out their hands towards her, but they did not venture so near the land as her sisters did. **

"Sasuke-kun come back to us!"

_'I miss hanging with you Ino."_

"Sasuke why have you left us?"

_'Apparently it's my hearts desire Tenten.'_

"Sasuke-kun..."

_'I forgot to tell Hinata about the newly discovered rape vine in the garden, Why couldn't Sakura like gardening instead?'_

Tayuya just stared at Sasuke. Sasuke stared back. She suddenly turned her head away and muttered. "Dumbass."

But Sasuke could have sworn he saw a tear escape her eyes before she turned away.

"Sasuke-kun come back to me!"

_'Must...not...kill...the bitch...'_

**As the days passed, she loved the prince more fondly, and he loved her as he would love a little child, but it never came into his head to make her his wife; yet, unless he married her, she could not receive an immortal soul; and, on the morning after his marriage with another, she would dissolve into the foam of the sea. **

**"Do you not love me the best of them all?" the eyes of the little mermaid seemed to say, when he took her in his arms, and kissed her fair forehead. **

**"Yes, you are dear to me," said the prince; "for you have the best heart, and you are the most devoted to me; you are like a young maiden whom I once saw, but whom I shall never meet again. I was in a ship that was wrecked, and the waves cast me ashore near a holy temple, where several young maidens performed the service. The youngest of them found me on the shore, and saved my life. I saw her but twice, and she is the only one in the world whom I could love; but you are like her, and you have almost driven her image out of my mind. She belongs to the holy temple, and my good fortune has sent you to me instead of her; and we will never part." **

"I'm so not gonna kiss your forehead."

"I hope you understand Sasuke. I just don't roll that way."

_'Must...not...rip...dobe's...head...off'_

**"Ah, he knows not that it was I who saved his life," thought the little mermaid. "I carried him over the sea to the wood where the temple stands: I sat beneath the foam, and watched till the human beings came to help him. I saw the pretty maiden that he loves better than he loves me;" and the mermaid sighed deeply, but she could not shed tears. "He says the maiden belongs to the holy temple, therefore she will never return to the world. They will meet no more: while I am by his side, and see him every day. I will take care of him, and love him, and give up my life for his sake." **

**Very soon it was said that the prince must marry, and that the beautiful daughter of a neighboring king would be his wife, for a fine ship was being fitted out. Although the prince gave out that he merely intended to pay a visit to the king, it was generally supposed that he really went to see his daughter. A great company were to go with him. The little mermaid smiled, and shook her head. She knew the prince's thoughts better than any of the others. **

**"I must travel," he had said to her; "I must see this beautiful princess; my parents desire it; but they will not oblige me to bring her home as my bride. I cannot love her; she is not like the beautiful maiden in the temple, whom you resemble. If I were forced to choose a bride, I would rather choose you, my dumb foundling, with those expressive eyes." And then he kissed her rosy mouth, played with her long waving hair, and laid his head on her heart, while she dreamed of human happiness and an immortal soul. "You are not afraid of the sea, my dumb child," said he, as they stood on the deck of the noble ship which was to carry them to the country of the neighboring king. And then he told her of storm and of calm, of strange fishes in the deep beneath them, and of what the divers had seen there; and she smiled at his descriptions, for she knew better than any one what wonders were at the bottom of the sea.**

_'Must...exercise...extreme...self...control.'_

**In the moonlight, when all on board were asleep, excepting the man at the helm, who was steering, she sat on the deck, gazing down through the clear water. She thought she could distinguish her father's castle, and upon it her aged grandmother, with the silver crown on her head, looking through the rushing tide at the keel of the vessel. Then her sisters came up on the waves, and gazed at her mournfully, wringing their white hands. She beckoned to them, and smiled, and wanted to tell them how happy and well off she was; but the cabin boy approached, and when her sisters dived down he thought it was only the foam of the sea which he saw. **

**The next morning the ship sailed into the harbor of a beautiful town belonging to the king whom the prince was going to visit. The church bells were ringing, and from the high towers sounded a flourish of trumpets; and soldiers, with flying colors and glittering bayonets, lined the rocks through which they passed. Every day was a festival; balls and entertainments followed one another. **

**But the princess had not yet appeared. People said that she was being brought up and educated in a religious house, where she was learning every royal virtue. At last she came. Then the little mermaid, who was very anxious to see whether she was really beautiful, was obliged to acknowledge that she had never seen a more perfect vision of beauty. Her skin was delicately fair, and beneath her long dark eyelashes her laughing blue eyes shone with truth and purity. **

**"It was you," said the prince, "who saved my life when I lay dead on the beach," and he folded his blushing bride in his arms. "Oh, I am too happy," said he to the little mermaid; "my fondest hopes are all fulfilled. You will rejoice at my happiness; for your devotion to me is great and sincere." **

Naruto stared at Karin.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm suppose to marry you."

"Man you are REALLY good at telling jokes."

"I'm not joking."

**The little mermaid kissed his hand, and felt as if her heart were already broken. His wedding morning would bring death to her, and she would change into the foam of the sea. All the church bells rung, and the heralds rode about the town proclaiming the betrothal. Perfumed oil was burning in costly silver lamps on every altar. The priests waved the censers, while the bride and bridegroom joined their hands and received the blessing of the bishop. The little mermaid, dressed in silk and gold, held up the bride's train; but her ears heard nothing of the festive music, and her eyes saw not the holy ceremony; she thought of the night of death which was coming to her, and of all she had lost in the world. On the same evening the bride and bridegroom went on board ship; cannons were roaring, flags waving, and in the center of the ship a costly tent of purple and gold had been erected. It contained elegant couches, for the reception of the bridal pair during the night. The ship, with swelling sails and a favorable wind, glided away smoothly and lightly over the calm sea. When it grew dark a number of colored lamps were lit, and the sailors danced merrily on the deck. The little mermaid could not help thinking of her first rising out of the sea, when she had seen similar festivities and joys; and she joined in the dance, poised herself in the air as a swallow when he pursues his prey, and all present cheered her with wonder. She had never danced so elegantly before. Her tender feet felt as if cut with sharp knives, but she cared not for it; a sharper pang had pierced through her heart. She knew this was the last evening she should ever see the prince, for whom she had forsaken her kindred and her home; she had given up her beautiful voice, and suffered unheard-of pain daily for him, while he knew nothing of it. This was the last evening that she would breathe the same air with him, or gaze on the starry sky and the deep sea; an eternal night, without a thought or a dream, awaited her: she had no soul and now she could never win one. **

**All was joy and gayety on board ship till long after midnight; she laughed and danced with the rest, while the thoughts of death were in her heart. The prince kissed his beautiful bride, while she played with his raven hair, till they went arm-in-arm to rest in the splendid tent. Then all became still on board the ship; the helmsman, alone awake, stood at the helm. The little mermaid leaned her white arms on the edge of the vessel, and looked towards the east for the first blush of morning, for that first ray of dawn that would bring her death. She saw her sisters rising out of the flood: they were as pale as herself; but their long beautiful hair waved no more in the wind, and had been cut off. **

**"We have given our hair to the witch," said they, "to obtain help for you, that you may not die to-night. She has given us a knife: here it is, see it is very sharp. Before the sun rises you must plunge it into the heart of the prince; when the warm blood falls upon your feet they will grow together again, and form into a fish's tail, and you will be once more a mermaid, and return to us to live out your three hundred years before you die and change into the salt sea foam. Haste, then; he or you must die before sunrise. Our old grandmother moans so for you, that her white hair is falling off from sorrow, as ours fell under the witch's scissors. Kill the prince and come back; hasten: do you not see the first red streaks in the sky? In a few minutes the sun will rise, and you must die." And then they sighed deeply and mournfully, and sank down beneath the waves. **

"Quick Sasuke! Kill the prince you love, so you can live as a murderer with us for 300 more years never experiencing love ever in your life time and always be around Sakura!" Tenten yelled.

That did it for Sasuke. He broke his promise.

"Hell to the mother f'king no."

**The little mermaid drew back the crimson curtain of the tent, and beheld the fair brid****e with her head resting on the prince's breast. She bent down and kissed his fair brow, then looked at the sky on which the rosy dawn grew brighter and brighter; then she glanced at the sharp knife, and again fixed her eyes on the prince, who whispered the name of his bride in his dreams. She was in his thoughts, and the knife trembled in the hand of the little mermaid: then she flung it far away from her into the waves; the water turned red where it fell, and the drops that spurted up looked like blood. She cast one more lingering, half-fainting glance at the prince, and then threw herself from the ship into the sea, and thought her body was dissolving into foam. The sun rose above the waves, and his warm rays fell on the cold foam of the little mermaid, who did not feel as if she were dying. She saw the bright sun, and all around her floated hundreds of transparent beautiful beings; she could see through them the white sails of the ship, and the red clouds in the sky; their speech was melodious, but too ethereal to be heard by mortal ears, as they were also unseen by mortal eyes. The little mermaid perceived that she had a body like theirs, and that she continued to rise higher and higher out of the foam. "Where am I?" asked she, and her voice sounded ethereal, as the voice of those who were with her; no earthly music could imitate it. **

**"Among the daughters of the air," answered one of them. "A mermaid has not an immortal soul, nor can she obtain one unless she wins the love of a human being. On the power of another hangs her eternal destiny. But the daughters of the air, although they do not possess an immortal soul, can, by their good deeds, procure one for themselves. We fly to warm countries, and cool the sultry air that destroys mankind with the pestilence. We carry the perfume of the flowers to spread health and restoration. After we have striven for three hundred years to all the good in our power, we receive an immortal soul and take part in the happiness of mankind. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do as we are doing; you have suffered and endured and raised yourself to the spirit-world by your good deeds; and now, by striving for three hundred years in the same way, you may obtain an immortal soul." **

"Well that was oddly conveninient." Sasuke said.

**The little mermaid lifted her glorified eyes towards the sun, and felt them, for the first time, filling with tears. On the ship, in which she had left the prince, there were life and noise; she saw him and his beautiful bride searching for her; sorrowfully they gazed at the pearly foam, as if they knew she had thrown herself into the waves. Unseen she kissed the forehead of her bride, and fanned the prince, and then mounted with the other children of the air to a rosy cloud that floated through the aether. **

**"After three hundred years, thus shall we float into the kingdom of heaven," said she. "And we may even get there sooner," whispered one of her companions. "Unseen we can enter the houses of men, where there are children, and for every day on which we find a good child, who is the joy of his parents and deserves their love, our time of probation is shortened. The child does not know, when we fly through the room, that we smile with joy at his good conduct, for we can count one year less of our three hundred years. But when we see a naughty or a wicked child, we shed tears of sorrow, and for every tear a day is added to our time of trial!"**

**The End**

"WHAT THE HELL?" Sasuke yelled. "First I found the humans, then wanted to be one, the got my wish granted but lost my voice, then died very early."

"That's not how it happened on Disney." Naruto said.

"The moral of this story is...If you are born a mermaid...I pity you."

"And old withes are evil!" Naruto added.

"She might be evil but never forget the words of wisdom from those who are your elders." Chiyo said.

"But she's a bitch." Naruto whined.

"An old bitch." Luffy agreed.

"The nerve of you young people, have you no manners? Why back in my day, you were required to recite how many times an elder passed by you."

"But it's been a long time since day one, super old granny-san." Luffy said.

Naruto and Sasuke fell on the ground in laughter.

* * *

AN- NOW IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR YOU TO REVIEW! PLZ? MORE REVIEWS EQUALS FASTER UPDATES.


	32. Beauty and The Beast

AN- I'M ON A ROLL!

* * *

**Beauty and the Beast**

**Once upon a time as a merchant set off for market,**

Jiraiya appeared.

"So the awesome Toad sage is first huh?"

**he asked each of his three daughters what she would like as a present on his return. **

"Oh Father, I want the most expensive mother fucking dress ever!"

"The most expensive for you Rose Tayuya."

"Father I want you to bring me back something where it says I always have to be the girl."

"Anything for you Leaf Sasuke."

"ME WANT CANDY!"

"The sweetest of sweets for you Brick Isaribi."

"Why do you call me Rose Tayuya father?"

"Because when you were born a rose fell on your head."

"And I'm assuming a leaf fell on my head when I was born huh?" Sasuke said. "So...about Brick Isaribi?"

"DADDY CANDY ME WANT WANT!"

"You already know the answer to that."

**The first daughter wanted a brocade dress, the second a pearl necklace, but the third, whose name was Beauty, the youngest, prettiest and sweetest of them all, said to her father:**

**"All I'd like is a rose you've picked specially for me!"**

"Did you pick a Rose because of how much you love Tayuya Sasuke?"

"NO!"

Tayuya stared at Sasuke.

But he looked everywhere but her.

"SASU-CHAN IN LOVE WITH ROSE TAYUYA!"

"Shut your fucking mouth you, filler bitch!" Tayuya screamed.

**When the merchant had finished his business, he set off for home. However, a sudden storm blew up, and his horse could hardly make headway in the howling gale. Cold and weary, the merchant had lost all hope of reaching an inn when he suddenly noticed a bright light shining in the middle of a wood. As he drew near, he saw that it was a castle, bathed in light.**

**"I hope I'll find shelter there for the night," he said to himself. When he reached the door, he saw it was open, but though he shouted, nobody came to greet him. Plucking up courage, he went inside, still calling out to attract attention. **

"I'm breaking and entering. This is just like when I first started peeping on women at nigh-Uh I mean...Sakura's useless?"

**Perv...**

**On a table in the main hall, a splendid dinner lay already served. The merchant lingered, still shouting for the owner of the castle. But no one**  
**came, and so the starving merchant sat down to a hearty meal.**

"Oh so now I'm gonna eat someone else's food? I finally see what Sasuke's talking about. These fairy tales promote violence. These should be called Ninja tales."

**Overcome by curiosity, he ventured upstairs, where the corridor led into magnificent rooms and halls. A fire crackled in the first room and a soft bed looked very inviting. It was now late, and the merchant could not resist. He lay down on the bed and fell fast asleep. When he woke next morning, an unknown hand had placed a mug of steaming coffee and some fruit by his bedside.**

"When I went to sleep it was not here."

**Drink it.**

"But what if it's poisoned? Then I wont be able to peep-I mean Research..."

**It's not.**

"How do you know?"

**Because I control all.**

"Nope. I'm not gonna do it..."

**Your not huh? Tsk Tsk When will you guys learn?**

Chuck Norris appeared standing at the foot of the bed Jiraiya was in.

O_o

"OH MY GOD! OK OK OK I'LL DO WHAT YOU WANT!" Jiraiya screamed.

"That's what I thought." Chuck Norris said.

Then disappeared.

"That was uncalled for."

**Whatever works**

The** merchant had breakfast and after tidying himself up, went downstairs to thank his generous host. But, as on the evening before, there was nobody in sight. Shaking his head in wonder at the strangeness of it all, he went towards the garden where he had left his horse, tethered to a tree. Suddenly, a large rose bush caught his eye.**

**Remembering his promise to Beauty, he bent down to pick a rose. Instantly, out of the rose garden, sprang a horrible beast, wearing splendid clothes.**

"RRRRAAAAAGGGHH!"

"OH MY GOD IT'S HIDEOUS! IT'S UNREAL! IT'S DISGUSTING! WHY DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS EXIST!" Jiraiya screamed clutching his chest.

It was Kakashi.

Without his mask.

**Two bloodshot eyes, gleaming angrily, glared at him and a deep, terrifying voice growled: "Ungrateful man! I gave you shelter, you ate at my table and slept in my own bed, but now all the thanks I get is the theft of my favorite flowers! I shall put you to death for this slight!" Trembling with fear, the merchant fell on his knees before the Beast.**

"WHERE IS MY PORN? I WANT PORN!"

"Ahhh!"

"GIVE ME PORN!"

**"Forgive me! Forgive me! Don't kill me! I'll do anything you say! The rose wasn't for me, it was for my daughter Beauty. I promised to bring her back a rose from my journey!" The Beast dropped the paw it had clamped on the unhappy merchant.**

**"I shall spare your life, but on one condition, that you bring me your daughter!" **

"SO THAT I CAN DO PORN WITH HER!"

"Over my dead body!"

"That can be arranged...AND THEN I CAN DO PORN WITH IT TOO!"

O_o

_'man kakashi goes crazy without his mask.'_

"Are you sure that you're not Orochimaru in disguise?"

"Is that porn?"

**The terror-stricken merchant, faced with certain death if he did not obey, promised that he would do so. When he reached home in tears, his three daughters ran to greet him. After he had told them of his dreadful adventure, Beauty put his mind at rest immediately.**

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN? YOU TOLD HIM THAT I'D MARRY A HIDEOUS FEROCIOUS BEAST? ARE YOU MUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD AS A BABY? THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR NAME IN THIS CHAPTER! DROP ON MY FUCKING HEAD AS A BABY JIRAIYA!"

Tayuya wept in happiness at Sasuke's choice of words.

"Sasu-chan no yell at daddy pwease?"

"SHUT UP FILLER BRICK ISARIBI!"

**"Dear father, I'd do anything for you! Don't worry, you'll be able to keep your promise and save your life! Take me to the castle. I'll stay there in your place!" The merchant hugged his daughter.**

"I'M NOT DOING IT!"

Chuck Norris appeared. He glared at Sasuke.

"You were saying?

"I'M NOT DOING IT...fast enough." Sasuke said and ran out of the room.

"That's what I thought."

**"I never did doubt your love for me. For the moment I can only thank you for saving my life." So Beauty was led to the castle. The Beast, however, had quite an unexpected greeting for the girl. Instead of menacing doom as it had done with her father, it was surprisingly pleasant.**

"Is Kakashi-sensei without his mask?"

"Yes Sasuke. Hideous isn't he?" Jiraiya asked.

"I think that's a compliment."

**In the beginning, Beauty was frightened of the Beast, and shuddered at the sight of it. Then she found that, in spite of the m****onster's awful head, her horror of it was gradually fading as time went by. She had one of the finest rooms in the Castle, and sat for hours, embroidering in front of the fire. And the Beast would sit, for hours on end, only a short distance away, silently gazing at her.**

"Well I don't know how to gaze loudly...so..." Kakashi let it hang in the air.

**Then it started to say a few kind words, till in the end, Beauty was amazed to discover that she was actually enjoying its conversation. The days passed, and Beauty and the Beast became good friends. Then one day, the Beast asked the girl to be his wife.**

"Hell no."

**Taken by surprise, Beauty did not know what to say.**

"I said hell no."

**Marry such an ugly monster? **

"Are you ignoring me?"

**She would rather die! But she did not want to hurt the feelings of one who, after all, had been kind to her.**

"I'm not doing it. Chuck Norris be damned."

**And she remembered too that she owed it her own life as well as her father's.**

**"I really can't say yes," **

"Because I said already said Hell no."

**she began shakily. "I'd so much like to..." The Beast interrupted her with an abrupt gesture.**

**"I quite understand! And I'm not offended by your refusal!" Life went on as usual, and nothing further was said. One day, the Beast presented Beauty with a magnificent magic mirror. When Beauty peeped into it, she could see her family, far away.**

"Long time no see Sasuke-kun."

"Mom?"

"Are you strong Sasuke?"

"Dad?"

"So you're the brat Kakashi's teaching."

"...I'm sorry who the hell are you?"

Obito sweat dropped. "Of course you won't remember me."

**"You won't feel so lonely now," were the words that accompanied the gift. Beauty stared for hours at her distant family. Then she began to feel worried. One day, the Beast found her weeping beside the magic mirror.**

**"What's wrong?" he asked, kindly as always.**

**"My father is gravely ill and close to dying! Oh, how I wish I could see him again, before it's too late!" But the Beast only shook its head.**

**"No! You will never leave this castle!"**

"Eh Ok."

"You heartless evil child!"

Jiraiya burst through the window.

"I'm dying!"

"And yet your strong enough to leap through windows?"

"...Shut up!"

**And off it stalked in a rage. However, a little later, it returned and spoke solemnly to the girl.**

**"If you swear that you will return here in seven days time, I'll let you go and visit your father!" Beauty threw herself at the Beast's feet in delight.**

"I'm not coming back Kakashi."

"Oh yes you will...We're gonna do porn later..."

O_o

**"I swear! I swear I will! How kind you are! You've made a loving daughter so happy!" In reality, the merchant had fallen ill from a broken heart at knowing his daughter was being kept prisoner. When he embraced her again, he was soon on the road to recovery. Beauty stayed beside him for hours on end, describing her life at the Castle, and explaining that the Beast was really**  
**good and kind. The days flashed past, and at last the merchant was able to leave his bed. He was completely well again. Beauty was happy at last. However, she had failed to notice that seven days had gone by.**

**Then one night she woke from a terrible nightmare. She had dreamt that the Beast was dying and calling for her, twisting in agony.**

**"Come back! Come back to me!" it was pleading. The solemn promise she had made drove her to leave home immediately.**

Kakashi was on the floor of the castle breathing hard as if he was close to death.

"P-porn..." He weakly called out.

**"Hurry! Hurry, good horse!" she said, whipping her steed onwards towards the castle, afraid that she might arrive too late. She rushed up the stairs, calling, but there was no reply. Her heart in her mouth, Beauty ran into the garden and there crouched the Beast, its eyes shut, as though dead. Beauty threw herself at it and hugged it tightly.**

**"Don't die! Don't die! I'll marry you . . ." At these words, a miracle took place. The Beast's ugly snout turned magically into the face of a handsome young man.**

Kakashi erupted in a poof of smoke. When it cleared Naruto was in his place.

"CALL ME RAMEN STAND 'RUTO!"

"Ramen stand Ruto? I'm sorry you had to experience that as a child.."

"Experience what?"

**"How I've been longing for this moment!" he said. "I was suffering in silence, and couldn't tell my frightful secret. An evil witch turned me into a monster and only the love of a maiden willing to accept me as I was, could transform me back into my real self. My dearest! I'll be so happy if you'll marry me."**

"It's not happening."

"For once I agree with you teme."

Chuck Norris appeared.

"It's not happening huh?" He said.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan.

Naruto activated his one tailed cloak.

Chuck smirked. "Bring it."

**The wedding took place shortly after and, from that day on, the young Prince would have nothing but roses in his gardens. And that's why, to this day, the castle is known as the Castle of the Rose.**

"How in the hell did he beat both of us?" Sasuke said exhausted from the ground out side of the castle. He had been thrown from the top.

"I-I dunno..." Naruto was hanging out of a window also half dead.

"Now if we're done. You boys have a wedding to get ready for." Chuck Norris said appearing leaning on the castle door.

Naruto and Sasuke started to cry.

* * *

AN- SHORT SWEET AND DONE...NOW IF YOU WOULD JUST REVIEW PLEASE...


	33. The Pied Piper

AN

Inuyonas: Welcome to another chappie of Fairy tale!

Naruto: More awesomeness from me!

Sasuke: And me!

Sakura: And yours truly!

Sasuke:...yep...Me, Naruo and Inuyonas.

Sakura: But what about me?

Sasuke: What about you?

Sakura: Why are you so mean to me Sasuke? What have I ever done to you? I try my absolute hardest and all you do is berate me! After the timeskip I've become a badass ninja! I helped kill Sasori. Why won't you notice me? Naruto does. In fact Naruto is the only civil one torwards me when he's not goofing off

Inyonas: I agree Sasuke, Why are you always bashing the usless girl?

Sasuke:...I'm only gonna say this one time. Don't ask me to repeat it. I don't hate you sakura. In fact You are one of my closest friends.

Naruto: Closer than me?"

Sasuke: Shut up Dobe. ANyway Sakura you are an amazing Ninja...after the timeskip. You have your heart in the right place and you know what to do when the time calls for it.

Naruto: Sasuke is actually complimenting sakura?

Sasuke: However...you are completely unfair torwards Naruto...I'm just showing you how it feels to be on the receiving end. Maybe you will treat him better.

Sakura took his words to heart.

Inuyonas: And besides Sasuke already has a certain redhead on his mind.

Sasuke blushed.

Sasuke: Just get on with the chapter.

* * *

**THE PIED PIPER OF HAMELIN**

**Once upon a time...**

**on the banks of a great river in the north of Germany lay a town called Hamelin. The citizens of Hamelin were honest folk who lived contentedly in their Grey stone houses. The years went by, and the town grew very rich.**

"I dear say my fellow rich person." Sasuke said in an english wearing an expensive black tuxedo, to Naruto who was wearing an equally expensive Orange tuxedo, with two monicles in each eye. "I have quite the joke."

"Well my fellow richman, let's hear it." Naruto said in an english accent.

"Why did one billion dollar corporation merge with the other billion dollar one?"

"Why?"

"Because it was too poor to simply buy it out!"

"HA!"

"HA!"

**Then one day, an extraordinary thing happened to disturb the peace.**

**Hamelin had always had rats, and a lot too. But they had never been a danger, for the cats had always solved the rat problem in the usual way- by killing them. All at once, however, the rats began to multiply.**

**In the end, a black sea of rats swarmed over the whole town.**

"Oh my god!" Screamed Sakura jumping on the nearest bench not to step on the mice.

"Sakura why are yous scared? They probably all came from YOUR GIANT FOREHEAD!" Ino said from across the street also standing on a bench.

"Hey Ino why don't you eat them, you pig!"

"It would be wrong of me to eat your family members."

"Now Ino-chan that is very disrespectful."

Ino and Sakura looked their right and left respectively to see Naruto sitting in a tree.

Naruto was glaring at Ino.

Ino looked down in embarrasment.

"Sorry Naruto-kun."

"How dare you compare such a disgusting rodent...to these Mice."

Sakura face vaulted. She thought Naruto was gonna take up for her like he always does...

but apparently she was wrong.

"HA!" Ino laughed.

**First, they attacked the barns and storehouses,**

"ALRIGHT GUYS LET'S ATTACK THE BARNS AND STORES FIRST! NOW CHARGE IN TH NAME OF CAPTAIN USOPP!" One mouse said.

"YOSH! CAPTAIN USOPP!" The straw hat wearing mouse yelled.

"YOSHA!" Yelled the red hat weraing mouse.

"BAKA! YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN! NOT THE IDIOT!" Said the mouse with the three katana as he strangled the mouse with the straw hat.

**then, for lack of anything better, they gnawed the wood, cloth or anything at all.**

"YEAH! CHEW THAT WOOD!" Mouse Usopp said running around a wood cutter's shop. The other mice were gnawing on the various wood lying around.

"THATS RIGHT GUYS! CHEW-" Usopp's sentence was cut off on account of him running into the leg of the wood cutter himself.

Orochimaru smiled menacing down at Usoop.

"So you like chewing wood do you? Kukuku.."

Mouse Usopp paled.

**The one thing they didn't eat was metal.**

"WHAT KIND OF WOOD IS THIS?" said the mouse with blue hair and sun glasses trying to chew on metal.

"OI, FRANKY STOP HOGGING ThE GOOD WOOD!" Mouse Luffy said running over to Franky.

**The terrified citizens flocked to plead with the town councilors to free them from the plague of rats. But the council had, for a long time, been sitting in the Mayor's room, trying to think of a plan.**

"We need some pussy!"

Tsunade decked Jiraiya, knocking him out cold.

"Call 911!"

"Dobe that doesn't exist yet."

"Damn, How long until it does exist?"

"I think it exists when Lady Chiyo turned 678,345,678.99 years old.

"Damn! How old is she now?"

"Dobe She isn't born yet."

O_o

**"What we need is an army of cats!"**

"I think is what Jiraiya meant, Tsunade-sama." Shizune said.

**But all the cats were dead.**

"WHO KILLED THE PUSSY!"

Tsunade decked Jiraiya once more.

"OI BAA-CHAN HE JUST WOKE UP!"

Tsunade decked Naruto, knocking him out aswell.

"WHY'D YOU KNOCK OUT RAMEN STAND, RUTO YOU OLD HAG! YOU MAKE CHIYO LOOK YOUNG!"

Tsunade Decked Sasuke.

"You might want to stop knocking people out on the council Tsunade-hime"

Tsunade decked Danzo.

The door opened and in came Sakura.

"Tsunade-sama I-"

Tsunade decked Sakura.

Shizune just stared.

"...she startled me." Tsunade defeneded.

**"We'll put down poisoned food then . . ."**

**But most of the food was already gone and even poison did not stop the rats.**

**"It just can't be done without help!" said the Mayor sadly.**

**Just then, while the citizens milled around outside, there was a loud knock at the door. "Who can that be?" the city fathers wondered uneasily, mindful of the angry crowds. They gingerly opened the door. And to their surprise, there stood a tall thin man dressed in brightly colored clothes, with a long feather in his hat, and waving a gold pipe at them.**

Orochimaru waved excitedly.

"Hi guys!"

"...weren't you the wood cutter?" Jiraiya asked with bruises on his head.

"...No.."

**"I've freed other towns of beetles and bats," the stranger announced, "and for a thousand florins, I'll rid you of your rats!"**

**"A thousand florins!" exclaimed the Mayor. "We'll give you fifty thousand if you succeed!" At once the stranger hurried away, saying:**

**"It's late now, but at dawn tomorrow, there won't be a rat left in Hamelin!"**

**The sun was still below the horizon, when the sound of a pipe wafted through the streets of Hamelin. The pied piper slowly made his way through the houses and behind him flocked the rats. Out they scampered from doors, windows and gutters, rats of every size, all after the piper. **

"What is this wonderful sound?" Mouse Nico Robin asked.

"It sounds amazing." Mouse Nami said.

**And as he played, the stranger marched down to the river and straight into the water, up to his middle. Behind him swarmed the rats and every one was drowned and swept away by the current.**

Orochimaru held a single mouse by it's tail.

"I'll save you for later, kukuku..."

Usopp fainted in his grasp.

**By the time the sun was high in the sky, there was not a single rat in the town. There was even greater delight at the town hall, until the piper tried to claim his payment.**

**"Fifty thousand florins?" exclaimed the councilors,**

**"Never..."**

"BITCH YOU GOT JACKED!" Sasuked screamed.

**" A thousand florins at least!" cried the pied piper angrily. But the Mayor broke in. "The rats are all dead now and they can never come back. So be grateful for fifty florins, or you'll not get even that . . ."**

"BITCH I ANIN'T PAYING YOUR ASS NOTHING HOE!" Sasuke screamed again.

**His eyes flashing with rage, the pied piper pointed a threatening finger at the Mayor.**

**"You'll bitterly regret ever breaking your promise," he said, and vanished.**

"I'm coming back for your kids." Orochimaru said, then vanished.

**A shiver of fear ran through the councilors, but the Mayor shrugged and said excitedly: "We've saved fifty thousand florins!"**

**That night, freed from the nightmare of the rats, the citizens of Hamelin slept more soundly than ever. And when the strange sound of piping wafted through the streets at dawn, only the children heard it. Drawn as by magic, they hurried out of their homes. Again, the pied piper paced through the town, this time, it was children of all sizes that flocked at his heels to the sound of his strange piping.**

**The long procession soon left the town and made its way through the wood and across the forest till it reached the foot of a huge mountain. When the piper came to the dark rock, he played his pipe even louder still and a great door creaked open. Beyond lay a cave. In trooped the children behind the pied piper, and when the last child had gone into the darkness, the door creaked shut.**

**A great landslide came down the mountain blocking the entrance to the cave forever. Only one little lame boy escaped this fate. It was he who told the anxious citizens, searching for their children, what had happened. And no matter what people did, the mountain never gave up its victims.**

"AND THEN HE-HE, WENT INSIDE! AN-AND HE BENT UDON OVER THE COUCH AND-AND HE UNBUCKLED HIS PANTS! AND THEN HE-HE-HE-"

Konohamaru couldn't finish as he burst into tears.

"Damn..." Sasuke said. _**'**If I had taken his offer of power, that could have been me.'_

"That could have been you Sasuke."

"...You didn't have to say it dobe."

**Many years were to pass before the merry voices of other children would ring through the streets of Hamelin but the memory of the harsh lesson lingered in everyone's heart and was passed down from father to son through the centuries.**

"Okay Moral time." Sasuke "...Um...If you clean your town good enough...there won't be rats."

"Don't trust instrument playing people." Naruto said.

Sasuke glared at Naruto.

But Naruto couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

* * *

AN- MORDBID FAIRY TALE HUH?

REVIEW! IF YOU FAVORITE YOU GOTTA REVIEW...PLZ?


	34. Romeo and Juliet Act 1 Preview

AN- LADIES AND GENTLEMAN... BOYS AND GIRLS...YOUNG AND OLD (cough**morganbanner**cough LOL). I PRESENT TO YOU _**A PREVIEW**_ ACT ONE OF ROMEO AND JULIET. NOW I KNOW THIS IS NOT A FAIRY TALE BUT JUDGING FROM MY TRACK RECORD I TEND TO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM BENDING THE RULES.

I WILL BE USING NARUTO CHARACTERS ASWELL AS CHARACTERS FROM OTHER ANIMES. GOOD ANIMES, AND BAD ANIMES, NEW ANIMES, AND OLD(cough**morganbanner**cough) ANIMES. TRY TO GUESS SOME OF THE CHARACTERS. THERE WILL BE NO ORIGINAL CHARACTERS OTHER THAN THE MIGHTY INUYONAS. UNLESS AFTER THIS CHAPTER YOU REVIEW AND TELL ME YOU WANT TO BE PUT IN MY STORY. BUT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YOU HAVE TO APPEAL TO ME (LOL)

ALL JOKES MADE ARE JUST THAT...JOKES...PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED. I LOVE YOU ALL REGARDLESS OF RACE, GENDER, OR PREFERENCE. THOSE OF THE FEMALE VARIETY OVER 18 GET A SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE :)

SORRY...THE PERV IN ME ALMOST CAME...OUT. (ALMOST DID IT AGAIN SEE?)

AND REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW TO SEE HOW WELL THE REAL THING WOULD GO OVER. THERE IS 4 ACTS...I THINK...AND THEY ARE ALL WELL OVER 10,000 WORDS.. SO YEAH...I BETTER GET FEEDBACK LOL

* * *

**ACT I**  
**PROLOGUE**  
**Two households, both alike in dignity,**  
**In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,**  
**From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,**  
**Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.**  
**From forth the fatal loins of these two foes**  
**A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;**  
**Whole misadventured piteous overthrows**  
**Do with their death bury their parents' strife.**  
**The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,**  
**And the continuance of their parents' rage,**  
**Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,**  
**Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;**  
**The which if you with patient ears attend,**  
**What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.**

**SCENE I. Verona. A public place.**

**Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords and bucklers**

Shikamaru and Chouji appeared.

"Am I gregory?"

**No Chouji.**

"So that makes me gregory?"

**No Shikamaru.**

"Then who the helll am I?

**You are GREGORY...not gregory.**

"...I don't see the difference."

**Well maybe if you opened your goddamn eyes.**

"Was...that an Asian joke? Are you saying we have our eyes almost closed all the time?"

**No not ALL the time. When you guys are scared you open your eyes exponentially, but when you guys are wide eyed thats the normal stare for normal people.**

"Oh yeah...well I don't like authors that SUCK!"

**Your mom's an author?**

"...You have a tongue like a sword...well played Inuyonas...well played."

**SAMPSON**  
**Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.**

**GREGORY  
****No, for then we should be colliers.**

"What is a collier?"

Chouji just shrugged.

**SAMPSON**  
**I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.**

**GREGORY**  
**Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.**

**SAMPSON**  
**I strike quickly, being moved.**

**GREGORY**  
**But thou art not quickly moved to strike.**

**SAMPSON**  
**A dog of the house of Montague moves me.**

**GREGORY**  
**To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:**  
**therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.**

**SAMPSON**  
**A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will**  
**take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.**

"Mendukosai...What the hell are talking about?"

Chouji shrugged again.

**GREGORY**  
**That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes**  
**to the wall.**

**SAMPSON**  
**True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,**  
**are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push**  
**Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids**  
**to the wall.**

"Am-am I going to rape the maids?" Chouji asked.

**GREGORY**  
**The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.**

**SAMPSON**  
**'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I**  
**have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the**  
**maids, and cut off their heads.**

"Is-is that after I rape them?"

**GREGORY**  
**The heads of the maids?**

**SAMPSON**  
**Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;**  
**take it in what sense thou wilt.**

**GREGORY**  
**They must take it in sense that feel it.**

"OI...enough with this rape talk?" Shikamaru complained.

**It's not rape talk shika.**

**SAMPSON**  
**Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and**  
**'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.**

"I'm pretty!" Chouji beamed.

Shikamaru looked worried at his friend.

**GREGORY**  
**'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou**  
**hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes**  
**two of the house of the Montagues.**

**SAMPSON**  
**My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.**

"Chouji I hope to God your naked weapon is an actual unsheathed sword..."

**GREGORY**  
**How! turn thy back and run?**

**SAMPSON**  
**Fear me not.**

**GREGORY**  
**No, marry; I fear thee!**

**SAMPSON**  
**Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.**

**GREGORY**  
**I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as**  
**they list.**

**SAMPSON**  
**Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them;**  
**which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.**

"So...biting thumbs...is the equavilent of the middle finger?" Shikamaru said.

**Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR**

**ABRAHAM**  
**Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?**

"DOES YOUR YOUTH BITE IT'S THUMB AT US SIR?"

**SAMPSON**  
**I do bite my thumb, sir.**

"Yes." Chouji answered.

**ABRAHAM**  
**Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?**

"YOSH! I WILL REPEAT! DOES YOUR YOUTH BITE IT'S THUMB AT US SIR?"

**SAMPSON**  
**[Aside to GREGORY] Is the law of our side, if I say**  
**ay?**

"Do we get in trouble if we start the fight Shikamaru?"

"Yes Chouji."

**GREGORY**  
**No.**

**SAMPSON**  
**No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I**  
**bite my thumb, sir.**

"I am biting my thumb at you. I don't care about the law and I'm hungry."

**My God will people get into character? Lee is the only taking this seriously.**

"Alright alright...just stop bitching." Shikamaru answered.

**GREGORY**  
**Do you quarrel, sir?**

"DO you wanna fight?" Shikamaru asked boredly.

**ABRAHAM**  
**Quarrel sir! no, sir.**

"YOSH SIR! NO SIR YOUTH!"

**SAMPSON**  
**If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you.**

"If you change your mind I'll fight." Chouji said.

**ABRAHAM**  
**No better.**

"YOUR YOUTH PALES IN COMPARISON TO MINE!"

**SAMPSON**  
**Well, sir.**

"Well then..."

**GREGORY**  
**Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen.**

"Oh look." SHikamaru began. "Here comes someone else.

"I wanna know who balthasar is." CHouji said.

**SAMPSON**  
**Yes, better, sir.**

"Your youth is crap compared to my skills." Chouji said.

**ABRAHAM**  
**You lie.**

"YOUR YOUTH LIES!"

**SAMPSON**  
**Draw, if you be men. Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.**

"COME AT ME BRO!"

**They fight**

**Enter BENVOLIO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Part, fools!**  
**Put up your swords; you know not what you do.**

**Beats down their swords**

"Did you have to punch me in the eye, you troublesome redhead?"

"SHUT UP SHIT HEAD! YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO!"

**Enter TYBALT**

**TYBALT**  
**What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?**  
**Turn thee, Benvolio, look upon thy death.**

"Your hair might be red like mine but you are so far beneath me it makes me sick. Face me so you may look at the person who is about to Kill you."

"Am I gonna die because your face is so fucking ugly I'm gonna be put into shock from looking at it?"

"Still the same fowl mouthed Tayuya."

"STill the same flat chested Karin."

**BENVOLIO**  
**I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,**  
**Or manage it to part these men with me.**

"Karin I don't wanna fight you. Why? I don't want my sword to get whore germs all over it."

**TYBALT**  
**What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,**  
**As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:**

"I don't believe you. I hate you and the fact that we both have red hair."

**Have at thee, coward!**

"COME AT ME BRO!"

Tayuya darted at Karin. "I'm not a bro!" She screamed as their swords clashed.

**They fight**

**Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray;**

"I'LL KILL YOU MONTAGUE ASSES!"

"YOU CAPULET FAGS HAVE FAGGED FOR FAR TOO LONG!"

"ROAR! ZABIMARU!"

"BLADES OF BLOOD!"

"NORO NORO BEAM!"

"AL, WATCH OUT!"

"BROTHER THEY ALL ARE STRONGER THAN LUST AND ENVY COMBINED!"

"QUICK USE BOLT TACKLE!"

"PIKAA!"

"SHOW YOUR FACE! WABISUKE!"

"GOMU GOMU NO...JET GATLING GUN!"

"OK PUNK! GET READY FOR MEDABEE'S MEDABLASTER!"

"WIND TUNNEL!"

"FIST OF TEBIGONG!"

"AND I PLAY...LITTLE KURIBOH!"

"DUDE HOW IS A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME GONNA DEFEND AGAINST THAT SWORD AIMING FOR YOU!"

"YOU GOTTA HAVE THE HEART OF THE CARD-ACK!"

"DUDE...DUDE!"

"TETSAIGA! WIND SCAR!"

"GET EM' METALGREYMON!"

"POISON WHIP!"

"REI GUN!"

"GET EM BABBO!"

"SAKURA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE A FREAKING CARD CAPTOR FOR GOD'S SAKE. USE THE DAMN CARDS!"

"OH NO SAILOR VENUS WENT DOWN!"

"ON TUXEDO KAMEN(MASK) AGAIN?"

"UM...no in battle..." But Sailor mars was sure gonna remember THAT.

"FRANKY BOXING!"

"JAGAN EYE!"

"KAMEHAME-"

"Whoa dude. Chill out you're gonna kill everybody."

**then enter Citizens, with clubs**

**First Citizen**  
**Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down!**  
**Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!**

"Shut up master roshi. Nobody likes you." Shikamaru said to the citizen.

**Enter CAPULET in his gown, and LADY CAPULET**

**CAPULET**  
**What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!**

"Fetch my sword ho!" Fugaku shouted.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?**

"Did you just call me a hoe?" Mikoto asked dangerously.

**CAPULET**  
**My sword, I say! Old Montague is come,**  
**And flourishes his blade in spite of me.**

"WOMAN GIVE ME MY SWORD DAMN YOU!"

**Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Thou villain Capulet,-Hold me not, let me go.**

"LEMME AT HIM LEMME ME AT HIM!"

**LADY MONTAGUE**  
**Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.**

"NO! Now I see where romeo gets his temper from...although I don't know where he gets the pink hair from."

**Enter PRINCE, with Attendants**

Nagato appeared.

**PRINCE**  
**Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,**  
**Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,-**  
**Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,**  
**That quench the fire of your pernicious rage**  
**With purple fountains issuing from your veins,**  
**On pain of torture, from those bloody hands**  
**Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,**  
**And hear the sentence of your moved prince.**  
**Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,**  
**By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,**  
**Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,**  
**And made Verona's ancient citizens**  
**Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,**  
**To wield old partisans, in hands as old,**  
**Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:**  
**If ever you disturb our streets again,**  
**Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.**  
**For this time, all the rest depart away:**  
**You Capulet; shall go along with me:**  
**And, Montague, come you this afternoon,**  
**To know our further pleasure in this case,**  
**To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.**  
**Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.**

"He lost me after the first line." SHikamaru said flatly.

"At least you got that far shithead. I didn't understand a fucking word!"

**Exeunt all but MONTAGUE, LADY MONTAGUE, and BENVOLIO**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?**  
**Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?**

"WHO DID IT!" (Which is the title of one of Inyonas's awesome stories)

**BENVOLIO**  
**Here were the servants of your adversary,**  
**And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:**  
**I drew to part them: in the instant came**  
**The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepared,**  
**Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,**  
**He swung about his head and cut the winds,**  
**Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:**  
**While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,**  
**Came more and more and fought on part and part,**  
**Till the prince came, who parted either part.**

"I haven't a damn clue!" Tayuya said.

**LADY MONTAGUE**  
**O, where is Romeo? saw you him to-day?**  
**Right glad I am he was not at this fray.**

"so we're rhyming now Mrs. Haruno?" Tayuya asked Lady montague.

**BENVOLIO**  
**Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun**  
**Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,**  
**A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;**  
**Where, underneath the grove of sycamore**  
**That westward rooteth from the city's side,**  
**So early walking did I see your son:**  
**Towards him I made, but he was ware of me**  
**And stole into the covert of the wood:**  
**I, measuring his affections by my own,**  
**That most are busied when they're most alone,**  
**Pursued my humour not pursuing his,**  
**And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Many a morning hath he there been seen,**  
**With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.**  
**Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;**  
**But all so soon as the all-cheering sun**  
**Should in the furthest east begin to draw**  
**The shady curtains from Aurora's bed,**  
**Away from the light steals home my heavy son,**  
**And private in his chamber pens himself,**  
**Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out**  
**And makes himself an artificial night:**  
**Black and portentous must this humour prove,**  
**Unless good counsel may the cause remove.**

**BENVOLIO**  
**My noble uncle, do you know the cause?**

"Why is he being all self absorbed?" asked Tayuya.

**MONTAGUE**  
**I neither know it nor can learn of him.**

"No idea."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Have you importuned him by any means?**

"Maybe he's masturbating?"

**MONTAGUE**  
**Both by myself and many other friends:**  
**But he, his own affections' counsellor,**  
**Is to himself-I will not say how true-**  
**But to himself so secret and so close,**  
**So far from sounding and discovery,**  
**As is the bud bit with an envious worm,**  
**Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,**  
**Or dedicate his beauty to the sun.**  
**Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow.**  
**We would as willingly give cure as know.**

**Enter ROMEO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**See, where he comes: so please you, step aside;**  
**I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.**

"I know what to do. Everyone else back off." Tayuya explained.

**MONTAGUE**  
**I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,**  
**To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.**

**Exeunt MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Good-morrow, cousin.**

"Whats up Cousin?"

**ROMEO**  
**Is the day so young?**

"Is it early?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**But new struck nine.**

"...I think it's nine o clock?"

**ROMEO**  
**Ay me! sad hours seem long.**  
**Was that my father that went hence so fast?**

"Was that daddy dearest that left?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?**

"Yes. WHy are you so alone?"

**ROMEO**  
**Not having that, which, having, makes them short.**

"...I have...shorts?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**In love?**

"Sakura I don't think that is what your last line meant." Tayuya admonised.

"Well Sorry. It's hard understanding it."

* * *

AN-

AND THATS THE END OF THE PREVIEW! PLEASE REVIEW! IF YOU DO THEN I WON'T BITE MY THUMB AT YOU...AND ALSO I WANNA KNOW IF ANYONE COULD TELL ME THE NAMES OF ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THE EPIC FIGHT...THERES A PRIZE IF YOU ARE ABLE TOO.


	35. Romeo and Juliet Act 1 Full

AN-THIS IS NOT A PREVIEW. THIS IS THE REAL THING! I RE UPLOADED SO YOU CAN REVIEW NOW IN CASE THE SITE WOULDNT LET YOU BEFORE.

* * *

**ACT I**  
**PROLOGUE**  
**Two households, both alike in dignity,**  
**In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,**  
**From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,**  
**Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.**  
**From forth the fatal loins of these two foes**  
**A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;**  
**Whole misadventured piteous overthrows**  
**Do with their death bury their parents' strife.**  
**The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,**  
**And the continuance of their parents' rage,**  
**Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,**  
**Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;**  
**The which if you with patient ears attend,**  
**What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.**

**SCENE I. Verona. A public place.**

**Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords and bucklers**

Shikamaru and Chouji appeared.

"Am I gregory?"

**No Chouji.**

"So that makes me gregory?"

**No Shikamaru.**

"Then who the helll am I?

**You are GREGORY...not gregory.**

"...I don't see the difference."

**Well maybe if you opened your goddamn eyes.**

"Was...that an Asian joke? Are you saying we have our eyes almost closed all the time?"

**No not ALL the time. When you guys are scared you open your eyes exponentially, but when you guys are wide eyed thats the normal stare for normal people.**

"Oh yeah...well I don't like authors that SUCK!"

**Your mom's an author?**

"...You have a tongue like a sword...well played Inuyonas...well played."

**SAMPSON**  
**Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.**

**GREGORY  
****No, for then we should be colliers.**

"What is a collier?"

Chouji just shrugged.

**SAMPSON**  
**I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.**

**GREGORY**  
**Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.**

**SAMPSON**  
**I strike quickly, being moved.**

**GREGORY**  
**But thou art not quickly moved to strike.**

**SAMPSON**  
**A dog of the house of Montague moves me.**

**GREGORY**  
**To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:**  
**therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.**

**SAMPSON**  
**A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will**  
**take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.**

"Mendukosai...What the hell are we talking about?"

Chouji shrugged again.

**GREGORY**  
**That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes**  
**to the wall.**

**SAMPSON**  
**True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,**  
**are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push**  
**Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids**  
**to the wall.**

"Am-am I going to rape the maids?" Chouji asked.

**GREGORY**  
**The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.**

**SAMPSON**  
**'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I**  
**have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the**  
**maids, and cut off their heads.**

"Is-is that after I rape them?"

**GREGORY**  
**The heads of the maids?**

**SAMPSON**  
**Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;**  
**take it in what sense thou wilt.**

**GREGORY**  
**They must take it in sense that feel it.**

"OI...enough with this rape talk?" Shikamaru complained.

**It's not rape talk shika.**

**SAMPSON**  
**Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and**  
**'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.**

"I'm pretty!" Chouji beamed.

Shikamaru looked worried at his friend.

**GREGORY**  
**'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou**  
**hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes**  
**two of the house of the Montagues.**

**SAMPSON**  
**My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.**

"Chouji I hope to God your naked weapon is an actual unsheathed sword..."

**GREGORY**  
**How! turn thy back and run?**

**SAMPSON**  
**Fear me not.**

**GREGORY**  
**No, marry; I fear thee!**

**SAMPSON**  
**Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.**

**GREGORY**  
**I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as**  
**they list.**

**SAMPSON**  
**Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them;**  
**which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.**

"So...biting thumbs...is the equavilent of the middle finger?" Shikamaru said.

**Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR**

**ABRAHAM**  
**Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?**

"DOES YOUR YOUTH BITE IT'S THUMB AT US SIR?"

**SAMPSON**  
**I do bite my thumb, sir.**

"Yes." Chouji answered.

**ABRAHAM**  
**Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?**

"YOSH! I WILL REPEAT! DOES YOUR YOUTH BITE IT'S THUMB AT US SIR?"

**SAMPSON**  
**[Aside to GREGORY] Is the law of our side, if I say**  
**ay?**

"Do we get in trouble if we start the fight Shikamaru?"

"Yes Chouji."

**GREGORY**  
**No.**

**SAMPSON**  
**No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I**  
**bite my thumb, sir.**

"I am biting my thumb at you. I don't care about the law and I'm hungry."

**My God will people get into character? Lee is the only taking this seriously.**

"Alright alright...just stop bitching." Shikamaru answered.

**GREGORY**  
**Do you quarrel, sir?**

"DO you wanna fight?" Shikamaru asked boredly.

**ABRAHAM**  
**Quarrel sir! no, sir.**

"YOSH SIR! NO SIR YOUTH!"

**SAMPSON**  
**If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you.**

"If you change your mind I'll fight." Chouji said.

**ABRAHAM**  
**No better.**

"YOUR YOUTH PALES IN COMPARISON TO MINE!"

**SAMPSON**  
**Well, sir.**

"Well then..."

**GREGORY**  
**Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen.**

"Oh look." SHikamaru began. "Here comes someone else.

"I wanna know who balthasar is." CHouji said.

**SAMPSON**  
**Yes, better, sir.**

"Your youth is crap compared to my skills." Chouji said.

**ABRAHAM**  
**You lie.**

"YOUR YOUTH LIES!"

**SAMPSON**  
**Draw, if you be men. Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.**

"COME AT ME BRO!"

**They fight**

**Enter BENVOLIO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Part, fools!**  
**Put up your swords; you know not what you do.**

**Beats down their swords**

"Did you have to punch me in the eye, you troublesome redhead?"

"SHUT UP SHIT HEAD! YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO!"

**Enter TYBALT**

**TYBALT**  
**What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?**  
**Turn thee, Benvolio, look upon thy death.**

"Your hair might be red like mine but you are so far beneath me it makes me sick. Face me so you may look at the person who is about to Kill you."

"Am I gonna die because your face is so fucking ugly I'm gonna be put into shock from looking at it?"

"Still the same fowl mouthed Tayuya."

"STill the same flat chested Karin."

**BENVOLIO**  
**I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,**  
**Or manage it to part these men with me.**

"Karin I don't wanna fight you. Why? I don't want my sword to get whore germs all over it."

**TYBALT**  
**What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,**  
**As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:**

"I don't believe you. I hate you and the fact that we both have red hair."

**Have at thee, coward!**

"COME AT ME BRO!"

Tayuya darted at Karin. "I'm not a bro!" She screamed as their swords clashed.

**They fight**

**Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray;**

"I'LL KILL YOU MONTAGUE ASSES!"

"YOU CAPULET FAGS HAVE FAGGED FOR FAR TOO LONG!"

"ROAR! ZABIMARU!"

"BLADES OF BLOOD!"

"NORO NORO BEAM!"

"AL, WATCH OUT!"

"BROTHER THEY ALL ARE STRONGER THAN LUST AND ENVY COMBINED!"

"QUICK USE BOLT TACKLE!"

"PIKAA!"

"SHOW YOUR FACE! WABISUKE!"

"GOMU GOMU NO...JET GATLING GUN!"

"OK PUNK! GET READY FOR MEDABEE'S MEDABLASTER!"

"WIND TUNNEL!"

"FIST OF TEBIGONG!"

"AND I PLAY...LITTLE KURIBOH!"

"DUDE HOW IS A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME GONNA DEFEND AGAINST THAT SWORD AIMING FOR YOU!"

"YOU GOTTA HAVE THE HEART OF THE CARD-ACK!"

"DUDE...DUDE!"

"TETSAIGA! WIND SCAR!"

"GET EM' METALGREYMON!"

"POISON WHIP!"

"SPIRIT GUN!"

"GET EM BABBO!"

"SAKURA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE A FREAKING CARD CAPTOR FOR GOD'S SAKE. USE THE DAMN CARDS!"

"OH NO SAILOR VENUS WENT DOWN!"

"ON TUXEDO KAMEN(MASK) AGAIN?"

"UM...no in battle..." But Sailor mars was sure gonna remember THAT.

"FRANKY BOXING!"

"JAGAN EYE!"

"KAMEHAME-"

"Whoa dude. Chill out you're gonna kill everybody."

**then enter Citizens, with clubs**

**First Citizen**  
**Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down!**  
**Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!**

"Shut up master roshi. Nobody likes you." Shikamaru said to the citizen.

**Enter CAPULET in his gown, and LADY CAPULET**

**CAPULET**  
**What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!**

"Fetch my sword ho!" Fugaku shouted.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?**

"Did you just call me a hoe?" Mikoto asked dangerously.

**CAPULET**  
**My sword, I say! Old Montague is come,**  
**And flourishes his blade in spite of me.**

"WOMAN GIVE ME MY SWORD DAMN YOU!"

**Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Thou villain Capulet,-Hold me not, let me go.**

"LEMME AT HIM LEMME ME AT HIM!"

**LADY MONTAGUE**  
**Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.**

"NO! Now I see where romeo gets his temper from...although I don't know where he gets the pink hair from."

**Enter PRINCE, with Attendants**

Nagato appeared.

**PRINCE**  
**Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,**  
**Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,-**  
**Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,**  
**That quench the fire of your pernicious rage**  
**With purple fountains issuing from your veins,**  
**On pain of torture, from those bloody hands**  
**Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,**  
**And hear the sentence of your moved prince.**  
**Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,**  
**By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,**  
**Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,**  
**And made Verona's ancient citizens**  
**Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,**  
**To wield old partisans, in hands as old,**  
**Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:**  
**If ever you disturb our streets again,**  
**Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.**  
**For this time, all the rest depart away:**  
**You Capulet; shall go along with me:**  
**And, Montague, come you this afternoon,**  
**To know our further pleasure in this case,**  
**To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.**  
**Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.**

"He lost me after the first line." SHikamaru said flatly.

"At least you got that far shithead. I didn't understand a fucking word!"

**Exeunt all but MONTAGUE, LADY MONTAGUE, and BENVOLIO**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?**  
**Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?**

"WHO DID IT!" (Which is the title of one of Inyonas's awesome stories)

**BENVOLIO**  
**Here were the servants of your adversary,**  
**And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:**  
**I drew to part them: in the instant came**  
**The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepared,**  
**Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,**  
**He swung about his head and cut the winds,**  
**Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:**  
**While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,**  
**Came more and more and fought on part and part,**  
**Till the prince came, who parted either part.**

"I haven't a damn clue!" Tayuya said.

**LADY MONTAGUE**  
**O, where is Romeo? saw you him to-day?**  
**Right glad I am he was not at this fray.**

"so we're rhyming now Mrs. Haruno?" Tayuya asked Lady montague.

**BENVOLIO**  
**Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun**  
**Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,**  
**A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;**  
**Where, underneath the grove of sycamore**  
**That westward rooteth from the city's side,**  
**So early walking did I see your son:**  
**Towards him I made, but he was ware of me**  
**And stole into the covert of the wood:**  
**I, measuring his affections by my own,**  
**That most are busied when they're most alone,**  
**Pursued my humour not pursuing his,**  
**And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.**

**MONTAGUE**  
**Many a morning hath he there been seen,**  
**With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.**  
**Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;**  
**But all so soon as the all-cheering sun**  
**Should in the furthest east begin to draw**  
**The shady curtains from Aurora's bed,**  
**Away from the light steals home my heavy son,**  
**And private in his chamber pens himself,**  
**Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out**  
**And makes himself an artificial night:**  
**Black and portentous must this humour prove,**  
**Unless good counsel may the cause remove.**

**BENVOLIO**  
**My noble uncle, do you know the cause?**

"Why is he being all self absorbed?" asked Tayuya.

**MONTAGUE**  
**I neither know it nor can learn of him.**

"No idea."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Have you importuned him by any means?**

"Maybe he's masturbating?"

**MONTAGUE**  
**Both by myself and many other friends:**  
**But he, his own affections' counsellor,**  
**Is to himself-I will not say how true-**  
**But to himself so secret and so close,**  
**So far from sounding and discovery,**  
**As is the bud bit with an envious worm,**  
**Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,**  
**Or dedicate his beauty to the sun.**  
**Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow.**  
**We would as willingly give cure as know.**

**Enter ROMEO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**See, where he comes: so please you, step aside;**  
**I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.**

"I know what to do. Everyone else back off." Tayuya explained.

**MONTAGUE**  
**I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,**  
**To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.**

**Exeunt MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Good-morrow, cousin.**

"Whats up Cousin?"

**ROMEO**  
**Is the day so young?**

"Is it early?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**But new struck nine.**

"...I think it's nine o clock?"

**ROMEO**  
**Ay me! sad hours seem long.**  
**Was that my father that went hence so fast?**

"Was that daddy dearest that left?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?**

"Yes. WHy are you so alone?"

**ROMEO**  
**Not having that, which, having, makes them short.**

"...I have...shorts?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**In love?**

"Sakura I don't think that is what your last line meant." Tayuya admonised.

"Well Sorry. It's hard understanding it."

"Well maybe if you stopped fawning over the Uchiha and took training more seriously then you would be smarter."

"Who are you to lecture me? You're the weakest sound ninja, so basically you are useless to Otogakure."

"Are YOU calling ME useless?"

**ROMEO**  
**Out-**

"GET THE FUCK OUT.." Tayuya deadpanned and pointed torward the door.

**PLease get back on topic.**

"Hai Inu-sama."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Of love?**

"You got rejected Giant head?"

**ROMEO**  
**Out of her favour, where I am in love.**

"She doesn't love me back Tayuya. Do you know how it feels to love someone...and they don't return those feelings?"

Tayuya just stared at her. "More than you know."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,**  
**Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!**

"Relationships are hard." Tayuya said.

**ROMEO**  
**Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,**  
**Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!**  
**Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?**  
**Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.**  
**Here's much to do with hate, but more with love.**  
**Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!**  
**O any thing, of nothing first create!**  
**O heavy lightness! serious vanity!**  
**Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!**  
**Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,**  
**sick health!**  
**Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!**  
**This love feel I, that feel no love in this.**  
**Dost thou not laugh?**

"I've got it bad Tay..."

"I'll say. Do you even understand what the hell you said at first?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**No, coz, I rather weep.**

"No because I'd rather cry."

**ROMEO**  
**Good heart, at what?**

"At what?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**At thy good heart's oppression.**

"At the fact that you got rejected."

**ROMEO**  
**Why, such is love's transgression.**  
**Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,**  
**Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest**  
**With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown**  
**Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.**  
**Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;**  
**Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;**  
**Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:**  
**What is it else? a madness most discreet,**  
**A choking gall and a preserving sweet.**  
**Farewell, my coz.**

"Uh...something something breast...something something discreet love choking on gall." Sakura tried to explain.

"Is that really what you meant Sakura?"

"..I-I don't know anymore."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Soft! I will go along;**  
**An if you leave me so, you do me wrong.**

"But I'm not with you and I don't do pink heads..."

"As if. If I was gay I could do so much better than you Tayuya."

"Oh really? Like who?" Tayuya narrowed her eyes.

"Well Ino for instance. I-"

"I KNEW YOU TWO SHITHEADS WERE SCISSORING! I FUCKIN KNEW IT!"

**ROMEO**  
**Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here;**  
**This is not Romeo, he's some other where.**

"Did...I leave?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Tell me in sadness, who is that you love.**

"Who are you in love with shit face?"

**ROMEO**  
**What, shall I groan and tell thee?**

"Do you want me to groan sexually and tell you at the same time?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Groan! why, no.**  
**But sadly tell me who.**

"If you ever fuckin groan while I'm around I will stitch it closed bitch."

Sakura raised her eyebrow..._'Stitch what closed?'_

**ROMEO**  
**Bid a sick man in sadness make his will:**  
**Ah, word ill urged to one that is so ill!**  
**In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.**

"I KNEW YOU WERE LESBIAN!"

"SHUT UP BAKA! IT GOES WITH THE STORY!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved.**

"I fuckin knew it man,..." Tayuya said shaking her head.

**ROMEO**  
**A right good mark-man! And she's fair I love.**

**BENVOLIO**  
**A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit.**

**ROMEO**  
**Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit**  
**With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit;**  
**And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,**  
**From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd.**  
**She will not stay the siege of loving terms,**  
**Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,**  
**Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold:**  
**O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,**  
**That when she dies with beauty dies her store.**

"She will not fall in love any time soon Tay-chan.. She's so pretty that if I could make a fanclub for her...I would."

"Something about you and fanclubs just seems so...right."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste?**

**ROMEO**  
**She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste,**  
**For beauty starved with her severity**  
**Cuts beauty off from all posterity.**  
**She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair,**  
**To merit bliss by making me despair:**  
**She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow**  
**Do I live dead that live to tell it now.**

"...She's pefrect."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.**

"You sould forget her Sakura. Won't Ino be jealous?"

**ROMEO**  
**O, teach me how I should forget to think.**

"Teach me how...and shut up!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**By giving liberty unto thine eyes;**  
**Examine other beauties.**

"Search for someone else. What about that pineapple headed lazy motherfucker?"

"Shikamaru? ew no. He's too lazy. Bedside manner would be boring."

"What about his fatass friend?"

"Chouji? He'd eat me!...and not in the good way."

"What about that shithead who smells like Dog?"

"Kiba? No cuz' he smells like dog."

"What about your aburame friend?"

"Shino? I wouldn't like having insects in personal places."

"What about the Hyuuga?"

"Neji? I don't want someone who's prettier than me."

"What about Whiskers? He's really cute and apparently he's everyone's favorite ninja."

"Naruto? Yeah right? He's such a dork."

"Dork? You think someone powerful enough to beat Gaara and brave enough to stand up to Orochimaru is a dork?"

"Ok fine he's a super cool Ninja, but still he's like my brother."

"SO I guess that means Sasuke is like your brother too huh?" Tayuya said.

Sakura Narrowed her eyes at Tayuya. _"It's like she wants me to move on from Sasuke-kun.'_

**ROMEO**  
**'Tis the way**  
**To call hers exquisite, in question more:**  
**These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows**  
**Being black put us in mind they hide the fair;**  
**He that is strucken blind cannot forget**  
**The precious treasure of his eyesight lost:**  
**Show me a mistress that is passing fair,**  
**What doth her beauty serve, but as a note**  
**Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair?**  
**Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.**

"I can't move on! I'm in love!"

Tayuya frowned.

**BENVOLIO**  
**I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.**

"Only time will tell."

**Exeunt**

**SCENE II. A street.**

**Enter CAPULET, PARIS, and Servant**

**CAPULET**  
**But Montague is bound as well as I,**  
**In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think,**  
**For men so old as we to keep the peace.**

"We are old enough to be mature." Fugaku stated.

**PARIS**  
**Of honourable reckoning are you both;**  
**And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long.**  
**But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?**

"It's such a shame you both are so old. Why can't you be young forever like me?"

"You are a freak of nature. You have no shame and you are the most vile creature I have ever had the displeasure of meeting." Fugaku began. "It's no wonder Sandaime-sama picked Minato-kun instead of you."

Orochimaru glared. "GAAH! BURN IN HELL YOU UCHIHA SCUM!"

"OH YEAH? I HOPE YOU STEP ON A LEGO!"

**GUYS! GET BACK TO THE DAMN STORY OR SOMEONE IS GETTING A BUTT FULL OF CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS!"**

**CAPULET**  
**But saying o'er what I have said before:**  
**My child is yet a stranger in the world;**  
**She hath not seen the change of fourteen years,**  
**Let two more summers wither in their pride,**  
**Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.**

"She's only 14. You're 41...million. The age gap is just too big. Let two more years pass."

"So when she is 16?"

"Yes. And by then you will be about...68 million or so...give or take two years."

Orochimaru twitched. "...WHO TAUGHT YOU MATH!"

**PARIS**  
**Younger than she are happy mothers made.**

"14 is not that young. Why when I was a child my cousin Orochimari had her first child at 10...months."

**CAPULET**  
**And too soon marr'd are those so early made.**  
**The earth hath swallow'd all my hopes but she,**  
**She is the hopeful lady of my earth:**  
**But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart,**  
**My will to her consent is but a part;**  
**An she agree, within her scope of choice**  
**Lies my consent and fair according voice.**  
**This night I hold an old accustom'd feast,**  
**Whereto I have invited many a guest,**  
**Such as I love; and you, among the store,**  
**One more, most welcome, makes my number more.**  
**At my poor house look to behold this night**  
**Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light:**  
**Such comfort as do lusty young men feel**  
**When well-apparell'd April on the heel**  
**Of limping winter treads, even such delight**  
**Among fresh female buds shall you this night**  
**Inherit at my house; hear all, all see,**  
**And like her most whose merit most shall be:**  
**Which on more view, of many mine being one**  
**May stand in number, though in reckoning none,**  
**Come, go with me.**

"Basically if she likes you then you have my support."

**To Servant, giving a paper**

**Go, sirrah, trudge about**  
**Through fair Verona; find those persons out**  
**Whose names are written there, and to them say,**  
**My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.**

"Go find and bring back the names on that paper. Undertsood?"

"This is my first and only appearance...and I'm an errand girl?"

Fugaku raised his eyebrow at the girl.

Then frowned.

"Listen welp. I'm an Uchiha. The elite. I'm better than everyone. DO not delude yourself with these false ideals about everyone being equal. You sound like that fool with the strawhat."

She twitched.

Fugaku continued. "Now be a good girl and-ACK!"

He suddenly found her foot EMBEDDED in between his legs.

She slowly removed her foot and placed it back at her side. As Fugaku fell to his knees in excruciating pain he caught sight of her eyes. If looks could kill, his head would have fell off...hell I think my fingers would have fell off, and this is just a fanfic! That's how powerful her glare was.

"Never insult Mugiwara in front of me again." Kaitaru Hatake said menacingly to the downed Uchiha.

**Exeunt CAPULET and PARIS**

**Servant**  
**Find them out whose names are written here! It is**  
**written, that the shoemaker should meddle with his**  
**yard, and the tailor with his last, the fisher with**  
**his pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I am**  
**sent to find those persons whose names are here**  
**writ, and can never find what names the writing**  
**person hath here writ. I must to the learned.-In good time.**

**Enter BENVOLIO and ROMEO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning,**  
**One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;**  
**Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning;**  
**One desperate grief cures with another's languish:**  
**Take thou some new infection to thy eye,**  
**And the rank poison of the old will die.**

"There are plenty of other fuckin fish in the fuckin sea." Tayuya said for the second time.

**ROMEO**  
**Your plaintain-leaf is excellent for that.**

"You have a leaf?" Sakura asked.

"I do?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**For what, I pray thee?**

**ROMEO**  
**For your broken shin.**

"When did I break my shin?" Tayuya asked .

**BENVOLIO**  
**Why, Romeo, art thou mad?**

**ROMEO**  
**Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is;**  
**Shut up in prison, kept without my food,**  
**Whipp'd and tormented and-God-den, good fellow.**

"I-I think I'm crazy."

**Servant**  
**God gi' god-den. I pray, sir, can you read?**

"For some reason i don't like you."

**ROMEO**  
**Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.**

"Who the hell are you?" Sakura asked Kaitaru.

**Servant**  
**Perhaps you have learned it without book: but, I**  
**pray, can you read any thing you see?**

"DO you know how to read? I know that forehead is good for more than just shade from the sun."

"OI! You can't insult me! I don't even know your name!" Sakura cried.

Tayuya just stared at the arguing pair.

**ROMEO**  
**Ay, if I know the letters and the language.**

**Servant**  
**Ye say honestly: rest you merry!**

**ROMEO**  
**Stay, fellow; I can read.**

**Reads**

**'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;**  
**County Anselme and his beauteous sisters; the lady**  
**widow of Vitravio; Signior Placentio and his lovely**  
**nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine**  
**uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters; my fair niece**  
**Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin**  
**Tybalt, Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair**  
**assembly: whither should they come?**

"...a party is happening."

**Servant**  
**Up.**

"Duh."

"That's not what the Servant meant...whoever the hell you are." Tayuya said.

**ROMEO**  
**Whither?**

"where?"

**Servant**  
**To supper; to our house.**

"To our house."

**ROMEO**  
**Whose house?**

"ANd whose house would that be?"

**Servant**  
**My master's.**

"Godamnit who the hell is your master?" Sakura screamed in frustration.

**ROMEO**  
**Indeed, I should have ask'd you that before.**

"I just asked her."

**Servant**  
**Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the**  
**great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house**  
**of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine.**  
**Rest you merry!**

"If you are not Sakura then you can come to the party."

Sakura glared at Kaitaru.

"Eh Works for me."

"Tayuya how could you!"

**Exit**

**BENVOLIO**  
**At this same ancient feast of Capulet's**  
**Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest,**  
**With all the admired beauties of Verona:**  
**Go thither; and, with unattainted eye,**  
**Compare her face with some that I shall show,**  
**And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.**

"The person you love is gonna be at the party huh? Well how about this. If you compare her to all the beautiful girls I'm bringing with me and I can bet you will think she is the most hideous thing in existence..

**ROMEO**  
**When the devout religion of mine eye**  
**Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires;**  
**And these, who often drown'd could never die,**  
**Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!**  
**One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun**  
**Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.**

"Noboody in this world looks better than her!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by,**  
**Herself poised with herself in either eye:**  
**But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd**  
**Your lady's love against some other maid**  
**That I will show you shining at this feast,**  
**And she shall scant show well that now shows best.**

"I disagree."

**ROMEO**  
**I'll go along, no such sight to be shown,**  
**But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.**

"I'm going just to prove you wrong Tayuya!"

**Exeunt**

**SCENE III. A room in Capulet's house.**

**Enter LADY CAPULET and Nurse**

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Nurse, where's my daughter? call her forth to me.**

"Where is my beloved daughter of mine? Call her for me nurse." Mikoto said.

**Nurse**  
**Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old,**  
**I bade her come. What, lamb! what, ladybird!**  
**God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Juliet!**

"Daughter Capulet please come for your sweet sweet beautiful mother is calling."

Mikoto smiled nervously at Shizune as she yelled for Juliet. "Oh you always flatter me nurse." _'Is...is the nurse ...a lesbian?'_

**Enter JULIET**

"Yatta! The honorable Sasuke-sama finally makes his appearance! I know I've kept you readers waiting."

"Well aren't you modest?" Shizune said sarcastically.

"What can I say? I'm the most favorite character in this fic."

"Oh I beg to differ."

"What, don't tell me you think you are?" Sasuke said flippantly.

"Your arrogance is comical Sasuke."

Sasuke glared.

"GirlwholovesIrukasayswhat?"

"What?"

Sasuke just smirked at Shizune.

"Damn you Sasuke."

**JULIET**  
**How now! who calls?**

"Who called for me again? I forgot."

**Nurse**  
**Your mother.**

"Your mother called for you. Maybe if you got your ears cleaned you could hear better."

Sasuke frowned.

""GirlwhoblowsIrukasayswhat?"

"What?"

Sasuke smirked again.

Shizune glared. "Damnit..."

**JULIET**  
**Madam, I am here.**  
**What is your will?**

"Yes mom?" Sasuke said.

Mikoto positively beamed at hearing that. It has been so long since she she heard someone call her that. Ever since Itachi...

Best to not continue that train of thought.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**This is the matter:-Nurse, give leave awhile,**  
**We must talk in secret:-nurse, come back again;**  
**I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel.**  
**Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.**

"Get out. But before you leave, tell me how old my daughter is again?"

Sasuke closed his eyes..."When oh when am I gonna be a guy?"

**Nurse**  
**Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.**

"She's 14."

**LADY CAPULET**  
**She's not fourteen.**

"No you are wrong. even though I don't know, I know you are wrong."

**Nurse**  
**I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-**  
**And yet, to my teeth be it spoken, I have but four-**  
**She is not fourteen. How long is it now**  
**To Lammas-tide?**

"I'll bet you 14 of my teeth she is. Do you know how long until it's Lammas-tide?"

**LADY CAPULET**  
**A fortnight and odd days.**

"...a coupld of days?"

**Nurse**  
**Even or odd, of all days in the year,**  
**Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen.**  
**Susan and she-God rest all Christian souls!-**  
**Were of an age: well, Susan is with God;**  
**She was too good for me: but, as I said,**  
**On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;**  
**That shall she, marry; I remember it well.**  
**'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years;**  
**And she was wean'd,-I never shall forget it,-**  
**Of all the days of the year, upon that day:**  
**For I had then laid wormwood to my dug,**  
**Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;**  
**My lord and you were then at Mantua:-**  
**Nay, I do bear a brain:-but, as I said,**  
**When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple**  
**Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,**  
**To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug!**  
**Shake quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow,**  
**To bid me trudge:**  
**And since that time it is eleven years;**  
**For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,**  
**She could have run and waddled all about;**  
**For even the day before, she broke her brow:**  
**And then my husband-God be with his soul!**  
**A' was a merry man-took up the child:**  
**'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face?**  
**Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;**  
**Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame,**  
**The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.'**  
**To see, now, how a jest shall come about!**  
**I warrant, an I should live a thousand years,**  
**I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he;**  
**And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'**

"Look lady. Your daughter is 14 damnit." Shizune deadpanned.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.**

"You better pray I leave you in one piece. Don't make me turn back into Anbu Mikoto."

**Nurse**  
**Yes, madam: yet I cannot choose but laugh,**  
**To think it should leave crying and say 'Ay.'**  
**And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow**  
**A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone;**  
**A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly:**  
**'Yea,' quoth my husband,'fall'st upon thy face?**  
**Thou wilt fall backward when thou comest to age;**  
**Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted and said 'Ay.'**

"Fine then."

**JULIET**  
**And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.**

"I believe I know how old I am."

**Nurse**  
**Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace!**  
**Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:**  
**An I might live to see thee married once,**  
**I have my wish.**

"All I want to see is Juliet get married."

"Well then Shizune prepare to die because I am not getting married."

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme**  
**I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet,**  
**How stands your disposition to be married?**

"Listen up Sasu-chan. How do you feel about marriage?"

**JULIET**  
**It is an honour that I dream not of.**

"HA! In your dreams!"

**Nurse**  
**An honour! were not I thine only nurse,**  
**I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.**

"...am I suppose to suck a teat?" Shizune asked.

"What the hell's a teat?" Sasuke asked obliviously.

"It's what Sakura shoves in your face everytime she asks for you for a date."

"Her forehead?"

"No Sasuke."

"...Her pecks?"

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Well, think of marriage now; younger than you,**  
**Here in Verona, ladies of esteem,**  
**Are made already mothers: by my count,**  
**I was your mother much upon these years**  
**That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief:**  
**The valiant Paris seeks you for his love.**

"Listen Sasuke. People younger than you are mothers ok?" Mikoto tried to reason with him.

"Wait so there are 10 year old moms? Girls go through puberty that early? What kind of guy would do a 10 year old? ...WHO THE HELL WOULD FIND A 10 YEAR OLD GIRL ATTRACTIVE? THEY'LL BE GRANDMOTHER BY THE TIME THEY ARE 20 SINCE THEIR KIDS WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE THEIR OWN CHILDREN AT 10 ASWELL!...But on the other hand kids will get to meet their great great great great great great great great grandparents for the first time IN like ever...BUT STILL 10 IS TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING CHILD SEX!" Sasuke ranted

**Nurse**  
**A man, young lady! lady, such a man**  
**As all the world-why, he's a man of wax.**

"He's a wax man? Did he help my friend Luffy escape Impel down?" Sasuke asked.

"What are you talking about Sasuke?" Shizune was so lost.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Verona's summer hath not such a flower.**

**Nurse**  
**Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower.**

"...Apparently he is a flower."

**LADY CAPULET**  
**What say you? can you love the gentleman?**  
**This night you shall behold him at our feast;**  
**Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face,**  
**And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;**  
**Examine every married lineament,**  
**And see how one another lends content**  
**And what obscured in this fair volume lies**  
**Find written in the margent of his eyes.**  
**This precious book of love, this unbound lover,**  
**To beautify him, only lacks a cover:**  
**The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride**  
**For fair without the fair within to hide:**  
**That book in many's eyes doth share the glory,**  
**That in gold clasps locks in the golden story;**  
**So shall you share all that he doth possess,**  
**By having him, making yourself no less.**

"So...wanna go through with this Sasuke?" Sasuke's mother asked.

**Nurse**  
**No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men.**

"..I'm...not sure what I mean."

**LADY CAPULET**  
**Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?**

"Well SAsuke?"

**JULIET**  
**I'll look to like, if looking liking move:**  
**But no more deep will I endart mine eye**  
**Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.**

"...No..."

**Enter a Servant**

**Servant**  
**Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you**  
**called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in**  
**the pantry, and every thing in extremity. I must**  
**hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight.**

"Lady Mikoto your guest are here...or they are on the way."

Sasuke looked at the servant that just came in.

Kaitaru caught Sasuke's stare.

She blushed and ran out the room.

Sasuke rose his eyebrow.

**LADY CAPULET**  
**We follow thee.**

"I shall follow you." Mikoto left aswell.

**Exit Servant**

**Juliet, the county stays.**

**Nurse**  
**Go, girl, seek happy nights to happy days.**

"Sasuke go forth and find true love!"

"...Right..."

**Exeunt**

**SCENE IV. A street.**

**Enter ROMEO, MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, with five or six Maskers, Torch-bearers, and others**

"This is gonna be an interesting party."

"I'll say. I'm gonna make sure it's a night we won't forget.

"Well with you two I'm sure I'm gonna have to remember everything." Tayuya said.

"Oh don't be like that Tay-chan."

"Yeah you know you love us. We're too interesting for you not to love."

"Yeah, one is a pink haired bimbo shit head and one is a blonde haired bimbo shit head."

Ino and Sakura twitched.

"Oh yeah? Well you're a red haired shit head!" Ino yelled back.

Tayuya gasped in shock.

**ROMEO**  
**What, shall this speech be spoke for our excuse?**  
**Or shall we on without a apology?**

"What's our excuse?" Sakura asked.

**BENVOLIO**  
**The date is out of such prolixity:**  
**We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf,**  
**Bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath,**  
**Scaring the ladies like a crow-keeper;**  
**Nor no without-book prologue, faintly spoke**  
**After the prompter, for our entrance:**  
**But let them measure us by what they will;**  
**We'll measure them a measure, and be gone.**

"Your forehead is extremely heavy and you often require assistance standing up." Tayuya teased.

**ROMEO**  
**Give me a torch: I am not for this ambling;**  
**Being but heavy, I will bear the light.**

"...Am I smoking?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.**

"Oi Forhead don't mess up while you dance. We all know you have two left feet." Ino commented.

**ROMEO**  
**Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes**  
**With nimble soles: I have a soul of lead**  
**So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.**

"I know...I know."

**MERCUTIO**  
**You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,**  
**And soar with them above a common bound.**

"...You are a lover Forehead...get high."

**ROMEO**  
**I am too sore enpierced with his shaft**  
**To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,**  
**I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:**  
**Under love's heavy burden do I sink.**

"...Someone's shaft is sore, so we're gonna make it feel better with feathers because it's so heavy." Sakura tried to Interpret.

**MERCUTIO**  
**And, to sink in it, should you burden love;**  
**Too great oppression for a tender thing.**

"Love is for losers."

**ROMEO**  
**Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,**  
**Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.**

"Love is harsh. Like the back of Sonic's head."

"Sakura who the hell is sonic?"

"...I don't know Tay-chan."

**MERCUTIO**  
**If love be rough with you, be rough with love;**  
**Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.**  
**Give me a case to put my visage in:**  
**A visor for a visor! what care I**  
**What curious eye doth quote deformities?**  
**Here are the beetle brows shall blush for me.**

"You gotta kick love's ass Sakura! Beat the hell out of it before it can beat the hell out of you. Treat it like Naruto's face after he innocently asked you on a date."

Tayuya sniggered as Sakura glared at Ino.

**BENVOLIO**  
**Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in,**  
**But every man betake him to his legs.**

"Go in and don't forget your fuckin legs."

**ROMEO**  
**A torch for me: let wantons light of heart**  
**Tickle the senseless rushes with their heels,**  
**For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase;**  
**I'll be a candle-holder, and look on.**  
**The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done.**

"Give me a troch. I shall not try to dance."

**MERCUTIO**  
**Tut, dun's the mouse, the constable's own word:**  
**If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire**  
**Of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stick'st**  
**Up to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho!**

"Let's hurry!"

**ROMEO**  
**Nay, that's not so.**

"No."

**MERCUTIO**  
**I mean, sir, in delay**  
**We waste our lights in vain, like lamps by day.**  
**Take our good meaning, for our judgment sits**  
**Five times in that ere once in our five wits.**

"Yes we will you lazy forehead!"

**ROMEO**  
**And we mean well in going to this mask;**  
**But 'tis no wit to go.**

"You are so hideous pig you need a mask."

**MERCUTIO**  
**Why, may one ask?**

"And why would that be?"

**ROMEO**  
**I dream'd a dream to-night.**

"Because I have nightmares about your face."

**MERCUTIO**  
**And so did I.**

"Well I had a nightmare about your face too!"

**ROMEO**  
**Well, what was yours?**

"Was it about how gorgeous I look and how you are super jealous?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**That dreamers often lie.**

"Actually it was about how jealous I am of your over active imagination."

**ROMEO**  
**In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.**

"Shut up Pig."

**MERCUTIO**  
**O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.**  
**She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes**  
**In shape no bigger than an agate-stone**  
**On the fore-finger of an alderman,**  
**Drawn with a team of little atomies**  
**Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep;**  
**Her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs,**  
**The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,**  
**The traces of the smallest spider's web,**  
**The collars of the moonshine's watery beams,**  
**Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film,**  
**Her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat,**  
**Not so big as a round little worm**  
**Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid;**  
**Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut**  
**Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,**  
**Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.**  
**And in this state she gallops night by night**  
**Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;**  
**O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight,**  
**O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees,**  
**O'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream,**  
**Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,**  
**Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are:**  
**Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,**  
**And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;**  
**And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail**  
**Tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep,**  
**Then dreams, he of another benefice:**  
**Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,**  
**And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,**  
**Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,**  
**Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon**  
**Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,**  
**And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two**  
**And sleeps again. This is that very Mab**  
**That plats the manes of horses in the night,**  
**And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,**  
**Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:**  
**This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,**  
**That presses them and learns them first to bear,**  
**Making them women of good carriage:**  
**This is she-**

"I bet I could this whole chapter on a space on your forehead."

**ROMEO**  
**Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!**  
**Thou talk'st of nothing.**

Sakura glared.

**MERCUTIO**  
**True, I talk of dreams,**  
**Which are the children of an idle brain,**  
**Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,**  
**Which is as thin of substance as the air**  
**And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes**  
**Even now the frozen bosom of the north,**  
**And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence,**  
**Turning his face to the dew-dropping south.**

**BENVOLIO**  
**This wind, you talk of, blows us from ourselves;**  
**Supper is done, and we shall come too late.**

"I'm fuckin hungry...I wanna Bananafrappe." Tayuya interjected.

**ROMEO**  
**I fear, too early: for my mind misgives**  
**Some consequence yet hanging in the stars**  
**Shall bitterly begin his fearful date**  
**With this night's revels and expire the term**  
**Of a despised life closed in my breast**  
**By some vile forfeit of untimely death.**  
**But He, that hath the steerage of my course,**  
**Direct my sail! On, lusty gentlemen.**

"I think something bad is gonna happen."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Strike, drum.**

"...We have a drum?"

"I think Inuyonas means Sakura's chest."

"That's it!"

Tayuya had to hold Sakura back from strangling Ino.

**Exeunt**

**SCENE V. A hall in Capulet's house.**

**Musicians waiting. Enter Servingmen with napkins**

**First Servant**  
**Where's Potpan, that he helps not to take away? He**  
**shift a trencher? he scrape a trencher!**

"Where the hell is this potpan bastard?" Kaitaru screamed.

**Second Servant**  
**When good manners shall lie all in one or two men's**  
**hands and they unwashed too, 'tis a foul thing.**

"I bet the potpan bastard is that shitty swordsman." said the blond Servant.

**First Servant**  
**Away with the joint-stools, remove the**  
**court-cupboard, look to the plate. Good thou, save**  
**me a piece of marchpane; and, as thou lovest me, let**  
**the porter let in Susan Grindstone and Nell.**  
**Antony, and Potpan!**

"SANJI!" Screamed Kaitaru glomping servant number 2.

Sanji's eyes turned to hearts.

"KAI-CHWANN!"

**Listen you two. Get back on topics or I'ma start splittin' some wigs.**

**Second Servant**  
**Ay, boy, ready.**

"I'm ready." Sanji said.

**First Servant**  
**You are looked for and called for, asked for and**  
**sought for, in the great chamber.**

"You are needed in the great chamber..."

**Second Servant**  
**We cannot be here and there too. Cheerly, boys; be**  
**brisk awhile, and the longer liver take all.**

"I'm needed in too many places...Where the hell are Nami and Robin?"

**Enter CAPULET, with JULIET and others of his house, meeting the Guests and Maskers**

"Whooo! Party! Sasuke is in the hizzouse!"

"Son your behaviour is unbecoming of an Uchiha"

"I'm about to get so drunk, When I fart it gets people intoxicated."

"Tsunade-sama that was really disgusting."

"Hey sorry about that fight in the street the other day. I didn't mean to medablast you, it's just sometimes..."

"Why the hell is this robot talking to me?"

"So...How come you never asked me out Ash?"

Ash spit out his drink at Misty's question.

"So...Sailor Venus...wanna find some place private?"

"Anything for you tuxedo mask."

"The women here are so..HOT! I shall see if they need a virtuous monk in their life."

"I'm gonna research my ass off tonight."

Miroku stared at Jiraiya. What they said was spoken at the same time but they still heard each other's declaration.

Jiraiya grinned. "I think we're gonna get along just fine son."

"OOOOH THEY GOT MEAT! GOMU GOMU NO...FEAST!"

"Where the hell is Botan at?"

"Oi! Did you shit headss see that? That girl told that guy to 'sit boy' and he totally face planted!"

"Tayuya stop pointing it's rude."

"Tell that to your forehead."

"...I don't feel comfortable with the Jigoku Shoujo walking around."

"Oi! Kurama stop stealing my food!"

"Shukaku you can suck the fat part of one of the nine tails that you don't have."

The Ichibi growl at the Kyuubi.

**CAPULET**  
**Welcome, gentlemen! ladies that have their toes**  
**Unplagued with corns will have a bout with you.**  
**Ah ha, my mistresses! which of you all**  
**Will now deny to dance? she that makes dainty,**  
**She, I'll swear, hath corns; am I come near ye now?**  
**Welcome, gentlemen! I have seen the day**  
**That I have worn a visor and could tell**  
**A whispering tale in a fair lady's ear,**  
**Such as would please: 'tis gone, 'tis gone, 'tis gone:**  
**You are welcome, gentlemen! come, musicians, play.**  
**A hall, a hall! give room! and foot it, girls.**

"Welcome one and all to the Uchiha banquet party! Please Enjoy yourself!"

**Music plays, and they dance**

"YEAH! I'M ABOUT TO OWN ALL OF YOU LOSING LOSERS ON THE DANCE FLOOR!" Sasuke said running to the dance.

He began to cha cha slide...

Surprisingly it was really good.

"Sasuke! What did I just stay about your behaviour!"

"...Did my father always have an anti-fun pole stuck up his ass?"

**CAPULET  
More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up,**  
**And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot.**  
**Ah, sirrah, this unlook'd-for sport comes well.**  
**Nay, sit, nay, sit, good cousin Capulet;**  
**For you and I are past our dancing days:**  
**How long is't now since last yourself and I**  
**Were in a mask?**

"Last time in a mask?"

**Second Capulet**  
**By'r lady, thirty years.**

"30 years..."

**CAPULET**  
**What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much:**  
**'Tis since the nuptials of Lucentio,**  
**Come pentecost as quickly as it will,**  
**Some five and twenty years; and then we mask'd.**

"Really? Seemed like 25 to me."

**Second Capulet**  
**'Tis more, 'tis more, his son is elder, sir;**  
**His son is thirty.**

"No sir. It's 30."

**CAPULET**  
**Will you tell me that?**  
**His son was but a ward two years ago.**

"Really now?"

**ROMEO**  
**[To a Servingman] What lady is that, which doth**  
**enrich the hand**  
**Of yonder knight?**

"Who is that fine piece of hotness over there?"

**Servant**  
**I know not, sir.**

"Someone out of your league."

Sakura glared at Kaitaru Hatake.

**ROMEO**  
**O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!**  
**It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night**  
**Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;**  
**Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!**  
**So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,**  
**As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.**  
**The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,**  
**And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.**  
**Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!**  
**For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.**

"She's so fine that if she were my homework, I'd do her every night."

"...Sakura I think you've been hanging around Naruto too much." Ino said.

"Naruto talks like that?" Tayuya asked surprised.

"No Jiraiya does. Naruto probably heard Jiraiya say it."

**TYBALT**  
**This, by his voice, should be a Montague.**  
**Fetch me my rapier, boy. What dares the slave**  
**Come hither, cover'd with an antic face,**  
**To fleer and scorn at our solemnity?**  
**Now, by the stock and honour of my kin,**  
**To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.**

"Well well well If it isn't another bright hair having tramp." Karin said sneering at Sakura.

**CAPULET**  
**Why, how now, kinsman! wherefore storm you so?**

"Karin where does this aggression come from?"

**TYBALT**  
**Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe,**  
**A villain that is hither come in spite,**  
**To scorn at our solemnity this night.**

"This is a montague. The worst thing to ever exist."

"Really? I thought that title belonged to your vagina." Sakura said back.

"..."

"..."

"Hanging around Sasuke has it's advantages."

**CAPULET**  
**Young Romeo is it?**

"Aren't you Romeo?"

**TYBALT**  
**'Tis he, that villain Romeo.**

"Yes it is that douche Romeo."

**CAPULET**  
**Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone;**  
**He bears him like a portly gentleman;**  
**And, to say truth, Verona brags of him**  
**To be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth:**  
**I would not for the wealth of all the town**  
**Here in my house do him disparagement:**  
**Therefore be patient, take no note of him:**  
**It is my will, the which if thou respect,**  
**Show a fair presence and put off these frowns,**  
**And ill-beseeming semblance for a feast.**

"Calm down. Is it the that time of the month?"

**TYBALT**  
**It fits, when such a villain is a guest:**  
**I'll not endure him.**

"I won't respect him."

**CAPULET**  
**He shall be endured:**  
**What, goodman boy! I say, he shall: go to;**  
**Am I the master here, or you? go to.**  
**You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul!**  
**You'll make a mutiny among my guests!**  
**You will set cock-a-hoop! you'll be the man!**

"Yes the hell you will damnit."

**TYBALT**  
**Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.**

"Some Uchiha you are. Sasuke's 10 times the man you are!"

Fugaku just stared in bewilderment at Karin.

**CAPULET**  
**Go to, go to;**  
**You are a saucy boy: is't so, indeed?**  
**This trick may chance to scathe you, I know what:**  
**You must contrary me! marry, 'tis time.**  
**Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go:**  
**Be quiet, or-More light, more light! For shame!**  
**I'll make you quiet. What, cheerly, my hearts!**

"Go the hell away girl."

**TYBALT**  
**Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting**  
**Makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting.**  
**I will withdraw: but this intrusion shall**  
**Now seeming sweet convert to bitter gall.**

"FIne...but this isn't over."

**Exit**

**ROMEO**  
**[To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand**  
**This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:**  
**My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand**  
**To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.**

"OMG SASUKE-KUN IS JULIET!"

**JULIET**  
**Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,**  
**Which mannerly devotion shows in this;**  
**For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,**  
**And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.**

"Oh Kami-sama...Why do you hate me so much? Why do you insist on putting a pink plague in my life when I have done nothing to warrant it? Sasuke is a good boy Kami-sama."

Tayuya chuckled at Sasuke's antics.

This did not go unoticed by Sakura...or Ino.

**ROMEO**  
**Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?**

"Your lips are heavenly...and so are your hands."

**JULIET**  
**Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.**

"My lips are heavenly because I pray alot. Didn't you just hear me a few seconds ago?"

**ROMEO**  
**O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;**  
**They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.**

"Can I kiss you?"

**JULIET**  
**Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.**

"No."

**ROMEO**  
**Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.**  
**Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.**

"Please...I'll be more useful."

**JULIET**  
**Then have my lips the sin that they have took.**

"Ha...nice try."

**ROMEO**  
**Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!**  
**Give me my sin again.**

"Damnit Sasuke...GIMME SOME GODDAMN SUGAR!"

**JULIET**  
**You kiss by the book.**

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE YELLING AT? YOU CAN KISS THE DARK PART OF MY ASS!"

**Nurse**  
**Madam, your mother craves a word with you.**

"Sasu-chan. Your Kaa-san wants you."

**ROMEO**  
**What is her mother?**

"Who is her mother?" Sakura asked Shizune.

**Nurse**  
**Marry, bachelor,**  
**Her mother is the lady of the house,**  
**And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous**  
**I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal;**  
**I tell you, he that can lay hold of her**  
**Shall have the chinks.**

"The lady of the house. The wife of the clan head so to speak."

**ROMEO**  
**Is she a Capulet?**  
**O dear account! my life is my foe's debt.**

"Oh no!We're not meant to be together!"

"Thank God you finally see it my way." Sasuke said smiling.

"No Wait! This is a test of true love!"

"Damnit Sakura..."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Away, begone; the sport is at the best.**

"Oi you better leave for things it rough for you."

Sasuke activated his Sharingan at Tayuya.

"Is that a challenge?" He said smirking.

Tayuya smirked aswell. "It's whatever you want it to be."

**ROMEO**  
**Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest.**

"...something about rest."

**CAPULET**  
**Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone;**  
**We have a trifling foolish banquet towards.**  
**Is it e'en so? why, then, I thank you all**  
**I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night.**  
**More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed.**  
**Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late:**  
**I'll to my rest.**

"EVERYBODY GET THE FUDGE OUT!"

"This party was lame anyway."

"Who let a football headed infant in the party?" Fugaku asked aloud.

**Exeunt all but JULIET and Nurse**

**JULIET**  
**Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman?**

"Nurse who the hell was that?"

**Nurse**  
**The son and heir of old Tiberio.**

"The son of the head of the Montagues."

**JULIET**  
**What's he that now is going out of door**

**Nurse**  
**Marry, that, I think, be young Petrucio.**

"Marriage is on his mind."

**JULIET**  
**What's he that follows there, that would not dance?**

"Why wouldn't he dance?"

**Nurse**  
**I know not.**

"Because he has a really big forehead and often needs assistance walking."

**JULIET**  
**Go ask his name: if he be married.**  
**My grave is like to be my wedding bed.**

"Go ask his name. Apparently my character wants to get married to an older man."

**Nurse**  
**His name is Romeo, and a Montague;**  
**The only son of your great enemy.**

"Romeo. The son of your enemy."

**JULIET**  
**My only love sprung from my only hate!**  
**Too early seen unknown, and known too late!**  
**Prodigious birth of love it is to me,**  
**That I must love a loathed enemy.**

"aww...So close." Sasuke said in mock hurt.

**Nurse**  
**What's this? what's this?**

**JULIET**  
**A rhyme I learn'd even now**  
**Of one I danced withal.**

**One calls within 'Juliet.'**

**Nurse**  
**Anon, anon!**  
**Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone.**

* * *

**INUYONAS: AND SCENE! ACT 1 IS COMPLETE!**

**SAKURA: I THINK I DID A GOOD JOB.**

**SASUKE: YEAH SAKURA...YOU'RE A NATURAL AT PLAYING A GUY...IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN TRY.**

**TAYUYA: I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU SASU-CHAN.**

**SASUKE: TOUCHE...**

**SAKURA: WILL YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH SASUKE-KUN!**

**TAYUYA: WHY WOULD I FLIRT WITH SOMEONE WHOSE SHORTS DON'T COME PASS THEIR KNEES?**

**SASUKE: YEAH AND WHY WOULD I FLIRT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS PROBABLY AS LOOSE AS MY COLLAR?**

**LEE: HELP I CAN'T FIND MY YOUTH!**

**INUYONAS: WHAT THE HELL LEE?**

**LUFFY: GIANT EYEBROWS! I'LL HELP YOU!**

**NARUTO: OI! WHEN IN THE HELL AM I GONNA SHOW UP!**

**INO: YEAH WHEN IS NARU-KUN GONNA SHOW UP?**

**SAKURA: NARU-_KUN_ HUH INO?**

**INO: *BLUSHES* SHUT UP BIG HEAD!**

**SASUKE: NARUTO STOP BITCHING. THE FAN'S FAVORITE ALREADY MADE AN APPEARANCE...ME.**

**NARUTO: YOU ARE NOT THE FAVORITE! I AM!**

**INUYONAS: YOU KNOW THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION. HEY READERS IN YOUR REVIEW CAN YOU LIST YOUR FAVORITE TOP 10 CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC AND ONE HILARIOUS LINE FROM THEM? YOU CAN ALSO TRY AND GUESS WHO WAS WHO IN THIS ASWELL.**


	36. Romeo and Juliet Act 2

AN- ACT 2 BEACHES!

ENJOY AND REVIEW!

* * *

**ACT II**  
**PROLOGUE**

**Enter Chorus**

**Chorus**  
**Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie,**  
**And young affection gapes to be his heir;**  
**That fair for which love groan'd for and would die,**  
**With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair.**  
**Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,**  
**Alike betwitched by the charm of looks,**  
**But to his foe supposed he must complain,**  
**And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:**  
**Being held a foe, he may not have access**  
**To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;**  
**And she as much in love, her means much less**  
**To meet her new-beloved any where:**  
**But passion lends them power, time means, to meet**  
**Tempering extremities with extreme sweet.**

"Romeo wants juliet and juliet wants romeo...but alot of people don't want them together."

**You did well man. Excellent translation.**

"Oh I love english literature. I feel a tingle deep inside that vibrates my skin when I read such eloquent literature...although I don't have skin to feel a tingle with. YOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

**Exit**

**SCENE I. A lane by the wall of Capulet's orchard.**

**Enter ROMEO**

**ROMEO**  
**Can I go forward when my heart is here?**  
**Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.**

"I HAVE TO SEE HER AGAIN!" Sakura said as she gasped for breath because she was running so hard.

**He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it**

**Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Romeo! my cousin Romeo!**

"Stupid pink shithead! Come back!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**He is wise;**  
**And, on my lie, hath stol'n him home to bed.**

"Don't worry Tayuya. She's smart. I mean why the hell do you think her forehead is so huge?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall:**  
**Call, good Mercutio.**

"Did she really leap a wall for some broad?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Nay, I'll conjure too.**  
**Romeo! humours! madman! passion! lover!**  
**Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh:**  
**Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied;**  
**Cry but 'Ay me!' pronounce but 'love' and 'dove;'**  
**Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word,**  
**One nick-name for her purblind son and heir,**  
**Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim,**  
**When King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid!**  
**He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not;**  
**The ape is dead, and I must conjure him.**  
**I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,**  
**By her high forehead and her scarlet lip,**  
**By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh**  
**And the demesnes that there adjacent lie,**  
**That in thy likeness thou appear to us!**

"I'll call her name loudly aswell...FOREHEAD!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**And if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him.**

"Your'e gonna make her mad if you keep doing that Ino."

**MERCUTIO**  
**This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him**  
**To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle**  
**Of some strange nature, letting it there stand**  
**Till she had laid it and conjured it down;**  
**That were some spite: my invocation**  
**Is fair and honest, and in his mistres s' name**  
**I conjure only but to raise up him.**

"That wouldn't make forehead mad. What would make her mad is if her cousin or friend stole the guy she was in love with."

Tayuya shifted nervously.

"Really now..."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Come, he hath hid himself among these trees,**  
**To be consorted with the humorous night:**  
**Blind is his love and best befits the dark.**

"He's hiding in the trees and stalking some girl? Can you say Twilight syndrome?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.**  
**Now will he sit under a medlar tree,**  
**And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit**  
**As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone.**  
**Romeo, that she were, O, that she were**  
**An open et caetera, thou a poperin pear!**  
**Romeo, good night: I'll to my truckle-bed;**  
**This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep:**  
**Come, shall we go?**

"She needs help lets go!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Go, then; for 'tis in vain**  
**To seek him here that means not to be found.**

"You go. If she doesn't want to be found. She won't be found.

**Exeunt**

**SCENE II. Capulet's orchard.**

**Enter ROMEO**

**ROMEO**  
**He jests at scars that never felt a wound.**

**"Um If it is already a scar? How can I not feel a wound? ...Unless It's emotional scarring."**

**JULIET appears above at a window**

Sasuke peeks out the window and sees Someone.

"Oh damnit not another one...LISTEN PAL!" He began yelling out the window. "I'M NOT INTERESTED! OROCHIMARU IS MY BODY GUARD SO IF DON'T YOU WANT AN ASS FULL OF NNJA PENIS YOU WILL GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GODDAMN HOUSE!"

**ROMEO  
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?**  
**It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.**  
**Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,**  
**Who is already sick and pale with grief,**  
**That thou her maid art far more fair than she:**  
**Be not her maid, since she is envious;**  
**Her vestal livery is but sick and green**  
**And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.**  
**It is my lady, O, it is my love!**  
**O, that she knew she were!**  
**She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?**  
**Her eye discourses; I will answer it.**  
**I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:**  
**Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,**  
**Having some business, do entreat her eyes**  
**To twinkle in their spheres till they return.**  
**What if her eyes were there, they in her head?**  
**The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,**  
**As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven**  
**Would through the airy region stream so bright**  
**That birds would sing and think it were not night.**  
**See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!**  
**O, that I were a glove upon that hand,**  
**That I might touch that cheek!**

"SASUKE-KUN IS HOT! SASUKE-KUN WILL GO OUT WITH ME!" Sakura said with hearts in her eyes.

**JULIET**  
**Ay me!**

Sasuke looked out the window at the sound of Sakura's voice and paled.

"NO SASUKE-KUN WON'T, YOU STALKING FOREHEAD!"

**ROMEO**  
**She speaks:**  
**O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art**  
**As glorious to this night, being o'er my head**  
**As is a winged messenger of heaven**  
**Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes**  
**Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him**  
**When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds**  
**And sails upon the bosom of the air.**

"I LOVE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE SASUKE-KUN!"

**JULIET**  
**O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?**  
**Deny thy father and refuse thy name;**  
**Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,**  
**And I'll no longer be a Capulet.**

"SAKURA GET YOUR STALKING OBSSESSED ASS OFF MY GODDAMN PROPERTY YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN! YOU ARE THE REASON FOR COMMERCIALS DURING A REALLY GOOD SHOW! YOU ARE THE REASON PEOPLE STEP ON LEGGOS IN THE DARK! **YOU ARE THE GODDAMN REASON THE WORD USELESS FUCKING EXISTS IN THIS GODDAMN WORLD! I HOPE YOUR XBOX BREAKS!" **Sasuke finished panting from yelling so loud.

**Whoa guy. I'm the only one that can bold around Sasuke.**

"I'm sorry Inuyonas...it's just this useless pink thing..."

**I understand Sasuke. I really do. Just be more Careful**

**ROMEO**  
**[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?**

"SASUKE-KUN WILL MARRY ME!"

**'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;**  
**Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.**  
**What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,**  
**Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part**  
**Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!**  
**What's in a name? that which we call a rose**  
**By any other name would smell as sweet;**  
**So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,**  
**Retain that dear perfection which he owes**  
**Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,**  
**And for that name which is no part of thee**  
**Take all myself.**

"YOU BIG HEADED DUMBASS! I WILL NEVER MARRY YOU! YOUR FOREHEAD IS SO GODDAMN BIG! YOUR HAIRLINE IS SO DAMN FAR BACK THAT IT'S IN YOUR BACK FUCKING POCKET! YOUR BREATH IS HOTTER THAN MY GIANT FIREBALL JUTSU! YOUR SHORT HAIR MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A LESBO! WHY ARE YOUR PANTS SO TIGHT? YOU DON'T HAVE AN ASS! YOU FLAT CHESTED FLAT BOOTY BITCH! YOUR BODY IS LIKE A LOWER CASE "L"."

**ROMEO**  
**I take thee at thy word:**  
**Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;**  
**Henceforth I never will be Romeo.**

"Sasuke I know your family has fed you lies about my family but don't believe them. Our love will conquer all! CHA!"

**JULIET**  
**What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night**  
**So stumblest on my counsel?**

"MY FAMILY IS DEAD YOU CLUELESS PINK CUM STAIN!"

**ROMEO**  
**By a name**  
**I know not how to tell thee who I am:**  
**My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,**  
**Because it is an enemy to thee;**  
**Had I it written, I would tear the word.**

"Curse my name. It is the only thing that might sand in the way of our love." Sakura said completely ignoring Sasuke.

**JULIET**  
**My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words**  
**Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:**  
**Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?**

"YOU PINK ABOMINATION WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE! GET YOUR DESPARATE BUM ASS OFF MY GODDAMN PROPERTY! RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!"

**ROMEO**  
**Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.**

"I can be whoever you like Sasuke-kun." Sakura said smiling sweetly at the seething Sasuke.

**JULIET**  
**How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?**  
**The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,**  
**And the place death, considering who thou art,**  
**If any of my kinsmen find thee here.**

"IF THATS THE FUCKING CASE I WANT YOU TO BE GONE FROM MY FUCKING HOUSE! RESPECT MY GODDAMN AUTHORITAAH!"

**ROMEO**  
**With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;**  
**For stony limits cannot hold love out,**  
**And what love can do that dares love attempt;**  
**Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.**

"I climbed your walls to get to you Sasuke." Sakura said innocently.

**JULIET**  
**If they do see thee, they will murder thee.**

Sasuke turned around and began to yell in his house.

"OI MOM! I TOLD YOU TO SAKURA PROOF THE PROPERTY! I WANNA PICTURE OF NARUTO'S FACE ON THAT STONEWALL ON THE GODDAMN DOUBLE!"

**ROMEO**  
**Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye**  
**Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,**  
**And I am proof against their enmity.**

"I'm a good person. SO I don't see why your family would hate me personally."

**JULIET**  
**I would not for the world they saw thee here.**

"SCREW MY FAMILY! **I **DON'T WANT YOU HERE YOU DUMB AIRHEADED SLUT!"

**ROMEO**  
**I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;**  
**And but thou love me, let them find me here:**  
**My life were better ended by their hate,**  
**Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.**

"Awww. You are worried about my safety."

Sasuke popped a blood vessel in his eye because she was making him so mad. So now one eye was all red. His vision just got a tad bit darker.

**JULIET**  
**By whose direction found'st thou out this place?**

"WHO TOLD YOU WHERE THE FUCK I LIVE! I'M GONNA HANG THEIR STUPID ASS!"

**ROMEO**  
**By love, who first did prompt me to inquire;**  
**He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.**  
**I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far**  
**As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,**  
**I would adventure for such merchandise.**

"Oh Sasuke-kun. It was my love for you that guided me to you."

"I'M GONNA HANG YOUR GODDAMN LOVE BY IT'S GODDAMN THROAT GODDAMNIT!

**JULIET**  
**Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,**  
**Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek**  
**For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night**  
**Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny**  
**What I have spoke: but farewell compliment!**  
**Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,'**  
**And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st,**  
**Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries**  
**Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,**  
**If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:**  
**Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,**  
**I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay,**  
**So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.**  
**In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,**  
**And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:**  
**But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true**  
**Than those that have more cunning to be strange.**  
**I should have been more strange, I must confess,**  
**But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,**  
**My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,**  
**And not impute this yielding to light love,**  
**Which the dark night hath so discovered.**

**ROMEO**  
**Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear**  
**That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops**

"Oh Sasuke-kun...My love for you is like the moon. It will last forever."

**JULIET**  
**O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,**  
**That monthly changes in her circled orb,**  
**Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.**

"DON'T YOU THREATEN ME LIKE THAT!"

**ROMEO**  
**What shall I swear by?**

"Then what do you want me to say to let you know I love you?"

**JULIET**  
**Do not swear at all;**  
**Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self**

"BITCH! DON'T SAY SHIT!"

**ROMEO**  
**If my heart's dear love-**

"I love you Sasuke-kun. You're so awesome-"

**JULIET**  
**Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,**  
**I have no joy of this contract to-night:**  
**It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;**  
**Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be**  
**Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!**  
**This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,**  
**May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.**  
**Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest**  
**Come to thy heart as that within my breast!**

"BITCH DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY GODDAMN MOUTH? I SAID BITCH DON'T SAY SHIT! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

**ROMEO**  
**O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?**

"Aren't you gonna say you love me back Sasuke-kun?"

**JULIET**  
**What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?**

"I DON'T LOVE MEN!"

**ROMEO**  
**The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.**

"But for us to be married you have to say it Sasuke baby."

**JULIET**  
**I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:**  
**And yet I would it were to give again.**

"YOU DUNDER HEADED DUMB PINK HEADED BLONDE, I AM NOT MARRYING- **BITCH DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABY!"**

**Hey what did I say about bolding damnit!**

**ROMEO**  
**Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?**

*GASP* "SO YOU DO LOVE ME SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura exclaimed hugging herself with hearts in her eyes.

**JULIET**  
**But to be frank, and give it thee again.**  
**And yet I wish but for the thing I have:**  
**My bounty is as boundless as the sea,**  
**My love as deep; the more I give to thee,**  
**The more I have, for both are infinite.**

Sasuke 's anger was so intense hewas foaming at the mouth.

**Nurse calls within**

"Sasuke!" Shizune yelled.

**I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!**  
**Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.**  
**Stay but a little, I will come again.**

"THANK GOD!" He said ninja dashing in the house.

**Exit, above**

**ROMEO**  
**O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.**  
**Being in night, all this is but a dream,**  
**Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.**

"Good night Sasuke-kun!"

**Re-enter JULIET, above**

**JULIET**  
**Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.**  
**If that thy bent of love be honourable,**  
**Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow,**  
**By one that I'll procure to come to thee,**  
**Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;**  
**And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay**  
**And follow thee my lord throughout the world.**

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

**Nurse**  
**[Within] Madam!**

"Madam!"

"I'm not a madam Shizune."

"Apparently in about every chapter you are."

**JULIET**  
**I come, anon.-But if thou mean'st not well,**  
**I do beseech thee-**

Sasuke yells from inside his house.

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY GODDAMN PROPERTY! RESPECT MY MOTHER FUCKING AUTHOORITAAAH!"

**Nurse**  
**[Within] Madam!**

"SASUKE!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE DAMN YOU!"

_**SLAP!**_

Shizune back handed Sasuke.

"YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF HARUNO!" She screamed.

**JULIET**  
**By and by, I come:-**  
**To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:**  
**To-morrow will I send.**

**ROMEO**  
**So thrive my soul-**

"...Sasuke-kun I want it so deep that I feel it in my soul!"

O_o

"WANT WHAT?" Sasuke screamed from the house.

**JULIET**  
**A thousand times good night!**

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

**Exit, above**

**ROMEO**  
**A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.**  
**Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from**  
**their books,**  
**But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.**

"Oh...He loves me." She said softly.

**Retiring**

**Re-enter JULIET, above**

**JULIET**  
**Hist! Romeo, hist! O, for a falconer's voice,**  
**To lure this tassel-gentle back again!**  
**Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud;**  
**Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies,**  
**And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine,**  
**With repetition of my Romeo's name.**

"BITCH YOU'RE STILL HERE! NURSE GET THE GODDAMN BUG SPRAY!"

**ROMEO**  
**It is my soul that calls upon my name:**  
**How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,**  
**Like softest music to attending ears!**

"YOU CAME TO SEE ME AGAIN SASUKE! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!"

**JULIET**  
**Romeo!**

"THAT'S IT!"

The chidori came to life in Sasuke's right hand as he hopped over the railing.

**ROMEO**  
**My dear?**

"Oh Sasuke! You love me so much that the spark of your love is actually visible and is in your right hand!"

Sasuke smirked. _'I'm about to love the shit out of you then.'_

**JULIET**  
**At what o'clock to-morrow**  
**Shall I send to thee?**

Sasuke lands and slaps her with his chidori sending her flying backwards against the wall.

"Did you feel my spark of love Sakura?" Sasuke asked sarcastically hoping for her to finally understand his feelings.

She hit the wall and bounced off of it, stumbling forward a bit before regaining her footing. Her head was downcast.

She lifted it and was beaming at Sasuke.

"YES SASUKE-KUN I FINALLY FEEL IT!"

His eye brow twitched.

He lunged forward.

**ROMEO**  
**At the hour of nine.**

The sparks of Sasuke's love aswell as his grunts from punching with his Chidori and Sakura's pain filled cries of pleasure could be heard by Shizune all the way up in the house.

**JULIET**  
**I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.**  
**I have forgot why I did call thee back.**

Of course when Shizzune heard Sasuke grunt, and Sakura scream "YES!" her mind starting putting two and two together.

She blushed at her thoughts.

**ROMEO**  
**Let me stand here till thou remember it.**

Shizune's face was getting redder by the second because of what she thought Sasuke and Sakura was doing.

**JULIET**  
**I shall forget, to have thee still stand there,**  
**Remembering how I love thy company.**

This time Shizune quirked an eyebrow.

Did Sakura just tell him to smack her around harder?

**ROMEO**  
**And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget,**  
**Forgetting any other home but this.**

Shizune quirked anothe reyebrow.

Was that an explosion?

Oh who was she to judge? The last time she had a romp was back when...well let's just say Certain people didn't have a scar on his face yet.

**JULIET**  
**'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone:**  
**And yet no further than a wanton's bird;**  
**Who lets it hop a little from her hand,**  
**Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,**  
**And with a silk thread plucks it back again,**  
**So loving-jealous of his liberty.**

Shizune would never be able to look at Sasuke again.

They had been at it for a couple of hours now.

She wondered how Sasuke had that much stamina. Then started to imagine Sasuke...and her...in compromising positions.

_'Bad shizune!...Bad!' _She scolded herself.

**ROMEO**  
**I would I were thy bird.**

**JULIET**  
**Sweet, so would I:**  
**Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.**  
**Good night, good night! parting is such**  
**sweet sorrow,**  
**That I shall say good night till it be morrow.**

Sasuke leapt back up to the balcony ledge.

Shizune looked at him and immediately blushed. He had a scowl on his face and his Sharingan activated.

He hopped off the ledge and walked passed Shizune, her eyes still glued to his face. He muttered something as he walked passed her.

Her brained registered his muttering as: She can't ride correctly.

But inn reality he said :She can't die correctly.

Needless to say Shizune passed out right then and there with a little blood coming from her nostril.

**Exit above**

**ROMEO**  
**Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!**  
**Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!**  
**Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell,**  
**His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.**

Sakura lay on the ground beat up, cut up and dirty as hellbut, strangely enough the smile she flashed Sasuke after she hit the wall was still on her face.

"That...was...INCREDIBLE!" Sakura shouted.

**Exit**

**SCENE III. Friar Laurence's cell.**

**Enter FRIAR LAURENCE, with a basket**

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**The grey-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night,**  
**Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light,**  
**And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels**  
**From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels:**  
**Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye,**  
**The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry,**  
**I must up-fill this osier cage of ours**  
**With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers.**  
**The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb;**  
**What is her burying grave that is her womb,**  
**And from her womb children of divers kind**  
**We sucking on her natural bosom find,**  
**Many for many virtues excellent,**  
**None but for some and yet all different.**  
**O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies**  
**In herbs, plants, stones, and their true qualities:**  
**For nought so vile that on the earth doth live**  
**But to the earth some special good doth give,**  
**Nor aught so good but strain'd from that fair use**  
**Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse:**  
**Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied;**  
**And vice sometimes by action dignified.**  
**Within the infant rind of this small flower**  
**Poison hath residence and medicine power:**  
**For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part;**  
**Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart.**  
**Two such opposed kings encamp them still**  
**In man as well as herbs, grace and rude will;**  
**And where the worser is predominant,**  
**Full soon the canker death eats up that plant.**

"I WANNA BE, THE VERY BEST...THAT NO ONE EVER WAS! DUN DUN DUN, TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST, TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE! I'LL TRAVEL CROSS THE LAND, SEARCHING FAR AND WIDE! DUN DUN DUN FOR POKEMON TO UNDERSTAND, THE POWER THAT'S INSIDE! POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH A BALL!-"

**NARUTO!**

"What?" He asked innocently as if he hadn't ignored his line.

**Translate your damn line. And for the record it's 'Gotta catch em' all' not 'gotta catch a ball.'**

"Says you."

**Enter ROMEO**

**ROMEO**  
**Good morrow, father.**

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Benedicite!**  
**What early tongue so sweet saluteth me?**  
**Young son, it argues a distemper'd head**  
**So soon to bid good morrow to thy bed:**  
**Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye,**  
**And where care lodges, sleep will never lie;**  
**But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain**  
**Doth couch his limbs, there golden sleep doth reign:**  
**Therefore thy earliness doth me assure**  
**Thou art up-roused by some distemperature;**  
**Or if not so, then here I hit it right,**  
**Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.**

"HIIII SAKURA-CHAN!"

**ROMEO**  
**That last is true; the sweeter rest was mine.**

"Hey Naruto." She said sweetly causing our whisker blonde to blush.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**God pardon sin! wast thou with Rosaline?**

"Hey you look like you just a wonderful time. Were you with Bushy brows?" Naruto said wiggling his eyebrow suggestively.

**ROMEO**  
**With Rosaline, my ghostly father? no;**  
**I have forgot that name, and that name's woe.**

"Oh Kami no."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**That's my good son: but where hast thou been, then?**

"Really? Where were you then?"

**ROMEO**  
**I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again.**  
**I have been feasting with mine enemy,**  
**Where on a sudden one hath wounded me,**  
**That's by me wounded: both our remedies**  
**Within thy help and holy physic lies:**  
**I bear no hatred, blessed man, for, lo,**  
**My intercession likewise steads my foe.**

"I was with the love of my life Naruto. My future partner. My heart and soul's other half."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift;**  
**Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift.**

Naruto sweated nervously. He didn't wat Sakura to yell at him for being slow, but he didn't know who the hell Sakura was talkign about.

**ROMEO**  
**Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set**  
**On the fair daughter of rich Capulet:**  
**As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine;**  
**And all combined, save what thou must combine**  
**By holy marriage: when and where and how**  
**We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow,**  
**I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray,**  
**That thou consent to marry us to-day.**

"I was with Juliet."

Naruto's eyes widened.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here!**  
**Is Rosaline, whom thou didst love so dear,**  
**So soon forsaken? young men's love then lies**  
**Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.**  
**Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine**  
**Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline!**  
**How much salt water thrown away in waste,**  
**To season love, that of it doth not taste!**  
**The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears,**  
**Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears;**  
**Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit**  
**Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet:**  
**If e'er thou wast thyself and these woes thine,**  
**Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline:**  
**And art thou changed? pronounce this sentence then,**  
**Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.**

"Really now?" Naruto was never gonna let Sasuke live this down. All those insults to Sakura and he turns around and spins time with her? Oh this was the blackest of blackmail.

**ROMEO**  
**Thou chid'st me oft for loving Rosaline.**

"He made me forget about Lee Naruto."

"Forget about who now?"

"Um...I forget who we were discussing."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**For doting, not for loving, pupil mine.**

"Do you love him?" Naruto asked seriously.

**ROMEO**  
**And bad'st me bury love.**

"Yes, and he loves me aswell!"

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Not in a grave,**  
**To lay one in, another out to have.**

Naruto smiled. "I hope you guys have a wonderful relationship.

**ROMEO**  
**I pray thee, chide not; she whom I love now**  
**Doth grace for grace and love for love allow;**  
**The other did not so.**

"Oh we are. I can tell by the way he fisted me." It technically wasn't a lie. Sasuke did fist her...just in the face instead of where people normally think fisting happens.

_'...?' _Naruto just smiled and nodded

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**O, she knew well**  
**Thy love did read by rote and could not spell.**  
**But come, young waverer, come, go with me,**  
**In one respect I'll thy assistant be;**  
**For this alliance may so happy prove,**  
**To turn your households' rancour to pure love.**

"You know what Sakura-chan? I'll help you out by supporting your love."

**ROMEO**  
**O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.**

"Oh Really!" SHe said happily.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.**

"Yep so what are we doing standing here. Let's go!"

**Exeunt**

**SCENE IV. A street.**

**Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO**

Ino and Tayuya still searched for Sakura.

**MERCUTIO**  
**Where the devil should this Romeo be?**  
**Came he not home to-night?**

"Where the hell is Sakura? Did she lean forward to far and the weight of her forehead propell her head first into the ground so far that not any part of her body is visible?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.**

Tayuya blinked. "You have an imagination on you. And I don't know where the big headed shithead is. She's not at home."

**MERCUTIO**  
**Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.**  
**Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.**

"Man screw Lee! He's so lame!"

"Where did that come from Ino?"

"I don't know. ...I honestly do not know."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,**  
**Hath sent a letter to his father's house.**

"Wait Tybalt has sent a letter to Sakura's father's house.!"

"How do you knowTayuya?"

"I don't know...I honestly do not know."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Romeo will answer it.**

"I bet Sakura will answer it. The shit head has a temper you know."

"I'm sorry tayuya but can you please stop saying shithead?"

"Can you stop being a blonde?"

"...touche."

**MERCUTIO**  
**Any man that can write may answer a letter.**

"Tayuya anybody can answer a letter."

**BENVOLIO**  
**Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he**  
**dares, being dared.**

"No he will confront tybalt, shit head."

**MERCUTIO**  
**Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a**  
**white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a**  
**love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the**  
**blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to**  
**encounter Tybalt?**

"Oh but Sakura is already heart broken. But I don't think that's gonna stop her. But is she the person to confront tybalt?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Why, what is Tybalt?**

"Why, what is tybalt? And who is Tybalt again?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is**  
**the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as**  
**you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and**  
**proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and**  
**the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk**  
**button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the**  
**very first house, of the first and second cause:**  
**ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the**  
**hai!**

"The what?"

**BENVOLIO**  
**The what?**

"The what?"

"I just asked you that Tayuya."

"How should I know what the hell you mean? You are the one who is suppose to translate it.

**MERCUTIO**  
**The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting**  
**fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,**  
**a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good**  
**whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,**  
**grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with**  
**these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these**  
**perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,**  
**that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their**  
**bones, their bones!**

"I think I'm insulting someone.."

**Enter ROMEO**

**BENVOLIO**  
**Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.**

"Here comes the pink shit head!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,**  
**how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers**  
**that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a**  
**kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to**  
**be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;**  
**Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey**  
**eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior**  
**Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation**  
**to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit**  
**fairly last night.**

"God I talk alot."

**ROMEO**  
**Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?**

Oh my god Ino You'll never guess who I was with girl!" Sakura squealed and jumped right in front of Ino.

**MERCUTIO**  
**The ship, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?**

"Giirrrl, who girrrl?"

**ROMEO**  
**Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in**  
**such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.**

"Giiirrrl Juliet Giirrrl!"

Tayuya's ear twitched.

**MERCUTIO**  
**That's as much as to say, such a case as yours**  
**constrains a man to bow in the hams.**

"Giiirrrl what went down giirrrl!"

**ROMEO**  
**Meaning, to court'sy.**

"Giirrrl can you believe?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Thou hast most kindly hit it.**

"For real giiirrrl?"

**ROMEO**  
**A most courteous exposition.**

"I KNOW GIIRRRL! AND GUESS WHAT I DID GIIIRRRL?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.**

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T GIIRRRL!"

**ROMEO**  
**Pink for flower.**

"YES GIIRRRL! AND THEN HE ACTUALLY!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Right.**

"GIIIRRRL WHAT!

**ROMEO**  
**Why, then is my pump well flowered.**

"GIIRRRL I KNOW RIGHT!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast**  
**worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it**  
**is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.**

"GIIRRRL DID HE?"

**ROMEO**  
**O single-soled jest, solely singular for the**  
**singleness.**

Sakura snapped her fingers three times at random before answering.

"GIRRRL YES!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.**

"GIIRRRL WHAT ABOUT WHEN?"

**ROMEO**  
**Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.**

"OH GIIRRRLL YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have**  
**done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of**  
**thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:**  
**was I with you there for the goose?**

"GIIIRRRL TELL ME!"

**ROMEO**  
**Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast**  
**not there for the goose"**

"GIIRRRLL!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.**

"GIIIIRRRL?"

**ROMEO**  
**Nay, good goose, bite not.**

"GIIIRRLL WHEN I TELL YOU THAT!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most**  
**sharp sauce.**

"GIIIIRRRL FOR REAL?"

**ROMEO**  
**And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?**

"GIIRRL!"

**MERCUTIO**  
**O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an**  
**inch narrow to an ell broad!**

"GIIIRRL!"

**ROMEO**  
**I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added**  
**to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.**

"GIIIRRRL?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?**  
**now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art**  
**thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:**  
**for this drivelling love is like a great natural,**  
**that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.**

"GIIIIRRL!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Stop there, stop there.**

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO SHIT FOR HEADS TALKING ABOUT! YOU SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OF GODDAMN FUCKING FAN-SLUTS!"

Apparently Tayuya had enough of not understanding Ino and Sakura.

**MERCUTIO**  
**Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.**

"Oh Sorry Tayuya. We just got so caught up..." Ino said sheepishly.

**BENVOLIO**  
**Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.**

"Just don't let it happen again."

**MERCUTIO**  
**O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:**  
**for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and**  
**meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.**

"Hehehe..." Ino nodded dumbly.

**ROMEO**  
**Here's goodly gear!**

"I wonder who is coming now."

**Enter Nurse and PETER**

**MERCUTIO**  
**A sail, a sail!**

"Oh look it's Shizune!"

**BENVOLIO**  
**Two, two; a shirt and a smock.**

"And the dog shit head."

**Nurse**  
**Peter!**

"Peter!"

**PETER**  
**Anon!**

"What does anon mean?" Kiba asked.

**Nurse**  
**My fan, Peter.**

"Go get my fan Kiba." Shizune ordered.

**MERCUTIO**  
**Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the**  
**fairer face.**

"Am I insulting someone?"

**Nurse**  
**God ye good morrow, gentlemen.**

"Hello everyone."

**MERCUTIO**  
**God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.**

"Hi SHizune!" Ino said enthusiastically.

**Nurse**  
**Is it good den?**

"Is everyone well?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the**  
**dial is now upon the prick of noon.**

"It's noon now."

**Nurse**  
**Out upon you! what a man are you!**

"What kind of man are you Ino!"

**ROMEO**  
**One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to**  
**mar.**

Sakura took up for her friend. "The kind that Kami herself likes!"

**Nurse**  
**By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'**  
**quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I**  
**may find the young Romeo?**

"Where is young Romeo?" Shizune said.

**ROMEO**  
**I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when**  
**you have found him than he was when you sought him:**  
**I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.**

Sakura smiled slyly.

"I know who she is but When you meet her she's gonna be alot prettier than you think."

Shizune blinked.

"I am Romeo." Sakura smiling and mentally patting herself on the back.

**Nurse**  
**You say well.**

"Really?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;**  
**wisely, wisely.**

"Choose your next words carefully."

**Nurse**  
**if you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with**  
**you.**

"Well if you are Romeo I want to speak with you alone."

**BENVOLIO**  
**She will indite him to some supper.**

"Why so you can kill her!" Tayuya accused.

**MERCUTIO**  
**A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!**

"Someone is a bald hoe?"

**ROMEO**  
**What hast thou found?**

"What have you got to say to me?"

**MERCUTIO**  
**No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,**  
**that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.**

"I...I don't know what's going on.."

**Sings**

"Now I have to sing?"

**Yes Now sing.**

"No."

**Why not, saving your voice for someone special? A fellow blonde perhaps?**

Ino blushed.

Then to prove Inuyonas wrong she began to sing.

**An old hare hoar,**  
**And an old hare hoar,**  
**Is very good meat in lent**  
**But a hare that is hoar**  
**Is too much for a score,**  
**When it hoars ere it be spent.**  
**Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll**  
**to dinner, thither.**

**ROMEO**  
**I will follow you.**

"Ino you have the most wonderful voice." Sakura said in awe.

**MERCUTIO**  
**Farewell, ancient lady; farewell,**

"Bye ancient lady!"

A tick mark formed on Shizune's face.

**Singing**

**'lady, lady, lady.'**

**Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO**

**Nurse**  
**Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy**  
**merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?**

"What merchant was this? Whatever this is?"

**ROMEO**  
**A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,**  
**and will speak more in a minute than he will stand**  
**to in a month.**

"Someone that can't shutup."

**Nurse**  
**An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him**  
**down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such**  
**Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.**  
**Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am**  
**none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by**  
**too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?**

"Apparently either I want Iruka or Iruka wants me..."

**PETER**  
**I saw no man use you a pleasure; if I had, my weapon**  
**should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare**  
**draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a**  
**good quarrel, and the law on my side.**

"Where did Iruka-sensei's name come from?" Kiba asked.

**Nurse**  
**Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about**  
**me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:**  
**and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you**  
**out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:**  
**but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into**  
**a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross**  
**kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman**  
**is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double**  
**with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered**  
**to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.**

"Oops, Did I say Iruka? Hehehe.." Shizune chuckled nervously.

**ROMEO**  
**Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I**  
**protest unto thee-**

"Tell Sasuke-kun that I am for him."

**Nurse**  
**Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:**  
**Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.**

Shizune blushed remembering what She thought Sasuke and Sakura were doing. "I-I will."

**ROMEO**  
**What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.**

"What exactly are you gonna say?"

**Nurse**  
**I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as**  
**I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.**

SHizune's face resembled a tomato. "I-I'll tell him...uh...some good things."

**ROMEO**  
**Bid her devise**  
**Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;**  
**And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell**  
**Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.**

"Tell her to meet me somewhere."

**Nurse**  
**No truly sir; not a penny.**

"I don't want a penny."

**ROMEO**  
**Go to; I say you shall.**

"Apparently you do."

**Nurse**  
**This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.**

"Ok she will meet you."

**ROMEO**  
**And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:**  
**Within this hour my man shall be with thee**  
**And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;**  
**Which to the high top-gallant of my joy**  
**Must be my convoy in the secret night.**  
**Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:**  
**Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.**

"Ok well don't tell anybody, and stay where you are. It has to be a secret."

**Nurse**  
**Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.**

"Oh Kami bless, kami bless. Hark you!"

"What's hark you?"

**ROMEO**  
**What say'st thou, my dear nurse?**

**Nurse**  
**Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,**  
**Two may keep counsel, putting one away?**

"Is your man trust worthy?"

**ROMEO**  
**I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.**

"Yes."

**NURSE**  
**Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady-Lord,**  
**Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:-O, there**  
**is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain**  
**lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief**  
**see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her**  
**sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer**  
**man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks**  
**as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not**  
**rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?**

"My mistress is so wonderful .Doesn't Lee and Sakura begin with two different letters?"

**ROMEO**  
**Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.**

"Yes...?"

**Nurse**  
**Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for**  
**the-No; I know it begins with some other**  
**letter:-and she hath the prettiest sententious of**  
**it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good**  
**to hear it.**

**ROMEO**  
**Commend me to thy lady.**

"Look just commend me to your lady."

**Nurse**  
**Ay, a thousand times.**

"Alright."

**Exit Romeo**

**Peter!**

**PETER**  
**Anon!**

"What am I saying?" Kiba asked himself.

**Nurse**  
**Peter, take my fan, and go before and apace.**

"You know the drill."

**Exeunt**

**SCENE V. Capulet's orchard.**

**Enter JULIET**  
**JULIET**  
**The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse;**  
**In half an hour she promised to return.**  
**Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so.**  
**O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts,**  
**Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams,**  
**Driving back shadows over louring hills:**  
**Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love,**  
**And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings.**  
**Now is the sun upon the highmost hill**  
**Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve**  
**Is three long hours, yet she is not come.**  
**Had she affections and warm youthful blood,**  
**She would be as swift in motion as a ball;**  
**My words would bandy her to my sweet love,**  
**And his to me:**  
**But old folks, many feign as they were dead;**  
**Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead.**  
**O God, she comes!**

"Man I knew I should have never sent Shizune out of the kitchen and now she's taking so long. I took her out of her element. Women should always stay in the kitchen."

**Enter Nurse and PETER**

**O honey nurse, what news?**  
**Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.**

"SHizune what took you so damn long!" Sasuke yelled.

**Nurse**  
**Peter, stay at the gate.**

"Kiba stay at the gate."

Kiba shrugged. "Come on Akamaru let's go read Hana's diary some more and find out more about this Orange Shinobi...(Reference from an earlier chapter.)

**Exit PETER**

**JULIET**  
**Now, good sweet nurse,-O Lord, why look'st thou sad?**  
**Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily;**  
**If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news**  
**By playing it to me with so sour a face.**

"Shizune whats with the face?"

**Nurse**  
**I am a-weary, give me leave awhile:**  
**Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!**

"Shut up. I'm tired. I need to get back into shape."

**JULIET**  
**I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news:**  
**Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak.**

"See if you were everyone's favorite character in this fic like me, then you wouldn't get tired."

**Nurse**  
**Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile?**  
**Do you not see that I am out of breath?**

"Goddamnit Sasuke, didn't I just tell you I'm out of breath? And you are not everyone's favorite. I think Naruto is."

**JULIET**  
**How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath**  
**To say to me that thou art out of breath?**  
**The excuse that thou dost make in this delay**  
**Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse.**  
**Is thy news good, or bad? answer to that;**  
**Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance:**  
**Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad?**

"Shizune you can't be out of breath if you are able to speak. And there is no way in hell the dobe is more popular than I am."

**Nurse**  
**Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not**  
**how to choose a man: Romeo! no, not he; though his**  
**face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels**  
**all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body,**  
**though they be not to be talked on, yet they are**  
**past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy,**  
**but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy**  
**ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home?**

"Sakura is Prettier than anygirl although she is not the most gentle. But I still will support your love."

**JULIET**  
**No, no: but all this did I know before.**  
**What says he of our marriage? what of that?**

"Who gives a shit and a half about Sakura?"

**Nurse**  
**Lord, how my head aches! what a head ha****ve I!**  
**It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces.**  
**My back o' t' other side,-O, my back, my back!**  
**Beshrew your heart for sending me about,**  
**To catch my death with jaunting up and down!**

"She loves you even though Naruto is the favorite character."

**JULIET**  
**I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well.**  
**Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?**

"Dobe is not the favorite! I am!"

**Nurse**  
**Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a**  
**courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I**  
**warrant, a virtuous,-Where is your mother?**

"SOmeone's jealous." Shizune said smirking.

**JULIET**  
**Where is my mother! why, she is within;**  
**Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest!**  
**'Your love says, like an honest gentleman,**  
**Where is your mother?'**

"Am not! I'm gonna tell mommy dearest on you!"

**Nurse**  
**O God's lady dear!**  
**Are you so hot? marry, come up, I trow;**  
**Is this the poultice for my aching bones?**  
**Henceforward do your messages yourself.**

"See this is why you are not the favorite. You are a mommy's boy."

**JULIET**  
**Here's such a coil! come, what says Romeo?**

"...Get back to the damn kitchen."

**Nurse**  
**Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day?**

"Cry baby cry baby!" Shizune mocked.

**JULIET**  
**I have.**

"KITCHEN. NOW DAMNIT!"

**Nurse**  
**Then hie you hence to Friar Laurence' cell;**  
**There stays a husband to make you a wife:**  
**Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks,**  
**They'll be in scarlet straight at any news.**  
**Hie you to church; I must another way,**  
**To fetch a ladder, by the which your love**  
**Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark:**  
**I am the drudge and toil in your delight,**  
**But you shall bear the burden soon at night.**  
**Go; I'll to dinner: hie you to the cell.**

"NA-NANA-NA!" She teased while running away. She stuck her tongue out.

**JULIET**  
**Hie to high fortune! Honest nurse, farewell.**

"PUT THAT TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH, IRUKA'S PENIS IS NOWHERE NEAR HERE!"

**Exeunt**

**SCENE VI. Friar Laurence's cell.**

**Enter FRIAR LAURENCE and ROMEO**

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**So smile the heavens upon this holy act,**  
**That after hours with sorrow chide us not!**

"WE ARE FIGHTING DREAMERS! LALALALALALALALA FIGHTER DREAMERS LALALALALALALALA FIGHTING DREAMERS LALALALALALALALALALALA OYIYOYIYOYIOYIO JUST GO MY WAY! RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW HA! "

**NARUTO!**

"What?" He said innocently. Like he didn't just piss me off again.

**Translate damnit!**

"Ok ok..."

"We are good and Ramen is the food of the Gods."

**ROMEO**  
**Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,**  
**It cannot countervail the exchange of joy**  
**That one short minute gives me in her sight:**  
**Do thou but close our hands with holy words,**  
**Then love-devouring death do what he dare;**  
**It is enough I may but call her mine.**

"Oh Naruto-kun I want to marry him."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**These violent delights have violent ends**  
**And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,**  
**Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey**  
**Is loathsome in his own deliciousness**  
**And in the taste confounds the appetite:**  
**Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;**  
**Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.**

"Die hard, Love does sometimes. Inception, Romeo must die."

**THOSE ARE MOVIE TITLES DAMNIT!**

"Alright alright..."

**Enter JULIET**

**Here comes the lady: O, so light a foot**  
**Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint:**  
**A lover may bestride the gossamer**  
**That idles in the wanton summer air,**  
**And yet not fall; so light is vanity.**

"THERE HE IS! HIIIII SASUKE-KUN!"

**JULIET**  
**Good even to my ghostly confessor.**

"OH how I wish you were a ghost."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Romeo shall thank thee, daughter, for us both.**

"Oi Sasuke thank me!"

**JULIET**  
**As much to him, else is his thanks too much.**

"For what? Being useless? Oh wait that's Sakura.."

**ROMEO**  
**Ah, Juliet, if the measure of thy joy**  
**Be heap'd like mine and that thy skill be more**  
**To blazon it, then sweeten with thy breath**  
**This neighbour air, and let rich music's tongue**  
**Unfold the imagined happiness that both**  
**Receive in either by this dear encounter.**

"Sasuke-kun I love you so much..."

**JULIET**  
**Conceit, more rich in matter than in words,**  
**Brags of his substance, not of ornament:**  
**They are but beggars that can count their worth;**  
**But my true love is grown to such excess**  
**I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth.**

"Sakura I don't want you to misunderstand this, but I don't know how to say it to you so I will just let first five words of this sentence explain how I feel about you."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**  
**Come, come with me, and we will make short work;**  
**For, by your leaves, you shall not stay alone**  
**Till holy church incorporate two in one.**

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE...MAKE IT DOUBLE...TO-"

**GODDAMNIT NARUTO!**

**ExeuntPersonae**

* * *

**AN-**

**INUYONAS: AND SCENE! ACT 2 IS COMPLETE!**

**TAYUYA: WE DID AN AWEESOME JOB RIGHT?**

**INU: YEAH YOU DID. i WOULD SAY THAT YOU TAYUYA ARE QUICKLY BECOMING A FAN FAVORITE.**

**SASUKE: BUT SHE ISN'T THE FAVORITE LIKE ME**

**NARUTO:YOU MEAN ME RIGHT SASUKE?**

**SASUKE: THAT'S WHAT I SAID...ME**

**INUYONAS: WHY THE REVIEWERS TELL US WHO THEY LIKE MORE IN THIS FIC...NARUTO OR SASUKE...AND GIVE THE MOST EPIC NARUTO OR SASUKE LINES FROM THIS FIC...**


	37. Elementary school filler part 1

INUYONAS: WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN! THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. THE IMPORTANT THING IS I'M BACK! WITH A NEW CHAPTER! LETS GIVE OUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS A LITTE BREAK FROM SHAKESPEARE. AFTER THIS CHAPTER, WILL BE ACT 3 AND ACT 4...IN THAT ORDER.

TAYUYA: THANK FUCKIN GOD! I WAS TIRED OF TALKING LIKE THAT.

INO: I KNOW! I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ANYONE WAS SAYING...

SASUKE: HEY WHEN ARE WE GONNA AGE? I'M TIRED OF BEING 13.

NARUTO: YEAH IM TIRED OF BEING SHORT.

SASUKE: YEAH SAKURA'S TIRED OF BEING USELESS.

SAKURA: OOOOH...SASUKE-KUN...

INUYONAS: OK OK YOU GUYS CAN AGE 3 YEARS. ...after this filler...happy?

NARUTO: I'M NOT HAPPY. I'M NARUTO. DO I LOOK LIKE HAPPY? DO I LOOK LIKE A TALKING CAT THAT CAN SOMETIMES FLY? HUH?

SASUKE: YEAH AND SINCE ME AND NARUTO ALWAYS HANG OUT, DO I LOOK LIKE NATSU? DO I HAVE USELESS PINK HAIR?

TAYUYA: WHY IS THE HAIR USELESS?

SASUKE: BECAUSE SAKURA HAS IT.

INUYONAS: NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO I PRESENT TO YOU

Elementary filler.

* * *

"Ino Yamanaka."

"Here!" Said a six year old blonde girl.

"Chouji Akimichi. And stop eating."

"(NOM)here(NOM)" Said a six year child in the early stages of obesity.

"Shikamaru Nara."

"...Huh?" Said a six year child with symptoms of a sleep disorder.

"Good enough. Shino Aburame."

"Here I am Sensei." Said a very mature six year old.

"Kiba Inuzuka."

"ARF!"

Kiba What did I tell you about bringing your puppy to school?

"You said 'I got caught secretly snacking while teaching class. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids and that dog.'"

"...What else did I say Kiba?"

"...'Kiba tell your dog not to hump my leg anymore?"

"...Nevermind. Hinata Hyuga."

"H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-" Stutter a very timid six year old girl who might have a speech impe..imped...problem.

"Hinata speak up."

"H-H-H-H-H"

"Hinata answer when I call you ok? I'll let you off with a warning this time. Sakura Haruno."

"CHA! IRUKA SENSEI I"M HERE TODAY AT THIS MOMENT CHA!"

"Sakura what did I tell you about inside voices?"

"SORRY SENSEI! BUT I HAVE A THROAT DISORDER THAT CAUSES ME TO TALK EXTREMELY LOUDLY! MY DOCTOR SAYS IT'S CALLED NEVERCANWHISPERITIS!"

"I feel bad for you Sakura. that's awful Those poor people who have to hear your six year old shrill like voice. Anyway, Sasuke Uchiha."

"HERE TEBAYO!" Screamed a raven haired enthusiastic six year old.

"...Don't ask Iruka remember your karma...Naruto Uzumaki."

"Hn." uttered a six year old blonde.

"...Don't do It Iruka...just move on. Monkey D. Luffy."

"I'M LUFFY!"

"No, your'e a monkey."

The class erupted in laughter.

"EVERYBODY SHUTUP!"

silence.

"Naruto don't make fun of people's names." scolded Iruka.

"Yeah Whisker face!" Luffy screamed.

"Shutup you straw hat country bumpkin!"

"DO you wanna fight cat face!"

"Bring it skinny bitch!"

"ENOUGH! NARUTO GO STAND IN THE CORNER NOW!"

"But Sensei-"

"NOW!" Iruka screamed pointing in the corner.

Naruto stood up dejectively and shuffled to the corner.

As Naruto made his way to the corner, Iruka continued to speak.

"Maybe you'll cool off while you are over there."

SHino raised his hand.

"Yes Shino?"

"Sensei it is impossible for someone to cool off in the corner."

Iruka rose his eyebrow.

"And why is that?"

"Because the corner is 90 degrees."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I should give you detention for that. Now let me finish calling roll. Usopp."

"YOSH! Right here Sensei."

"Hey Usopp Why don't you have a last name?" Sasuke asked.

"You mean a family name? Because my last name is super secret and only super secret ninja people can know it."

"Are you related to Tenten?"

"Sasuke be quiet and let me finish. Nami." Iruka said.

"Here." said a six year orange haired girl.

"Roronoa Zolo."

"Sup." Said a green haired six year old.

"Ok class, now that everyone is here we can get started on the day."

"What are we going to do today Sensei?" Ask Ino in a sweet manner.

"Well today we're going to draw faces."

"Can I sit down down?"

Iruka looked over in the corner and smiled sheepishly.

"I forgot you were over there Naruto. Have a seat."

Naruto complied.

Iruka then proceeded to hand each student a blank sheet of paper.

"Ok class Draw a face that reminds of your attitude through out the day. If you are happy most of the time then draw a happy face. If you are sad, then draw a sad face. Also write a sentence explaining why you drew that face."

Pencils flew into action.

"My face is gonna be the best face!"

"Don't forget the whisker marks kitty-chan!"

"You don't forget the Bananas Monkey boy!"

"Naruto, Luffy stop arguing."

"SASUKE KUN! IF YOU LIKE MY FACE WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?"

"Sakura first, I will NEVER like your face. Second, I'm six...go out where?" said Sasuke holding his ears from Sakura's loud volume.

"Sauke, Sakura stop flirting and draw your faces."

Sasuke gasped in shock. "Sensei how dare you-"

"No. Draw." Iruka commanded.

10 minutes later.

"Ok pencils down. Now I'm going to call each one of you up to the front of the class room to show your face and read your sentence. Ok first Ino."

Ino hopped up and skipped happily to front of the room and immediately showed her drawn face.

Ino's face: (o_o)

"why are the eyes so freakin huge?"

"Dobe have you seen Ino's eyes?"

"AHem!" Ino said silencing the two best friends. "I chose to draw a face with big eyes because my daddy says I have an eye for detail."

"Who is 'De' and why does he have a tail?"

"Shut up Naruto. Thank you Ino. Ok Chouji you are up." said Iruka.

CHouji got up and trudged to the front of the room and showed his face.

Chouji's face: ( o_o )

"Oi Why is it so fat?"

Iruka threw a piece of chalk at Kiba."

"I chose this face because my father says I'm pleasantly plump."

"That's really cool Chouji. Ok Shikamaru it's your turn." Iruka instructed.

Shikamaru eventually made his way to the front of the class to present his face.

Shikamaru's face (z_z)

"I get it! The paper is sleep!"

"That must be it!"

"Naruto, Luffy stop being idiots and let Shikamaru speak."

"Mendukosai...I chose this face because I like to sleep. Can I sit down now?"

"Yes You may. Shino Your up buddy boy."

Shino went to the front.

Shino's face: (%_%)

"...Is it dead?"

"No Nami Now shush."

"My face has butterflies for eyes."

"...that's very unique SHino. Ok Kiba you're next."

"Alright!" Kiba said jumping from his seat and running to the front of the room."

Kiba's face: {o_o}=O

"...I think it's really nice of Kiba to draw a face for the people with down syndrome."

Iruka blinked. "Sasuke you are really smart for a six year old."

Kiba glared. "No it's not for that Sasuke-teme! My face has a fist because I'm the toughest person here!"

"NO YOUR NOT! YOUR SUCH A WUSS YOU CARRY AROUND A POODLE!" Luffy screamed.

The class erupted in laughter.

"OK OK easy guys. Let's try to keep the outbursts to a minimum. Hinata's next."

Hinata's breath quickened. SHe hurried to the front and fidgeted a bit before reluctantly showing her face she drew.

Hinata's face: ( ._.)

"I..I picked this face b-because My father doesn't think I'm good enough to be his daughter. That's why it looks sad." Hinata said with tears brimming aroundher eyes.

The whole class was silent.

Even Iruka was speechless. How was he suppose to deal with that.

"Well if I had a daughter that was as pretty as you Hinata I would treat her like a princess." Naruto to the rescue.

Hinata's eyes widened. _'Naruto-kun thinks I'm pretty!_' Such a thought proved to be too much for her when she passed out and fell backwards suddenly making everyone in the room panic.

Especially Naruto.

"HINATA! OMG HINATA NOO! SASUKE I KILLED HER WITH KINDNESS WHAT SHOULD I DO!"

"...I'm sorry do I know you? I don't recall being familiar with murderers. How do you know my name?"

"Naruto calm she's not dead. She just fainted. She'll be ok." Iruka said scooping Hinata up in his arms. "I'm just going to place her back into her seat and wait for her to wake up. Anyway Sakura is next."

"HAI SENSEI!" Sakura said before walking up to the fron to present her face to the class.

Sakura's face: (*0*)

"Sakura what the hell is that?"

"Sasuke please watch your language."

"I CHOSE THIS FACE BECAUSE I TALK LOUD AND I DREW THE FACE WITH A BIG MOUTH!"

"Thank you Sakura and I pray your Nevercanwhisperitis is cured. OK Sasuke show us your's."

"I will Sensei." Sasuke said before he went to the front of the room.

Sasuke's face: (+_+)

"I think these eyes are cool. " Sasuke said.

"YOU ARE SO COOL SASUKE-KUN!"

"Shut up Forehead. Sasuke's gonna go out with me not you!"

"INO PIG SHUT YOUR BLONDE MOUTH!"

"Oi...we're six...Where are we going out?" Sasuke muttered.

"Let's get this over with." Iruka began. "Naruto it's your turn."

"YATTA!" Naruto yelled jumping out of his seat, running on top of the desks and jumping to the front of the room.

"I give you a six for the landing." Kiba said.

"I give you an eight for actually doing what you did." Chouji said.

I give you a one for being a kitty-chan!" Luffy had to get one out.

Naruto growled at Luffy.

"Naruto show us your face." Iruka said.

Naruto smiled.

"...The one you drew."

"Oh well why didn't you say so?"

Naruto's face: (^_^)

"It's a cat!"

"Shut up Staw monkey! I chose this face because no matter what people say about me, they are not going to bring me down."

Iruka had to smile at the boy's determination. Atleast he wasn't a quitter.

"Ok next is-"

_**RING RING!**_

"I guess it's time for lunch then." Iruka said. "Ok guys line up in a single file line."

"Hey Naruto."

Naruto turned his head to see Chouji walking up to him.

"Whatsup Cho?"

"Have you heard about that new wizard club everybody is talking about?"

Naruto frowned. "You mean the one those jerks Natsu, Gray Erza and Lucy made up? I don't like them or their stupid club."

"But they are the most popular people in the school. If you don't like them then everyone doesn't like you." Chouji responded.

"SO what! I'll make my own club! A ninja club! It'll be better than some dumb wizard club! And everybody will like that more and Natsu can go cry home to his mommy!"

"A ninja club? Sounds cool. I'll join."

"Thanks cho. Hey you'll be my first member!"

"Ok but we need someone cool aswell."

Naruto nodded then yelled across the room. "Hey Sasuke wanna join my ninja club?"

"Is Sakura in it?"

"No."

"I'm in."

"WooHOO! That's two members already!" Chouji yelled.

"See Chouji? We'll be super cool in no time."

* * *

AN- AND SO ENDS ELEMENTARY FILLER PART 1. PART 2 WILL BE OUT AFTER ACT 3 AND 4 FOR SHAKESPEARE. PLEASE REVIEW!


	38. IMPORTANT IMPORTANT AN!

Inuyonas: Guys...I've got good news and bad news.

Naruto: What's the good news?

Sasuke: Dobe you always ask for the bad news first...unless your Sasuke Uchiha...then you can do whatever the hell you want.

Naruto: Well are YOU, Sasuke Uchiha teme?

Sasuke: ('._.)...

Tayuya: Will you both shut the fuck so Inuyonas can tell us what the news is?

Sakura: Yeah Naruto Shut the fuck up!

Ino: Sakura, Sasuke was just as talkative as Naruto ya know?

Sakura: Oh Im sorry Ino I forgot it's wrong of me to be rude to your boyfriend, Naruto. You can be rude to Sasuke though. I don't mind.

Sasuke: Oi, who the hell says we are dating?

Inuyonas: Howw bout this? We do a vote. Ok Naruto characters, Which do you wanna hear first, good news or bad news?

Sasuke: Bad news.

Sakura: Whatever Sasuke-kun says.

Tayuya: eh, what the hell Bad news.

Naruto: GOOD NEWS!

Ino: Oh naruto...you poor delusional thing.

Inuyonas: Ok One piece characters?

Luffy: BAD NEWS! btw rest in peace Ace D. Roger.

usopp: Bad news

Chopper: GOOD NEWS!

Nami: Are we getting paid to answer?

Franky: Bad news so we can get it out of the way.

Brook: YOYOYOYYOYOO...Can I see some panties?

Nami: *smacks brook.*

Brook: Bad news... ( ._.)

Inuyonas: Fairy tail characters

Natsu: FIGHT ME INUYONAS!

Gray: Natsu you amatuer lizard, you didn't answer the question!"

Natsu: DO YOU WANNA FIGHT BITCH!

Juvia: DON'T YELL AT GRAY SAMA!

Lisanna: Well don't yell at Natsu you blue haired tart!

Erza: We will hear the bad news first.

Inuyonas: Ok the bad news. Get ready guys. ...I read that the fanfiction site is going to delete all stories with m rated violence and sex scenes within them.

Naruto: NANI?

Sasuke: (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ " 'DA FUCK YOU SAY?"

Kiba: Holy shit Sasuke, Dude put the table down..

Luffy: THEY CAN'T DO THAT!

Usopp: No! Now the legacy of the great Usopp will perish!

Natsu: Let's fight those bastards and kick their asses!

Gajeel: YEAH! I'm with Natsu!

Elfman:They are not real MEN!

Lucy: I haven't made my epic debut yet!

Happy: Lucy you are not epic. Carla is epic.

Carla: Kissing up will get you nowhere Happy.

Lily: How do you kiss upward?

Robin: I wonder why they decided to do that..

Nami: Probably budget cuts.

Zoro: I say we find these guys and MAKE them change their minds.

Kakashi: Wait everyone we haven't heard the good news yet.

Hidan: The good news better be fuckin important.

Inuyonas: Well the good news is even if they delete this story...I have a back up and will keep reposting you whether they want me to or not. Nobody takes MY stories away from me without good reason.

Sasuke: Inuyonas. Your stories involve Sakura. That's MORE than enough reason to erase it form history.

Sakura: (._. )

Naruto: Hey Sakura's amazing Teme!...when she's 16 she totally kicks ass!

Sakura: ( '._.) Thanx Naruto.

Ino: *Snickers* Yeah Well Naruto's pretty dumb. How do we know that's not the reason for our potential deletion?

Happy: Cuz Natsu's dumber.

Natsu: OI!

Nami: Yeah and Luffy's even more stupid.

Luffy: NO I"M NOT!

Naruto: Ino when are you gonna admit that you like me?

Sakura: When Tayuya admits that she want's Sasuke.

Ino :Pfft! Naruto you're so clueless. Why would I want a brainless, dunder headed muscle bound oaf?

Naruto: (*￣︶￣*)︵ oh stop it, you bitch. I know you like me.

Tayuya: And Why would I want Sasuke?

Sasuke:へ(￣⌒￣) Bitch because I'm Sasuke Uchiha, why else?

Inuyonas: Well I know one thing guys. If they delete us then your questions to each other won't matter. Let's hope they don't.

Naruto: FANFICTION OWNERS! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! I'M COMIN FOR YOU!


	39. Elementary filler part 2

**GUESS WHOSE ACTUALLY ALIVE!**

**ANYWAY I DID PART 2 OF THE ELEMENTARY FILLER. I KINDA LIKE WHERE IM GOIN WITH IT. MAYBE I'LL DO PART 3 NEXT OR ACT 3 OF ROMEO AND JULIET.**

**WHO KNOWS? WHY DON'T THE FANS DECIDE.**

* * *

"Ok." Said a six year old child with abnormally spikey black hair.

" I'd like to call this meeting into order. We are going to start on my right side. After I'm done speaking please stand, say your name and say the club you represent." The child continued.

He was sitting at a round table which seated 10 other children. Each child had two more kids standing behind them as if they were body guards.

Everyone nodded in agreement to the first childs words.

"Alright. you may begin."

A short boy with long blonde hair stood up quickly and saluted the speaker and spoke.

"Edward Elric here and I'm representing the Alchemy club!" Edward was smiling brightly. He sat down quickly giving the signal that the next child to his right could speak.

The next child had pitch black hair covered by a red and white cap. he stood and spoke.

"Ash Ketchum and I represent the Pokemon club."

The next child stood.

"Y-Yugi moto and I represent the duelist club."

"Natsu Dragneel and Represent the wizard club."

"Kenichi Shirihama and I represent the Ryozanpaku club."

"Inuyasha arg! and I represent the Fuedal Japan club."

"Monkey D. Luffy and I represent the Pirate club!"

"Ichigo Kurosaki and I represent the Soul reaper club."

"Bobobo-Bobo-bobo! and I represent the hair club!"

"Naruto Uzumaki and I represent the BEST club. The Ninja Club!"

"Excellent." Said the first child. "And to finish it I am Vegeta and I represent the Saiyan Club. Now I bet you all are wondering why I brought you all here for this meeting."

"Your damn right I'm wondering! IT WAS SNACK TIME!"

"Choji calm yourself. Do you see the two behind Vegeta? Thats Goku and Broly. We don't want that kind of problem Chouji." Sasuke said from behind Naruto.

"Why is Naruto even here anyway? He has like 3 members to his club."

"Hey Nobody asked you mutt! What the hell is "The fuedal Japan club" anyway? That sounds like a history lesson!"

Chuckles floated around the table.

Inuyasha growled and stood up. "Watch it kitty boy."

"Hey don't make me get my dog whistle!"

"Both of you are idiots. We're wasting time letting you two argue."

"Hey Shut up Ed! Come talk to me when your mom takes you out of the booster seat you ride to school in everyday."

Laughter rang around the table at naruto's comeback. Ed turned red with embarrassment.

"I don't know why your laughing Yugi. You're a wimp."

Yugi's eyes shot downward in shame. He was such a kind boy that even insulting others made him feel bad.

"Why don't you and your bubble gum hair go back to candy land Natsu." Kaiba said from behind Yugi.

"Did someone say Candy?"

"Easy Choji."

"DOn't talk about my hair Kaiba. I'll kick your ass. You think you're so cool. After I'm done with you Everyone will think I'm cooler than you!" Natsu shouted.

"Natsu your hair is pink. There is nothing you can do to make up for that."

Naruto high fived Sasuke for his comment.

"This is why I think boys are so dumb. Arguing for no reason." Said the purple haired girl behind Ichigo.

"I don't think some oddly haired girl has any room to talk." The glasses wearing boy behind Kenichi said.

"I think Yoruichi is just perfect the way she is."

"Shut up Miroku. You just want to kiss her."

"...Is that so wrong Ryuuto?"

"Miroku and Yoruichi sittin in a tree! K.I.S.S.I.N.G!"

"Luffy shut your monkey mouth!" Screamed Yoruichi red faced.

Luffy just laughed.

"Guys can we get back on topic? Lunch time is almost over."

"Ash shut up. All of us in here can kick your ass." Inuyasha said.

"Don't talk that way to Ash."

"Brock if you're gonna defend someone, open your eyes first." Sasuke said as he face palmed.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE! MY HAIR SAYS YOU ARE ALL BITCHES! THAT IS ALL!"

"Oh so now mr. yellow afro wants to speak." Ichigo said rolling up his sleeves.

"Ichigo i know you are not gonna fight Bobobo. He rides the short bus. Thats not cool Ichigo." Naruto admonished.

Ichigo rolled his sleeve back down.

"All of you shut up and sit down." Vegeta commanded.

Everyone complied.

"As funny as that was we still have yet to discuss whats important." Vegeta continued. "Now we are the top 11 clubs in Crossover Elementary school. We are the most talked about. Some of us are small like the ninja club and some of us are big like the Wizard club. My point is that everyone in the school is not a part of a club. I want us all to recruit as much people as possible by the end of the year."

"EASY! The Ninja club is gonna have the most members by the end of this year as long as Im the leader!" naruto yelled.

"Naruto has the right spirit." Vegeta commented.

"Hey did anyone else notice that some of us are ridiculously intelligent for being only six years old?"

"What is this nonsense that you spout Sasuke?" Erza said sharply from behind Natsu.

"Hey don't lose an eye Erza, I was just making a point."

"..."

"..."

" Too soon?"

" Too soon."

"My bad. Sorry Erza." Sasuke apologized.

"It's ok Sas-"

Suddenly the door to the room the kids were in violently opened.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU KIDS DOOING IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE?" Screamed one irate Iruka.

All hell broke loose.

"Shit it's the Fuzz! Break!" Naruto shouted hopping out of his seat and running across the table torward the other door.

"Meeting over! you all know what to do!" 6 year old Vegeta said before darting out of the room through the door Naruto left out of.

"Hiya Iruka-sensei!" Goku said standing still as if he didn't notice all the other kids panicking and rapidly exiting the room.

"Hello teacher." Broly didn't move because he feared nothing.

Soon only Goku and Broly were left.

"What were you kids doing in here?" Iruka asked.

"We were planning a club meeting!" Goku enthusiastically said.

Broly face palmed. "Kakarot you idiot.

"A club meeting you say?" Iruka said intrigued. "Please go on."

"Well you see-"

"We gotta go Sensei!" Broly screamed yanking Goku and running passed Iruka out of the door.

Iruka just stared after them.

" CLub meeting huh? I'm gonna get to the bottom of this."

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	40. ACT 3 PREVIEW

**AN- GUESS WHOSE BACK AND NOT DEAD!**

**COME ON GUESS!**

**BET YOU CAN'T GUESS?**

**ANYWHO...I HAVE GREAT NEWS IN THE FORM OF ACT 3! AND JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHO WAS WHO...HERE'S A LIST OF CHARACTERS:**

**Sampson= Choji**

**Gregory = Shikamaru**

**Abraham = Rock Lee**

**Benvolio= Tayuya**

**Tybalt = Karin**

**Capulet = Fugaku**

**Lady Capulet =Mikoto**

**Montague = Sakura's dad**

**Lady montague = Sakura's mom**

**Prince = Nagato**

**Romeo= Sakura**

**Paris = Orochimaru**

**Servant = Kaitaru Hatake (Reviewer who is awesome)**

**Nurse = Shizune**

**Juliet = Sasuke**

**Mercutio = ino**

**Second servant = Sanji**

**Chorus = Brooke**

**Friar Laurence = Naruto**

**Peter = Kiba**

* * *

**ACT III**

**SCENE I. A public place.**

**Enter MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, Page, and Servants**

"Guess whose back, whose 17 and sexy!"

"Tayuya , Tayuya...one does not simply claim to be sexy in the presence of Ino Yamanaka."

"Y'know you two have really grown over our 3 year break." Anko said eyeing the two powerful kunoichi.

Tayuya now had a body women and men would kill for. She stood at 5 feet 9 inches and weighed 160 pounds. She had a VERY noticeable "ass" as Anko would say and a "B ranked" chest as also Anko would say. She wore a black battle skirt...like Ino's, fishnet stockings, a black sports bra, black shinobi sandals, black fingerless gloves and a black hitai-ate with the Konoha insignia on it.

She was now an official leaf jounin.

**BENVOLIO**

**I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:**

**The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,**

**And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;**

**For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.**

"Let's retire Ino. We've been through a whole lotta shit already."

**MERCUTIO**

**Thou art like one of those fellows that when he**

**enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword**

**upon the table and says 'God send me no need of**

**thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws**

**it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.**

"Tayuya you're like a sword that's been passed around then laid on the table. A rental weapon...You're a Rental hoe."

"You calling me a hoe is like Orochimaru calling someone gay. I've heard the stories Ino."

Ino rose her eye brow. "What stories?"

**BENVOLIO**

**Am I like such a fellow?**

"I am so not like that Ino."

**MERCUTIO**

**Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as**

**any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as**

**soon moody to be moved.**

"Don't act all innocent Tayuya! Everyone sees the way you act around Sasuke!"

Tayuya went beet red at this.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH MS. PIGGY!"

**BENVOLIO**

**And what to?**

"...Oink oink bitch."

**MERCUTIO**

**Nay, an there were two such, we should have none**

**shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,**

**thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,**

**or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou**

**wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no**

**other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what**

**eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?**

**Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of**

**meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as**

**an egg for quarrelling: thou hast quarrelled with a**

**man for coughing in the street, because he hath**

**wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:**

**didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing**

**his new doublet before Easter? with another, for**

**tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou**

**wilt tutor me from quarrelling!**

"but getting back on topic...i basically said How are you gonna lecture me on being a hot head when you are QUEEN hot head yourself?"

**BENVOLIO**

**An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man**

**should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.**

"No Ino, you misunderstand. I call you hot head because when you suck penis...and knowing you, you will probably do before this chapter is over, you burn the guys penis head because you have a mouth STD. A mouth Sakura Transmitted Disease.

Ino glared.

**MERCUTIO**

**The fee-simple! O simple!**

"Thems fightin words." Ino said rolling up her sleeves

**BENVOLIO**

**By my head, here come the Capulets.**

"Nows not the time, you purple hooker. Here come the capulets."

**MERCUTIO**

**By my heel, I care not.**

"I don't give a donkey's ass!"

"An Asses Ass?

**Enter TYBALT and others**

**TYBALT**

**Follow me close, for I will speak to them.**

**Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.**

"Hello bitches. I need to speak with one of you unimportant lesser characters."

"Unimportant? Bitch nobody knew who was until shippudden!" Tayuya responded.

"Yeah! and you can't even fight. All you can do is sense chakra and get orgasms from being within 20 feet of Sasuke." Ino added.

Karin seethed.

**MERCUTIO**

**And but one word with one of us? couple it with**

**something; make it a word and a blow.**

"Make it one word and then suck my dick."

Tayuya high fived Ino on her foul language.

**TYBALT**

**You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you**

**will give me occasion.**

"You probably really have one, you pig looking reject."

**MERCUTIO**

**Could you not take some occasion without giving?**

"Are you really that ugly or are you trying extra hard today?"

**TYBALT**

**Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,-**

"Ignoring you...anyway I hear you're in cahoots with Sakura."

**MERCUTIO**

**Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an**

**thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but**

**discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall**

**make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!**

"Cahoots? Bitch fiddle my stick!"

**BENVOLIO**

**We talk here in the public haunt of men:**

**Either withdraw unto some private place,**

**And reason coldly of your grievances,**

**Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.**

"Yea shithead! Fiddle her MUTHAFUCKIN stick, then depart from here you four eyed flat chested, pancake booty having big headed man-lady!

**MERCUTIO**

**Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;**

**I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.**

"Men's eyes were made to look at women. Not whatever a Karin is."

**Enter ROMEO**

"Sakura! Look at you all grown up!" Tayuya gushed at seeing 16 year old Sakura.

"Oh...don't flatter me." Sakura said bashfully.

"Ok fine I won't. Don't take my compliment then. Bitch be ugly."

**TYBALT**

**Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.**

"Sakura Haruno. A word please." Karin demanded.

**MERCUTIO**

**But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:**

**Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;**

**Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'**

"I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what a livery is. Is it fashionable?"

**TYBALT**

**Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford**

**No better term than this,-thou art a villain.**

"Sakura...I'm not saying I hate you...but if we were being chased by zombies...I'd pretend to be one just to fucking kill you."

**ROMEO**

**Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee**

**Doth much excuse the appertaining rage**

**To such a greeting: villain am I none;**

**Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.**

"Karin we both know I would kill you in a fight. Effortlessly. You don't want this problem."

"DON'T MESS WITH MY BITCH!"

Sakura shook her head at Tayuya's scream.

**TYBALT**

**Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries**

**That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.**

"I don't want to hear your useless excuses! NOW COME AT ME BRO!"

**ROMEO**

**I do protest, I never injured thee,**

**But love thee better than thou canst devise,**

**Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:**

**And so, good Capulet,-which name I tender**

**As dearly as my own,-be satisfied.**

"I do not want to "come" anywhere near you. I don't want to fight."

"Hey Sakura, you want me and Ino to handle this piece of bitch for you?"

**MERCUTIO**

**O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!**

**Alla stoccata carries it away.**

**Draws**

**Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?**

"Karin go the fuck away! Anyone of us could kill you when we were genin!"

She pulled out a sword.

"Don't make me use this."

**TYBALT**

**What wouldst thou have with me?**

"You can come at me too!"

**MERCUTIO**

**Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine**

**lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you**

**shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the**

**eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher**

**by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your**

**ears ere it be out.**

"You are about experience the flatest ass whooping of a lifetime.

**TYBALT**

**I am for you.**

**Drawing**

"Bring it on blondie!"

**ROMEO**

**Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.**

"Ino no! She isn't worth the effort!

**MERCUTIO**

**Come, sir, your passado.**

"Senora Karin, Tu madre chuko mi verga tende la noche!"

"What?!I DON'T WANT NO DAMN TACO BELL!"

**They fight**

**ROMEO**

**Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.**

**Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!**

**Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath**

**Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:**

**Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!**

"SHIT! Tayuya help me stop them before Karin conveniently gets a lucky shot under my arm and wounds Ino!"

"...That was oddly specific..."

**TYBALT under ROMEO's arm stabs MERCUTIO, and flies with his followers**

"GODDAMNIT! I WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY!" Screamed Sakura.

"My god..." Tayuya said looking at Sakura in Awe. "You're psychic."

**MERCUTIO**

**I am hurt.**

**A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.**

**Is he gone, and hath nothing?**

"Damnit! I got stabbed by a Karin! Shit this fucking hurts!"

"By a Karin of all things...you should lose experience points for that."

**BENVOLIO**

**What, art thou hurt?**

"Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?! DID I NOT JUST GET STABBED!?"

**MERCUTIO**

**Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.**

**Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.**

**Exit Page**

"FUCK A SCRATCH, MY LIVER IS FUCKING CRYING! ANKO GO GET A IRYONIN!"

"Those don't exist yet."

"FUCK MY LIFE! WELL GET A REGULAR DOCTOR!"

**ROMEO**

**Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.**

"Stop whining. Its just your liver. Why don't you heal- Oh wait. You weren't trained by Tsunade...you can't."

"Hey Sakura thats pretty fucking dark...even for me." Tayuya said.

**MERCUTIO**

**No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a**

**church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for**

**me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I**

**am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'**

**both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a**

**cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a**

**rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of**

**arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I**

**was hurt under your arm.**

"Why did you intervene! If you hadn't I would have killed the read head!"

**ROMEO**

**I thought all for the best.**

"I reacted. I didn't want you hurt."

**MERCUTIO**

**Help me into some house, Benvolio,**

**Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!**

**They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,**

**And soundly too: your houses!**

"Fuck this shit...No New friends, No new friends no no new...fuck all yall ninjas...except my ninjas...Tayuya help me in the house."

**Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO**

* * *

**AN-OK GUYS SO THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW! I'LL GIVE THE REAL THING IF PEOPLE ARE STILL INTO THE FIC. ITS BEEN SO LONG...AND ALOT HAS BEEN GOING ON IN MY LIFE...I KINDA LOST INTEREST...BUT THEN I SEE ALL THE PEOPLE I USED TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH STILL POSTING STORIES AND IM LIKE...I GOTTA GET BACK IN THE GAME...**


	41. ACT 3

**AN- GUESS WHOSE BACK AND NOT DEAD!**

**COME ON GUESS!**

**BET YOU CAN'T GUESS?**

**ANYWHO...I HAVE GREAT NEWS IN THE FORM OF ACT 3! AND JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHO WAS WHO...HERE'S A LIST OF CHARACTERS:**

**Sampson= Choji**

**Gregory = Shikamaru**

**Abraham = Rock Lee**

**Benvolio= Tayuya**

**Tybalt = Karin**

**Capulet = Fugaku**

**Lady Capulet =Mikoto**

**Montague = Sakura's dad**

**Lady montague = Sakura's mom**

**Prince = Nagato**

**Romeo= Sakura**

**Paris = Orochimaru**

**Servant = Kaitaru Hatake (Reviewer who is awesome)**

**Nurse = Shizune**

**Juliet = Sasuke**

**Mercutio = ino**

**Second servant = Sanji**

**Chorus = Brooke**

**Friar Laurence = Naruto**

**Peter = Kiba**

* * *

**ACT III**

**SCENE I. A public place.**

**Enter MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, Page, and Servants**

"Guess whose back, whose 17 and sexy!"

"Tayuya , Tayuya...one does not simply claim to be sexy in the presence of Ino Yamanaka."

"Y'know you two have really grown over our 3 year break." Anko said eyeing the two powerful kunoichi.

Tayuya now had a body women and men would kill for. She stood at 5 feet 9 inches and weighed 160 pounds. She had a VERY noticeable "ass" as Anko would say and a "B ranked" chest as also Anko would say. She wore a black battle skirt...like Ino's, fishnet stockings, a black sports bra, black shinobi sandals, black fingerless gloves and a black hitai-ate with the Konoha insignia on it.

She was now an official leaf jounin.

**BENVOLIO**

**I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:**

**The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,**

**And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;**

**For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.**

"Let's retire Ino. We've been through a whole lotta shit already."

**MERCUTIO**

**Thou art like one of those fellows that when he**

**enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword**

**upon the table and says 'God send me no need of**

**thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws**

**it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.**

"Tayuya you're like a sword that's been passed around then laid on the table. A rental weapon...You're a Rental hoe."

"You calling me a hoe is like Orochimaru calling someone gay. I've heard the stories Ino."

Ino rose her eye brow. "What stories?"

**BENVOLIO**

**Am I like such a fellow?**

"I am so not like that Ino."

**MERCUTIO**

**Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as**

**any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as**

**soon moody to be moved.**

"Don't act all innocent Tayuya! Everyone sees the way you act around Sasuke!"

Tayuya went beet red at this.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH MS. PIGGY!"

**BENVOLIO**

**And what to?**

"...Oink oink bitch."

**MERCUTIO**

**Nay, an there were two such, we should have none**

**shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,**

**thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,**

**or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou**

**wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no**

**other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what**

**eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?**

**Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of**

**meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as**

**an egg for quarrelling: thou hast quarrelled with a**

**man for coughing in the street, because he hath**

**wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:**

**didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing**

**his new doublet before Easter? with another, for**

**tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou**

**wilt tutor me from quarrelling!**

"but getting back on topic...i basically said How are you gonna lecture me on being a hot head when you are QUEEN hot head yourself?"

**BENVOLIO**

**An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man**

**should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.**

"No Ino, you misunderstand. I call you hot head because when you suck penis...and knowing you, you will probably do before this chapter is over, you burn the guys penis head because you have a mouth STD. A mouth Sakura Transmitted Disease.

Ino glared.

**MERCUTIO**

**The fee-simple! O simple!**

"Thems fightin words." Ino said rolling up her sleeves

**BENVOLIO**

**By my head, here come the Capulets.**

"Nows not the time, you purple hooker. Here come the capulets."

**MERCUTIO**

**By my heel, I care not.**

"I don't give a donkey's ass!"

"An Asses Ass?

**Enter TYBALT and others**

**TYBALT**

**Follow me close, for I will speak to them.**

**Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.**

"Hello bitches. I need to speak with one of you unimportant lesser characters."

"Unimportant? Bitch nobody knew who was until shippudden!" Tayuya responded.

"Yeah! and you can't even fight. All you can do is sense chakra and get orgasms from being within 20 feet of Sasuke." Ino added.

Karin seethed.

**MERCUTIO**

**And but one word with one of us? couple it with**

**something; make it a word and a blow.**

"Make it one word and then suck my dick."

Tayuya high fived Ino on her foul language.

**TYBALT**

**You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you**

**will give me occasion.**

"You probably really have one, you pig looking reject."

**MERCUTIO**

**Could you not take some occasion without giving?**

"Are you really that ugly or are you trying extra hard today?"

**TYBALT**

**Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,-**

"Ignoring you...anyway I hear you're in cahoots with Sakura."

**MERCUTIO**

**Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an**

**thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but**

**discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall**

**make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!**

"Cahoots? Bitch fiddle my stick!"

**BENVOLIO**

**We talk here in the public haunt of men:**

**Either withdraw unto some private place,**

**And reason coldly of your grievances,**

**Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.**

"Yea shithead! Fiddle her MUTHAFUCKIN stick, then depart from here you four eyed flat chested, pancake booty having big headed man-lady!

**MERCUTIO**

**Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;**

**I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.**

"Men's eyes were made to look at women. Not whatever a Karin is."

**Enter ROMEO**

"Sakura! Look at you all grown up!" Tayuya gushed at seeing 16 year old Sakura.

"Oh...don't flatter me." Sakura said bashfully.

"Ok fine I won't. Don't take my compliment then. Bitch be ugly."

**TYBALT**

**Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.**

"Sakura Haruno. A word please." Karin demanded.

**MERCUTIO**

**But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:**

**Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;**

**Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'**

"I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what a livery is. Is it fashionable?"

**TYBALT**

**Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford**

**No better term than this,-thou art a villain.**

"Sakura...I'm not saying I hate you...but if we were being chased by zombies...I'd pretend to be one just to fucking kill you."

**ROMEO**

**Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee**

**Doth much excuse the appertaining rage**

**To such a greeting: villain am I none;**

**Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.**

"Karin we both know I would kill you in a fight. Effortlessly. You don't want this problem."

"DON'T MESS WITH MY BITCH!"

Sakura shook her head at Tayuya's scream.

**TYBALT**

**Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries**

**That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.**

"I don't want to hear your useless excuses! NOW COME AT ME BRO!"

**ROMEO**

**I do protest, I never injured thee,**

**But love thee better than thou canst devise,**

**Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:**

**And so, good Capulet,-which name I tender**

**As dearly as my own,-be satisfied.**

"I do not want to "come" anywhere near you. I don't want to fight."

"Hey Sakura, you want me and Ino to handle this piece of bitch for you?"

**MERCUTIO**

**O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!**

**Alla stoccata carries it away.**

**Draws**

**Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?**

"Karin go the fuck away! Anyone of us could kill you when we were genin!"

She pulled out a sword.

"Don't make me use this."

**TYBALT**

**What wouldst thou have with me?**

"You can come at me too!"

**MERCUTIO**

**Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine**

**lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you**

**shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the**

**eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher**

**by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your**

**ears ere it be out.**

"You are about experience the flatest ass whooping of a lifetime.

**TYBALT**

**I am for you.**

**Drawing**

"Bring it on blondie!"

**ROMEO**

**Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.**

"Ino no! She isn't worth the effort!

**MERCUTIO**

**Come, sir, your passado.**

"Senora Karin, Tu madre chuko mi verga tende la noche!"

"What?!I DON'T WANT NO DAMN TACO BELL!"

**They fight**

**ROMEO**

**Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.**

**Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!**

**Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath**

**Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:**

**Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!**

"SHIT! Tayuya help me stop them before Karin conveniently gets a lucky shot under my arm and wounds Ino!"

"...That was oddly specific..."

**TYBALT under ROMEO's arm stabs MERCUTIO, and flies with his followers**

"GODDAMNIT! I WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY!" Screamed Sakura.

"My god..." Tayuya said looking at Sakura in Awe. "You're psychic."

**MERCUTIO**

**I am hurt.**

**A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.**

**Is he gone, and hath nothing?**

"Damnit! I got stabbed by a Karin! Shit this fucking hurts!"

"By a Karin of all things...you should lose experience points for that."

**BENVOLIO**

**What, art thou hurt?**

"Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?! DID I NOT JUST GET STABBED!?"

**MERCUTIO**

**Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.**

**Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.**

**Exit Page**

"FUCK A SCRATCH, MY LIVER IS FUCKING CRYING! ANKO GO GET A IRYONIN!"

"Those don't exist yet."

"FUCK MY LIFE! WELL GET A REGULAR DOCTOR!"

**ROMEO**

**Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.**

"Stop whining. Its just your liver. Why don't you heal- Oh wait. You weren't trained by Tsunade...you can't."

"Hey Sakura thats pretty fucking dark...even for me." Tayuya said.

**MERCUTIO**

**No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a**

**church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for**

**me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I**

**am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'**

**both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a**

**cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a**

**rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of**

**arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I**

**was hurt under your arm.**

"Why did you intervene! If you hadn't I would have killed the read head!"

**ROMEO**

**I thought all for the best.**

"I reacted. I didn't want you hurt."

**MERCUTIO**

**Help me into some house, Benvolio,**

**Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!**

**They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,**

**And soundly too: your houses!**

"Fuck this shit...No New friends, No new friends no no new...fuck all yall ninjas...except my ninjas...Tayuya help me in the house."

**Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO**

**ROMEO**

**This gentleman, the prince's near ally,**

**My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt**

**In my behalf; my reputation stain'd**

**With Tybalt's slander,-Tybalt, that an hour**

**Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,**

**Thy beauty hath made me effeminate**

**And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!**

"Goddamnit! Now Ino's hurt and it's all my fault. WHY AM I SO USELESS?"

**Re-enter BENVOLIO**

**BENVOLIO**

**O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!**

**That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,**

**Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.**

"Hey shithead, the other shithead is dead."

**ROMEO**

**This day's black fate on more days doth depend;**

**This but begins the woe, others must end.**

"NOOOOO WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME INSTEAD!?" Sakura wailed aas she fell on her knees.

"I AGREE! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN YOU INSTEAD!?" Tayuya wailed as she also felll on her knees.

**BENVOLIO**

**Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.**

"And here comes Miss Choakzondik again."

**ROMEO**

**Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!**

**Away to heaven, respective lenity,**

**And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!**

"I swear to kami if she brags about killing my best friend I'm gonna kill her so hard not even the dragonballs are gonna be able to bring her back."

**Re-enter TYBALT**

**Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,**

**That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul**

**Is but a little way above our heads,**

**Staying for thine to keep him company:**

**Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.**

**TYBALT**

**Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,**

**Shalt with him hence.**

"I've come back to finish the job. Sakura, useless shinobi are not needed"

"...and you exist because...?" Tayuya retorted.

**ROMEO**

**This shall determine that.**

"Thats it! No one calls me useless except Sasuke!...and Tayuya...and Ino...and Neji...and Kakashi Sensei...and Iruka sensei...and Asuma sensei...and Tenten...and Kabuto...and Orochimaru...and Tsunade...and the Sandaime Hokage...and the Godaime Mizukage...and the yondaime Raikage...and Gaara...and Anko...

**They fight; TYBALT falls**

"Ahh! Sakura you bitch! You almost killed me!"

"...and Kurenai...and Yugao.." Sakura was still naming people.

**BENVOLIO**

**Romeo, away, be gone!**

**The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.**

**Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,**

**If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!**

"Wait slain? but I'm not dead." Karin said.

_**SQUELCH!**_

Tayuya had just stabbed Karin in the face.

"Ew...I got whore-face germs all over my sword..."

"...and Shino...and Kiba..." Sakura was still at it.

**ROMEO**

**O, I am fortune's fool!**

"And Princess Koyuki...and Fuu...and Kurotsuchi...and Samui..."

"Sakura you do realize Karin is dead right?"

"...And Karui..." It's like she didn't even hear Tayuya."

**BENVOLIO**

**Why dost thou stay?**

"Sakura go away...and thinking about not naming people you never met."

**Exit ROMEO**

**Enter Citizens, & c**

**First Citizen**

**Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio?**

**Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?**

"Oi WHERE IS KARIN! THAT STUPID HEAD OWES ME MEAT!"

**BENVOLIO**

**There lies that Tybalt.**

Tayuya just stared at this skinny guy with a strawhat.

"Uh...by your feet?" She then stated.

**First Citizen**

**Up, sir, go with me;**

"Damnit...Now what am I gonna eat?"

**I charge thee in the princes name, obey.**

"Oh yea! You're coming with me red haired onion girl!"

Tayuya blinked.

"Onion?"

"It's 'cause you stink."

Tayuya bristled.

"WHO YOU CALLIN STINK SHITFACE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME ANYWAY?!"

"Monkey D. Luffy!"

"Who the fuck name's their kid Monkey?"

**Enter Prince, attended; MONTAGUE, CAPULET, their Wives, and others**

**PRINCE**

**Where are the vile beginners of this fray?**

"The people who started this fight shall experience true pain." Nagato said.

**BENVOLIO**

**O noble prince, I can discover all**

**The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl:**

**There lies the man, slain by young Romeo,**

**That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.**

"Well this is what happened. Karin ran up, mugged us, then realized that mugging is wrong and took out her sword and killed herself."

**LADY CAPULET**

**Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!**

**O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt**

**O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true,**

**For blood of ours, shed blood of Montague.**

**O cousin, cousin!**

"Eh...I never liked people who wore glasses anyway." Mikoto commented.

**PRINCE**

**Benvolio, who began this fray.**"

"...You expect me to belive that Tayuya? Just because I'm allied with Konoha now doesn't mean I'll believe every leaf ninja now."

**BENVOLIO**

**Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;**

**Romeo that spoke him fair, bade him bethink**

**How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal**

**Your high displeasure: all this uttered**

**With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,**

**Could not take truce with the unruly spleen**

**Of Tybalt deaf to peace, but that he tilts**

**With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast,**

**Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point,**

**And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats**

**Cold death aside, and with the other sends**

**It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity,**

**Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud,**

**'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than**

**his tongue,**

**His agile arm beats down their fatal points,**

**And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm**

**An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life**

**Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled;**

**But by and by comes back to Romeo,**

**Who had but newly entertain'd revenge,**

**And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I**

**Could draw to part them, was stout Tybalt slain.**

**And, as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly.**

**This is the truth, or let Benvolio die.**

"Ok Dude you want the real truth? Fine...It was ...Zeref."

"Zeref? who in the six paths of me is that?"

"I have an even better question for you Nagato...how are you still alive?" Tayuya asked.

**LADY CAPULET**

**He is a kinsman to the Montague;**

**Affection makes him false; he speaks not true:**

**Some twenty of them fought in this black strife,**

**And all those twenty could but kill one life.**

**I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give;**

**Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.**

"EH ...I don't really mind that Karin is dead. SHe's in a better place not...not here."

**PRINCE**

**Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;**

**Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?**

"Damnit Mikoto calm thy uterus. Let me figure this out." Nagato said shocking Mikoto.

**MONTAGUE**

**Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;**

**His fault concludes but what the law should end,**

**The life of Tybalt**

"And sakura was in the right." Sakura's dad said.

"...You know Mikoto we havent had sex since Sasuke was born. I forgot you even had a Uterus. Hey thanks Red haired guy." Fugaku commented. He was standing next to his wife.

**PRINCE**

**And for that offence**

**Immediately we do exile him hence:**

**I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,**

**My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;**

**But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine**

**That you shall all repent the loss of mine:**

**I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;**

**Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:**

**Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,**

**Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.**

**Bear hence this body and attend our will:**

**Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.**

"Red hair? YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO SHANKS? THAT ONE ARMED ABOMINATION OF A MAN! THAT BIG BUCK TEETH CHAKRA-LESS OAF! THAT ..THAT...BEEYOTCH!"

"...Is the reason for your hatred because he fucked Konan?" Tayuya asked quietly.

"NEVER BRING THAT UP EVER **AGAIN!** YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK SAKURA! HER AND HER FOR HEAD ARE GETTING BANISHED!"

**Exeunt**

**SCENE II. Capulet's orchard.**

**Enter JULIET**

**JULIET**

**Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds,**

**Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner**

**As Phaethon would whip you to the west,**

**And bring in cloudy night immediately.**

**Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,**

**That runaway's eyes may wink and Romeo**

**Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen.**

**Lovers can see to do their amorous rites**

**By their own beauties; or, if love be blind,**

**It best agrees with night. Come, civil night,**

**Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,**

**And learn me how to lose a winning match,**

**Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods:**

**Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks,**

**With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold,**

**Think true love acted simple modesty.**

**Come, night; come, Romeo; come, thou day in night;**

**For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night**

**Whiter than new snow on a raven's back.**

**Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,**

**Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,**

**Take him and cut him out in little stars,**

**And he will make the face of heaven so fine**

**That all the world will be in love with night**

**And pay no worship to the garish sun.**

**O, I have bought the mansion of a love,**

**But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold,**

**Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day**

**As is the night before some festival**

**To an impatient child that hath new robes**

**And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse,**

**And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks**

**But Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence.**

"Hey all the fan favorites back, and I'm ready to give you all what you've been waiting for...a headache. Because my awesomeness is gonna blow your mind.

Sasuke leaned against the wall.

He was dressed in a short sleeved black shirt with the Uchiha crest on the back, black anbu pants, black shinobi sandals and most important of all...

A konoha Hitai-ate.

**Enter Nurse, with cords**

**Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords**

**That Romeo bid thee fetch?**

"Whoa Shizune, what are you doing with those cords? You gonna plug in the T.V and watch Iruka porn?"

**Nurse**

**Ay, ay, the cords.**

"WHA- NOO!" She screamed her face extremely red.

**Throws them down**

**JULIET**

**Ay me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands?**

"Come on now its been 3 years. You think nobody knows you two are doing the horizontal tango...with each others private parts?"

**Nurse**

**Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!**

**We are undone, lady, we are undone!**

**Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!**

"Hor- Sasuke you perv! Anyway i've come to tell you that your cousin is dead."

"...My clans dead...I know this Shizune." He deadpanned.

**JULIET**

**Can heaven be so envious?**

"Shizune shizune...you are a trip you know that?"

She blushed in embarrassment.

**Nurse**

**Romeo can,**

**Though heaven cannot: O Romeo, Romeo!**

**Who ever would have thought it? Romeo!**

"It was your beloved Sakura who killed him...her."

**JULIET**

**What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?**

**This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell.**

**Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but 'I,'**

**And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more**

**Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice:**

**I am not I, if there be such an I;**

**Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.'**

**If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no:**

**Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.**

"...I highly doubt Sakura can kill anything with how soft she is."

"...Maybe she glared her to death Sasuke."

"...So it was her sheer ugliness."

**Nurse**

**I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,-**

**God save the mark!-here on his manly breast:**

**A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse;**

**Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood,**

**All in gore-blood; I swounded at the sight.**

"Even tho I'm a medic ninja I did not think I could heal such an easy to heal injury. Oh Irony."

"Don't you mean 'Oh Iruka'?"

She threw the cords at Sasuke's head.

**JULIET**

**O, break, my heart! poor bankrupt, break at once!**

**To prison, eyes, ne'er look on liberty!**

**Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here;**

**And thou and Romeo press one heavy bier!**

"She shall hang for this Shizune! No one rekills my clan!"

"She was an Uzumaki..."

"NO ONE!" He ignored her.

**Nurse**

**O Tybalt, Tybalt, the best friend I had!**

**O courteous Tybalt! honest gentleman!**

**That ever I should live to see thee dead!**

"Karin was much to young to go."

"And much too old to stay." commented Sasuke.

"Have you no heart..."

"Dafuq is a heart? Can you download it?"

**JULIET**

**What storm is this that blows so contrary?**

**Is Romeo slaughter'd, and is Tybalt dead?**

**My dear-loved cousin, and my dearer lord?**

**Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom!**

**For who is living, if those two are gone?**

"Wait is Sakura dead too?

**Nurse**

**Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished;**

**Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished.**

"No her and her Forehead are banished."

**JULIET**

**O God! did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood?**

"You mean she has to wander the earth, dragging that thing around?"

**Nurse**

**It did, it did; alas the day, it did!**

"Yes...yes she does."

**JULIET**

**O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!**

**Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?**

**Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!**

**Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!**

**Despised substance of divinest show!**

**Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,**

**A damned saint, an honourable villain!**

**O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell,**

**When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend**

**In moral paradise of such sweet flesh?**

**Was ever book containing such vile matter**

**So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell**

**In such a gorgeous palace!**

"Damn...even I wouldn't wish something like that on her. Without the proper resting time she'll be crushed under the force of her head."

**Nurse**

**There's no trust,**

**No faith, no honesty in men; all perjured,**

**All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers.**

**Ah, where's my man? give me some aqua vitae:**

**These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old.**

**Shame come to Romeo!**

"Where's Iruka? Shame to Sakura!"

**JULIET**

**Blister'd be thy tongue**

**For such a wish! he was not born to shame:**

**Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit;**

**For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd**

**Sole monarch of the universal earth.**

**O, what a beast was I to chide at him!**

"Blister thy tongue...you beast."

**Nurse**

**Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin?**

"But she killed your cousin!"

**JULIET**

**Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?**

**Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,**

**When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?**

**But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin?**

**That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband:**

**Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring;**

**Your tributary drops belong to woe,**

**Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy.**

**My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;**

**And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband:**

**All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?**

**Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death,**

**That murder'd me: I would forget it fain;**

**But, O, it presses to my memory,**

**Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:**

**'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo-banished;'**

**That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,'**

**Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death**

**Was woe enough, if it had ended there:**

**Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship**

**And needly will be rank'd with other griefs,**

**Why follow'd not, when she said 'Tybalt's dead,'**

**Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both,**

**Which modern lamentations might have moved?**

**But with a rear-ward following Tybalt's death,**

**'Romeo is banished,' to speak that word,**

**Is father, mother, Tybalt, Romeo, Juliet,**

**All slain, all dead. 'Romeo is banished!'**

**There is no end, no limit, measure, bound,**

**In that word's death; no words can that woe sound.**

**Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?**

"If I recall I remember impaling Karin through her torso just to kill Danzo."

**Nurse**

**Weeping and wailing over Tybalt's corse:**

**Will you go to them? I will bring you thither.**

"Oh yea...That bastard Danzo...I heard he's so evil puppies die from the sheer sight of him."

**JULIET**

**Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent,**

**When theirs are dry, for Romeo's banishment.**

**Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled,**

**Both you and I; for Romeo is exiled:**

**He made you for a highway to my bed;**

**But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed.**

**Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed;**

**And death, not Romeo, take my maidenhead!**

"Apparently Im suppose to take Sakura's virginity."

"Are you?" Asked Shizune.

"Bitch are you high? hell no! I'd rather defect to Orochimaru."

**Nurse**

**Hie to your chamber: I'll find Romeo**

**To comfort you: I wot well where he is.**

**Hark ye, your Romeo will be here at night:**

**I'll to him; he is hid at Laurence' cell.**

"I'm gonna bring her to you at night."

**JULIET**

**O, find him! give this ring to my true knight,**

**And bid him come to take his last farewell.**

"I swear to God if you bring her near me I'm gonna set Iruka up with ANko. And then She'll turn him out"

Shizune paled.

**Exeunt**

**SCENE III. Friar Laurence's cell.**

**Enter FRIAR LAURENCE**

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Romeo, come forth; come forth, thou fearful man:**

**Affliction is enamour'd of thy parts,**

**And thou art wedded to calamity.**

"IIIIIIIINNNNNNNN WEST PHILIDELPHIA BORN AND RAISED!

IN THE PLAYGROUNDS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS!

CHILLIN OUT, RELAXIN ACTIN ALL COOL!

AND SHOOTIN SOME B-BALL OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL!

WHEN A COUPLE OF GUYS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD!

STARTED MAKING TROUBLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

I GOT IN ONE LITTLE FIGHT AND MY MOM GOT SCARED!

SHE SAID-"

**GOOODDDAMNIT NARUTO! ITS BEEN 3 YEARS!**

**3 FUCKIN YEARS!**

**DEALING WITH YOU IS LIKE BEING RAPED BY A BEAR!**

**NO DEALING WITH YOU IS LIKE FUCKING OLD LADY CHIYO!**

**STICK TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN' GODDAMN SCRIIIIIIPT!**

"Sheesh no need to yell. Who put sand in your vagina?" Naruto commented.

**"!" **INUYONAS FUMED INSANELY IN SILENT.

**Enter ROMEO**

**ROMEO**

**Father, what news? what is the prince's doom?**

**What sorrow craves acquaintance at my hand,**

**That I yet know not?**

"Wow Naruto. I never knew you could look so badass.." Sakura said checking out Naruto.

Naruto had on an Anbu Uniform complete with a black cloak minus the mask.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Too familiar**

**Is my dear son with such sour company:**

**I bring thee tidings of the prince's doom.**

"Aw thanks Sakura. You are such a good friend!" He gave her a thumbs up

Sakura flinched. "Yeah...friend."

**ROMEO**

**What less than dooms-day is the prince's doom?**

"So what did Nagato say about me?"

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**A gentler judgment vanish'd from his lips,**

**Not body's death, but body's banishment.**

"He said and I quote "BITCH GET TO STEPPIN"

**ROMEO**

**Ha, banishment! be merciful, say 'death;'**

**For exile hath more terror in his look,**

**Much more than death: do not say 'banishment.'**

"Oh thank god. I thought for sure he was gonna have me baby sit his son again."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Hence from Verona art thou banished:**

**Be patient, for the world is broad and wide.**

"And what is wrong with my lil cousin Sakura?" Naruto frowned.

**ROMEO**

**There is no world without Verona walls,**

**But purgatory, torture, hell itself.**

**Hence-banished is banish'd from the world,**

**And world's exile is death: then banished,**

**Is death mis-term'd: calling death banishment,**

**Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe,**

**And smilest upon the stroke that murders me.**

'Shit I upset him'. "Nothing Naruto! He's just a little difficult sometimes."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**O deadly sin! O rude unthankfulness!**

**Thy fault our law calls death; but the kind prince,**

**Taking thy part, hath rush'd aside the law,**

**And turn'd that black word death to banishment:**

**This is dear mercy, and thou seest it not.**

"Sakura just because he repainted the Hokage monument doesn't mean he's difficult. I did the same thing after all."

**ROMEO**

**'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here,**

**Where Juliet lives; and every cat and dog**

**And little mouse, every unworthy thing,**

**Live here in heaven and may look on her;**

**But Romeo may not: more validity,**

**More honourable state, more courtship lives**

**In carrion-flies than Romeo: they my seize**

**On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand**

**And steal immortal blessing from her lips,**

**Who even in pure and vestal modesty,**

**Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin;**

**But Romeo may not; he is banished:**

**Flies may do this, but I from this must fly:**

**They are free men, but I am banished.**

**And say'st thou yet that exile is not death?**

**Hadst thou no poison mix'd, no sharp-ground knife,**

**No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean,**

**But 'banished' to kill me?-'banished'?**

**O friar, the damned use that word in hell;**

**Howlings attend it: how hast thou the heart,**

**Being a divine, a ghostly confessor,**

**A sin-absolver, and my friend profess'd,**

**To mangle me with that word 'banished'?**

"Yeah but you didn't do it 10 times...in the span of 60 seconds."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Thou fond mad man, hear me but speak a word.**

"I think you're being unfair."

**ROMEO**

**O, thou wilt speak again of banishment.**

"You're just saying that because Ino adores him!" Sakura shouted

He blushed.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**I'll give thee armour to keep off that word:**

**Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy,**

**To comfort thee, though thou art banished.**

"N-NO!Anyway you are banished!"

**ROMEO**

**Yet 'banished'? Hang up philosophy!**

**Unless philosophy can make a Juliet,**

**Displant a town, reverse a prince's doom,**

**It helps not, it prevails not: talk no more.**

"Banished? I'm not leaving my beloved Sasuke!" She shouted.

Strangely enough Naruto didn't know why he thought she was faking her feelings.

Thats crazy right?

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**O, then I see that madmen have no ears.**

"But she does have ears."

**It's a figure of speech you imbecile.**

"Oh."

**ROMEO**

**How should they, when that wise men have no eyes?**

"Wise men have no eyes." She gazed at Naruto. "Neither do Orange loving idiots." she muttered

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Let me dispute with thee of thy estate.**

"What was that Sakura-chan?"

**ROMEO**

**Thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel:**

**Wert thou as young as I, Juliet thy love,**

**An hour but married, Tybalt murdered,**

**Doting like me and like me banished,**

**Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou tear thy hair,**

**And fall upon the ground, as I do now,**

**Taking the measure of an unmade grave.**

**Knocking within**

"Nothing...nothing at all."

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Arise; one knocks; good Romeo, hide thyself.**

"Shit! Someone's coming. Get under the bed!"

"I am not getting-OOF!"

In mid sentence Naruto kicked her where her nuts were suppose to be and when she hit the ground kicked her under the bed.

**ROMEO**

**Not I; unless the breath of heartsick groans,**

**Mist-like, infold me from the search of eyes.**

**Knocking**

"DO you ever clean under here?! There's a pile of empty ramen containers and ...why is there a bunch of tissues under your bed?"

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Hark, how they knock! Who's there? Romeo, arise;**

**Thou wilt be taken. Stay awhile! Stand up;**

**Knocking**

**Run to my study. By and by! God's will,**

**What simpleness is this! I come, I come!**

**Knocking**

**Who knocks so hard? whence come you? what's your will?**

"Make sure you wash your hands after touching those tissues...AND WHO THE HELL IS KNOCKING AT RAMEN STAND RUTO'S DOOR!"

**Nurse**

**[Within] Let me come in, and you shall know**

**my errand;**

**I come from Lady Juliet.**

"Treat or treat!" Shizune happily said.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Welcome, then.**

"Oh man! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HALLOWEEN! COME ON IN!"

**Enter Nurse**

**Nurse**

**O holy friar, O, tell me, holy friar,**

**Where is my lady's lord, where's Romeo?**

"Hey Naruto-kun! Where's Sakura?"

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**There on the ground, with his own tears made drunk.**

"Where's my candy first?"

"If you don't tell me I'll burn your Ramen porn dvd collection."

"...Under the bed."

**Nurse**

**O, he is even in my mistress' case,**

**Just in her case! O woful sympathy!**

**Piteous predicament! Even so lies she,**

**Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.**

**Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:**

**For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;**

**Why should you fall into so deep an O?**

"How do you fall in "O"?"

**ROMEO**

**Nurse!**

**Nurse**

**Ah sir! ah sir! Well, death's the end of all.**

"Shizune...How do you know about Naruto's Ramen porn collection?" Sakura asked.

"They same way I knew about your Sasuke shrine when you were younger."

"I got rid of that thing years ago."

"I also know about your new one."

"...I have no clue what your talking about." Sakura replied nervously.

**ROMEO**

**Spakest thou of Juliet? how is it with her?**

**Doth she not think me an old murderer,**

**Now I have stain'd the childhood of our joy**

**With blood removed but little from her own?**

**Where is she? and how doth she? and what says**

**My conceal'd lady to our cancell'd love?**

"Any way how is Sasuke?"

**Nurse**

**O, she says nothing, sir, but weeps and weeps;**

**And now falls on her bed; and then starts up,**

**And Tybalt calls; and then on Romeo cries,**

**And then down falls again.**

"He's heartbroken over you Sakura. He knows he missed his chance and he severly regrets it." Shizune said.

**ROMEO**

**As if that name,**

**Shot from the deadly level of a gun,**

**Did murder her; as that name's cursed hand**

**Murder'd her kinsman. O, tell me, friar, tell me,**

**In what vile part of this anatomy**

**Doth my name lodge? tell me, that I may sack**

**The hateful mansion.**

**Drawing his sword**

"Regret? NO! he had his chance! Back then they didn't want me now I'm hot they all on me!"

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Hold thy desperate hand:**

**Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:**

**Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote**

**The unreasonable fury of a beast:**

**Unseemly woman in a seeming man!**

**Or ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!**

**Thou hast amazed me: by my holy order,**

**I thought thy disposition better temper'd.**

**Hast thou slain Tybalt? wilt thou slay thyself?**

**And stay thy lady too that lives in thee,**

**By doing damned hate upon thyself?**

**Why rail'st thou on thy birth, the heaven, and earth?**

**Since birth, and heaven, and earth, all three do meet**

**In thee at once; which thou at once wouldst lose.**

**Fie, fie, thou shamest thy shape, thy love, thy wit;**

**Which, like a usurer, abound'st in all,**

**And usest none in that true use indeed**

**Which should bedeck thy shape, thy love, thy wit:**

**Thy noble shape is but a form of wax,**

**Digressing from the valour of a man;**

**Thy dear love sworn but hollow perjury,**

**Killing that love which thou hast vow'd to cherish;**

**Thy wit, that ornament to shape and love,**

**Misshapen in the conduct of them both,**

**Like powder in a skitless soldier's flask,**

**Is set afire by thine own ignorance,**

**And thou dismember'd with thine own defence.**

**What, rouse thee, man! thy Juliet is alive,**

**For whose dear sake thou wast but lately dead;**

**There art thou happy: Tybalt would kill thee,**

**But thou slew'st Tybalt; there are thou happy too:**

**The law that threaten'd death becomes thy friend**

**And turns it to exile; there art thou happy:**

**A pack of blessings lights up upon thy back;**

**Happiness courts thee in her best array;**

**But, like a misbehaved and sullen wench,**

**Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love:**

**Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable.**

**Go, get thee to thy love, as was decreed,**

**Ascend her chamber, hence and comfort her:**

**But look thou stay not till the watch be set,**

**For then thou canst not pass to Mantua;**

**Where thou shalt live, till we can find a time**

**To blaze your marriage, reconcile your friends,**

**Beg pardon of the prince, and call thee back**

**With twenty hundred thousand times more joy**

**Than thou went'st forth in lamentation.**

**Go before, nurse: commend me to thy lady;**

**And bid her hasten all the house to bed,**

**Which heavy sorrow makes them apt unto:**

**Romeo is coming...eth**

Naruto slapped Sakura.

"Get a grip man! Men don't show their emotions!"

**Nurse**

**O Lord, I could have stay'd here all the night**

**To hear good counsel: O, what learning is!**

**My lord, I'll tell my lady you will come.**

"Oh Kami bless kami bless! Ill go tell Sasuke you're coming."

**ROMEO**

**Do so, and bid my sweet prepare to chide.**

"..." Sakura was still in shock over Naruto slapping her.

**Nurse**

**Here, sir, a ring she bid me give you, sir:**

**Hie you, make haste, for it grows very late.**

"Oh yea. Sakura here's a ring Sasuke told me to give you."

"Really?!" Sakura shouted completely out of her trance. Girls do love jewelry after all.

"Yes but he said don't put it on until he's right in front of you."

**Exit**

**ROMEO**

**How well my comfort is revived by this!**

"Maybe sasuke deserves another chance.." Sakura mused.

**FRIAR LAURENCE**

**Go hence; good night; and here stands all your state:**

**Either be gone before the watch be set,**

**Or by the break of day disguised from hence:**

**Sojourn in Mantua; I'll find out your man,**

**And he shall signify from time to time**

**Every good hap to you that chances here:**

**Give me thy hand; 'tis late: farewell; good night.**

"Everyone deserves a second chance Sakura-chan. Now go forth and frolic!"

"Can you even spell frolic?"

"yep. G.T.F.O"

"What?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Naruto shouted slapping Sakura again.

Only this time she flew out side the window.

"...I gotta stop hanging around Sasuke." He mumbled to himself.

**ROMEO**

**But that a joy past joy calls out on me,**

**It were a grief, so brief to part with thee: Farewell.**

"What in the world has gotten in to Naruto? Sakura said to herself picking herself up off the ground. "Maybe it was all those times i rejected him...I guess I kinda do deserve that..."

**Exeunt**

**SCENE IV. A room in Capulet's house.**

**Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, and PARIS**

**CAPULET**

**Things have fall'n out, sir, so unluckily,**

**That we have had no time to move our daughter:**

**Look you, she loved her kinsman Tybalt dearly,**

**And so did I:-Well, we were born to die.**

**'Tis very late, she'll not come down to-night:**

**I promise you, but for your company,**

**I would have been a-bed an hour ago.**

"That's it. Time to stage a coup." Deadpanned Fugaku.

**PARIS**

**These times of woe afford no time to woo.**

**Madam, good night: commend me to your daughter.**

"This will all be better if you just give me Sasuke." Orochimaru hissed.

**LADY CAPULET**

**I will, and know her mind early to-morrow;**

**To-night she is mew'd up to her heaviness.**

"Fugaku why is your answer to everything a coup? When Itachi came home with an apple he was over charged for you staged a coup for the vendor. When Sasuke came home with a jutsu scroll with the wrong jutsu on it, you staged a coup for the salesmen. Hell when I picked an Orange out of the apple tree outside our home, you staged a coup for the Tree!"

"It's the way of the clan Mikoto! If you don't like something then coup it!"

**CAPULET**

**Sir Paris, I will make a desperate tender**

**Of my child's love: I think she will be ruled**

**In all respects by me; nay, more, I doubt it not.**

**Wife, go you to her ere you go to bed;**

**Acquaint her here of my son Paris' love;**

**And bid her, mark you me, on Wednesday next-**

**But, soft! what day is this?**

"You know what? I like you Orochimaru. And not just because You staged a coup before too, and what a glorious coup it was...but no it's because I see something in your eyes that's caught my attention."

"Its probably Mascara."

"Mikoto! Show some respect to a fellow coupist!"

**PARIS**

**Monday, my lord,**

"Thank you Lord Fugaku. You have made a wise decision. Sasuke's gonna live a wonderful wonderful life. I can't wait to have children..."

**CAPULET**

**Monday! ha, ha! Well, Wednesday is too soon,**

**O' Thursday let it be: o' Thursday, tell her,**

**She shall be married to this noble earl.**

**Will you be ready? do you like this haste?**

**We'll keep no great ado,-a friend or two;**

**For, hark you, Tybalt being slain so late,**

**It may be thought we held him carelessly,**

**Being our kinsman, if we revel much:**

**Therefore we'll have some half a dozen friends,**

**And there an end. But what say you to Thursday?**

"Children? I like that...A bunch of lil coupers."

**PARIS**

**My lord, I would that Thursday were to-morrow.**

"SO thursday?"

**CAPULET**

**Well get you gone: o' Thursday be it, then.**

**Go you to Juliet ere you go to bed,**

**Prepare her, wife, against this wedding-day.**

**Farewell, my lord. Light to my chamber, ho!**

**Afore me! it is so very very late,**

**That we may call it early by and by.**

**Good night.**

"Thursday."

Mikoto just shook her head at the two.

**Exeunt**

**SCENE V. Capulet's orchard.**

**Enter ROMEO and JULIET above, at the window**

**JULIET**

**Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day:**

**It was the nightingale, and not the lark,**

**That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear;**

**Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate-tree:**

**Believe me, love, it was the nightingale.**

"Oh here we go." Sasuke deadpanned.

**ROMEO**

**It was the lark, the herald of the morn,**

**No nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks**

**Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east:**

**Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day**

**Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops.**

**I must be gone and live, or stay and die.**

"Sasuke I heard you were rethinking life and thought it would be too difficult to have me out of it."

**JULIET**

**Yon light is not day-light, I know it, I:**

**It is some meteor that the sun exhales,**

**To be to thee this night a torch-bearer,**

**And light thee on thy way to Mantua:**

**Therefore stay yet; thou need'st not to be gone.**

"Where did you hear such disease infested filth?"

**ROMEO**

**Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death;**

**I am content, so thou wilt have it so.**

**I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye,**

**'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow;**

**Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat**

**The vaulty heaven so high above our heads:**

**I have more care to stay than will to go:**

**Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so.**

**How is't, my soul? let's talk; it is not day.**

"That's very sweet of you Sasuke but you waited too long. I pined after you for years and you ignored me!"

"Like I'm doing now..."

"It hurt Sasuke. It really hurt." She continued ignoring Sasuke.

**JULIET**

**It is, it is: hie hence, be gone, away!**

**It is the lark that sings so out of tune,**

**Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps.**

**Some say the lark makes sweet division;**

**This doth not so, for she divideth us:**

**Some say the lark and loathed toad change eyes,**

**O, now I would they had changed voices too!**

**Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray,**

**Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day,**

**O, now be gone; more light and light it grows.**

"Did Shizune tell you that?"

**ROMEO**

**More light and light; more dark and dark our woes!**

**Enter Nurse, to the chamber**

"You can't just all of a sudden want me just because I'm sexy now Sasuke-kun."

"Sexy? Is that what you call it? Sakura, Grimer and Muk and even Medusa are easier on the eyes than you are.

**Nurse**

**Madam!**

"Sakura don't forget about that ring."

**JULIET**

**Nurse?**

"Shizune why are you interrupting my telling Sasuke off speech?"

Sasuke just did not care at that point.

**Nurse**

**Your lady mother is coming to your chamber:**

**The day is broke; be wary, look about.**

"...I think it'd be pretty weird if she had a Man mother..."

**Exit**

**JULIET**

**Then, window, let day in, and let life out.**

"Are we done here? GTA5 just came out and i gotta beat this prostitute with familiar pink hair to death for not blowing me the right way."

**ROMEO**

**Farewell, farewell! one kiss, and I'll descend.**

"But you know Sasuke, everyone deserves a second chance. You only get one kiss farewell."

**He goeth down**

**JULIET**

**Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend!**

**I must hear from thee every day in the hour,**

**For in a minute there are many days:**

**O, by this count I shall be much in years**

**Ere I again behold my Romeo!**

Susano'o violently appeared around Sasuke, his Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan flaring dangerously.

"Don't you fucking dare.."

**ROMEO**

**Farewell!**

**I will omit no opportunity**

**That may convey my greetings, love, to thee.**

"No Sasuke I don't care how much you beg you only get one kiss."

She said as she moved closer to Sasuke.

**JULIET**

**O think'st thou we shall ever meet again?**

The Susano'o pulled his spectral arrow back.

**ROMEO**

**I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve**

**For sweet discourses in our time to come.**

Sakura was close enough to touch the Susanoo.

**JULIET**

**O God, I have an ill-divining soul!**

**Methinks I see thee, now thou art below,**

**As one dead in the bottom of a tomb:**

**Either my eyesight fails, or thou look'st pale.**

"Too close bitch!"

Ths Susano'o let the arrow fly at point blank range.

_**BOOM!**_

**ROMEO**

**And trust me, love, in my eye so do you:**

**Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu, adieu!**

When the dust cleared from the resulting explosion Sakura was sprawled out on the ground 30 feet away from Sasuke.

"Sasuke! What the fuck?!" Shizune screamed from in the house.

"SHE TRIED TO KISS ME!"

"AND YOU BLOW HER UP?!"

"I PANICKED OKAY!"

"SOMETHING'S SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU!"

"HOW WOULD YOU ACT IF SAKURA TRIED TO SUCK YOUR FACE?!"

Strangely that shut Shizune up.

Sakura bolted up from the ground with the speed of a kage.

"OMG I MISSED THAT ABOUT YOU SASUKE! YOUR FIERY PASSION OF LOVE!"

"Oh sweet jesus not again."

"YOU GET ANOTHER KISS SASU-CHAN!"

She darted in Sasuke's direction.

"Shit what do I do?! come on Sasuke think!" He said to himself as Sakura neared him.

"Brain blast! Sakura my love remember the ring I gave you!" He shouted desperately.

She skidded to a halt not ten feet away.

"You mean this one?" She pulled it out of her pocket.

"Yes thats the one. Could you do me a favor and put it on?"

"Will it symbolize our love?"

"Sure."

"ok! But wait...why does it say MODOR?"

"Because...That's love in a different language?"

Oh Sasuke...I'm touched." She said putting the ring on.

She disappeared from sight.

Sasuke smirked. "Only Uchiha Sasuke can simply walk into Modor."

**Exit**

* * *

**AN- MY GOD THIS IS A LONG AS ACT! YOU PEOPLE BETTER BE REVIEWING UNTIL YOUR FINGERS FALL OFF! **

**PLEASE! MORE REVIEWS EQUALS FASTER UPDATES!**

**SASUKE: YEA! AFTER THE FAN FAVORITE MADE AN APPEARANCE YOU GUYS BETTER REVEIW!**

**NARUTO: AWW THANKS SASUKE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED.**

**SASUKE: BITCH I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME YOU ASS FACE.**

**SAKURA: DID YOU HAVE TO SUSANOO ME SASUKE?**

**SASUKE: YOU HEARD MY DAD. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, COUP IT**


	42. BREAK TIME PT 1

The picture starts with Konohamaru who is grinning at the camera. Hanabi's back is to the camera and when she turns around Grins seductively.

"Hello,"

"Hola."

"Ohayo."

"Konichiwa."

"Ni-hao."

"HEEEEEEEEEEEY SEEEXY LADY!"

"GANGNAM STYLE!"

They both began to dance ridiculously.

"Alright enough of that."

"Aww but I like seeing your body all sweaty."

"Konohamaru-kun you perv."

"But you still love me though."

"...whatever." she blushed.

"Yay. Now welcome to Konabi Productions #1."

"Hey Konohamaru explain why we're doing a productions in the first place."

"Well in about 5 decades when I'm hokage and still sexy as ever and Hanabi's still as flat chested as Ever-"

"OI!"

"-We can watch this and laugh about it."

* * *

The camera cuts to Hanabi and Konohamaru in swim clothes standing on a beach with a bunch of other people interacting around them. Hanabi's bathing suit was a navy blue one piece. Konohamaru had red swim trunks that read "will of fire" down the side.

"As you can see we are currently at the beach."

"Yeah! Today's our relaxing day. We're taking a break form all the fairy tales that jerk of an author put us through."

"He's still pretty awesome though."

"Eh..."

"For those of you who forgot whats currently happening I'll explain."

"With the help of My drawings!" Konohamaru produced sheets of paper from thin air.

"The main character of this story is Sasuke. Sasuke is the Teme of team 7. The avenger, although word on the street is he's taken a liking to one Sakura Haruno."

"Isn't he with Tayuya tho?"

"He's got no taste in women either way. He likes Tomatoes. He has the Sharingan aswell as the Mangekyou Sharingan which then became the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan because he took his brothers eyes."

"How do you steal eyes anyway Hanabi? I mean...its not like you wouldn't know they're missing right?"

"I don't know, but my guess is that it must be complicated. Sasuke also knows Many fire and lightning jutsus. Show your drawing Konohamaru."

Konohamru thrusts a paper directly in front of the camera lens. It had a poorly drawn picture of Sasuke who had red bug eyes indicating he has the Sharingan and blue crooked lines coming from his hand to represent the chidori. His mouth had a tomato in it like a dog holding a bone. Behind him was a group of fans with arms and legs labeled "Fangirls". Sasuke had a navy blue chicken sitting on his head to represent his hair.

"...Dude ...That picture so describes Sasuke." Hanabi said in awe. "Sasuke is on team 7 with 5 other people." She continued.

" Next Theres Sakura Haruno. She's the bitchy apprentice of the 5th Hokage. Her hobbies include medical ninjutsu study, training and bitching at Naruto-nisan and Sasuke."

Konohamaru flipped the paper over and showed a poorly drawn picture of a giant headed Sakura yelling at Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke were being blown away and were clinging to a pole for dear life.

"Next there is Naruto-Nisan." Hanabi said. "Naruto is the Hero of Team 7. He knows Rasengan, The rasenshuriken, Odama Rasengan, Sennin mode, Kyuubi mode, Kage bunshin and the Hiraishin. He is the container of the Kyuubi although he is a very kind person. He's also one of the strongest Shinobi in the world despite the way he acts."

Konohamaru flipped the paper again and it showed a drawing of Naruto with a crazed face. Red swirls are drawn around him, and he has fluffy ears a fluffy tail and whiskers. There is a blue swirly/scribble around his hand representing the Rasengan.

"Duuuuuude. That is so Naruto-nisan. Konohamaru you are amazing at Art. You could teach Sai a thing or two...or three." Hanabi praised.

"Eh...blame my Sarutobi genes."

"BLASTED!"

Kono and Hanabi both whipped their heads towards the scream.

Gasp. "Quick Kono-kun grab the camera!" Hanabi shouted running toward the noise.

* * *

The camera cut to peeking at someone through bushes.

"Ok" Hanabi's voice is heard.

"As you can clearly see we have one of the major characters in fairy tale in some type of Situation. Lets watch and see whats going on."

The Camera showed Orochimaru in very short swim trunks staring angrily at Kabuto.

"Kabuto! what's the meaning of this?!"

Kabuto nervously scratched the back of his head. "T-The meaning of what sire?"

"Don't play dumb with me! you're a fucking Genius!"

"Uh..."

"Why is my ice cream cold?!"

Kabuto blinked

"..."

"...Well?!"

"I uh..."

"ANSWER ME DAMNIT!"

"it's suppose to be?" He answered in a question.

"You know bloody well that i like all the white stuff I eat to be Hot or Warm!"

* * *

Hanabi suddenly felt the urge to throw up.

Konohamaru actually did.

* * *

"Sorry Orochimaru-sama. It won't happen again."

"You know the drill Kabuto. Prepare for your punishment." Orochimaru said pulling out some lube.

* * *

"Ok guys nows the chance to ask Orochimaru some important and dignified questions." Hanabi voiced.

"Right."

"But I heard he doesn't like to be filmed so we're gonna switch to the headband cam."

"And I'll be wearing it!"

"Ok. Ready Konohamaru?"

"Ready."

"Go!"

They rushed out the bushes.

Konohamaru tripped.

"What the devil?" Orochimaru said as a black haired girl with big eyes was suddenly invading his personal space.

"Orochimaru-san. What was it like as the Otokage?"

"Huh?"

"Why are your shorts so short?"

"Wha?"

"Why did you defect from the leaf?"

"who?"

"Why is Kabuto bent over?"

"gah!"

"What's the sstrongest Jutsu you know?"

"Hol?"

"Do you pop mollies or rock Tom fords?"

"What the duece? WHY IS THERE A CAMERA IN MY FACE?!" Orochimaru finally screamed.

Hanabi arched her eyebrow in confusion. _'He can see the headband cam?'_

She looked over to her partner.

She then slapped her forehead.

_'He's using the headband cam AND the camera...ugh...I cant deal with the dumbness."_

"GET THAT DAMN CAMERA OUTTA MY FACE!"

"Make me you jerk!" Konohamaru shot back.

"Why you little!"

"Orochimaru-sama. Please calm yourself. They are only Kids."

"Hey shut up Four eyes!"

"Don't you talk to Kabuto like that!"

"Don't scream at Konohamaru!"

"That's why you don't have kids. Because no woman wants a dumb guy with lady hair!"

"What would you know about women!? You're 10! And why are you wearing a scarf?!"

"Well why are you bending Kabuto over?!"

"I don't have to explain myself to a child!"

"Is it the same reason why you don't have kids?"

Orochimaru saw red.

"GRAAAAHHH!" He screamed as he lunged forward.

* * *

The camera cut to Hanabi applying bandages to Konohamaru's right arm. He also had a black eye.

"I think we should have planned that a little better." She said still wrapping his arm.

"Agreed."

"Why don't we film someone who isn't emotional unstable and not all the way there in the head?"

"I think I have just the person..." Kono said smiling.

* * *

The Camera cut to Hanabi standing outside of a McDonalds.

"Hello and welcome to Konabi productions #2. My name is Hanabi Hyuuga."

"And I'm Konohamaru." His voice was heard since he was holding the camera.

"Now you guys are probably wondering why we are at McDonalds right?"

"Because we're hungry?"

"No Baka!"

Her stomach growled.

"...Well not only that."

"Is that Naruto inside?"

The camera focused through the McDonalds glass and sure enough Naruto was visible.

The camera followed the young Hyuuga as she went inside.

* * *

The Camera cut to Naruto standing in front of the counter. Sasuke, Tayuya, and Ino were behind him.

"Ok guys we're in a booth so they don't see us and we're right by the door in case things get ugly. Why would things get ugly? Well take a look."

The camera panned to Naruto.

Kyuubi's chakra was swirling all around Naruto.

"GODDAMNIT WHERE IS IT I WILL BURN THIS MUTHERFUCKER TO THE GODDAMN GROUND IF I DON'T SEE IT IN THE NEXT POINT 5 SECONDS!"

"Sir. Please calm down. Your toy is under the Mcnuggets."

Naruto instantly calmed. "Oh...sorry." He smiled and scratched the back of his head.

**CRASH!**

Something crashed through the Window!

"GIMME THE 20 PIECE MCNUGGET NOOOWW!"

The cashier whipped out a walkie talkie.

"We have a situation." said the Cashier.

**"What is it?" **The voice through the walkie talkie answered.

"Chouji Akimichi just broke through the window."

**"DEAR LORD SOUND THE ALARM!"**

"Roger."Then The cashier hit a button on the counter.

Sirens blared.

shot up in front of every window.

The cash register exploded.

The non ninjas inside screamed and ran for their lives.

but there was nowhere to run.

Laser guns emerged from panels on the ceiling.

A robotic voice rang throughout the air.

_**"CODE AKIMICHI HAS BEEN SIGNALED. OPERATION PLEASANTLY PLUMP SHALL COMMENCE. PLEASE EVACUATE THE CIVILIANS."**_

"What the hell is going on?!" Tayuya shouted.

"We have to leave now!" Sasuke commented

"You think this is gonna stop me? NOT LIKELY!" Choji shouted before running toward the counter.

The lasers begin to fire.

"Shit we have to move now!"Sasuke said running towards a table to hide under it. Tayuya followed him.

"Naruto-kun we're gonna die if we don't take a page from Sasuke's book!" Ino screamed.

"But my toy! It's a Pikachu action figure with Kungfu grip!"

Suddenly the counter exploded

"AH!"

"PIKACHU NO!"

knocking both Ino and Naruto across the room into the ball pit.

Lasers were firing everywhere.

Choji expertly dodged each and everyone of them.

"Oh shit! things got ugly Konohamaru! Things got hideous!"

"Things went from beautiful to Sakura in half a second!"

"This is crazy! Why does McDonalds even have a defense system like this?"

Hanabi and Konohamaru were hiding under a table.

"I've got to make sure Naruto is ok! He hit those balls hard!"

"No! If you go out there you'll die Konohamaru! I'm not letting you die on my watch! Go die on Moegi's watch."

"I have to go!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Noo!""

"Yees"

"NO!"

"DAMNIT I'M GOING!" He ran for it.

"DAMNIT KONO!" She chased him.

"HAHAHAHA!" Choji laughed maniacly as he dodged the lasers. " I will have my nuggets!"

"I better hurry up and end the filming in case we don't make it!" Hanabi said as she and her partner ran toward the ball pit while still trying to dodge the lasers.

"My name is Hanabi and this has been Konabi productions #2!" She ducked as a laser flew overhead.

"I'm Konohamaru and-"

**ZAP!**

"KONOHAMARU!"


	43. Elementary filler pt 3

**AN**

**INUYONAS: HEY GUYS I-**

**SASUKE:*JUMPS ON INUYONAS AND STARTS TO STRANGLE HIM* "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"**

**INUYONAS: *GETS STRANGLED***

**SASUKE: ANSWERE ME DAMNIT! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAD TO WAIT WITH SAKURA FOR YOU TO COME BACK?! SAKURA! I'D HAVE RATHER BEEN WITH OROCHIMARU ON CONSTANT BUTT SURVELLANCE!**

**INUYONAS: *CHOKING***

**SASUKE: WELL SINCE YOU CAN'T TALK I'LL TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU ARE BACK...AGAIN...AND WON'T BE WAITING DECADES FOR UPDATING YOUR FICS...IF ANYONES STILL INTERESTTED.**

**NARUTO: ALSO INUYONAS IS GONNA UPDATE THIS COLLAB FIC CALLED THE NINJA ALL-STARS TOURNAMENT. IT'S POSTED BY HANA-01 ANOTHER AWESOME AUTHOR WHO UPDATES FASTER THAN INUYONAS.**

**SASUKE: NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADU...IT'S ANOTHER ELEMENTARY FILLER!**

**NARUTO:YAY!**

* * *

"So you remember the plan right guys?" asked the Raven haired 6 year old.

"For the last time Yes! Gah! Stupid teme!" Shouted the angry blonde child.

"DON'T CALL SASUKE-KUN NAMES BAKA!" Screamed the loud Pink child.

"Oi Sakura, Naruto's not an idiot." Retorted the raven haired once again.

"Don't be mean to Sakura Sasuke. She can't help her nevercanwhisperitis." Said the blonde again.

"Guys we really should get along. seeing as how we are all part of Naruto's Ninja club." spoke the pleasantly plunp child.

It was lunch time at Konoha Elementary. A time where kids engaged in eating the food their parents packed before sending to school. A time where students forgot all their hardships of classwork and homework and timeout and other things of that nature to come together and eat. A time where some may be found sleeping on a log on the playground, or gleefully swinging on the swings. Some may even be found plotting the next course of action for a new up and coming club.

And thats exactly where we found our favorite 6 year olds.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Choji were sitting together under the shade of a giant oak tree in the playground outside.

"Okay Just to be sure lets go over the plan one more time."

"UGGH!"

"SHUT UP NARU-BAKA!"

Naruto cringed holding his ears.

"You know Sakura one of these days Naruto's gonna go deaf because of your voice. Now moving on...After lunch we have to go to Kurenai-sensei's new Spanish class."

"I still don't get why we have to learn Spanish. I mean we already know English and japanese." Choji said.

"I guess to be successful we have to know 3 languages." Naruto said.

"HOW COME WE NEVER SPEAK IN JAPANESE?"

"くそっさくらは制御の下でそのたわごとを取得!" Sasuke shouted holding his ears in pain.

Sakura's jaw dropped in shock at having her crush yell at her.

"Well there's your Japanese Sakura." Choji said.

"Anyway." Sasuke continued. "While we are in Spanish class we have to get in trouble so we can get detention. Now are there any suggestion on how we do this?"

"Well i have my own plan since I'm suppose to tell Sensei a message from my mommy."

"Ok well that just leaves Choji myself and Sakura."

"How about you ask Luffy or Goku for help. They always get in trouble."

"Luffy takes things to the extreme though...I don't want detention for the rest of my life Dobe."

_**RIIIIIIIIIING!**_

"Aww but I did't finish my lunch..."

They just stared at Choji and the 9 empty plates surrounding him.

* * *

"Good Afternoon class."

"Good Afternoon Sensei."

"GOOD AFTERNOON SENSEI!"

Kurenai shook her head in pity at Sakura's nevercanwhisperitis

"Today we will be having a test on counting in Spanish. I hope everyone studied. If not..." She let it hang in the air.

"But before that..." Her eyes narrowed at Naruto.

"Naruto."

"Yes Sensei?"

"Did you tell your mother what I told you yesterday?"

"Yes. Yes I did." He said with a large smile on his face.

Kureanai rasied her eyebrow at the boy's excitement.

"And what is her reply?

**FLASHBACK:**

_"Mom...um...Kurenai sensei says that Ramen should'nt be eaten for lunch everyday because it's not healthy." Naruto said meekly not wanting to upset his mother._

_"WHAT?!" Kushina bellowed punching a hole in the wall beside her. Naruto cowered in fear._

_Kushina was a woman whose anger resembled that of a tempest, a blizzard and an earthquake combined._

_"Um..She says it will stunt my growth."_

_"Nonsense! I eat it all the time and im perfectly healthy! How dare she insinuate our genetic make up will lose to a little extra salt!"_

_Naruto was still cowering._

_"Ramen is the food of the Gods!"_

_Naruto curled up into a ball._

_"Naruto! Uncurl right now and stand up!"_

_Naruto stood up so fast he got dizzy._

_"Now listen up. You tell your teacher to mind her damn business."_

_He blinked. Being six years old he was well aware of swear words and knew he should not ever say them, and yet here his mother is telling him to say one. For most six year olds being told to say a swear by your parents was a wish come true. However, Naruto is not most six year olds. For Naruto..._

_IT WAS A DREAM COME TRUE._

**FLASHBACK END:**

"What is her reply Naruto?"

Naruto turned to Sasuke who was seated right next him and whispered. "Its about to go down."

He turned back to Kurenai and spoke.

"My mom told me to tell you...to mind your damn... MUTHAFUCKIN BUSINESS BITCH!"

Gasps were heard throughout the room.

Kurenai's jaw hit the floor.

"DUMB TEACHER BITCH!" Naruto continued. "KETCHUP COLORED EYES HAVING BITCH! TWO PLUS TWO NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK IT IS BITCH! YO HABLO ESPANOL BITCH! CRAZY LESBIAN BESTFRIEND HAVING ASS BITCH! LONG TITTY NO NIPPLE HAVING ASS BITCH!" As he shouted Naruto was waving his fist in the air in mock rage. Naruto was having a field day with his vocabulary.

The other students were just as shocked as Kurenai.

Sakura was actually shocked into silence.

Sasuke could not believe what his bestfriend just had the balls to do. That was cool...really cool. This would certainly boost the popularity of Naruto's Ninja club.

Kurenai's thought were opposite of her students. Her natural instincts were screaming at her to go and spank him but, she couldn't do that. Less she face the wrath of Kushina uzumaki. And it was illegal.

There was only one thing to do.

* * *

"Wow Naruto I didn't know they can give you detention until you reach middle school."

"Yep. Pretty cool don't you think Nami?"

"Eh it was a little cool."

Naruto was currently sitting in detention along side Nami.

"But you're still a kitty-chan!" Luffy was also there.

"Oi Luffy lay off him. The fifth graders are saying that was the most badass thing that has been done in the past 5 years." Sasuke present also, stuck up for his bestfriend.

"NARUTO IS JUST TRYING TO BE LIKE SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura was unfortunately also there. How did she get detention? She punched Ash Ketchum in the face at lunch time for breaking her bike, which he had a habit of doing to people.

"I respect him a little more now for it." Zoro was in detention aswell.

"Well now that we are here how about we talk about a club alliance." Sasuke said changing topics.

"Alliance? asked Nami.

"Yea. We won't be mean to each other and watch each others back." Naruto supplied.

"I'm in!" Luffy shouted.

"After what Naruto did in spanish class I'm in too." said Zoro.

Sasuke and Naruto grinned.

"Awesome. Ok guys, its the first club alliance. The Ninja/Pirate Alliance!" Sasuke said with conviction.

The door to the detention room suddenly opened.

"How many times do I have to tell you? No stealing other students Homework and then scaring them into giving it to you."

Iruka walked in scolding three children that were behind them.

The Nina/Pirate alliance's eyes widened upon seeing the three children behind Iruka-sensei.

"That's Goku and Vegeta!...but I don't know the other guy." Naruto said.

"Thats Bills. The coolest kid in school And the newest member of the Saiyan club."

"Man...I bet having an alliance with them would be kick ass!" Naruto shouted.

A light bulb turned on in Sasuke's head. "Yes...yes it would."

He then began to plan.

* * *

**INUYONAS: *LAYS UNCONSCIOUS***

**SASUKE: WELL HE'S OUT.**

**NARUTO: AWW DAMNIT. HOW IS HE SUPPOSE TO UPDATE IF HE'S KNOCKED OUT.**

**SASUKE: MAYBE REVIEWS WILL WAKE HIM UP.**

**NARUTO:...ARE YOU SERIOUS..**

**SASUKE: IT'S WORTH A TRY.**


End file.
